by Izzy Shows
“That is correct,” Raven said from where they were standing by the coffee table.
My grin turned a little brittle, but otherwise held. It would have helped if Raven had had the capacity to be a little bit empathetic, but it just wasn’t in their toolbox. They didn’t understand human emotions, for the most part. They didn’t know how to ease a person’s mind. Frankly, I didn’t think they would care to do that even if they did know what it was or how to do it. They just weren’t that type of person.
“How is we goings to get you prepared?” Fred said, staring up at me with his wide eyes.
The damned imp was tugging at my heartstrings, and I didn’t know what to do to put a stop to that. I would go to the ends of the earth to make sure that Fred was OK. I’d become very fond of him in the past two years, living and training with him. He was more than just someone who supplied me with the information I needed to get through my cases. He was a friend.
The only real friend I had who knew everything about me. Oh, sure, Raven and Mal were clued in on the demon mark—oh, Gods, the demon mark. What was I going to do about that? The Order would certainly be able to detect it on me, would know that I had dabbled with dark magic, and then I would be sentenced to death. There was no getting around that, no making sure that everything would be OK.
I was totally screwed.
I needed to call Mal. He would know what to do. But before I could do that, I needed to figure out everything that Fred and Raven knew about the Order so that I would be ready when dusk came.
“The two of you are going to tell me everything you know about the Order,” I said once I’d calmed myself to moderate levels.
Raven cleared their throat. “That would take some time.”
“Fine. Then tell me only the parts you think are relevant to me going to my hearing tomorrow. I don’t have forever, you know.”
They nodded. “To start with, the Order has a proven track record of disposing of new mages when they come along. They have little interest in training the next generation, as short-sighted as that may be. Wizards have a naturally long lifespan, so I suppose they think they have all the time in the world to get to that, and it can’t be said that they get rid of every mage who passes through. They do select some and train them, perhaps just enough to keep their ranks afloat, but nowhere near what they should be doing. Their tests are strenuous, and most mages are not able to pass.”
I inhaled through my nose, absorbing that information. It wasn’t entirely new to me, as I had already known that they didn’t want to train people, for the most part. Aidan had told me that without someone there to vouch for me, it was unlikely I would go anywhere. But I wasn’t just a hedge witch; anyone with eyes could see that. I had accomplished so much already, without being trained by the Order, that it didn’t make sense that they would pass me up.
Assuming I could get through the hearing first.
“What about you, Fred?” I turned my attention to him.
He sat up a little straighter, his hands abandoning his ears at last. “I is knowings a good bit about the Order, Miss Blair. Aidan talked about it some. I knows that they has much disdain for new mages. They is thinking no one will ever be capable of being so successful as any of thems. Aidan complained about it lots and lots. He said that they was ‘pompous’ and old and stodgy and mean. He said ‘mean old coots’ a lot,” Fred said, frowning and looking down at his lap. His ears had drooped somewhat, and I knew that he was recalling his old master, missing him, and wishing that he were a part of this.
I was too. Aidan would be able to guide me through this, would know what I needed to do, would be able to actually help me. Unlike Raven and Fred, he’d be able to go with me to the hearing and be by my side the entire time.
Assuming he would do any of that, of course. He hadn’t exactly been the most in touch with his feelings, and we’d never called one another friends, but I had sensed a kinship between us. Or maybe I was crazy; that was always a possibility.
“Oh, oh, he was also sayings that is very rare to have an apprentice. Mosts of the time, when a mage is passing the trials, they is given access to learn in all the sources the Order has—all the books in the world—but they is not going out of their ways to help you.”
“Hm,” I said, musing on that for a moment. This still wasn’t very relevant to the hearing I was going to have to go through, but it would be relevant if I made it out alive. It sounded like, if I got through everything, I would be left to my own devices again. That was bittersweet. I didn’t like the idea of someone looking over my shoulder, but I also wanted to learn more. There was a limit to what Fred could teach me, namely because he didn’t think to tell me things unless I specifically asked about them.
“The hearing itself will be difficult,” Raven said, speaking up again after having given Fred room to talk. Finally, we were getting to the important stuff. “If my information is correct, you are guilty until proven innocent. The burden is on you to prove that you did nothing wrong, and as of this moment, we do not exactly know what you have been accused of, which makes the hearing difficult to prepare for.”
“I would assume they’re coming after me for Tyburn Tree,” I said. The first case I had taken, the one where I had lost Aidan, when I had first used the demon mark and basically set off a nuclear bomb of power. “That was the biggest thing I’ve ever done. Why would they care about the vampires, or Lilith?”
“It all depends on what they were told, Blair. You assume that they know everything, when that may not be the case. It could be that they are acting on a small tip. Someone from the magical community could have let them know there was a new mage in their midst. It could be that there is no hearing at all for us to worry about. They may not have any idea what you have been up to.”
“Raven, they said I had been unlawfully practicing magic.”
“Which could mean something as simple as lighting a candle with a spell,” they said, shrugging nonchalantly.
