JoshuasMistake

by A. S. Fenichel

  Kane’s voice filled his consciousness. “You have to come out, Josh. You need to eat and sleep. You’ve been under too long already.”

  Time passed at a different rate within than it did on the outside. Joshua didn’t know how much time had passed. Unless he was dying he would not feel the effects of the trance on his corporeal body.

  A gentle, weak vibration barely reached him. He pushed his brother away and moved toward it. The child from Tessa’s dream huddled in the churning darkness and light.

  The vision quest was void of surfaces a man could grasp on to. He did not approach the child so much as brought her consciousness closer to his. When she was near the vibration, which was clearly Tessa, grew stronger. Pure joy erupted inside Joshua. He had not felt her aura inside her dream, but here in the place where souls belonged she was alive.

  “Tessa, you must come with me.”

  She flinched but did not move closer or run away. Her liquid eyes gazed up at him and he saw an instant of recognition.

  “Yes, beautiful, it’s me. It’s Joshua. You cannot remain here. I know you’re afraid. I know you have suffered, but this is no place for the living and I will not be able to remain with you. I can’t live with that.”

  The child watched him. Confusion twisted her face and she resumed crying into her hands.

  Frustration and panic warred with his desire to reach her. He fought the need to scoop her up and run, but in the world of vision there was no substance to grab.

  “Adianca, Shaman, what do I do?”

  His guide’s voice vibrated the air. “The child does not understand, Lakeland. Your woman has shattered into pieces. You must find the woman who is lost. This is only the representation of fear. Search for strength.”

  Joshua hated to leave Tessa’s fear behind. He wanted to cradle her and prove that in spite of what had happened in Florida he would always protect her. Yet Adianca’s words echoed in his mind. He had to find Tessa’s strength and it was clear the child could not help him get her back.

  Even as he had the thought the crying faded and he was alone again.

  Moving through the mire of his own battles and pushing aside his doubt held him back and made going forward more difficult. The hum of her familiar aura forced him forward. The closer he came to the distinct vibration the more he realized there was something wrong. This was not the pure light that perfectly resounded with his own vibration. What he felt and heard had a darker essence, though it was, without a doubt, still Tessa.

  When he found her she was young, though not as young as the frightened child. This Tessa was a teenager of maybe fourteen or fifteen, beautiful and awkward but not yet a woman. She was not huddled or afraid. Her long platinum hair stood out wildly and strands partially hid her face.

  She was intent on something he could not make out. As he approached, the scene she’d created became clearer. She’d devised a room filled with glass and mirrors. The teen’s eyes narrowed on a table stacked high with china.

  “Tessa, what are you doing?” he asked.

  She whirled around, grabbed a plate from the table and whipped it in his direction. Nothing was solid and yet he ducked out of the way and felt the air ripple as the plate went by. It crashed against the walls of the phantom room.

  A wicked smile twisted the teen’s lips.

  “Go,” she said. Another plate sped past as if it were a Frisbee.

  Again Joshua ducked. “You’re angry at me. I understand. I should have taken better care of you. Just relax and we can talk about it.”

  The scream retched from Tessa’s lungs and pierced his heart. If his ears could have been affected in the spirit world they would have stung and he’d have covered them. As it was he felt her anguish on a deeper level and found he had inadvertently moved away.

  She growled low in her throat and reached for a gravy boat. Joshua braced for her to sling the china at him but instead she hurled it toward a large gilded mirror and both items shattered spectacularly.

  A brick appeared in her hand and she crashed it into a window, which also burst into a million shards.

  “Tessa, talk to me. I can help you. Come back with me.” He hated that he was begging and yet he would have gone to his knees and pleaded if it meant she would walk away from her destruction and return to him in the world of the living.

  “Go!” She threw plates, cups and saucers in every direction, no longer even stopping to enjoy the spectacle of what she had done. Pure rage emanated outward from this version of his Tessa.

  She could not be reasoned with. He wasn’t even sure she understood what he was saying to her. He backed away in spite of the pain of leaving her behind yet again. As suddenly as she had appeared she was gone and the sound of shattering glass faded to nothing.

