by Skyler Grant
“I hate it when they can run,” Tiger said.
Diamond grimaced, “I’m busy here—but yeah, I can do something.”
I’d finished getting dressed. The armor fit me perfectly.
“You’re one hell of a magical tailor,” I said.
Diamond chuckled. “It’s not quite what it seems. Think of it like a wish, I find you something that will fit you and be good solid protection. It might have come from an ancient tomb, or fresh from a forge, or some god of war right now is standing around naked and confused.”
Magic was weird. I preferred stabbing things.
“Is Despair still here?” Yve asked, getting the conversation back on topic.
“No. I wish she was. This is one hell of a coming-out party and she is going to be shaken up. She really needs her family right about now,” Diamond said.
“You guys would still be forgiving?” I asked.
“I’ve destroyed worlds. Mom has destroyed a lot of worlds. The only difference is we usually mean to do it,” Diamond said.
I hadn’t expected to feel sympathy for the Nine, but I kind of did. They’d been brought into the world to be weapons for some A.I. computers that don’t give a damn about them. By now they were coming to learn that no matter what they did or where they went, they’d never be the good guy.
I thought back to what Elsora told me and wondered if I was the same—and if it even mattered. I think she wanted me to believe myself the villain of the story, but to do that I’d have to know who the hero was. I hadn’t met anyone who deserved the title yet. We were all just fighting for those who stood at our side and against those who stood in our way.
“You’ll let me know when you come up with something?” I asked.
“Count on it. It shouldn’t be too long, I want to make sure we find any survivors here and get them someplace safe. Our family caused this ruin, we should do what we can to put it right,” Diamond said.
Okay, maybe I knew at least one person who was kind of heroic. No, heroic was the wrong word, responsible. If there was anything that I should aspire to be, it was that. A person who cleaned up their own messes and took care of those who depended on them.
“Back to the evil corporation?” Yve asked.
“Yeah. We need to get more answers. We know that Veros is bringing in people from off world somehow and we heard White talking to Beauty and Beast about the plans for expansion,” I said.
“You think they’re stepping up production?” Yve asked.
Walt said, “Something big is in the works. I don’t know what, but it’s why White is pushing everyone so hard.”
Veros was already too strong. If he was trying to expand his operation, it was something we couldn’t allow. We needed to figure out what was going on and stop things, before they got to that stage.
“Can you give us a ride?” I asked Malachite.
“You really need to get that airship of yours back,” Malachite said.
I didn’t have the heart to tell her we knew where it was exactly. We’d more or less handed it to Veros, not that he needed it.
The world vanished in a shimmer of green and we were back in the basement. The bears were gone. This wasn’t the opportunity for the joy that you might expect.
They’d been replaced by seven extremely murderous-looking dwarves.
Chapter 20
The dwarves moved to circle us.
“We’re going to stab you,” said Stabby.
“Explode you,” said Explodey
“Chop you into little pieces,” said Choppy
“Melt your flesh,” said Melty
“Club your bones to powder,” said Clubby
“Burn the powder to ash,” said Burny
“Freeze the ash to ice… I guess. Why am I always last?” asked Freezy.
“I’m out. Have fun with this,” Malachite said, and vanished.
I hated my friends sometimes.
“Hey guys. How about we not get into an epic brawl and just go kick around the office appliances?” Walt said.
“Sorry Fisty, boss’s orders,” Stabby said.
So when we weren’t looking, Walt had become one of the seven dwarves—eight dwarves, now. That was a surprise.
“Fisty? Oh, that nickname is so sticking around,” Yve said.
“Aren’t you a little tall for a dwarf?” I asked Walt.
“How about you pay attention to our threatening and witty dialog,” Explodey said.
I didn’t want to get on with the fighting just yet, because I didn’t yet have a plan. We’d seen these seven in action and they were terrifying. We were too, but there were only three of us. I didn’t see Red or Woodcutter, hopefully that meant they had gotten away before the dwarves arrived. If so, maybe we had reinforcements out there waiting to arrive.
“I don’t actually go by Fisty,” Walt said.
“We weren’t very well going to call the eighth dwarf Walt,” Freezy said.
I wondered if we could turn the dwarves’ attacks against each other somehow. Burny and Freezy seemed natural counters. I checked their stats for inspiration.
Stabby: Dwarf of many knives
Level 23: Type: Dwarf HP: 270/270
The Dwarves officially don’t have a leader. Unofficially Stabby will be the first to tell you that is wrong and he is in charge. Stabby wears heavy gloves because anything he touches transforms into a sharp implement. The dwarf can even cause daggers to appear midair.
Explodey: Boomdwarf
Level 26: Type: Dwarf HP: 310/310
Explodey gained his unique abilities when, while mining, he dug straight into a set of unexploded ordinance from an ancient magical war. He is now capable of firing off potent beams of concussive force and when badly wounded lets off a powerful area of effect.
Choppy: Chef Supreme
Level 26: Type: Dwarf HP: 410/410
Choppy never wanted to be a fighter, his greatest desire was always to be a chef. Over a decade spent at the Elvish Culinary Institute honed his skills with a knife and cleaver into something to behold.
