He grinned apologetically.
I turned to leave the room, then stopped, turning partially back to him. “What about you, how do you feel about it?” I didn’t feel the need to say more than that. He’d said he loved me, but that was the old me. He might feel differently now.
He watched me steadily with his strange amber eyes. “For me, it changes nothing. It was never your appearance I was concerned with.”
I laughed, and it almost felt normal. “So you weren’t thrilled with what you saw before?”
“I didn’t say that,” he chided. “But you’re still you. That’s all that matters. It is not much different from growing old, suffering disfiguring injuries. Your appearance may change, but it is still you inside.”
“Disfiguring injuries?”
“You know what I mean.”
Finally, I smiled. “Thinking of it as growing older, changing in that way, helps. Our bodies all change.” I shook my head. “Well Vaettir don’t change much, but I’m used to seeing people change over time. My change was just more drastic.”
“Way more drastic.”
I smiled, but it soon wilted around the edges. “You know I love Alaric. I love you too, but he’s first. He always has been.”
I wished I could sense how the statement made him feel, but as always, he gave me nothing but a confusing smile. “I know that, Madeline, but we are Vaettir. I have no doubt, fallen goddess that you are, that you’ll live a very long time. We have centuries to look forward to. When I told you I loved you, I never expected you to drop Alaric. I just wanted you to be honest about your feelings, because in the future,” he shrugged, “you never know.”
Centuries, I thought. The concept was both frightening and exhilarating. We had actually managed to survive, and if we could continue to survive in this strange new world we had created, I would eventually get used to this body, and so would everyone else.
Mikael reached out and touched my cheek. “You guard your thoughts so fiercely.”
I laughed. “So do you.”
“You seem to be feeling better.”
I nodded. If I thought too hard about things, I was still on the brink of tears, but talking to him had made me feel better. It had given me some perspective. I’d never known my parents. I probably never would. So far, I hadn’t met anyone who knew where I came from. The only legacy they’d left me was my former body, and now that was gone. They’d stopped mattering to me long ago, so maybe the body shouldn’t either.
Mikael watched my expression. A bit of his relief seeped through. Relief that my mind hadn’t broken from the change? Probably.
He put a hand on my shoulder. “Are you ready to face the others?”
I nodded.
His hand slid behind my neck and across the other shoulder, pulling me to his side as he opened the door. We squeezed through the doorway, then walked down the hall.
Somehow I expected our house to be different. I’d released a ton of magic into the earth after all, but everything looked the same. As we came into the living room, everyone looked the same too.
Kira, Sivi, Alejandro, Frode, and Tabitha all balked upon seeing me, but quickly accepted the facts, mostly because they came from Mikael’s lips. No arguing with the Doyen allowed.
As I clutched Erykah, surrounded by all those who’d returned with us: Sophie, Alaric, Mikael, Faas, Aila, and the two gods, I wanted nothing more than to retreat again and be alone with my daughter, and maybe a few others, but more questions came pouring in.
The magic I’d let loose would start affecting things soon, though in what way, we were unsure. There were the elves, and I was sure there were plenty of ghouls that would need to be put down.
Everyone chattered around me as we settled into the sitting room, all having to squeeze in on the couches with some on the floor. I sat on the larger couch, sandwiched between Alaric and Mikael.
As those who’d stayed on earth asked a million questions, I retreated within myself. My final enemy, at least I hoped he was my final enemy, was gone. We had chaos here on earth to deal with, but we were all safer than we’d ever been, at least since I’d first joined the Vaettir.
I took comfort in the warmth of the men on either side of me. I’d thought for a long time that I couldn’t possibly love them both, that I was being immature, or there was something horribly wrong with me.
I realized now, there was nothing wrong with love. It was all we really had. It was what allowed us to transcend time and space, life and death. Sure, we had a lot to figure out, but for now, love was enough. Love with the child in my arms, the men at my sides, and the feeling of family all around.
Epilogue
I awoke late in the night to the sound of gentle thudding at the side door to the house, near my bedroom. I left Alaric and Erykah asleep in our bed, then went to the door. Perhaps I should have been more cautious, but in dying, I found I’d lost a lot of my fear.
I opened the door and gawked at the sight of a giant, green, eight-legged horse, and beside it, Marcos.
I blinked at them. “Am I dreaming?”
Marcos handed me the reins of Sleipnir, as if it were the most normal thing in the world.
Taking the reins, I looked to Marcos. “I was wondering how you’d escaped Asgard while no one was looking.”
He shrugged. “Sleipnir found me. He likes us.”
