by Ali Parker
"I think that's exactly where you're supposed to be." She sighed like a schoolgirl in love. "I wish with all my heart I felt that way about someone. Stop letting fear trample down the one thing you've wanted since we met in grade school."
"Love?" I whispered and couldn't help but think of my father. I missed him so bad it burned my insides. The only love I had in the world was him and Lanie. Now Matt was quickly moving in to take both of their places in my heart.
"Exactly."
"What if he leaves again?"
"Yes. What if he leaves again?" Her voice changed, and I knew I was up for a lecture that was sure to set me straight. She was the only one I'd give the chance to try.
"What's your point, Lanie?" I got up and walked to the window as I wiped my eyes and tried to reconcile the fear inside of me with the fearless woman I'd always defined myself as. It was a struggle, and unfortunately was consuming my thoughts, my time, and all of my emotions.
"What's the very worst thing that could happen if Matt packed up and left you? Would you die? Wilt like a flower in the corner and force me to come get your fragile ass and bury you?"
I rolled my eyes. "You're so dramatic."
"Answer me."
"Why did I call you again?" I reached out and drew a heart on the window, being silly and childish.
"Because you knew I would help you see the truth. Now... answer me. What's the very worst thing that would happen?"
"I'd be broken and lose a few weeks of work, sleep and probably ten pounds."
"But would you die, Erica? Would you never, ever, ever love again?"
I didn't hesitate for a moment. "No. I wouldn't die, and I'm sure I would eventually love again, but-"
"No buts. I've heard and seen all your buts over the years. They're not worth your time to entertain them. If he left, and he's not going to, then you would mourn that loss and I would hold you through it. When you got done, we'd clean you up, fatten you up and get you back to being the strong woman you are."
"I can't work at M&B if he and I don't work out. Not if he's here too. It's too much to ask of me."
"Good. Fuck them then. You do realize that there are literally a million places to work in Seattle for a woman with your skills, right?"
"I guess so." I glanced down to see a group of joggers running by the sidewalk. I needed to get out and get some exercise. It always helped me to feel so much more at peace.
"And you know what? Maybe you would finally stop pretending like you're happy in that big glass building you're hiding out in every day."
"I am happy here." I could feel the need to defend myself literally crawling all over me.
"Right, but it's not you, and we both know it. You have more talent in your pinkie finger than most artists have in their whole body. Are you painting again? You promised me a few months ago that you would pull out your supplies and live a little."
"No," I whispered, emotionally shutting down again. "I don't have time."
"Make time. Build more parts of your life that look like you and maybe you won't have to worry about whether Matt stays or goes because you'll know without a doubt who you are." She paused and the sound of a hundred little voices filled up the phone. She laughed. "I gotta go. I love you so much. Please take my advice and start painting again. You need you before you can need him, Erica."
"You're right. You always are." We said our goodbyes and I cursed her for the next half hour as I worked through the last of my inhibitions. I could find myself again, and then... I would turn that girl completely over to a man worthy of her time. The real Matthew Bryant.
*
"All right guys. Great work." I stood up at the end of our team meeting and glanced around at my small think-tank. "I'm proud of you. All of you."
"Thanks, boss." Lewis' smile forced him to squeeze his eyes shut a little. It warmed me. "We're going for a drink. You wanna come?"
"I'd love to, but I'm going for a jog, and then I promised my best friend that I would dust off my paint supplies and work on rediscovering a passion I let fall by the wayside."
"Oh, nice! I totally want to see what you come up with." Mandy lifted her eyebrows and the rest of the group chimed in.
"Thanks. I'll bring it up here when I figure out what it is." I laughed and glanced up as someone darkened the open door of our conference room. "Mitch. Come on in. We were just wrapping up."
"Hey, guys." He walked in, his smile warm and welcoming. I liked the guy as a friend and partner in our combined tasks at the firm, but I needed to tell him about Matt. I could only hope that he would respect my feelings. He'd been inching closer and closer over the last few weeks, and the last thing I wanted to do was hurt him or step on his toes in any shape or form.
"Hey, Mitch." Lewis stood and shook hands with him before my team filed out and left us alone.
"You have dinner plans?" He slipped his hands in his pockets and studied me. He was the perfect man for a steady, strong future filled with love and security. But he wasn't my man. No matter how much it made sense for him to be.
"No, but I'm just going to head home. A nice jog this evening should do me good." I crossed my arms over my chest, grateful that I wasn't at all uncomfortable around him.
"You sure? I hate to eat alone." His eyes moved across my face.
"I do too, but I'm starting to date someone. I just don't want him to think that something is going on between us when we're just good work friends." I pursed my lips as his expression changed a little. "You understand, I hope?"
"Absolutely. I think that's fantastic. A beautiful woman like yourself shouldn't be alone... not ever." He winked and turned to walk toward the door, pausing and glancing back before going out. "If you change your mind... I'm right down the hall."
I laughed and nodded. "Thank you. I'll keep that in mind."
"Please do." He walked out and I let out a long breath I didn't realize I was holding. Should I have divulged the fact that it was Matt I was seeing? He and I hadn't really talked about where in our relationship we were, but it felt like it was time to sit down and do just that.