“Or it could mean that they know I made a deal with a demon, and they intend to chop off my head. They said failing to comply was punishable by death!”
“Again, it could sound a lot worse than it actually is. We have no way of knowing. That is all I am saying.”
I groaned, lowering my head to press my good hand against it. “I wonder how they’re going to kill me.”
“With an obsidian blade,” Raven said. Helpful as ever.
I lifted my head to glare at them. “Obsidian?”
“Dragon glass,” they said, nodding. “It is the only element truly capable of cutting through anything. Dismantling spells, harming any creature—it can do it all. Obsidian blades are very difficult to come by, and the First Hand’s blades are also layered with enchantments, so they are stronger than a normal obsidian sword.”
“Well, at least it’ll be a quick death,” I said, barking out a strangled laugh. “Oh, Gods, what am I going to do?”
Raven tilted their head to the side. “You are going to win, of course. That’s what you do.”
“That’s not what I did today,” I said, gesturing at my door. “Today, I went to Tír na nÓg and failed to kill the Utakar. Failed so miserably that now my life is going to be nothing but torture at its hands.”
“That was not a fair fight, and it was folly on your part to not take your friends with you. Had you been intelligent and thought strategically, you might have come out on top.”
My cheeks burned. Raven was right, of course, but I didn’t want to hear it. I hated the idea of involving my friends in my fights. It was too dangerous for them. Although, from the looks of it, the fights were too dangerous for me too.
“All right. What else?” I said, looking from Fred to Raven and back again.
Three
After what felt like hours and hours of going over every piece of information the two of them had for me, I finally stopped talking to Raven and Fred about the Order. My head was a little woozy, and my body was really beginning to hurt like he
ll. I knew my limits, and it was time to invoke them. I dismissed Raven, and Fred settled onto the couch with a book. I could tell he was worrying about me because he was reading up here rather than in the basement, where he preferred to be.
With a groan, I settled back onto the couch just in time for another knock at the door. I levelled a glare at it, wanting to ignore it, but hobbled across the room all the same.
Shawn was standing on the other side of the threshold, holding a small paper bag in one hand.
“Oh, hey,” I said, trying to hide my surprise.
“What did you do?” He didn’t even try to hide the look of resignation that crossed his face as he took in my battered form. “When I left you, you were on the mend from a fight. Why do you look like you just got into another one?”
I squinted at him, debating telling him to shove it, before I stepped back and ushered him inside. He came quietly, and I shut the door behind him, double-checking that the wards went back up correctly.
“Well, as it turned out, the fight you patched me up from was just a fake. It wasn’t the real showdown, so I went into the real fight with busted ribs and a broken arm, and I lost.”
His eyes went wide as I said it. “You lost? But…”
“But I never lose?” A tired smile tugged at my lips. “Well, I did this time.”
He grimaced. “Well, I have something that might help you feel better.”
“Drugs?” I brightened up a bit. I was in excruciating pain. My ribs felt like they were going to break apart and stab me in the heart any minute, here, and there was no way I could sit or lie down that would make them comfortable. It would be a blessing to get a good night’s sleep before the events of tomorrow morning.
“Drugs,” he said, confirming my hopes with a grin of his own as he handed me the paper bag. “You can take one in the morning and one at night. That should help. Now, it isn’t a perfect fix—nothing really is—but it’ll take away the worst of it.”
“Thank the Gods,” I said. I pulled the bottle out of the bag and immediately walked into the kitchen. It was awkward, running myself a cup of water, but I managed it and then downed one of the pills. I didn’t care that it wasn’t right before bed, when it would be wisest to take the pill so my sleep would be aided. I just needed some relief right now. I’d be more logical about it tomorrow.
If there was a tomorrow.
“Come back in here. I want to take a look at the rest of you, make sure you didn’t do more damage to yourself,” he said, raising his voice so I could hear him.
I walked back into the living room and resumed my seat on the couch, lifting my head to look up at him. He was in front of me now, having walked to the couch at the same time, and he took a seat on the coffee table so we were at eye level.
“I’m going to check your ribs first, make sure you didn’t break another one. Please don’t hit me.”
I gritted my teeth but nodded.
He lifted my shirt and started gently prodding at one rib after another, wincing when I sucked in a deep breath as he reached the broken one, then kept going. There were no other sharp inhalations of breath, no string of curse words, and certainly no hitting.
“No other broken ribs, then,” he said. “Now, let me see your arm.”
I gave him a look, then gestured at it with my good hand. “What do you expect me to do, wave it in front of your face?”
He rolled his eyes. “I can always count on that sense of humour,” he said, all but muttering the words. He leaned forward and gingerly peeled the sling away from my arm, then apologized when he had to roll up my sleeve a bit to take in the string of bruises on my wrist and forearm.
“What?” I asked when he frowned.
“These are already yellow,” he said, his frown deepening as he pressed more firmly against the space where the fracture was.
“Hey!” I managed not to growl at him, but the word came out sharp as ever. That had bloody hurt.