Melty: Erasers of Time
Level 21: Type: Spirit HP: 80/80
Melty is scarcely holding it all together. Literally. Through an ill-made wish his internal organs and blood were transformed into a highly corrosive acid. Now his very sweat can dissolve steel.
Clubby: Dwarf with a stick
Level 22: Type: Dwarf HP: 330/330
Clubby is a dwarf completely lacking in a compelling origin story. He is a dwarf that likes to hit things with a big stick and goes about doing this on a regular basis. What he lacks in super powers he makes up for with diligence.
Burny: Dwarf of the Fiery Vengeance
Level 22: Type: Dwarf HP: 200/200
Burny is one of a pair of brothers who stole artifacts from the treasury of the ancient city of Kif. He stole the Fiery Axe of Boll which burns with a heat so intense it can melt anything.
Freezy: Dwarf of the Icy Heart
Level 22: Type: Dwarf HP: 200/200
Freezy is one of a pair of brothers whole stole artifacts from the treasure of the ancient city of Kif. He stole the Icy Shield of Dixon which is made of ice so cold it can freeze any blow.
A plan was coming together. Burny and Freezy were opposing natural forces. In addition, Stabby, Explodey, and Melty all had abilities that, if triggered incorrectly, could do a lot of harm to the others.
I could tell that Yve and Walt were looking over their stats as well and considering their own plans.
Stabby had to be my target. I was the best able to handle being cut to ribbons, and I had the super strength of the group to get those gloves off him. Yve and her fire resistance would be the best able to deal with Burny. If Walt had been able to charge the Death-Hand from the world we just left, then he might have the force to almost instantly trigger either Explodey or Melty.
“I think the dwarves want a fight,” I said.
“I think we’re ready to give it to them,” Yve said.
>
“Stabbing time,” Stabby said, and the dwarves rushed forward.
With the numbers advantage it was going to be at least two against one. My attack towards Stabby had me engaging with him and Clubby. Walt had Freezy and Explody, while Yve had been the unlucky one to get three.
Slugger: Pincushion
Clubby caught me with a two-handed swing of the club that knocked me backward onto the floor—which suddenly sprouted massive jagged spikes. It hurt way less than it should have. My new armor held together and none of the spikes penetrated, I was rattled, but whole. I really had to buy Diamond something nice sometime.
Clubby was swinging an overhead blow towards my midsection and I reached out to grab his club, snapping it in two, and with a kick sent him sailing towards the far wall.
Stabby charged me and I held him by the arm as I tried to grab for his glove. A stream of daggers materialized in the air and, with the clang after clang of these striking my armor, forced me to release his arm and drove me back several steps.
The already damaged lab tore itself apart as a massive explosion sent everyone flying. I was trying to regain my feet when a part of the ceiling fell on me.
I guess Walt must have punched Explodey—either that or ice and fire had combined more explosively than I’d expected. I threw off a piece of rubble. Stabby was collapsed nearby and still looking dazed. I took the opportunity to wrench the glove off his hand. It was just in time. Clubby had managed to find a piece of rebar and was trying to bash my skull in. I shoved Stabby’s hand against his chest and in a flash of light the dwarf was transformed into a rather massive two-handed sword.
“You’ll pay for that,” Stabby said, and made a grab for me. I picked up the sword that had once been Clubby and drove it through his chest.
The dwarf clawed at the sword, but it only served to transform his clothing into blades digging into his flesh. What a really terribly power to have. I twisted the sword to finish him off and turned my attention back to the rest of the fight.
Red, Woodcutter, Beauty, and Beast looked to have joined it at some point. I hadn’t even noticed their arrival, but all the dwarves were down.
Yve’s armor was half-melted to her flesh and Walt seemed to be in the process of regrowing his other arm, but all in all it could have been worse. We’d finished fights in rougher shape.
“We were waiting to ambush them when they dragged you away,” Red said.
That explained why they hadn’t shown up to help. I couldn’t blame them for not expecting us to win against those kinds of odds.
“Yeah. We thought you’d get your asses kicked,” Woodcutter said.
“I take it White sent them to take us out?” I asked.
“Yeah. When you blew up the lab and kidnapped Gold, you kind of wore out whatever goodwill you had. The order went out to grab you by whatever means necessary and take you to the castle,” Red said.
“We’re looking to ruin Veros’ plans. We were hoping to find you, and that you might have some ideas,” I said.
Beauty and Beast exchanged a look and laughed.
Red said, “They’ve always had plans. We’ve just never had the manpower or anyone willing enough to get their hands dirty to pull it all off.”
“We’ve not been introduced, by the way. I’m Beauty and my companion there is the poorly named Beast,” Beauty said, in a voice that was damned-near musical.
“Hey,” Beast said, his own voice contrastingly coarse.
“King Liam, Yve Garland, Walt Death-hand,” I said.
“A pleasure, Majesty. While grand in ambitions, DLC is ultimately like any corporation. A few key departments organize everything and if you can destroy their resources, you can cripple everything,” Beauty said.
