by Amelia Autin
“Why don’t you open them up and pick out which one you want while I get the luggage.”
“Okay.”
The adjoining rooms were nearly identical, although mirror images of each other, and almost as utilitarian as Rennie’s motel room in Carter’s Junction had been. By no stretch of the imagination could the rooms be considered your typical honeymoon suite. But then, she and Gideon weren’t your typical honeymoon couple. She sighed just a little before putting that regret where it belonged.
A huge shadow blotted out the light as Gideon entered the open door of room number ten with their unmatched luggage.
“Which one goes where?”
Since it didn’t matter, Rennie said, “I’ll take this room.”
Gideon carefully set her Louis Vuitton case on the luggage rack, then strode into the other room and dumped his battered brown suitcase unceremoniously on the bed.
“Gideon?”
He came back to the connecting doorway. “Yeah?”
As Rennie smiled at him, a shaft of sunlight crept through the partially opened drapes and highlighted her upturned profile. “Are you hungry?”
The sunlight danced over her dark curls and creamy skin, and over the gently curving figure beneath her lavender dress. She looked good enough to eat, Gideon thought distractedly, and tried to remember the question. Hungry? Was he hungry? Their earlier conversation in the car replayed in his mind, followed by the memory of the kiss they’d shared in church, and desire slammed into his gut with shocking swiftness. Before he realized what he was doing, he’d crossed the short distance that separated them.
Almost of its own volition, his right hand caressed her face with a gentleness that belied its size. Her skin was soft, soft as a baby’s. With sudden, aching urgency Gideon wondered if it was the same all over. His fingers began the journey of discovery, slipping over the curve of her cheek, down, down, to nestle in the hollow of her throat.
Standing this close to her, he could detect the lingering traces of her delicate perfume, warmed by her body. His heartbeat quickened until blood pounded in his ears, while each breath he drew was painful. Rosy lips beckoned, and his head began to descend.
The sound of raucous laughter just outside the door broke the spell. Gideon jerked himself away from Rennie and temptation. For one shocked moment their eyes met.
“Sorry.”
The muttered apology was for convention’s sake, but Gideon knew he didn’t mean it. Not one bit. What he was really sorry about was that they’d been interrupted before he could finish what he’d started, before he could explore the warm sweetness he’d only had a tantalizing taste of this afternoon. Suddenly needing to put distance between them, he swung around and headed back toward his room. He almost made it.
“Gideon!”
He stopped, one hand clenched around the doorknob. “Yeah?”
“Dinner?”
Her hesitant question made him glance back, and he saw bewilderment on her face. He looked away and uttered a muffled curse of self-derision before meeting her gaze again. “Sorry. I need a shower. Can you give me ten minutes?”
“Sure. No problem.” Rennie’s smile seemed forced. “Why don’t we say half an hour. I’m not really very hungry yet, anyway, and that will give me time to freshen up.”
“Sounds good to me,” he said, firmly closing the door behind him.
Once inside his room Gideon wasted no time. He shucked his clothes and stood under the shower’s icy blast, letting the spray cool his overheated body until goose bumps formed. He stepped out, dripping and shivering. He grabbed a towel and briskly dried himself, running the towel over his body with unwonted force.
Gideon combed his still-damp hair with firm, neat strokes, then looked at himself in the mirror, and laughed softly. Well, he’d known he wanted Rennie from the start. He just hadn’t realized how quickly his desire for her could overtake him. Now he would have to apologize, and what could he use as an excuse? Did he dare tell her the absolute truth, that he’d been overcome by unexpected lust for her?
“Oh, yeah, Lowell. That will sweep her right off her feet. Tell her you were just about to go off like a rocket. That’ll charm her right into your arms.” He laughed again, a hearty bellow such as he hadn’t given in two years.
Still chuckling, Gideon dressed with his usual economy of motion. As he sat on the edge of the bed to pull his boots on, he muttered, “At least I got my boots off.” The image of himself standing in the shower, nude except for his boots, made him choke with helpless laughter.
* * *
After quickly unpacking her suitcase, Rennie had nothing left to do, so she rested on the bed while waiting for Gideon. She idly wondered if he knew that the walls were so thin she could almost hear everything going on in his room. While she’d unpacked, she’d heard the shower go on and then off, followed by a faint murmur as if Gideon were talking to himself. Now, a sudden bellow of laughter surprised her. The ensuing silence was broken by more uncontrolled laughter.