  Almost immediately he saw another Tessa, standing in a park looking over a lake that rippled outward as if a pebble had been thrown in the center. He sensed her but again the light was missing from the woman he knew. As he drew closer he saw lines creased her brow and wrinkled round her eyes. Frown lines pulled her lips downward and a touch of silver-gray shaded her short-cropped hair.

  “Tessa?”

  “You shouldn’t have come here, Joshua.”

  In spite of her objection to his coming, his heart lightened knowing she recognized him. “I could not let you leave me.”

  “I have left. I have nothing to give. All is lost to me now.”

  “That isn’t true. Come back to me and I’ll show you it will be all right.” He stepped closer and faced the older version of Tessa. Her beauty had not faded even though her spirit dimmed.

  She would not meet his gaze. Her eyes remained locked on the ripples in the lake and he could see the reflection in their depths.

  “You do not belong here. I am lost. You must go.” A single tear formed on the edge of her lid and tumbled down her cheek.

  The sense of sorrow that accompanied her tear expanded outward and pushed him so hard he had to step back. He was drowning in her grief, gasping for breath. An instant later he wrapped his arms around her and was surprised to find her solid. He hoped that was a good sign. He wanted to give her comfort but could feel her sorrow growing. His embrace did not lend her strength or give her peace. It only increased her torment. As she wallowed deeper his ability to draw breath decreased.

  Kane’s sharp voice cut through. “Josh? What’s happening? Whatever you’re doing you have to stop. Your body is dying.”

  Joshua’s physical pain penetrated the vision and yet he did not let her go. He could not leave her again in her suffering, would not allow her to suffer alone. If Tessa was determined to leave the world and live on only in spirit then he too would stay in the ether and become one with her.

  His face was wet and it took him a moment to realize he was crying. Crying out all the sorrow pouring from this Tessa, who encompassed all the sorrow and pain of a life cut short.

  She pounded on his back, thrashing to get away from him. “You are killing me. Go!”

  His heart contracted to a stone in his chest. Killing her, how could this be? When he released his hold on Tessa’s sorrow his pain subsided to a dull ache. In the back of his mind he could feel his brother relax.

  “I can’t leave you, Tessa.”

  In the short time he’d stood before her she’d aged ten years. Her shoulders hunched and her hair grayed even more. The lines in her face deepened and her lips were no longer ripe and pink but pale and thin. The light had completely gone from her eyes. But the most terrible change was the vibration of her soul had lost all its joy. The tone no longer called to him.

  “I am not the woman you wanted. I am nothing. Go back to your world and leave me to mine. You can only bring pain here.”

  The tears he had shed were hers and not his own, but he wanted to cry. His body ached so badly he could feel it even in the spirit world.

  Adianca’s voice filled the void. “You must rest, son. You will need strength and little Lakeland’s body is failing though he w
ill not leave you. Come. You must stop for now. She too must be fed.”

  With one last look at Sorrow, Joshua let himself return to the world of man.

  It was as if he fell against a wall of pain when he returned to his body. The discomfort he’d felt through the veil between worlds had been a shadow of reality. His legs cramped so badly he curled into a ball on the hard dirt floor. He couldn’t help the groans that poured from him. His chest ached and his hands curled into fist from dehydration. Joshua was helpless. He couldn’t move except to rock against the agony of his joints and muscles.

  In an instant his brother was lifting him as if he were a child and carrying him from the sweat lodge. Kane’s breath was ragged. Josh was helpless, he couldn’t even straighten his legs let alone carry his own weight. He felt more arms holding him up and looked to his right. Jon’s dark eyes watched him as he took some of the weight from Kane and they rushed him inside the cool house.

  They put him on the couch.

  Lucy handed him a cup. “Drink this.”

  “What is it?” His voice was barely a croak.

  She smiled. “Gatorade. You need fluid and electrolytes then food and rest. Drink it slowly and then I’ll give you some water. Don’t gulp. Just drink it slowly.”