I still really didn’t like that Marcos and I were somehow an us.
I petted Sleipnir’s muzzle. He didn’t seem to mind. “Thanks for telling Loki I was back,” I said. “I might have rotted in that prison cell otherwise.”
Marcos laughed softly. “I’m sure you would have figured a way out eventually.”
I grinned. “Maybe, maybe not. So why bring me the horse?”
“You’ll no doubt start saving the world again tomorrow. With most of the World Tree’s paths severed, you’ll need a way to return the more benevolent creatures to their realms.”
“Well,” I said, “that solves some problems I suppose. Though I’m sure the wild magics will quickly become a much bigger issue.”
“Yes, quite exciting.” He looked me up and down. “Are you finally able to be happy, Madeline?”
I raised a brow. “Like you care?
“I owed you a debt for freeing me. If you are happy now, I can consider that debt paid.”
I shrugged. “Oddly enough, I am. Consider us even.” I pursed my lips, my earlier thoughts coming back to me. Estus and Aislin had watched me from very early on. No one from Estus’ Salyr knew who my parents were, but someone from Aislin’s might.
“What is it?” he asked, watching me.
I shook my head, “Nothing. It’s not important. We’re even.”
He inclined his head. “Very good.” He began to turn away. “I’ll see you around then, Madeline.”
“Thanks for the warning.”
His phantom-like laughter trickled through the night as he retreated into the darkness.
Still clutching its reins, I looked up to Sleipnir. “I hope you don’t think you’re coming inside.”
He snorted, sprinkling my bare arms with droplets of snot.
“Lovely,” I muttered, leading the horse into the yard. “Now let’s find a place for you to hang out until everyone wakes up in the morning.”
Once I was done setting up Sleipnir in the large empty garden bed—Kira rotated the beds regularly—I went back inside.
Erykah and Alaric both seemed sound asleep in the bedroom, so I crawled back into my spot on the bed, wishing Alaric was awake to talk to me.
I rolled on my back and looked up at the ceiling, then startled as a hand reached out for me. I calmed myself, then rolled over to look at Alaric in the near darkness.
We watched each other silently for a few long moments.
“You’re weirded out, aren’t you?” I whispered, careful to not wake Erykah.
He half-shrugged, tugging the sheet from his bare shoulder. “A little, but mostly I’m just grateful you’
re alive. I loved your old body, and I will miss it, but I know inside, you’re still you.”
“And we have a long life ahead to figure things out together.”
He grinned, flashing fangs. “Maybe we can move Erykah to her crib without waking her.”
I got out of bed and moved her, hanging on to her for a few moments longer than was necessary, then crawled back into bed with Alaric.
He turned onto his back, and I laid my head on his shoulder, my body relaxing as he curved his arm around my back.
He held me close, and I began to relax further. “I didn’t realize it, but this was exactly what I needed.”
“Mhmm,” he muttered, sleep making his words heavy, “You’re exactly what I need, no matter what body you’re in, but I realized that long ago.”
I laughed abruptly.
“What?” he asked, clearly a little shocked.
I chuckled. It felt good to laugh. It had been awhile. “I just realized that for the first time in a long time, I’m actually excited to wake up in the morning. Even with things being as screwed up as they are, I feel like we finally get to start our lives together.”
He tugged me against him, then kissed my forehead. “I love you, Madeline.”
I nuzzled against his neck. “I love you too, my little kitty cat.”
“Oh don’t you start.”
He cut off my reply with a kiss. I kissed him back, finally feeling normal, whatever that meant.
All I knew was that if this was the new normal, I could handle it.
When the next morning came, an oddly reminiscent scene took place. We all sat around the table having breakfast. Mikael held Erykah, Alaric sat at my side, and Sophie and Aila, one with her arm in a cast and one with bruises slowly healing on her face, were looking at each other all googley-eyed. Faas and Alejandro argued, while Frode made more coffee for everyone. Tabitha placed another plate of freshly cooked pancakes on the table. Kira left half her breakfast to run out to the garden, and Sivi, cursing under her breath, hurried after her.
Loki and Freyja would be coming by after breakfast to start figuring out what would need to be done to make Midgard stable once more. I didn’t even get one single day off.
No rest for the wicked I suppose. Or was it no rest for the dead? I might have been overworked, but at least I was exactly where I wanted to be.
Note from the Author:
I hope you enjoyed the Bitter Ashes series! Other stories may come about for these characters in the future, but for now, please consider checking out one of my other series!
Xoe Meyers Series
Tree of Ages
The Moonstone Chronicles
The Thief’s Apprentice
Truth or Death Page 11