I wonder what tickled Gideon’s funny bone, she thought. She’d probably never know, she decided, but hoped he wasn’t laughing about her, about how pathetically easily she’d responded to him.
Rennie tucked her hand under her cheek, remembering everything with a shiver of fear-laced anticipation. He’d looked at her, touched her, and she’d wanted him. Just like that. She’d stood mesmerized by his mere presence—the size of him, the masculine scent of his body, the gentle touch of his rough hand against her cheek. And his hazel eyes had never seemed more green than in that moment when he had gazed down at her.
And he’d made her want him. It was scary, and not just because of her deception over her identity. Why was she so fascinated by him? And why did his touch make her long for more, even though her one experience with sex had left her gun-shy of men?
She drowsily pondered that thought until sleep stole over her unawares.
A sharp rap on the connecting door between their rooms startled Rennie awake. Disoriented after such a short nap, she didn’t realize where she was at first, and it took her another minute to collect herself enough to think about answering the door.
The knocking took on an impatient sound, and Rennie hurriedly slid to the edge of the bed. She felt a twinge of pain in her left hip, and when her feet hit the floor her leg threatened to buckle under her.
“That was stupid,” she berated herself as she quickly sat down. “You know better than to try to hurry.”
The doorknob rattled. “Rennie! Are you in there?”
“Just a minute,” she called as she carefully stood up. It didn’t take much for her to realize what had happened. All that standing at her wedding and reception, combined with the inactivity of the car ride, had put an unaccustomed strain on her hip. And the brief nap in an awkward position hadn’t helped.
Rennie gritted her teeth and forced herself to walk across the room with only the slightest limp. She opened the door just as Gideon’s knuckles were about to make contact with it.
“You okay? I thought something might have happened.”
She leaned her right hip against the doorframe to take the weight off the left one. “I’m sorry. I fell asleep.”
Gideon took one look at Rennie’s tousled hair, slumberous eyes and slightly rumpled dress, and knew he was in trouble. Big trouble. The cold shower he’d taken earlier hadn’t done him one bit of good.
Damn! His mind might counsel patience, but his body wasn’t listening. He didn’t want to go to dinner. He didn’t want to sit in a dimly lit room and make small talk with Rennie. The only thing he wanted to do—and he wanted it badly—was to walk her backward into her room, lay her gently on the bed, and make love to her until his desire was sated.
What he felt was crazy. He’d only known Rennie just over two weeks, for God’s sake! And half that time she hadn’t even been around. All told, the amount of time he’d spent in her company would scarcely fill one day. He’d known Johanna all his life. His desire for his fi
rst wife had grown out of his love for her, had been a natural extension of it.
Rennie wasn’t Jo. She wasn’t beautiful. She wasn’t tall, with ripe curves to tempt a man. She didn’t have long, lithe legs to wrap around a man’s hips and draw him in.
So why the hell did he want Rennie so much? Why was he going crazy with the absolute conviction of how good it would be between them?
Before temptation made him do what he knew he shouldn’t, he said brusquely, “You ready?” He didn’t wait for a response. He was across her room, out the door and halfway down the walk before he realized she hadn’t followed him. He turned back and saw her framed in the doorway. “Is there a problem?”
“Problem? Problem?” Rennie’s voice rose in pitch and intensity, carrying clearly in the crisp evening air. “I don’t have a problem, but I’d sure like to know what the heck your problem is!”
Two rooms down, a door opened and a curious head emerged. Gideon cursed under his breath before heading for Rennie. He grasped her arms and pushed her gently but firmly into the room, then shut the door.
He distanced himself from her as far as he could, but her room, like his, wasn’t all that big. His gaze fell on the double bed looming large in the center of the room. That was a mistake. The imprint of Rennie’s body where she’d lain on the coverlet was still visible. Gideon had a vision of the two of them on that same bed, arms and legs entwined, bodies merging, and he shuddered.
Rennie faced him, arms akimbo, dark eyes flashing with indignation as she challenged him. “So what is your problem? You’ve been acting strange ever since we arrived. At first I let it slide, but I’ll be darned if I’ll put up with it any longer!”
Gideon removed his Stetson, slapped it against his thigh, and resettled it on his head.
“You want the truth?” he growled. “Well, I’ll tell you. I want you, damn it, and I don’t know what the hell to do about it.”
