by Jo Cattell
She’d finally stood up to him a little, and in the same instance, he’d made his true feelings known. When she finished high school, she was dead to him. The hot tears rolled down her face and she wondered again why she wasn’t leaving. She looked up at the moon and thought about her mother, and wished like she always had that she was here. She felt Nick’s warm lips on her shoulder and his arms around her waist.
* * * *
“Chloe, come back to me.” Nick’s voice brought her back from the thoughts that filled her mind.
She smiled and wiped away the tears. She put her arms on his and he held her.
“Baby, you’re freezing.” He put his jacket around her and rubbed her arms to try to warm her up.
“You would’ve been so proud of me,” she said through the tears.
He rested his chin on her shoulder. “What did they say?”
“It doesn’t matter anymore. He’s done with me after I graduate. He even said that. Shelly thinks I should break up with you; that boys who come from a family like yours find out the truth about girls like me and drop me like a bad habit,” Chloe told him, hoping she was wrong.
“That’s crazy! What am I going to find out about you that I don’t already know?” He laughed a little. He’d been afraid they’d beat her down again, and now that he found her, he could see that whatever happened, they had pretty much gotten to her.
“That I have nothing. I’m nothing. I just exist. They’re cutting me off and making me fend for myself. Like this is something new. I just spent most of that money she gave your parents.” Chloe suddenly felt stupid.
“Hey, look at me.” He made her turn to face him.
She wiped away the tears quickly as he touched her cheek.
“You’re too beautiful to stand out here in the cold and cry like this. You’re not nothing; you are everything. Don’t let them tell you otherwise.”
“Why are you still here?” She smiled through her tears.
“Because you keep me around.” He laughed a little and hugged her.
“I’m freezing,” she confessed, shivering in his embrace.
“Yeah. Me, too. Let’s go find a warm room to have some fun in,” he suggested and took her hand.
As midnight approached, Nick took Chloe’s hand and led her out to the dance floor. He held her tight against him and she rested her head against his. She closed her eyes and let herself relax in his embrace.
“Chloe, stay with me. Baby, please don’t let them do this to you,” he whispered, hoping she would let go of whatever happened in that room go.
“I’m fine. I just can feel that icy stare every once in a while.” She looked into his eyes.
“There are just a couple of minutes left of this year, and I’m kinda glad. It really wasn’t that great for me until I met you.” He wanted to see her smile.
She ran her fingers down along his tie and then looked up at him. “Yeah, I know what you mean.”
“This next year is going to be so much better, Chloe. I promise.” He knew that as long as she was with him, it would be.
She smiled softly at him. “I know.”
The room started to get really loud.
Kevin and Mark, along with Claire, joined them.
“Let’s end this year on a good note,” Nick said with a smile.
She searched his eyes to see what he was suggesting.
He leaned in and kissed her until the clock hit midnight.
* * * *
Chloe put her hands to his face and kissed him, giving over to the warmth of his embrace and the safety he offered her without even realizing it.
“Happy New Year, baby.” He hugged her tightly.
In his embrace, she closed her eyes and wished that this would never end. That he would always love her like this and never want to let her go. Sometime after midnight, Chloe lost sight of her father and Shelly, and was glad to be done with them now.
When the night came to a close, they were taken back to the house. Everyone seemed to go their own separate ways.
Nick and Chloe walked up the steps, and then stopped at her door. When he put his arms around her waist, she laid her head on his shoulder. The sweet, tangy scent of his cologne filled her senses. She didn’t want this night to end, not just yet. She wanted to be alone with him, since every other time this week, something or someone interrupted them. She looked up at him and smiled a little.
“You look tired.” He kissed her nose.
Chloe ran her hand down his tie. She hated that he had to wear one for school, but this one wasn’t as bad as it lay against the black shirt he wore. “I’m not tired. I was just thinking,” she hesitated for a minute, not sure what to do. “If we keep the door open a crack, do you think we would get in trouble if you came into my room for a while?”
“I think tonight we’re safe if we shut the door. My parents have been drinking, so they will go right out until about noon tomorrow. Mark and Claire are going to the boat house. Kevin said he was going to veg out in front of the TV.”
Chloe pulled away and smiled as she tilted her head. “I’m going to go and get changed. When you’re done, come see me.” Her hand drifted away from his chest as she went into her room.
* * * *
Nick all but rushed to get changed, and then went into the bathroom to brush his teeth. He knew that he really didn’t have too long, depending on how long Mark and Claire stayed at the boathouse, but he was hoping it would be awhile. He knew Kevin would pass out downstairs. Max was fast asleep with Collin, so he pretty much was home free for a little while. He brushed his hair really and checked to make sure it was okay. He hated how unruly the curls could be and really wanted to cut them all off one day, but he knew she liked them. He had to admit, when Chloe ran her fingers through his hair, it was kinda sexy.
He snuck out of his room, and then knocked softly on her door. “Chloe?” When she didn’t answer, he opened the door and went in.
