by Beth Wiseman
She was grateful her parents hadn’t invited him to the birthday party. They were aware that Hannah and Rachel had been fighting about him. But now she’d have to find a tactful way to tell him that she couldn’t go out with him and also be careful not to extend an accidental invitation. And she hoped Abraham didn’t invite himself, because Rachel wouldn’t know what to say. Gideon would be there, so that would further complicate an already complicated birthday party.
Rachel had already told her parents she would walk the short distance to their house. She would be drenched in sweat by the time she got home, but the time to herself would give her a chance to think. She’d had a knot in her throat all the way to the service that morning, and she wasn’t sure she could sit next to Hannah again without bursting into tears.
She heard Abraham’s voice, even though she couldn’t see him, so she walked toward the sound. But before the boys came into view, Abraham mentioned Hannah, so Rachel slowed her steps and listened.
“Ya, she’s pretty, but a bit ab im kopp.” Abraham chuckled. “I sent her on her way. I’m going out with her schweschder Saturday.”
Rachel clenched her fists at her sides. She didn’t feel good about herself when she talked badly about Hannah, but hearing someone else do it was almost unbearable.
“Hannah is a nice girl. We’ve known her our whole life,” Isaac said.
Paul and Isaac were both a year older than Rachel and Hannah. Rachel relaxed a little when Isaac defended her sister.
“Ya . . .” Paul cleared his throat. “Ain’t nothing crazy about Hannah or Rachel. Any fella would be blessed to date either one of them.”
Abraham laughed again. “Ach, well . . . I guess I’m doubly blessed that I dated Hannah, and now I’ll get to go out with her sister. Maybe Rachel will be a little friendlier than her schweschder.”
Rachel put a hand to her chest. Hannah is always friendly to everyone.
“What do you mean, friendlier?” Isaac asked.
“Ach, you know . . . maybe be interested in more than just kissing.”
Silence. Rachel was holding her breath and wishing she could see Isaac and Paul.
“I know you’re new here,” Isaac said. “But the Ordnung is universal and clearly says such things should be reserved for marriage.”
Good for you, Isaac.
Abraham mumbled, but Rachel couldn’t make out what he said.
“Where’d you get that bruise on your arm?” Paul asked.
“Lifting a fence post. I was throwing it over my shoulder and it slipped and caught my arm.”
That’s not what you told me. Abraham said Hannah hit him. It seemed far-fetched at the time, but his sad eyes had told a different story.
If he’d lied about that, had he lied about everything else?
Their voices were muffled again. Then all three of the guys stepped around the corner, and Rachel wished the earth would swallow her up as her eyes widened.
Abraham frowned. “Rachel.” He looped his thumbs beneath his suspenders. “How long have you been standing here?”
Her heart hammered in her chest as she willed it to settle down. She said hello to Paul and Isaac before they shuffled past her. Abraham took a couple steps toward her, then kept coming until he was right in front of her.
“Ach, finally . . . some time alone with you.” He winked at her the way he’d done during worship service, and it didn’t seem any more appropriate now than it had then. As a devilish grin filled his face, Rachel bit her lip until it throbbed like her pulse. He was close enough to kiss her, and she shuddered at the thought. Abraham’s true colors were shooting from his pores and creating a rainbow full of lies.
But before she could unscramble her thoughts or emotions, Abraham leaned down and cupped his hand behind her neck, pulling her to him.
CHAPTER 11
Hannah lay on her bed and stared out the window. Sunday afternoons were a restful time, and usually Hannah napped while Rachel read a book. But Hannah had no interest in sleep today. Where is Rachel?
Her parents said Rachel would be along later, but they didn’t realize how dangerous Abraham Stoltzfus was. Hannah and her family loved the bishop, so it was hard for her to believe Abraham was related to him.
She jumped when the bedroom door opened, and relief washed over her when Rachel came into the room. Then her sister burst into tears.
Hannah was off the bed and pulling Rachel into a hug in two seconds. “What did he do to you?” She let Rachel cry on her shoulder for a minute before she eased her away. “Are you okay?”