My only hesitation was that he worked for me. I wasn't sure how well that would go over. I might have to call Damon to see how he worked it all out for him and Bethany. Matt and I were only lovers, but poor Damon had both barrels loaded on his news.
Lovers and step-siblings.
Yeah... he had it much worse.
*
I got home and played with Zek for a few minutes before eating a banana and changing into my running gear. I'd make some dinner and call Matt when I got back and then get busy on painting a new masterpiece. Just the thought of doing it gave me a keen sense of belonging to something - to my art.
My phone buzzed, and I grabbed it before heading out the door. Unknown number.
"This is Erica Hall."
"Erica. It's Jonathan Luntz. How are you?"
"Good, Jonathan. How are you?"
"Doing very well. I assume Matthew told you about the showing on Friday night, correct?"
"Yes. He did. I'll be there. We're bringing three other people with us. I was a little surprised at your graciousness with the tickets. This is the private event you and I discussed having first, correct?"
"Exactly, and no matter on the tickets. You will all fit in beautifully, I would imagine. We have some of Seattle's finest coming in that night. It should be fun for sure."
"Excellent. I look forward to it." I was winding down the call, which was a little out of place, but maybe Jonathan was just a superb host of sorts?
"One more thing, if you don't mind. I have something that's been nagging at me continuously for a while. I'm thinking I just needed to call you and get it off my chest."
I stiffened. "Sure. Go ahead."
"When Matthew and I met to finalize the agreements, he mentioned that you painted as well, and I think you and I might have even chatted a little about it at dinner. My memory fails me often. I'm getting older."
"Hardly," I said and
laughed.
"I'd like to see some of your work. I keep dreaming about having a pair of artists who are married and deeply in love working for me."
"Working for you." I ignored the married and deeply in love part. I had to. It was too much to dream about just yet.
"You know what I mean. I want a showcase of what real passion looks like this spring. I'm not sure what your talent looks like, or if you're at all interested in being highlighted next to Matt, but I want to see your stuff. I can't seem to shake the fact that I'm missing greatness by not making this call."
"Greatness?" My heart fluttered. "I'm not sure greatness is a good title for me, but I'll happily show you some of my old stuff. I was going to start working on something new tonight."
"Good. Let's talk after this weekend and set something up. That work?"
"Absolutely, but let's keep this weekend just about Matt. He's been dreaming of this moment his whole life. I don't want to steal a drop of attention from him."
Jonathan sighed. "I love that. See... that's the passion I'm talking about. We'll talk soon then. Be safe and I'll see you Friday."
"Friday." I hung up and glanced around the condo as Zek danced around my feet. "Wow. Change is in the air, little guy. I can feel it all around me."
I was grateful that the emotion that accompanied my realization was excitement and not terror. Good things were coming... I was sure of it.
Chapter 17
Matt
Not getting to see her most of the week left me with the sound conclusion that my life was shifting from Dallas to Seattle. I'd be letting go of my apartment in Texas before January at the rate things were going, and funny enough, everyone would be thrilled about it. By the time I got on the plane to fly back home on Thursday morning early, I was lifeless and fully depressed.
Somewhere along the way of avoiding Erica, I fell head over heels in love with her. Maybe that above everything else scared me. I just needed to have a sit down conversation with her about my mom and dad's relationship and how dicked up it got over time. I couldn't handle handing her my heart and have her throw it in a meat grinder by cheating on me. It wasn't as if I had a choice in either matter, but a 'come to Jesus' meeting would help calm my nerves a little.
I walked into M&B around ten and made my way to my office before walking up to see Erica. I figured it would be a little more prudent to stop by and let the team know I was there. Surely Erica would want to discuss how to break the news to everyone at work that we were moving into something far beyond a friendship. At least I assumed she would.
"Hey, Matthew! How are you, brother?" Lewis stood up, pushed his dreadlocks over his shoulder and extended his hand. His Caribbean accent was too damn cool.
"Hey, man. Good to see you." I shook it and greeted the other girls in the room. "How's the week been so far?"
"Excellent." Lewis nodded as Mandy walked toward us.
"Well, for most of us." She shook her head. "Erica was jogging on Monday and got mugged. It wasn't pretty."
"What?!" I moved toward the door as my heart almost stopped in my chest. "Is she here?"
I jogged out without waiting for an answer. Lewis called behind me that he believed she was. My pulse spiked as I waited for the elevators. I moved in as a couple of people tried to move out.
"I'm sorry." I moved back and let them out before walking back in and pressing the button for Erica's floor like I was mental. "Come on. Come on."
"You okay?" Mitch moved up beside me, causing me to jump.
"What? Oh, damn. I didn't know anyone else was in here." I glanced back to see several people watching me with curiosity. "There're lots of you."
"Matt, you know?" Mitch squeezed my shoulder as the door opened to the executive floor.
"Yeah. Just heard about Erica's incident." I waved and jogged down the hall. Why the hell hadn't she called me? Monday was freaking three days ago. I knocked and stuck my head into the door to find her standing at her desk, her back to me. "You busy?"