She was coming out of the bathroom with a towel in her hand. She’d pulled her hair into a loose bun with the ends fanned out around the top of her head. She had washed off all the makeup and was back to the natural beauty he loved so much.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” She laughed as he shut and locked the door.
“I’m glad you washed all that crap off your face. I like it when you aren’t wearing any makeup.” He pulled her into his arms and kissed her.
“I don’t wear it that heavy. That’s why you don’t notice.” She laughed and pulled away from him to put the towel back in the bathroom. When she came back in, he was sitting on her bed. He reached for her and she seemed more than happy to be pulled into his arms.
“Now that we’re home, do you want to talk about what happened with your dad?” He pulled her down onto his lap and held her hand.
“What’s to talk about? He pretty much told me that after I graduate, I’m dead to him. They threatened to use you as a punishment if I screwed up the deal for her contract with your uncle’s lodge. The funny thing is, I stood up to him and didn’t back down. Well, I did eventually, but not because of any of their threats.” She looked down at their hands.
Nick kissed her shoulder and then rested his chin on it. “What did he say to make you back down?”
She let go of his hand and looked at the small scar on her wrist. “I said that there really was no reason for me to stay and burden him anymore—that I would’ve been better off, if he just left me after she died,” she halted
“What did he say to that?” She had basically challenged him to answer her for once. Nick was surprised she’d finally done that.
“He asked me why I didn’t finish—the job I started last year.” She held up her wrist.
Nick took her wrist and kissed the scar. “Promise me, no matter how bad things get, you won’t ever try this again.” It was the only thing about her that scared him, sometimes.
“It was a desperate plea that won’t happen again. I have to tell you something now. Som
ething, you may not like at first. But before you react to what I’m going to say, you have to hear me out.” She knew that after tonight, she wanted him to know how she now felt about them and where things were going.
He laced his fingers in hers and squeezed her hand. “Whatever it is, it won’t change things.”
She hoped that was true. “To be honest, when Shelly told me about the baby and after everything that they said tonight, I thought about leaving again. I just don’t see the point in me staying here if this is how they really feel.”
In that single second, she scared him. “Chloe—”
She stopped him.
“There was one question that I asked myself over and over that hurts to answer. Before you came outside, it was the one thought that kept going through my head.”
“And what was that?” he wondered, worried that it was what he feared the most about her.
She looked him in the eyes and knew it would crush him at first, but he had to know. “If I could leave you.”
He felt as if his world would crumble. “Would you?” he asked her as she pulled away a little. He was fearful of what her answer would be.
She saw how serious his expression was, so she leaned in and kissed him. “Never. I could never leave you because I love you too much,” she whispered and kissed him again.
Just the thought of her saying that did something to him. It was strange that how the simple answer of ‘never’ brought out a renewed passion for her. There was a hunger in his kisses and a roughness to his touch.
Chloe caressed his face to soothe him, but he overpowered her. “I need you,” he groaned as he moved her hand to his sex.
“How badly do you need me?” she whispered, her hand lightly caressing his hardness.
“Bad enough to make love to you right here, but in control enough to hold back and wait.” He was in agony at the way she teased him.
Chloe laid in his arms as they watched the early morning light slowly work its way through. Nick was holding her hand and playing with her purity ring. He’d been deep in thought as they laid there, both relived of the frustration of the week. She leaned up and kissed his cheek.
“I love you,” he whispered. He‘d fought with himself tonight hard. Holding her now as they laid in bed, made him really think about something she said at the gazebo, the day he told her of his true feelings. “Are you really tired or can we talk some?” He had to tell her what had been going through his mind.
“What’s wrong?” She sat up on her knees and faced him.
Nick stared at her in awe. Her hair had come lose and now cascaded down her back. He sat up a little and pulled her across his lap. “Every time I look at you, you take my breath away.” He moved a loose strand of hair out of her face.
She took his hand and laced their fingers together. “Is that what you wanted to talk about?” she teased.
“Tell me again about when you made the promise on this ring. What was the condition?” He wanted to make sure he had it right.
She was confused by that. “Nick, it was just something silly I promised myself. Why?”
He held her hand and kissed her ring. “Because what you said made a lot of sense. I just never thought about it before. Honestly, how can we be expected to keep a promise that, in reality, is so easily broken?”
“It’s easily broken by people who take the promise as a joke. It is supposed to mean you have respect for each other if you wait. You’re supposed to be in love and you should make sure it is true love. What if you feel in your heart is true love? I mean, the old youth group leader was fired because she got pregnant. Everyone said she was such a hypocrite. No one knows if she loved the guy or not. Things happen for a reason, so I really don’t get why they press on us about waiting for marriage. What if you never do?”
“Do you think what we have is true love? I mean, you already said you want your first time to be me. Do you honestly love me that much?” He wondered now if she really did, now that he was talking about it, bringing what she’d said to light. Did she really feel that way about him?