Rachel nodded, sniffling. “Hannah, I miss you! I’m so sorry about everything.”
“I’ve missed you too.” She wrapped her arms around her sister, and they both cried for a long while before they sat on their beds facing each other.
“I’m never going to allow a man to get between us again, ever. You were right about Abraham.” Rachel shook her head, starting to cry again. “He’s not a gut person. I don’t know what kind of Amish community he came from, but . . .” She shook her head. “I’m so thankful I got away from him when he tried to kiss me. I couldn’t bear it if he was my first kiss.”
Hannah lowered her head, embarrassed, wishing Abraham hadn’t been her first kiss. But when a glazed look of despair spread over Rachel’s face, Hannah realized Rachel hadn’t said it to hurt her. She leaned toward her sister, putting a hand on her leg. “I think there are gut and bad people everywhere. Maybe Abraham isn’t bad. Maybe he’s just lost.”
“I overheard him talking to Paul and Isaac Lapp, and he wasn’t saying nice things. Then he tried to kiss me, and when I wouldn’t let him, he got mad.” She found Hannah’s hand and squeezed. “Hearing some of the things Abraham said made me sick to my stomach. And I kept picturing you with blood running down your leg and seeing how hard you were crying. Hannah, I’m so sorry.” Rachel covered her face with her hands.
“I’m sorry too. Let’s never argue or fight or compete for boys again. I shouldn’t have gone after Abraham when it was plain to see that you liked him.”
Rachel smiled a little. “That was bad judgment on my part.”
“And mine.” Hannah shook her head.
“But, Hannah, I need to tell you something.” Rachel sighed. “Gideon and I are friends. Ya, I think something more was happening between us, but I saw the hug you gave him, and I saw the two of you together today. I feel like it’s hard with Gideon, to know if it’s friendship or . . .” She shrugged. “Or another kind of love. So, if Gideon has asked you out, or if you are interested in him, I’m not going to cause any problems, and I would only wish you the best.”
Rachel choked back another sob in her throat. She wanted to make up for the way she’d treated Hannah, but giving up Gideon so easily was harder than she’d thought it would be. She waited for Hannah to tell her she had no interest in Gideon, but her sister only nodded, which sent Rachel directly to prayer.
God, I don’t ever want to be jealous about anyone or anything. I pray for Hannah’s happiness, even if it’s with Gideon. Please, God, help me to stay true to Hannah—and myself.
“I just want us to put all of this behind us.” Hannah paused as her eyes clouded with tears again. “Abraham was saying bad things about me to Paul and Isaac, wasn’t he?”
Rachel nodded but then smiled. “It would have warmed your heart, though, to hear Isaac and Paul saying nice things about you, and about me. I suspect anytime Abraham tries to spread lies, the community members we know and love will brush his comments under a dirty rug.”
They were quiet for a while, then Hannah said, “Only six more days until we’re sixteen. Our official rumschpringe will begin. What’s the first thing you want to do?”
“Go to a movie.” Rachel smiled. “Twice, I’ve tried, but neither time worked out. What about you?”
“The same. I want to go see a movie.” Hannah held up her pinky. “Let’s promise not to ever be ugly to each other again over a guy.” Rachel curled her finger around
Hannah’s. “And let’s promise that the first movie we see will be together.”
“It’s a promise.”
“Should we go talk to Mamm about our birthday party on Saturday? Maybe she’ll make us red velvet cake.” Hannah pressed her palms together and smiled.
Rachel nodded, then reached under the bed and pulled out a small red suitcase filled with things from their past and hopes for their future. She shuffled through drawings they’d done in school, pushed a faceless doll they’d named Mary out of the way, then dug a little deeper until she found a list titled “16th Birthday Party.” Red velvet cake was at the top.
Rachel could already feel things returning to normal. She silently thanked God for gifting her with a sister like Hannah, and she asked His forgiveness for ever thinking the blessing was a curse.