  He took a sip of the sweet-and-salty drink. His legs were on fire. “Where is Tessa?”

  He had asked Kane, but it was Lucy who answered. “Gowan brought your woman in. Rain is caring for her.”

  His fingers were cramping and he bobbled the cup. Strong fingers wrapped around his and helped him sip some more. His brother’s face was a mask of concern.

  “I failed, Kane. I have to go back.”

  Kane’s lips tightened to a thin line. His eyebrows pulled together over his nose. “You have to rest first. You stayed in too long, Josh.”

  “How long?”

  Kane looked up at the clock on the oven. “Sixteen hours.”

  “Jesus. It felt like minutes on the other side.”

  Adianca sat on the chair in front of him. “You know time is different in the spirit world.”

  Joshua took another sip and let Kane help him into a sitting position. His muscles were starting to relax. His chest no longer ached. “Yes, but I have gone in and had days pass in my mind but when I returned it was only an hour. How could minutes be hours?”

  The shaman’s eyes turned to the left and he followed her gaze to the smaller couch where Rain was coaxing fluids into Tessa. “The place where she is trapped is dark. It takes time to traverse so much pain and bad energy.”

  Tessa’s body was covered in sweat, and pieces of golden hair clung to her cheeks and forehead yet her body was relaxed. She had not become dehydrated as severely as Joshua. He knew the only answer was his friends had managed to get fluids into her over the past sixteen hours. They had probably attempted the same with him, but he had expended a great deal of energy hunting for Tessa and it had not been enough.

  “I don’t understand. Tessa is good, filled with light. I’ve been in her mind, she turns darkness away as no one else I’ve ever met. How can she be in such a dark place?”

  “The power that tried to claim her aura was the blackest kind. It is an abomination of the natural world to steal another’s essence. To wield such energy is to embrace hell.

  “She survived because of you and because she is strong, but now she has split apart and is trapped in a dark web. The pieces you’ve seen, fear, rage and sorrow are all pieces of this woman, but they are only the darkness living in each of us. They do not have the power to break free. Until you find the part of Tessa that is strength you will not succeed.”

  With every word his teacher uttered Joshua’s rage at Banta grew. If he survived with or without Tessa, he would make it his purpose to kill Troth Banta and send him to hell.

  First he had to save Tessa. His fear of losing her curled into a tight ball in his gut. He tried to stand. Pain shot from the arch of his foot up his calf as if a knife had pierced his body. “I have to get her out of there.”

  Kane’s hand pressed firmly on his shoulder. “First you have to drink, eat and sleep for a few hours. Then you’ll go back.”

  Jon had been standing quietly by the door since helping Joshua to the couch. “I’m going to send for some more men to stand guard. I don’t like the sound of any of this and we are too exposed out here.”

  Adianca nodded her approval. “We will sleep two hours and then you will find your woman and bring her back.”

  In an hour’s time Joshua had eaten a small meal and drank enough to ease the cramping a bit. Tessa remained on the couch, Joshua slid in behind her and pulled her back onto his chest. Her head rested on his shoulder and he leaned back against the overstuffed pillow.

  Sleep claimed him immediately. When he woke he wasn’t sure where he was. It took him a moment to remember, but he knew immediately the woman cradled in his arms was Tessa. He kissed the top of her head.

  “Drink this.” Kane handed him a cup.

  He drank down the sports drink. “You okay?” he asked his brother.

  “Other than the fact that you scared the shit out of me. Yeah, I’m fine.”

  “Banta will have tracked us. He must be getting close by now. I hadn’t counted on this taking so long.”

  “I know. Nothing we can do about it, Josh. Just have to see it through and trust.”

  “Trust is not something that comes easy to a Lakeland.”

  Kane smiled. “No, but what choice do we have?”

  He didn’t answer. They both knew there was no other choice. His brother didn’t even know Tessa and yet, because of the bond the brothers shared, Kane knew Joshua would never abandon her. Joshua knew the thought never even crossed Kane’s mind. If they did nothing Tessa would die. Joshua couldn’t accept that. She was going to live even if he had to trade his life for hers.