She glanced over her shoulder. "No. Come on in. When did you-"
"Why didn't you tell me about Monday?" I closed the door and walked toward her in four large steps. "That's really upsetting."
"Because it wasn't that big of a deal." She turned and the bruise around her left eye was sickly yellow. My blood ran cold.
"Wait a minute. Someone hit you?" I reached out and ran my hands over her arms before pulling her flush against me.
"Yes, but it's okay now. Seriously." She smiled, but I couldn't stop envisioning someone hurting her.
"It is a big deal. Did you get a visual on the guy? Did he get your purse?" I reached up and touched the side of her face. "I'm going to fucking beat him to death if we ever find out who it was."
Her smile softened as she cupped my hand. "It's okay. Shit happens, right? I got over it."
"Why didn't you call? Answer me." I tightened my hold on her, wanting her to know that I was her protector. If I'd known she was hurt I would have raced across the world to get to her.
"It seemed silly, and you already asked that." She wrapped her lithe arms around my waist and pressed her cheek to my shoulder, tucking her face against the side of my neck. "I missed you."
"Me too, baby." I rubbed her back and tried to force the violence inside of me to die down. Never in a million years had I wanted to defend someone like I wanted to defend her. "I really wish you would have called, Erica."
"And what would you have done?" She kissed the soft skin under my ear, waking my body up and causing me to growl.
"Come home and held you. Figured out who did this and beat his fucking ass." I clenched my teeth as she snuggled in tighter. All I wanted was her. Her safe. Her happy. Her love.
"Well, it's all better now." She moved back and pulled me down for a long kiss. "You are home."
"Speaking of." I kissed her a few more times and ran my hand down the back of her silky hair. "I'm almost positive I'm going to move up here before January. I felt like shit not being here with you."
Her smile drove a stake of lust deep inside of me. "Nice. I was hoping that would happen sooner rather than later."
"You work fast. What can I say?" I brushed my nose down the side of her face and nipped at her ear before moving back. "All right. I gotta calm down. My heart is racing from fear of something happening to you, and my cock is so hard it feels like it's gonna crack in half."
She reached out and pressed her palm against my erection. "Hot."
"Yours." I cupped my hand over hers and stroked myself, not quite minding the slacks all of a sudden. They were made of much thinner material than my jeans.
"We should have dinner tonight and talk through everything."
"You ready to do that?" I gripped her hand and pulled it from my dick before stepping closer to her. "I'm ready."
"Yeah, I think so. Tomorrow is the big showing. Are you excited?" She leaned in and kissed me one more time before walking back to the other side of her desk and sitting down.
"I am. The painting is almost done. It's going to be beautiful."
"I'm surprised he didn't want it tonight."
"He did." I smirked and dropped down in the seat closest to me. "I told him tomorrow morning at seven. I need tonight to add a few highlights."
"Don't add this, okay?" She brushed her fingers around her bruised eye.
I growled. "I don't like that one bit."
"I'll get some thick make-up and have it covered by tomorrow night. I promise."
"That's not what I meant. You're beautiful to me no matter what, Erica. I hate that someone put their hands on you."
"Yeah, well, let's move to another subject. That vein in the side of your neck looks like it's ready to pop."
I breathed in slowly and glanced up toward the ceiling. "You're right. Where do you want to stay tonight?"
"Are we staying tonight?" She sounded a little surprised.
"Yes." I wasn't playing games anymore. "I'm not spending another night without you in my bed, o
r me in yours. You choose."
"Let's stay at your place so you can finish up working on the piece without any stress."
"Perfect." I crossed my hands over my stomach. "How is Zek doing? Crapping all over your place yet?" I smiled, unable to help myself.
"He's actually been really good." She bit her lip seductively, which didn't help the vein in question much at all. "I did have something really cool happen though."
"Tell me about it." It was all I could do to stay seated on my side of the desk. Everything about her made me want to be closer.
"Jonathan called to finalize a few things. I hope you don't mind that I worked through some of the last minute details with him." She gave me an unsure smile.
"Not at all. I love that you're involved in what's happening with Jonathan."
"Good." She let out a sigh that sounded like relief. "Anyway, he asked to see some of my work."
Excitement bubbled up inside of me. "Really? That's great news. When?"
She shook her head, trying to make less of it from what I could tell. "After your event. I wanted everyone to stay focused on you for now."
"You think you're going to steal the show from me?" I smiled and stood up. "You deserve a spanking for that."
"I'm not nearly as talented as you are, so no... but a spanking might be fun."
I moved around the desk and slid my hands over her hips, pressing my erection to her ass and fondling her breasts as she stood up and pressed her back to my chest.
"What am I gonna do with you?" I kissed her ear and breathed in deeply.
"I thought you were going to spank me." She rolled her hips slowly, playing with me.
"Among other things, yes." Someone knocked at the door, and I pinched her nipples between my fingers and rolled them slowly as I leaned down and licked up the side of her throat one more time.
"Just a minute," she called out breathlessly. "What else?"