Chloe put her hand to his face and looked into his eyes. “Nicholas, I forgot what love was until you came into my life. I know that whatever happens with us, I would never regret a thing. I said that because I hope someday that you and I will come to that point, where we both know that it’s right and we want to take that next step together. Why are you asking me this?” She laid her head on her hand and looked at him.
“Because, I really thought you were crazy when you first told me you thought this promise was unrealistic. But every time I look in your eyes, I can see how you feel about me. I can really understand what you mean now.” He put his hand on her shoulder, close to her neck, and rubbed her cheek with his thumb. Even in the dim light that filled her room, he could still see the sparkle in her green eyes.
She rested her hand on his chest and held his eyes in her gaze. “How do you feel about me now, after what I told you earlier?”
“It made it all the more clearer. I love you, Chloe. And I feel this really is true love. I want to make love to you. I don’t care about this promise anymore. I know these feelings are right no matter what I’m supposed to believe. I’m going to respect you no matter what. I’m just so tired of fighting with myself and thinking everything I’m feeling is wrong. If you’re not ready, we can wait. I’ll wait forever if I have to. I just know I want my first time to be with you.” He spoke from the heart, the warmth of his hand never leaving the crease of her neck. He tried to search her eyes for her response.
Chloe got up and kissed him, feeling his hand move down to her waist, and the other to the back of her head, through her hair. She pulled away a little just so she was inches from his lips. “I want that too, but I’m terrified right now.” A nervous laugh escaped her lips.
“Of what?” he asked softly.
“I’m not really sure. I’m just not ready yet.” She looked down as she said it, embarrassed somehow by her admission.
“Chlo, I’m not saying right this minute. I’m just saying that when you are, I am, too. Don’t overanalyze this, like I know you are doing. When the time is right, we’ll both know and it will happen.” He lifted her chin and made her look at him.
“I don’t want you to think that I don’t love you, because I do, Nicholas. I just want it to be special, which sounds silly, but I don’t want us to jump into this feeling rushed or it happening in the backseat of your car.”
“Damn, there goes that idea,” he teased and she hit his arm. “I’m kidding. Tell me how you want it to be. Go with the sappy girl thoughts.”
She shook her head. “I want it to be a special night. I want candles, rose petals, and soft music. I want to be able to spend the night in your arms and not worry about having to hurry up and run home. I want to be away from outside influences and judging eyes. I want to be able to give myself to you without the fear that it’s not the right time.”
“I can do all that stuff in the backseat of my car,” he teased. When she got mad and sat up, he pulled her back and kissed her. “I will do everything I can to make sure that our first time is like that. Not rushed, not judged, just us, alone, without having to worry about when we have to leave. When I wake up, I want to know I don’t have to sneak out of the room, so no one will catch us, like I’m going to have to do here in a little while. Tell me you love me.” He smiled at her, hoping that he’d put her mind at ease.
“I love you, Nicholas Allen, always and forever.” She smiled and kissed him lightly.
“I love you, Chloe Gardner, always and forever, and then some. Close your eyes and go to sleep. I’m going to try and stay awake long enough to sneak out when you drift off, but don’t count on it.” He yawned as she snuggled down next to him.
It only took a few minutes and she was asleep.
Nick kissed her cheek, and then carefully got up, quietly leaving her room.
Chapter Twelve
Chloe raced to Nick’s car through the
rain that had been falling all day. The first day back to school after break was so dull and the rain made it all the worse. “Sorry, Sister MM grabbed me about a tutoring job.” She shut the door and put down the hood of her coat. She was thankful Nick had the car running, so she could warm her hands.
“Who is it this time?” Kevin asked from the backseat,
“Actually, you! You’re slipping in her class and if you want to play baseball this year, you need my help,” Chloe explained, turning around in the seat to look at him.
“You might as well just start helping me in everything, so I can at least graduate this year. This sucks.” Kevin crossed his arms and sat back in the seat.
Nick shook his head as he pulled into the road. “If you would stop goofing off in class, maybe you could pass something.”
“Well, we all can’t be brown nosers like you, Nick,” Kevin shot at him.
“Stop, both of you, before it gets out of hand. God, I’m starting to sound like your mother.” She sat back in the seat and took out one of her books.
Nick noticed her working on the assignment and realized what day it was. “What time are you due in to work?”
“I go in at five. Can we stop at my house real fast? I have to get my sketch pad to show Roger some of my drawing.” She didn’t even look up from the book and just kept on reading.
“Are you sure you want to show him? He’s really hard on some of the artist who came into the store. What makes you think he won’t with you?”
She smiled that he worried about her. “If he has anything to say, I’ll listen to it. I love constructive criticism.” She laughed.
“Okay, then I’m going to say this as nice as possible. Your taste in guys sucks. I mean, look at this geek. Do you have to wear the sports coat to school every day? Can’t you just do something different?” Kevin spoke up, finding a way to pick on his brother.