The bus on the way home is empty, save for Penny and the driver. She sits in the very back, the package concealed in her backpack. Before stowing it away, she’d peeked into the envelope, and saw an incredibly normal, gray flash drive. Now safely away from the post office, with the files in her possession, Penny feels a rush of euphoria. She wishes she could share this feeling with someone. Zane comes to mind, but she can’t tell him just yet.
Keeping her voice low in the empty bus, she calls Hunter. He answers right away.
“Hello?”
“Jackpot,” Penny says through her teeth.
Hunter pauses. “What the fuck are you talking about?”
Penny rolls her eyes up the ceiling of the bus. “I have the files,” she says in a harsh whisper. “They’ve been decoded. Now, we just have to through them.”
“You have the files?” Hunter asks, an excited lilt in his voice.
Penny claps her hands excitedly. This was all Hunter needed, some positive progress on their mission. She knew he’d jump right back on board.
“Let me tell you what you need to do,” Hunter says.
“I’m listening.” Penny expects he’ll tell her to get straight to the barn, so they can get started right away.
Hunter’s voice grows suddenly harsh. “You need to pop that thing in the microwave, and nuke it until it explodes.”
Penny’s heart falls. Her eyes sting with tears. “Hunter-“ she says, futilely.
Hunter sighs. “I’m really sorry, Penny. I’ve thought it through, and I just can’t.”
Penny shakes her head, grasping for something to say that might make him change his mind. “But, Ben-“
“I care about Ben, too, I do. But chances are he’s dead. Whether or not VC Solutions had anything to with it, or was at any fault at all, he’s dead. That’s the bottom line. Maybe we should just accept that, move on. That’s what Ben would’ve wanted.”
Penny imagines a world where her brother is dead, and dormant grief rises in her chest. She can’t believe it. She won’t.
“Don’t lose your life for this,” Hunter warns. “Look, I’m going down to Florida, try to hook up with Amelia. You should come with me.”
Penny bites her lip, a bitter taste invading her mouth. “You know she’s probably cat fishing you, right?”
“I’ve seen her on Facetime, asshole,” Hunter says, bitterly. “Good luck with your suicide mission,” he says before hanging up.
Penny clutches the phone in one hand, seriously tempted to hurl it through the empty bus. To satisfy this urge, she thows it as hard as she can into her open backpack. When the phone crashes into the flash drive, Penny has a mini heart attack. She opens the envelope and sees the drive is intact. With an exhale, she settles back into her seat. She’ll stay up all night, for weeks on end, if she has to. She’ll comb through every single file until she finds the truth about what happened to Ben. Even if he is dead, then maybe she can get the right people brought to justice. And at least Penny will know the truth. It will be easier to accept that Ben’s dead, than to wonder if he’s still out there, waiting for her to help him.
*
Nora’s in the kitchen holding a pan full of eggs when Zane arrives home that morning. In the other hand, she puffs the electronic cigarette Zane had gotten for her. The end lights up green, and a cloud of vapor exits her mouth. Zane’s happy to see she isn’t smoking a real cigarette, though he’s not happy to see her. He was hoping he could slip inside the house, confine himself to the solitude of his bedroom, where he could figure out what do about Penny. He has the note she left this morning tucked into his back pocket. Falling asleep with the woman of his desires, then waking to find her gone, is not an experience he hopes to repeat, especially when he doesn't know what exactly is going on with her.
Nora eyes him, like she’s trying to look into his soul. “Sit,” she says curtly.
Zane knows better than to argue with her when it comes to a meal, so he does what she says. Nora slides a plate in front of him. It’s scrambled eggs topped with melted kaymak and chopped chives.
“Did you make this kaymak?” Zane asks, impressed. It’s been years since Zane’s had the creamy substance made from slowly simmering milk for hours.
Nora gawks at him, as if offended. “I did not. It’s from the Turkish grocer down the street. My kaymak is much better.” She joins him at the table, though she doesn’t have a plate herself, just coffee, which she hugs with both hands. She levels her steely gaze on Zane.
