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Madeleine Waters and Martin Drescher? Kate looked at Jen-1
nifer, dumbstruck. “I don’t believe it. You’re kidding.”
2
“Nope. It ended about six months ago. When Madeleine found 3
out that Drescher was on the sauce again. Madeleine told him that 4
she’d had it, that she didn’t want anything more to do with him.”
5
So, Kate thought, she wasn’t the only one who’d noticed.
6
Drescher’s drinking must be common knowledge by now. “And 7
how did Drescher react?” Kate asked.
8
Jennifer shrugged. “There wasn’t really anything he could do,”
9
she said. “Madeleine wouldn’t back down.”
10
Madeleine Waters and Martin Drescher. Kate could hardly be-11
lieve it. What had Madeleine been thinking? Drescher must have 12
been beside himself, stunned by his strange good fortune.
13
“Where did you hear this?” Kate asked, trying to keep her tone 14
light. For Jennifer, this was all still a game, like something in a 15
dime-store novel.
16
Jennifer smiled coyly. “I just asked around,” she said. “People 17
overhear things.”
18
“You’re some investigator.” Kate said, standing up to get her 19
cape. “Listen, I’ve got to run to the doctor’s. If anyone calls, tell 20
them I’ll be back around three.”
21
22
23
After leaving the office, Kate took a taxi home. She spent an hour 24
or so dawdling over a peanut butter sandwich, flipping through a 25
newspaper as she ate. She ignored the news, focusing instead on 26
the ads. Tiffany’s. Bergdorf-Goodman. Bendel’s.
27
When she got back to the office, a little after three, Kate went 28
straight to the phone to check her messages. She stared at the dark 29
message light. Nothing. Not a single call. She couldn’t remember 30
the last time this had occurred. It gave her an uneasy feeling, as if 31
she’d slipped into some sort of netherworld, a no-man’s-land of re-32
duced expectations. She’d seen it happen before, to associates who 33
weren’t making the grade. First, they stopped getting assignments.
34 sh
At the start, this came as a welcome respite, a rare chance to leave 35 re
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work before dark. But after a few days, a few key meetings to which 2
they weren’t invited, the truth started seeping in. Most associates 3
took the hint and began the search for new positions. Those who 4
clung to their jobs, or stayed willfully obtuse, were eventually ap-5
proached more directly.
6
Could that be happening to her?
7
The only thing on her calendar today was her four o’clock meet-8
ing with Josie. Eyeing the phone, Kate considered canceling, 9
pleading a work-related crisis. But, really, what would that solve?
10
Besides, she needed to set an example. As Josie’s mentor, she’d 11
tried to teach her the importance of keeping commitments. And 12
the appointment would at least keep her occupied, keep her mind 13
off what was going on.
14
By five, Kate’s mood had only darkened. Still no word from 15
Mills. And still no sign of Josie. Kate could feel the tension build-16
ing inside her. She chewed at a fingernail. Maybe she should have 17
gone to the meeting, if only to defend herself. And where in the 18
hell was Josie? Irresponsible. Immature. Selfish. Here she was, re-19
arranging her schedule for a girl who couldn’t even show up. Now 20
here was one place she could take some action. Turning to her 21
Rolodex, Kate flipped through the cards until she reached Josie’s 22
number.
23
w
24
Josie slapped the child — hard — across the face. For an instant, 25
there was silence. The little girl’s eyes got bigger. Then, she let 26
out a howl. Josie reached out and grabbed her sister. Hugging her 27
tight, she rocked the tiny figure back and forth. “I’m sorry, baby.
28
I’m sorry.”
29
As she rubbed four-year-old Shari’s back, Josie stared at the 30
chipped kitchen cabinets, now smeared with half a dozen raw eggs.
31
She’d left Shari alone just five minutes — five minutes! — telling 32
her to stay put at the kitchen table while she got the laundry out of 33
the dryer. But by the time she’d gotten back upstairs, Shari had ort 34
smashed every egg in the house. Yellow yoke slithered down the reg 35
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painted wood, mixed with the snotlike white. Josie wanted to burst 1
into tears. Those eggs were supposed to be their dinner.
2
Shari’s cries had grown softer, and Josie plunked her down on a 3
kitchen chair. She’d promised herself that she’d never hit either of 4
the kids. They took enough abuse from their mother without a big 5
sister joining in. What was wrong with her today?
6
Closing her eyes, Josie leaned her arms against the kitchen 7
counter. She wished she were a million miles away. She wished 8
she’d been born into a totally different family. And most of all, she 9
wished that Mama would come home like she’d promised. Or at 10
least before the kids went to bed. But, she thought bitterly, what 11
were the chances of that?