“Hm, and that feels better than it did yesterday,” he said, shaking his head. “That makes no sense. It’s been twenty-four hours. You shouldn’t be improving already.”
“Wizards is healings much better than humans,” Fred said, startling me. I had almost forgotten that he was on the couch with me.
“What?” I quirked my head to the side, looking down at Fred.
“You is not rememberings? Perhaps you is not realizing how close you came to dyings when you came home from Tyburn Tree. Fred noticed. Fred always notices,” he said, bobbing his head up and down. “Wizards is resilient things, and they has better healings than humans is having. You is a lucky goose.”
I chuckled, unable to stop a genuine grin from breaking out on my face. Fred was a true blessing to have around. I hoped he knew just how much I appreciated his being a part of my life.
“No, I guess I didn’t put two and two together with that,” I said. “But this does seem oddly quick.”
“Maybe is because you were in Tír na nÓg? Fae is healing much faster than anyone else! Could be somethings in the air.”
I snorted. “I think there were a few things in the air, but I don’t know if speedy healing was one of them,” I said. “But, whatever. It’s not the most important thing right now.”
Fred sobered, nodding.
“What?” Shawn said, frowning at me.
“Nothing,” I said a little too quickly. I didn’t want to tell Shawn about it, didn’t want him to know that I might not be coming back after my little excursion tomorrow. Not that he knew about that, either. Here I was again, keeping things from him because I didn’t think he could handle it.
Not that he had ever given me a reason to think he couldn’t handle something, but still…
“Listen, I should probably be getting to bed,” I said, standing up. My ribs protested, but much less than they had before I’d taken the medicine. I was grateful Shawn had remembered to bring it over. “Thank you for coming. I really do appreciate it.”
He was frowning at me, and I knew he had more that he wanted to say, but I didn’t give him the opportunity to say it. I just walked over to the front door and held it open for him, giving him no choice but to walk through it.
I may be rude, but there’s nothing anyone can do about it.
Four
I cursed up a storm getting changed out of my clothing and into my pyjamas. The medicine might have dulled my normal pain, but it did nothing at all to help me when I wrenched my arm around—and I wasn’t all that good at moving my clothes around my injured arm. And just forget trying to be considerate of my ribs, because how do you even do that?
Huffing out a sigh, I crawled into the bed and closed my eyes, waiting for the nightmares to come and take me.
“He’s with someone else.”
My eyes popped open. That was the voice of the mark inside my head, taunting me. I should ignore it, I knew, and that was exactly what I intended to do. I shut my eyes again, tighter this time, and started to hum.
“Playing with them. Teasing them. He’ll give them power, maybe more than he gave to you.”
I growled as my eyes opened again. My wrist was burning, pulsing, like my own little Bat-Signal telling me that something was going on. Was I linked to Mal? How did the mark know that something was going on, and why did it think I would care?
Because you do, that little honest voice inside of my head chimed in. You care that he’s with someone else in a way that he was with you.
Shut up. That sounds an awful lot like jealousy, and I don’t get jealous.
I was talking to myself, I realised with a harsh laugh. If anyone could see me right now… Well, they would hopefully not know about it, since I was keeping it all in my head for the moment.
“Don’t you want to know who he’s with?”
“No! Shut up! Just shut up, shut up and leave me alone!” I cringed the moment I directed my thoughts at the mark, knowing it was bad, that it was something I shouldn’t have done, but I couldn’t stop myself. It just kept t
aunting me, telling me things I didn’t want to hear.
“I think you do want to hear. You certainly deserve to know he’s moving on from you. You’ve squandered the only gift he ever gave you.”
“You are not a gift.”
No, but it was a weakness, I remembered suddenly. I sat straight up in the bed, my eyes wide open and taking in the darkness that surrounded me. The mark was a weakness that was going to get my ass killed when I went in front of the Order, and there was nothing I could do about it.
I scampered out of the bed and bolted back into the living room, grabbed up my phone and frantically dialled Mal’s number. I paced from one corner of the room to the next as the phone rang, waiting for him to answer.
He didn’t.
I pulled the phone away from my ear to stare at it, disbelieving. He had always answered my phone calls. What was this? What was I supposed to do? I dialled the number again, glaring at the wall as if it were the demon who’d abandoned me.
After five rings, he finally answered.
“What?” His voice was curt, cutting through the air, and I flinched at the sound of it.
“It’s Blair,” I said, my voice soft. Maybe he didn’t realise—
“I know. What do you want?” His tone had shifted to one of disinterest, and I got the distinct impression I was bothering him.
“I told you, he’s bored with you. He’s moving on.”
“I, um …” I was suddenly incapable of saying anything. I was just so aware of being in the way and unwanted and… All of my insecurities came rushing to the surface, telling me I was bothering him and that I should find a way to deal with it myself. Never mind the fact that it was his fault I had this mark. Never mind the fact that he was the only one who knew anything about it.
I was a worthless bother, and I should go away.
I heard him sigh through the phone. I could picture him running a hand through his hair even now. “What is it, Blair? I don’t have all night.”