by Dyanne Davis
“It helped?”
“I got rid of the pictures. And I know that what we were doing wasn’t dirty.”
He stared. “So, how come?”
“I thought it was too late. I didn’t know. Like I said, I thought you couldn’t stand making love to me,” she whispered.
“Is that why you didn’t want to go out with me? I could understand not wanting to go out to dinner with my pops, but you stopped coming to the club to hear me sing. I didn’t know what the hell was going on.”
“Damien, I kept thinking about what your father said the morning after our wedding when he asked if I was worth the wait. I knew I wasn’t worth the wait and I couldn’t stand having anyone know that I wasn’t, not your parents, not mine and not my brother.” She paused, making sure Damien understood. “I never told Keefe everything.”
“You were worth the wait, baby. Believe me, you were always worth the wait.”
She looked down. “Are you sure?”
“I’m sure.” For once he wished that he didn’t get an immediate erection around Mia, but that couldn’t be helped. Still he could control it. As much as he wanted to take his wife into the bedroom and make love to her, they still had unfinished business.
“Mia, between the two of us, we’re pretty well screwed up. My entire life I’ve been doing the same thing you tried doing with your brother and your mother. Be the peacemaker. And it didn’t really work in either of our cases. My father molded me after himself. He doesn’t hate you, Mia, it’s what you represent in my life. He knows how much you mean to me. He knows that I don’t want to live without you and he’s trying to ruin it.”
“Why?” Mia asked, then remembered she already knew that. “Don’t answer that. I already know.”
“From the time I could talk I think my pops started training me how to mack. Hell, it was fun. I’m not going to lie and tell you I didn’t enjoy it or the power I seemed to have over women. I’m not even going to try and tell you that I didn’t enjoy the sex because I did. For most of my life I didn’t give a damn. I didn’t expect to ever give a damn. Before you the only woman I truly loved was my mother. But things did start to change with Ashleigh. I cared about her. I wasn’t in love with her but she was a good friend to me and it bothered me that I was treating her like crap. Not enough to stop, but enough that I noticed. That’s when I really started seeing just how unhappy my mother was and I knew it was due largely to my pops, but I had a little to do with that too. I was hurting her when I hurt women. I’m not going to tell you that I had some big ass plans the day I met you. I was just out on the streets and I wanted Ashleigh to take me back, at least until I could find someplace to go.”
“But you moved home.”
“And do you really think I wanted to do that? I took a lot from my old man for making that move. And I had to put up with hearing what my mother had to say.”
“Then why did you do it?”
“Because of you. When I met you I knew my life had changed. I wanted so much for you to stay in my life, and it wasn’t just to sleep with you. You were the first person who ever told me that I was special. You knew I was a dog and you still said I was special. I wanted to become that for you.”
“You didn’t have to become special, Damien. You were when I met you.”
“No, I wasn’t. My mom was right. I was like my pops. I wanted to be the man you saw. That’s what kept me going, that’s what kept me faithful. That was what I was counting on when we finally came together. I wanted to prove to you that I was worth your time. Baby, you weren’t the one my father should have asked that question of. He should have asked you if I was worth the wait. You would have told him, ‘Hell no, the brother passed out on me.” Damien laughed and hugged Mia close. “I wish we had talked about this sooner,” he said.
“So do I,” Mia answered. “Now that we have, don’t you think we should make up for lost time?” She touched his face, felt his jaw stiffen, felt his flesh beneath her jerk. “We’ve solved all our problems. Now I want the feel of your hands on my body. I want to feel what I’ve been missing all these weeks.”
Damien groaned and shut his eyes tightly. He held onto Mia with strength that was slowing giving away to hunger. He couldn’t believe the thought that was formulating in his mind, what he was about to suggest.
“Mia, I don’t want you to have any doubts about us, about me.”
“I don’t, not anymore,” she answered.
“I think we should wait.”