Gideon clocked out at noon, the way he did every Saturday. Usually he’d go straight to the deli a few doors down from the construction company where he worked and get a sandwich, too hungry to wait until he got home. But today he didn’t have much of an appetite. Rachel and Hannah had been on his mind all day. It was their birthday, and the party was starting in an hour. Gideon wanted nothing more than to give Rachel the birthday gift she wanted, but since that wasn’t possible, he’d bought both her and Hannah trinket boxes, a suggestion from his mother, who promised to deliver the gifts. His mother had been disappointed that Gideon wasn’t going but said she understood. Instead of telling her he and Rachel had broken up, he’d told her the truth: how they had pretended to date in an effort to cheer her up. His mother was more disappointed that Gideon had lied than she was about him not dating Rachel.
He untethered his horse, readied his buggy, then set off for home, wondering if his father had gone to the party. Gideon hoped so. He wanted to go upstairs and be alone.
Hannah kept looking out the window, hoping Gideon would change his mind and show up, but they were almost an hour into the party, and she was losing hope. Gideon’s mother and father had come. Not long after Hannah and Rachel had opened their gifts, their father had taken Gideon’s father out to the barn to show him a table he was building. Now it was just girls—Hannah, Rachel, their mother, Gideon’s mother, four girls they’d grown up with, and three cousins.
As everyone moved into the kitchen for cake and ice cream, Hannah walked to where Rachel was standing at the window. “I’m sorry you didn’t get the present you wanted for your birthday.”
Hannah had sewn Rachel a jacket to use when things cooled down. It had been an effort since Hannah wasn’t a very good seamstress, and sewing a jacket when it was so hot had taken discipline. Rachel said it was the best gift ever, but Hannah knew there was something she’d wanted more.
“Having you back as my schweschder is gift enough for me.” Rachel smiled, but her eyes drifted back out the window.
“Should we join the others for cake? I’m sure they are waiting on us.” Hannah put an arm around Rachel, and when they walked into the kitchen, their mother lit the sixteen candles on the cake while everyone sang “Happy Birthday.”
After Hannah and Rachel blew out the candles, everyone clapped. When the noise settled, Gideon was standing in the doorway.
“Sorry I’m late,” he said as his face reddened. Hannah supposed he expected at least one other man to be here.
“Your father and mine are out in the barn,” Hannah said. She then thanked him for the trinket box.
Gideon nodded, but his eyes were on Rachel, and when Hannah caught the look that passed between her sister and Gideon, she smiled.
Gideon gobbled his cake and ice cream as fast as he could so he could excuse himself and get to the barn where he belonged. The kitchen was like a henhouse. Even though he couldn’t keep his eyes off Rachel, there was a pain in his heart knowing that they’d ended their conversation badly the last time they’d spoken. If Gideon couldn’t have Rachel as his girlfriend, he still wanted to be friends.
Rachel had thanked him for the trinket box, but she wouldn’t keep her eyes locked with his. Before all the pretend dating and breaking up had started, Rachel used to stare into his eyes, and Gideon was pretty sure she could see all the way to his soul. Maybe he’d been too harsh to push her away. Surely she would see Abraham for the man he really was—or wasn’t. Either way, he’d decided to attend the party so he could get things right with Rachel, whether as friends or otherwise.
“Danki, all, so much for everything.” Rachel glanced at Gideon, and he wasn’t sure, but he thought there were tears in the corners of her eyes. Happy tears?
Hannah was smiling, too, so the girls must have made up.
“I’m going out to the barn to see if the other men are ready for cake and ice cream.” Rachel scooted past him, and out of the corner of his eye, Gideon saw her bolt down the porch steps, then to her left. Not anywhere near the barn.
The hens began to cluck—as his father would say—about sewing, the next Sister’s Day, an upcoming quilting party, and other girl stuff. Gideon slipped out of the kitchen without notice, then stopped at the window. Rachel was standing in the yard, facing away from him, not moving.
He jumped when Hannah eased up to him. Hannah had been overly friendly lately. There was the hug and also the time they’d spent together after worship service. He wasn’t sure what her intentions were, and he didn’t want to do anything to hurt her feelings.