Zane takes a bite, and grimaces. “You’re right, Mati, yours is much better.”
Nora is pleased, but only for a moment. “Another late night,” she says, casually sipping her coffee.
Zane looks down at his plate. “The eggs are a little overdone.”
Nora slams her hand on the table. “Lies. Stop avoiding the issue.”
“And what issue is that?”
Nora gives her son a narrowed look. “Penny. I can smell the discontent on you. Did you have a fight? You better treat her well. Don’t screw this up. Oh-” She cradles her face in her hands. “I just want to hold a grandchild in my arms, just once, before I go.”
Zane sits back, rolling his eyes. “Can you take it down a notch? I can’t stomach theatrics before noon.”
Nora straightens her shoulders. “You will tolerate my theatrics any time of day. I am your mother.”
“You got me there,” Zane says with a shrug.
“Then what is it, draga?” Nora asks, taking his hand. “You care about this girl. I can tell. Why are you always so gloomy when you come home from seeing her? Maybe I can help you.”
Zane rubs his face. “It’s complicated.”
Nora chuckles. “Complicated, so complicated. Let me tell you something. In forty years, when you’re old like me, you’ll look back and see that things aren’t as complicated as you think they are. In fact, you’ll see a beautiful simplicity. There is a right answer, and you know what it is.”
Zane pushes his plate away, and pours himself a cup of coffee. Nora always brews the coffee incredibly strong, which is exactly what Zane needs right now. The dark liquid coats his mouth, and the bitterness shocks him awake.
“It wasn’t a fight,” Zane says. “We don’t fight. Being with her, it feels so good. I can’t imagine ever getting angry with her, ever yelling at her.” He shakes his head at the absurdity of the notion. He turns the coffee mug around in his hands. He doesn’t want to continue, but in the past, Nora’s had the unique ability to shine light on the darkest situations. “I think she’s keeping something from me,” Zane admits. “I know she is.”
Nora drums her fingertips on the table. “Cheating?”
“No. Nothing like that.”
Nora sits back, nodding, dragging out the moment while Zane waits for a nugget of wisdom. “A woman is entitled to her secrets.”
“I agree,” Zane says. “But if I don’t know what’s going on with her, how can I know she’s not in trouble? How do I keep her safe?”
“Do you think her safety is at risk?”
“No, I, I don’t know.” Zane huffs, slouching in his chair, which makes Nora rap his arms with her fingers. He quickly sits up straight. “I just don’t know. It’s driving me crazy.”
A smile spreads across Nora’s face. “If Penny is in real trouble, she would tell you. Why wouldn’t she ask the American hero for help?”
“Could you not call me that?”
“I will call you that, because that’s what you are. Don’t be ashamed of your accomplishments. And don’t pressure Penny to tell you something she doesn’t want to. Give her space. When she’s ready, she’ll come to you.”
Zane takes a deep swig of coffee. “You’re right.”
Nora claps her hands together. “Thank you goodness you came to me. You were about to mess this all up.”
“Thank goodness,” Zane says sarcastically, followed by a good natured laugh.
*
During her second bus layover, Penn
y gets a text from Zane. He wants her to meet him at the lake. Her first instinct is to tell him she can’t. She wants to get this flash drive back to her apartment where she can hide it. She doesn’t want to get questioned by Zane, not again. There’s no telling what could come out this time.
While she’s still thinking about her response, Zane texts again.
This isn’t about your note this morning. I don’t care about that. What you do is your business. I only want to see you.
Sunlight shines through the clouds in Penny’s mind. She gets to see Zane, no strings attached, no epic struggle between her feelings for him, and the mission that’s driven her life for the past two years.
Meet you there, she texts.
She hops on a bus going in the opposite direction of where she was originally headed, her head floating with happiness. But about ten minutes into her ride, she has a worrying thought.
Why doesn’t Zane care where she went this morning? Is it because he already knows? Does he know who she is?