12
Josie flung open the refrigerator door. The bulb had burned out 13
a long time ago, and she had to squint to see what was there. Noth-14
ing that would do for dinner. They did have some milk, though.
15
And a box of cereal. Well, that’s what they’d have to eat. And if 16
Shari and Freddy didn’t like it, that was just too bad.
17
Josie heard the front door open and close. Then Freddy was in 18
the kitchen, an eight-year-old bundle of denim and attitude.
19
“Freddy!” Shari’s small face grew bright. She was wild about her 20
older brother, though the feeling wasn’t mutual these days. Freddy 21
grunted and slumped down in a chair.
22
“What’d you do at school today?” Josie said, pulling three bowls 23
off a shelf.
24
“Nuthin’.”
25
“What d’you mean nothing?” Josie turned to face Freddy, who 26
was staring morosely at the egg-covered kitchen cabinets. He 27
didn’t bother to ask what had happened. “You’re in school eight 28
hours a day, you gotta do something. ”
29
“Not really. Hey. What we havin’ for supper?”
30
Josie dumped cereal into the three bowls. “Cap’n Crunch.”
31
“For supper? ” He gave her a disbelieving look.
32
“Yup.” Josie didn’t feel like explaining. She put bowls down in 33
front of the kids, then went back for her own. She poured milk on 34 sh
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Shari’s cereal, then pushed the carton over to Freddy, who looked 2
at it in disgust. Wasn’t he going to eat? She was too tired to care.
3
She picked up the milk and poured it over her own cereal. Every-4
thing was quiet. Which was fine with her.
5
But as she chewed, Josie found herself getting more upset. It was 6
so unfair! Everything was so good until this fall. Mama had gotten 7
so much better. She was even talking about looking for work or go-8
ing to school. And then, after Grandma died, everything had 9
fallen apart. That was when Josie had found the drug stuff, 10
wrapped in a towel in the closet. Crack vials, a pipe, needles. She’d 11
thrown the whole mess out, and Mama had never said a thing. But 12
both of them knew the score.
13
The phone rang.
14
“I’ll get it.” Freddy was already out of his chair, bounding to the 15
living room. Then, he was back, sullen and remote again. “ ’S for 16
you,” he mumbled and thrust the receiver at Josie.
17
Josie stared at the phone, her heart dropping in her chest. She 18
didn’t have to ask who it was. She could see Kate there in her of-19
fice, perfect as a movie star. Compared to Kate, she felt so low. If 20
only she could explain! But she just couldn’t take that risk. Once 21
she told someone what was going on, the BCW people would get 22
involved. They’d take the kids away, split up the family. She knew 23
all about it from her friend Tamika. Once you were in the System, 24
you never knew what would happen. Tamika’s little sister had been 25
put in a foster family who later adopted her. They changed her 26
name to theirs. Tamika couldn’t even see her anymore. It was ter-27
rible, but that’s how things were. And she wasn’t going to let that 28
happen with Shari and Freddy. No matter what.
29
“Josie, this is Kate Paine. At Samson & Mills.”
30
“I was gonna call you, but . . .” Josie didn’t finish the sentence.
31
At the sound of Josie’s voice, Kate felt her anger collapse, and she 32
just felt utterly sad. At the same time, she knew that she’d come to 33
the right decision. She just didn’t have the energy that Josie re-ort 34
quired. Not with everything else going on. Better for both of them reg 35
to move on. When she spoke, she made an effort to be kind.
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“Josie, this is the third session you’ve missed without calling. It 1
doesn’t make sense to go on this way.”
2
“You mean . . . I can’t come anymore?” Josie’s voice was low, as 3
if she was about to cry.
4
“You’re not coming anyway, so I don’t see what difference it will 5
make.” The words came out more sharply than Kate intended. Fur-6
ther proof of how on edge she was.
7
“But I . . . I . . .” Josie sounded dazed, and then the words poured 8
out in a rush. “You gotta let me come back, Kate. Please. I’ll do bet-9
ter. I won’t skip anymore. Really. I promise.”
10
Please. Kate paused, startled by the urgency in Josie’s voice. Al-11
most against her will, she felt a twinge of sympathy. Still raw from 12
the morning’s encounter with Peyton, she knew what it was like to 13
be dismissed.
14
Kate sighed. “Okay. But this is it. One more no-show and we’re 15
through. Understood?”