“Wait?” Mia shrieked. “We’ve waited so long already. We know what the problems are.”
Damien buried his lips in Mia’s soft flesh and moaned, holding on to her ever tighter, his erection painful and growing more massive with each throb.
“I want to help you banish all your ghosts, baby, for good. If we make love now, you may still doubt. I don’t want you to ever doubt my reasons for marrying you again.”
“But I don’t.”
He couldn’t help laughing. “You’re horny, baby girl, so am I.” He groaned again as Mia moved against his erection. He closed his eyes as feelings of pleasure flooded him. “This isn’t about lust. This is about love and I need to prove to you that for me there is a difference.”
“You don’t have to. I don’t care. I want you and I want to make love with you.”
Damien groaned and pulled Mia to him again. “God, I’m glad we’re finally talking. How about if we call this my wedding gift to you, to make up for the one that you hated?”
“I hate this one too.”
“Hell, so do I.”
“Then why do it?”
“I need to prove to you that it’s you.”
“You sure you’re not trying to prove it to yourself?”
“Maybe just a little. Come on, I can’t possibly do this without your help.”
“Damien, I’ve waited so long to feel all the things you promised me I would feel. I don’t want to help, not in this.”
She was killing him. “Mia,” he licked her neck, biting it just at the hollow. “What if I can guarantee you that after this, no matter what your mother or my mother or father or anyone says you’ll be able to smile and never doubt our love ever again? What if I tell you that you will never think anything the two of us do in our bed is dirty? Would it be worth it to wait?”
She shivered in his arms, not wanting to answer.
“Come on, baby girl, would it be worth the wait?” He moaned and captured her lips, slaving them with his tongue. “Help me, baby girl.”
“I want to help you,” Mia answered. “But you won’t let me.” She rotated her hip and ground herself into his erection and felt her husband shudder. His hands went down to her hips, holding her there, helping with the movements, prolonging the contact. She twisted her head and contented herself with sucking on his tongue. Her entire body was on fire. Damien had to be crazy. “Let me help you, Damien,” she whispered into his mouth. “Let me help both of us.” She felt his hand go beneath her gown. His shudder moved into her body and enveloped her. His head quickly followed the path of his hand. His lips closed over her nipple and spasms of red hot desire coursed through her veins. “Make love to me, Damien.”
“Stop, Mia,” Damien ground out between clenched teeth, moving his head from underneath her gown and shaking it. “Believe it or not, we need to wait more than we need this.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“God, you’ve got me so damn crazy, I don’t know if I believe me.” But somewhere in the back of his brain rational thought was taking place. “Please, Mia,” he moaned. Please stop. I can’t take much more of this. Come on, you’re a professional. Help me. If we were patients of yours, what would you advise?”
She laughed. “I don’t know.”
“Yeah, you do. Think about it.”
“I guess I would agree that if there was even the hint of a trust issue it has to be resolved.”
“And?”
“And I’d say marriage was a lot more than sex,
that maybe they should work on their emotions without the sex clouding things up.”
“That’s true. Wanting you has made me blind to everything. If I hadn’t wasted so much time thinking that you didn’t want me, maybe I would have seen why it was that you didn’t.”
He held her still on his lap and whispered in her ear, “Stop moving. What else?”
“I’d tell them to trust in their love, that if it is true love, it will be there when they’re ready for it.”
“Good,” Damien said. “Go on.”
“I would probably say something like, ‘Learn to please each other. Touch first, let it go from there.” Mia answered reluctantly, knowing what Damien was going to do with the information.
“I like that idea,” he said.
She couldn’t believe her ears. “You’re saying you want to go back to not making love?”
“Remember, we haven’t been making love, Mia.” She blushed and he kissed her forehead. “Why don’t we do that? Why don’t we find out what touches make each other happy? Want to give it a try?”
She smiled at him. “Yeah, let’s try.” She reached for his hand but he ignored it and lifted her into his arms.