She clutches the backpack that contains the flash drive against her chest. Does he know what she possesses? Was there a spy in the post office? Maybe Zane’s known everything all along. Maybe he’s been manipulating her. That makes more sense than someone like Zane having actual feelings for her.
But Em Dash would tell Penny if her identity has been discovered. Unless, Em Dash has been in on it all along. He has inside information for VC Solutions, because he’s on their side.
When she gets to her bus stop, Penny’s covered in a cold sweat. The lake entrance is only a few yards away. She considers staying put, and waiting for the next bus out of there.
“Calm down,” Penny whispers, taking a few shattered breaths.
She reminds herself of the night before, the attraction between Zane and herself, the sizzling, palpable chemistry. If Zane’s been faking it this entire time, he deserves a fucking Oscar.
This is what you get when your relationship is based on lies, crippling paranoia, she thinks while walking down the gravel path to the lake entrance.
Chapter Ten
Once Penny walks past the line of trees, she spots Zane immediately. He’s sitting on the bank of the lake on a towel, gazing out over the glittering horizon. Zane turns his head at the sound of her footsteps, then stands to greet her. He’s wearing a white tank top that fits snugly across his muscular chest, and black swim shorts. With a broad smile, he scoops Penny up into his arms and kisses her.
Do you see? Penny asks herself as the warm euphoria flows through her veins. Nothing about this is fake.
Zane pulls his mouth away from hers with a grunt, then sets her on her feet.
“Are you okay?” he asks with concern. “You look a little pale.”
“I got a little motion sick on the bus ride over,” Penny says, anxiously twirling her hair.
Zane crinkles his mouth. “I don’t like you riding that bus so far out.”
Penny shrugs. “My bank account isn’t exactly stacked. I get paid for being on Facebook all day, but not that much.”
Zane smiles, and behind his happy eyes, Penny sees a glimmer of something he doesn’t want to tell her. But she can guess. Zane’s set to collect millions when he kills his target. Penny knows he’s thinking that he’ll buy her a shiny new car as soon as he cashes in.
“Sit by the lake,” Zane says. “The breeze coming off of the water is amazing. It will make you feel better.”
Zane sits on the towel, then grabs Penny’s hips. He pulls her down in front of him, his legs on either side of her, so she can relax back on his chest. Penny watches the rippling lake, letting her mind wander. Being in close proximity with her hired assassin is one of the few times she feels safe. She can’t imagine a foe that Zane, the hero, couldn’t defeat.
Zane strokes her hair away from her face and whispers, “I want to know you.”
A cold chill runs through Penny, flushing out any relaxation she’d achieved. Zane, sensing this, chuckles softly.
“You don’t have to tell me anything you don't want to,” Zane says, hugging her closer. “I want to know you, your background.”
“There’s not much to know,” Penny says, demurely. “I’m actually pretty boring.”
Zane kisses the side of her neck, causing goosebumps to rise on her arms. “Bullshit,” he says. “You’re good with computers. How did you get into that?”
The cold chill in Penny’s veins turns to pumping heat. She’s not sure how much she should tell Zane. Even the smallest detail could lead someone with a nose like Zane’s to the truth. But then again, if she sows the seeds now for what she’ll reveal to him later, it could work in her favor.
“My brother.” The words catch slightly in Penny’s throat.
Zane scrunches his brow. “You never mentioned a brother.”
Penny clears her throat, gathering the strength to talk about this. “Ben. My older brother. He’s dead.”
Zane solemnly presses his forehead against the back of Penny’s head, and kisses her neck. “I’m sorry to hear that.”
Penny fights back the tears forming behind her eyes. If Zane really wants to know, then she’ll tell him.
“The neighborhood I grew up in had a lot of problems. Drugs, unemployment, parents that didn’t stick around. Then there were my parents, who didn’t give a fuck what we did. And they were very proud of that too. They’re old hippies, and would constantly philosophize that their kids were growing up organically. Maybe they thought we were chickens.” Zane laughs behind her. “What I think is, they found prescription pills more interesting than their own children. Anyway, Ben and I took that freedom, and we ran. I spent more time in the woods than in my own home. It was kind of fun, actually. There was always something new to discover in the woods.