16
“Yeah, yeah.” Josie was fairly bubbling. “I’ll be there next week.
17
You’ll see.”
18
When Kate hung up the phone, she sat a few moments with her 19
chin pressed in her hand. Her sense of isolation was so strong that 20
it threatened to immobilize her. She checked her e-mail again.
21
Nothing. She’d decided to wait another ten minutes, then give 22
Peyton a call. In the meantime, she’d try to catch Andrea, who 23
should have finished up by now.
24
She punched in Andrea’s number. Suzanne picked up.
25
“Andrea’s gone for the day.”
26
The words almost didn’t register. “But she . . . she said she had 27
to get some documents out by five.”
28
“Yeah, well, she finished up early. Want me to leave her a mes-29
sage that you called?”
30
“No, that’s okay. I’ll get her at home tonight.”
31
Kate put down the receiver. What was going on? For more than a 32
year, Samson & Mills had been a second home. More than a home, 33
really. The one place where she’d felt secure. And now, within 34 sh
days, everything had changed. A partner was dead. She’d been at-35 re
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tacked by a client. A close friend had cut her off. You know what, 2
she said to the room at large. I’m going home for the day. You want to 3
reach me, you can get me there.
4
w
5
The suspense was almost unbearable. He picked up the gun, as if to 6
reassure himself. It was comforting to hold the revolver, to run his 7
fingers along its ivory grip, to feel its cold weight in his hands. It 8
was a promise of sorts. An intimation. Proof that the day he’d 9
dreamed of would actually come to pass.
10
He thought back to when he was thirteen, when the plan had 11
first come to mind. Just a bare outline of what was to come, only 12
the very beginning. But he’d known he was onto something big.
13
He could still feel the excitement.
14
A desperately hot summer day. He’d been grounded yet again, 15
forbidden to leave the group home. He couldn’t remember what 16
he’d done. Stealing, perhaps. Or smoking pot. He’d been punished 17
so many times. He was in Ms. Llewellyn’s office. Screw-ellen, he 18
called her in his mind. She was talking to him, all watchful and 19
concerned. Screw-ellen wanted him to think about the future. He 20
was intelligent, she told him. The tests that he’d taken proved it.
21
He could do anything he set his mind to, if he’d only decide to try.
22
She said that she wanted to help, that she wanted to make a dif-23
ference. Yeah, right. He gave her about a year. There was a ring on 24
her left hand. Soon, there’d be a baby and then she’d be gone.
25
That�
��s how it always ended.
26
He’d been staring out the window, ignoring her, when one sen-27
tence filtered through. You only have one life, she’d said. You need to 28
think about your goals. Goals. It was something about that word.
29
He’d never thought much about the future. Never really seen the 30
point. Raise hell and die, that’s pretty much what he’d planned.
31
But maybe he’d been wrong. It was true what Screw-ellen was say-32
ing. He did only have one life. He’d thought about that for a while.
33
And the plan began to take shape.
ort 34
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Friday, January 15
1
2
“What’s it called again?”
3
“Ballet Slipper Pink.”
4
“I really like it.”
5
Kate picked at a tossed salad and tried to ignore the girl talk.
6
She rarely ate in the firm cafeteria, and she was beginning to re-7
member why. She’d chosen this table because Peyton was here, 8
and she’d hoped they’d be able to talk. But so far, he’d been occu-9
pied. Instead, she’d been stuck with Angela Taylor, now waving a 10
manicured hand. A basis for comparing the virtues of pink and 11
mauve? Or just another chance to show off that ring? Kate chewed 12
a piece of green pepper and contemplated a means of escape.
13
“So what are you wearing tomorrow?” Having exhausted the 14
subject of fingernails, Angela was moving on to clothes. The firm’s 15
annual cocktail party, to be precise. But what was the point of her 16
question? Everyone always wore black. Kate edged her seat to the 17 sh
left, hoping to find a new conversation.
18 re
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“So my wife’s standing in the elevator with Ryan beside her.”
2
Patrick Rittenhouse was talking about his toddler son. “Before she 3
even notices that he’s moved, he’s tapping this guy on the knee.
4
The guy looks down and my kid goes, ‘Will you be my daddy?’ ”
5
Guffaws broke out. Someone pounded the table. Only Kate 6
failed to crack a smile. A little boy missed his overworked father so 7
much that he set out on his own to replace him. Why was that a 8
funny story? With murmured excuses, she picked up her tray and 9
headed back to her office. She’d thought that it would cheer her 10
up, to share a meal with other people. But during the half hour 11