“We’ll start slow.” He kissed her deeply, feeling the heat shoot through his loins, wondering what the hell he was getting himself into now. For the first time in weeks Mia was in his arms willingly. He knew she loved him, wanted his touch, and he’d been fool enough to tell her that he was willing to take it slow. Damn.
He carried her to the bed, knowing Mia needed the reassurance of knowing that he wanted more from her. He needed it too, needed to know that his worth to his wife had nothing or at least little to do with his abilities to please her in bed. That could come in time. He’d put so much emphasis on it that, hell, it was a wonder he’d even been able to get it up.
No wonder his bride had worried after all of his boasting. He must have been crazy thinking his telling her of his prior conquests would ease her mind. He was damned lucky that she wanted him at all. There was only one woman he really wanted to please and that was Mia. He wanted to please her in bed and out. He would take it as slow as he had to.
“What do you want the first thing to be?” Damien asked. He laid her on the bed and felt her tremble.
“You okay?” he asked.
“Better than okay,” she answered. “I want to touch you, she said softly, “with nothing on, no clothes.”
Damien’s flesh jerked and he bit his lips. Her hands touching him… Oh yeah, that was definitely not the way to take it slow.
“First I think we should get undressed,” he countered, smiling just from the thought of her wanting him. A war waged within him, the same war he’d fought for almost a year of wanting Mia. Now they were married and she wanted him and still he was willing to wait. Too much was at stake.
He stroked Mia’s cheek, loving the fact that he knew he could still make her tremble with wanting him. She was the reason he would find the strength to wait, because as powerful as his orgasms had been, the fact that he’d had them alone had diminished the pleasure.
Damien breathed in his wife’s scent, loving the slight hint of vanilla she preferred. He made a vow that his wife would have an orgasm very soon, maybe several. He smiled at her, thinking about it. After all, she was behind and he definitely wanted to even the score. He looked at her. “You still okay with this?”
“I’m okay with this,” she answered and pulled his shirt off his shoulders. She could barely breathe as his hands unbuttoned each button of her blouse, slowly.
“Mia.” Damien groaned and kissed her, the heat flaring up between them. She trembled in his arms and he pulled away. “Who are you seeing?”
“Just you,” she answered.
He undid her bra, his hand unsteady. Damien closed his eyes. “Mia, how long are patients usually advised to wait before actual penetration?”
“It depends on the couple. We try to get them to go through a couple of weeks of just touching.”
“God, I don’t know if I can.”
“You don’t have to.” Mia pulled on his lips. There is no need for us to do this.”
“Yeah, I do have to, baby. I want to.” She laughed at him. “Okay, I don’t want to, but for you I’m more than willing to do this, if it will let you know without a doubt that it’s not about the sex.”
He licked his lips. “My God, Mia, you’re so beautiful, so soft.” Without meaning to, he ran his tongue across the tender flesh above her breasts. He saw the fire light in her brown eyes and the haze as they clouded over with lust. Damien shook his head slightly to clear his own lust and a tremble of desire shook him to the core. Damn, this was going to be hard.
“It looks like you’re the one getting to do all the touching,” Mia chided gently. “Don’t I get to participate in this game?”
“Yeah, you get to lie down and let me undress you completely.”
She did and he did, and when he lay there naked, with her looking at him, he thought he would come right then and there.
“Mia, you’re going to have to stop looking at me that way, okay?”
“What way?”
“That way.” He smiled at her. “The look that’s telling me that you want me.”
“I do.”
“I know,” Damien groaned.
“Then forget this nonsense and make love to me.”
He groaned again. “God, Mia, do you know how long I’ve waited to hear you say that?” He groaned again, closing his eyes as his entire body trembled. “I think this is a really good idea. If we can get through a couple of weeks of this, we’ll have a lifetime of loving. And I meant it when I said I wanted to help you banish all the ghosts.” He switched positions, trailing kisses down her body. He paid particular attention to the hollow of her neck, sinking his lips into her soft, sweet-smelling brown flesh. He glanced at her. Her eyes were closed and a slight shiver was evident.