That made sense. It also sounded like we’d get to stab some people and blow things up. I really hoped White and Charming were somewhere on the list.
“Tell us where and we’ll get it taken care of,” I said.
“Should we awaken Ashley for this?” Yve asked.
It was a good question. We could use her help, but I knew that if we restored her memories right now she’d head straight to Veros, which was exactly what I didn’t want.
“Not yet,” I said.
Beauty said, “I recommend your first target be Human Resources. It’s responsible for bringing all of the adventurers here and without it the whole organization will eventually grind to a halt.”
“Do you know how they are doing it?”
“They’re on the thirteenth floor. You’ll see for yourself,” Beauty said.
“We should check on the airship too,” Yve said.
“Veros is probably making use of it,” I said.
“I don’t think so. We haven’t seen Lea or Riggs.”
“You think they got away?”
“I hope so.”
“Those Sales fucks should be your next target,” Beast said.
“I think we can manage to set Charming on fire. Anything else?” Yve asked.
“Accounting. Take them out and nobody gets paid. DLC might recover from the loss of one or even two of its departments, but if you can take out all three, then operations will completely stop,” Beauty said.
I was for it. This place had turned me into a salesman. It had made me wear a tie. It was time to raise some serious hell.
Chapter 21
We left the others behind and went in search of Human Resources on the thirteenth floor.
When we arrived and stepped off the elevator, we found it to be a massive chamber. The walls were lined with more elevator doors, an absurd and improbably number. Every so often a lift would arrive with a quiet ding and someone would wander out looking confused—only to vanish into thin air a few moments later.
The middle of the room was a massive fountain. An old man had a stool set up and looked to be fishing.
“This isn’t quite what I expected,” I said.
The old man looked up, beaming a smile, and waved us over. In the clear waters of the fountain there was only one large fish swimming around, a tiny golden crown upon its head.
“Be careful,” Yve said.
“Of an old man and a fish?” I asked.
“Fairy tales. You probably don’t know this one, if it’s what I’m thinking.”
Yve said to him, “Hello Sir, how is your wife?”
“I’m delighted to be a widower, young lady. And not looking, if that is what you’re after,” said the old man.
Yve didn’t let her smile falter, “Congratulations. Liam, meet the Fisherman.”
“These people need better names,” I said.
“Works well, when you’re the only one,” said the Fisherman.
“Does the fish have a name?”
“You can just call him the Flounder,” said the Fisherman.
“I’m really not remembering this story,” I said.
Yve said, “So the Fisherman one day catches this flounder, who wants to be released because he is a prince, and he can grant wishes. Basically, the Fisherman keeps going home to his wife, who is filled with ambition, and the Flounder keeps granting wishes.”
“Never marry a woman of ambition, son,” said the Fisherman.
“Liam’s engaged to the Queen of the Universe,” Yve said.
The Fisherman considered this for a long moment and then grudgingly said, “That’s all right then. Good on you, lad.”
“You say that only because you’ve never tried to pick out an engagement gift,” Yve said.
“Swords. Ashera loves swords,” gurgled the Flounder.
“The fish talks?” I asked.
“And grants wishes, remember?” Yve said.
“I’m more impressed with the talking,” I said.
“People are usually more impressed with the wishes,” gurgled the Flounder.
“Why aren’t you impressed with the wishes?” Yve asked me.
“We know Gina, and she grants wishes. That, I’ve seen before, but I’ve never met a talking fis
h.”
“Sensible young man,” said the Fisherman to the Flounder.
Gina materialized in a puff of turquoise smoke.
“Well, that is convenient timing,” I said.
“Nothing of the sort. The Flounder mentioned you two were talking. We trans-dimensional wish-granters chatter,” Gina said, leaning in to give me a kiss. I returned it. I did like Gina, even if she did have a habit of turning reality on its head.
“So I heard we have you to blame for an immortal, indeterminately dead and alive god,” I said, when the kiss was done.
“Rude. I’m not the one who traveled back in time or made a stupid wish. I just screwed you a little on the execution,” Gina said.
“She never promised anything else,” Yve said.
“You’re on her side now?” I asked.
“The whole, don’t get an ambitious wife thing has me all pissed off and girl-power,” Yve said.
“Preach it, sister,” Gina said, and the two fist-bumped. When had this become a thing?
“So you just came to say hi?” I asked.
“Nah, I know you and you probably came to kill some people and blow some things up. I’m at least a little bit fond of you and don’t want you screwed for all eternity. Well, not in anything but the fun way. Totally feel free to make that wish and I’ll find a great way to make it work. So I popped by to play mediator,” Gina said, plopping down on the edge of the fountain and scritching the Flounder on the head.
“The Fisherman is a friend,” burbled the Flounder.
“We were wanting to shut down Human Resources. I guess this is it?” I asked.
Gina tilted her head. “Sorry. Getting the rundown. Yeah. Neat idea. See that this whole place is the thirteenth floor? Lots of buildings don’t even have them, but sometimes people try to get to them anyways. Anyone trying to get to a place that doesn’t actually exist has a chance of winding up here.”
“That happen often?” I asked.