  * * * * *

  Once again the chanting allowed him to focus. Joshua’s mind slid through the veil between worlds with ease. He knew he had to work fast. His body couldn’t take much more abuse and it wouldn’t do any good to die and leave them both trapped on the wrong side of the spirit world.

  Knowing what to look for made finding her easier this time. He heard the crying almost immediately. It took all of his will not to become distracted by Fear. Just as the weeping faded he heard the first crash of glass shattering. He pressed forward, not allowing the negative emotions to block him as they had before. There was no sign of Sorrow. Perhaps he had done some good or perhaps that part of Tessa couldn’t take any more. He couldn’t dwell on it. He had to find the part of Tessa brave enough to come back with him.

  A growl broke the silence. It sounded as if a large cat might be on the prowl. Joshua took a defensive position and looked around for a cougar or similar animal. He discovered a patch of lush jungle and a wild-eyed Tessa stalking him from the shadows. Gloriously naked she watched and countered his moves.

  His body betrayed him, reacting to her curves instead of remaining focused on his task. He closed the gap slowly. This was not his Tessa, at least not entirely. She needed to be treated with caution as if she were a wild beast who might attack at the least provocation.

  “Tessa, what are you doing?”

  She didn’t answer with words. A low, guttural sound rumbled from her as her body hunched and reared back as if she were a snake coiling for the strike. She darted toward him and he braced himself for the impact, knowing he would have to take whatever violence she doled out. He would never strike back, not even in the spirit world. Sparring was one thing, but this Tessa was not playing a game. He saw only primal instincts in her eyes, void of reasoning. At the moment it looked as if her instincts were telling her to knock him down.

  The blow never came. Stopping just short of him, she sniffed his neck and rubbed her body against his from hip to chest. He couldn’t help the swell of his cock as her tits pressed against his torso and her lips found the sensitive spot behind his ear.

  Unable to stop
himself he wrapped his arms around her, breathed in her warm, musky scent. She made a sound akin to a purr and nibbled on the side of his neck. His body was on fire. Everything about this Tessa was sexual. He wasn’t even sure she was capable of speech, but she knew what she wanted.

  Her strong hands tugged at his clothes and in an instant they disappeared. He knew it was his own desire that had discarded the wardrobe, but he couldn’t stop his need. The first time he’d held her she’d been like a drug he wanted to take continuously. This was his opportunity. He could stay here in the spirit world and make love to Tessa for all eternity.

  Her body writhed against his. She grunted and moaned with pleasure as his fingers dug into the flesh of her ass and pulled her pussy tight against his cock.

  His mouth found hers and he devoured her, trapping her with one hand tightly threaded through her hair. She gripped him and wrapped her legs around his hips. Thrusting and pushing to get him inside her. Tessa’s mouth took all the pleasure. Her arms twined around his head and shoulders.

  “Tessa. Tell me you need me here in this place.”

  No answer, only purring and growling.

  His cock demanded he take the offer of her body. His desires wanted him to stay and rejoice in her fabulous body infinitely. His heart shouted, This is not your Tessa. Not all of her.

  Her warm, wet pussy slid along his shaft, looking for penetration. He didn’t know how, but he pushed Desire away, unlocking her strong arms and legs.

  She screamed as if he’d caused her pain.

  “I’m sorry. I need all of you, not just this.” Somehow saying it out loud helped his resolve to move away from the jungle scene.

  The feral look in her eyes told him she had no idea what his words meant. She stood slightly crouched as if ready to spring forward. Fisted hands and wide, screaming mouth, she was still nearly impossible not to run back to. He wanted her, wanted to fuck her, but it could never be enough without the rest of Tessa.

  Once again he was clothed as he backed quickly away.

  The high-pitched cries of Desire’s longing faded as he continued to pull away from her. Darkness surrounded him. The thud of fist on flesh and a distinctly female grunt of aggression pulled him and he followed the sound.