“Open your eyes, Mia. I don’t want you seeing anyone but me.”
“Turn off the lights,” she whispered.
Damien glanced at the light, then back at her, at the way she was avoiding looking at him. “I know what our first lesson will be.”
“What?” she asked, still not looking directly at him.“Well, for starters, as much as I want to do other things, I think we’re just going to look at each other until you can look at me and have me looking at you without feeling embarrassed. There is no need for shame, baby. We’re married.”
“I’m not…” She closed her eyes. “I’m not embarrassed.”
He laughed softly. “You can’t even say that with a straight face unless your eyes are closed. Now come on, open your eyes, look at me.”
She reached her hand out to touch his chest and he moved away just a little bit. “You’re trying to distract me. No more touching, baby girl, just look at me.” He watched as she smiled and did as he asked.
“My turn.” His eyes traveled from her face and rested on her breasts and Mia’s eyes slid to the side.
“No, Mia, I want you to watch me. I want you to see how beautiful I think you are.”
Damien continued until his eyes fell on the “V” between her thighs and a long sigh of longing filled him and he allowed it to escape. Then he fell down on the bed beside Mia and held her.
“That was good, baby,” he moaned as he held her tighter. His arousal, having a mind of its own, pulsed and surged, touching any spot on her that it could. They were both trembling by now.
“Damien.”
“Don’t say anything, baby girl, or there’s no way in hell we’re going to be able to go through with this.”
“Maybe we shouldn’t.”
“We should stop talking now and just go to sleep. I’ve been wanting this almost as much. I’ve waited a year to have you fall asleep in my arms.”
Damien couldn’t believe it, but they both fell asleep and when they woke in each other’s arms, only an actual orgasm would have felt better.
* *
*
Mia reached for the ham from the fridge and placed it on the counter. She took out the lettuce and tomatoes and every condiment that was there. She was going to make lunch and take it to Damien at Brookfield zoo. She was going to surprise him.
Baby steps, Mia, baby steps. Her hands shook as she attempted to concentrate on the sandwich. She kept smiling as she cut the bread and wrapped it in plastic and put it in a bag. She reached into the fridge again for a soda and hurried down the stairs before she could change her mind.
* * *
Mia walked around the zoo, enjoying it as she hadn’t since she was a child. She glanced at her watch, not knowing when Damien would be taking a lunch break and wondering if she should have called him.
The hair on the nape of her neck stood on end and she smiled before turning around. Only Damien had that effect on her.
“Mia, baby, is anything wrong?’
“I made you lunch.”
“How long have you been here?” Damien asked, moving closer to kiss her. “You may not want to get too close to me. Why didn’t you call?”
“I’ve been here a couple of hours. I wanted to surprise you.”
“You did.”
“Are you on lunch break now?”
“Yeah, you picked the right time. What did you bring me?” he asked, taking her hand and leading her to a table under a grove of trees.
“Ham.”
“I’m starved,” Damien said, reaching into the bag and tearing into the plastic. “Mia, I think you forgot the ham.” He opened the bread slices to show her, laughing at her embarrassment.
“I’m sorry. Where were you going to eat? We can get you something.”
“I wouldn’t dare. This is the best sandwich I’ve ever eaten.” Damien kept swatting Mia’s hand away as she tried to take the bread from him. But he refused, ate every dry crumb and rinsed it down with the soda that was now hot. He laughed every second. And finally Mia laughed with him. For the first time in weeks he saw the tension ease from her face. This was more like it. This was what he’d expected marriage to Mia to be like.
When they were done, he walked with Mia, giving her a personal introduction to some of his favorite animals, yelling for her to duck when one of the more aggressive monkeys decided to throw his droppings at them.