“Go to her,” Hannah said softly. “Give her a chance to make things right.”
Gideon shook his head. “Nee, she has a date with Abraham tonight.” A thought that caused his stomach to churn.
“Nee, she doesn’t.”
Gideon turned to face Hannah. “What happened?”
Hannah smiled. “Let’s just say she saw Abraham’s true colors.”
“Did he hurt her?” Gideon clenched his fists at his sides, but Hannah shook her head.
“She was wise enough not to give him a chance. I don’t think Abraham will be giving either of us any trouble. I don’t think our community will allow it.”
Gideon took off his straw hat and ran a hand through his damp hair, then put the hat back on. He scratched his chin. “I’m not sure my heart can take it if Rachel doesn’t want to try to be more than friends.” He sighed. “But I also don’t want her not in my life, so I guess I need to accept it if that’s all she wants. We’ll be friends.”
“Only one way to find out.” Hannah nudged him with her shoulder, grinning.
“And, uh . . .” He needed to know that Hannah was okay if there was something between him and Rachel, but he didn’t know how to ask her. Maybe Gideon had misinterpreted Hannah’s hug and the attention she’d given him after church service. But he wasn’t going to do anything that was going to drive a wedge between the sisters, even if that meant walking away from Rachel for good. “Are you sure you’re okay if . . . uh . . .”
Hannah blinked her eyes a few times. “Rachel has always been the one for you, Gideon. We all see that. It’s just taken my schweschder longer to realize it.” She dabbed at one eye with her finger to snub a tear, and Gideon thought he might cry himself. He loved Hannah. Just not the same way he loved Rachel.
Hannah sniffled but smiled. “However, rest assured, if Rachel didn’t come to her senses, I wasn’t going to let a gut guy like you get away.” She bit her lip for a moment and gazed at Gideon. “What are you waiting for?” She shoved his arm gently. “Go.”
Gideon held Hannah’s gaze for a long while, then he kissed her on the forehead, followed by a quick hug. “Danki, Hannah.” Then he rushed for the door.
Rachel wiped her eyes on the sleeves of her dress when she heard footsteps, then turned around. Gideon was walking toward her.
“Why are you crying?” he asked when he reached her.
Rachel put her hands on her hips and stared at the ground, shaking her head. “Because I have messed everything up.” She looked up at him, and it took everything she had not to fall into his arms. “With you and me.”
“I didn’t exactl
y handle things very gut either.”
“Nee, it was me. I was consumed with jealousy, and I wanted everything Hannah had, mostly because Hannah had it.” A tear rolled down her cheek. “I almost lost my schweschder, and as much as I love you, if you and Hannah choose each other, I will not interfere with that in any way. I want Hannah to be happy. I want you to be happy. I had my chance, and I behaved badly.”
Gideon rubbed his chin. “You mean, like, um . . . you love me like a friend?”
“Ya, I love you like a friend”—Gideon’s eyes left hers—“if you love Hannah as more than a friend. I will always love you as a friend if that’s the case. And I mean that.”
“Hannah knows who I love. And I told you that I want to be more than your friend, Rachel.” He took his thumb and wiped away a tear that slid down her face.
“I want to be more than friends, too, Gideon. I’ve been confused about friendship love and romantic love, and I wasn’t sure how to tell the difference.”
He cupped her cheek. “I think a relationship should have a foundation of friendship before the rest can come.” He smiled a little. “And in case there is any confusion about friendship love and romantic love, I say we put it to the test right now.”
When Gideon’s lips met with Rachel’s, she thought she heard music, and the earth seemed to shift beneath her feet as her knees began to shake.
“Friends?” Gideon smiled as he brushed back a strand of hair that had fallen from beneath her kapp. “Or more?”
“Definitely more,” she said, breathless.
“Happy birthday, Rachel. Did you get what you wanted?”
Rachel smiled. “It’s what I’ve been telling Hannah I wanted—my first kiss. So, ya, I got what I wanted, and more. Best birthday ever.”