“We weren’t the only kids that hung around in the woods. There was a group of older boys, four of them, who got their rocks off by torturing the others. And I don’t mean they were just bullies. No, they were purely psychopathic. As a young girl, I was a prime target. But Ben protected me. He never let anything happen to me. Another girl, Mary, she wasn’t so lucky. She was the girl I told you about, the one who drowned. There was talk that one of those older boys had something to do with it. I know the police questioned him, but I don’t think anything came of it.”
Zane is silent behind Penny, listening intently. She feels suddenly exposed, like she’s revealing too much. If Zane figures out how screwed up she really is, she might scare him off.
“Anyway, when Ben and one of his friends were teenagers, they got into computers. Since I followed them around everywhere, I got into it too. Ben encouraged me. He knew it was safer in the garage, with that old PC, than out in the woods. He eventually grew out of it, moved on to other things, but not me. I love everything about computers, but mostly I love the logic. Computers are predictable. They can be controlled. Every problem has a solution, you just have to look hard enough.”
Penny pauses, waiting for Zane to respond. He’d just asked a simple question. He didn’t ask for her fucked up backstory. Maybe she should’ve kept her mouth shut.
After a few moments of silence, Zane seizes her in his arms. “I can’t believe you grew up like that. I’m glad you had a brother you could rely on, or one of those assholes-“
His voice becomes pinched. Penny realizes that he’s angry, very angry, and it’s directed towards the boys who terrorized her as child. Zane’s embrace becomes protective, his arms locked around her body. Penny tries not to swoon.
“What happened to Ben?” Zane asks, softly.
A thorny vine of anxiety winds its way up Penny’s spine. She grabs a smooth pebble and fiddles with it. This is the beginning. This is how she sorts things out with Zane. She’ll tell him the truth, a little at the time.
“Have you heard of VC Solutions?” Penny asks, as casually as she can. She hears Zane take a sharp breath, and hold it there.
“I think so,” he says, in a measured voice.
“The
y’re this huge company that moved in nearby while I was in high school. They provide security to foreign diplomats, or something like that.” Penny cringes at the word security, which is Zane’s unofficial job title. She’ll have to proceed with caution, and choose her words more carefully. “VC Solutions recruited a bunch of kids from my hometown. Suddenly, poor kids I grew up with had high paying jobs. They started driving flashy cars, spending all their money on clothes and jewelry. And their parents got to buy more drugs. A real boon for our local economy.”
Zane lowers his head behind Penny and laughs. “I take it you have beef with this company?”
Penny shrugs, shaking her head. “Anyway, Ben went to work with them. He was overseas, in the middle east somewhere. There was a terrorist attack. He died.” So they say, Penny wants to add. But Zane’s not ready for that yet. It kills her to leave it at he died. It makes her feel like it really happened. Grief blooms in her chest, making her double over.
Zane doesn’t say anything. He calmly takes her shoulders, guiding her to lie back, and cradles her head against her chest. Penny’s heard all the usual condolences, sorry for your loss, he’s in a better place, he died doing an honorable job. They are just words, noise to fill the vacuous space, and never did any good at calming the torment raging inside of her. But Zane’s warm skin beneath her cheek, the rhythmic beating of his heart, does more to comfort her than anything else could. They stay like that for a while, the chirping of birds, and the serene gush of the lake current filling the silence.
“I should be dead,” Zane says.
His clear voice cuts through the calm silence. Penny blinks, confused by this statement. She looks back at him questioningly.
“After a party one night, I loaded my drunk ass into a vintage corvette,” Zane says. “I don’t know what possessed me to do it. Maybe I wanted to prove to myself that I was invincible. Maybe, I don’t know, maybe I knew I was drowning in the shallowness my life had become, and was looking for a way out. And it was a way out. I wrapped the corvette around a telephone pole near my house. I broke my arms, a few ribs. But to look at the demolished car, I should’ve died.”
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