Hot color stained Rennie’s cheeks. Despite her self-acknowledged attraction to him, she wasn’t ready for this. The color drained away as she suddenly realized how vulnerable she was, and she backed away from him until she came up sharply against the wall. “You promised.”
“I know that!” Gideon threw her a fulminating look. “And damn it, don’t cower against the wall as if I’m going to jump on you any second. I gave my word I’d wait until you were ready, and by God I’ll do it if it kills me. But you wanted to know what my problem was so I told you. Now, can we get the hell out of your bedroom and go eat?”
The silence vibrated with tension.
“Oh, hell!” Gideon removed his hat once more, impatiently running his other hand through his hair. Most of it settled back into place, but a couple of strands tufted out, lending his harsh features an oddly endearing, boyish charm.
“Look, Rennie, I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t mean to lose my temper like that.” She said nothing. Gideon tossed his hat on the bed, took a deep breath and expelled it in a rush. The timbre of his voice dropped from baritone to bass. “Please don’t look like that. I’m really sorry.”
Her unreasoning fear dissolved at his earnest plea. Rennie pushed herself away from the wall and limped over to him. “I believe you.” She held out her hand. “I’m sorry, too.”
His brows twitched into a frown. He ignored her hand and her apology, and asked, “Why are you limping?”
Her hand fell to her side. “I told you I was involved in an accident,” she said at last. “My left hip was badly injured and required surgery.” Rennie chose her next words carefully. “Because I was in a coma following the accident, I couldn’t begin physical therapy right away. When I finally came out of the coma, I needed a lot of therapy just to walk again. But sometimes I strain my hip, and then I limp.”
“Why didn’t you tell me this before?” he asked curiously. “Did you think I would change my mind about marrying you?”
“No, not really. It’s just that ever since I was a little girl I’ve had to fight to be taken seriously. No one, not even my father, who understood me better than anyone, believed that all I ever wanted to do was ranch. I was always such a little bit of a thing I had a hard time convincing people I was destined to be anything more than a useless ornament. I didn’t want you to think I was going to be a liability, that I wouldn’t pull my own weight.”
Rennie sighed. “My hip is better. A lot better than it used to be. And my doctors assured me that I’ll get stronger over time. I’m just too impatient, though.” She made a face. “I want to be well now.”
“I can understand that. I broke my leg in three places playing football in high school. I couldn’t wait for it to heal enough to have a walking cast put on.” He chuckled at the memory. “You should have seen me trying to get down to the sheep pens on crutches.”
She laughed as he’d meant her to, and the shared humor lightened the mood in the room immeasurably.
“So,” he said finally, “are you going to accept my apology?”
“Are you going to accept mine?”
“For what? Losing your temper or not telling me about your hip?”
“Both, I guess. And for being so stupidly naive about what was bothering you. I really had no idea that you would want to...so much...so soon. That is...it didn’t even occur to me that a man...that you...” She was so hopelessly tangled in half sentences she’d never find her way out. “I didn’t think it would be so hard on you to...” Rennie cut herself off and covered her crimson cheeks with her hands.
“Yeah, well, some things are harder than others.”
She gasped, choked, then laughed at his dryly stated double entendre.
“And you’re an attractive woman, even if you are ‘a little bit of a thing,’” he continued, teasing, but smiling to take away the sting of those words. “And you obviously don’t know very much about men. Any red-blooded male over the age of fourteen and under the age of eighty would ‘want to,’ as you so delicately put it.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah. Oh.”
Rennie’s brow wrinkled as she digested what he’d said. An unpleasant thought occurred to her and she raised her eyes to his, seeking reassurance she wasn’t sure she’d find.
Gideon read her mind perfectly. “No,” he said gently, “that doesn’t mean what you’re thinking. If all I wanted was a reasonably attractive body, don’t you think I’d have found one before now?” She swallowed visibly. “I told you before—there hasn’t been anyone since my wife died. I don’t lie, Rennie.”
His eyes filled with warmth and tenderness, and he whispered huskily, “To tell you the honest-to-God truth, I want you, Rennie. I don’t know why, but I do.”
The tip of his finger touched her parted lips, then moved to the visible pulse beating in her throat. “But I’m not an animal. I usually keep a pretty tight rein on my desires. And despite my behavior this evening, I’m normally a very patient man. I can wait, as long as I have to. But I wouldn’t be human if I didn’t hope you won’t keep me waiting too long.”
He was doing it to her again. His eyes held hers willingly captive while his touch caused her heart to race and her lungs to cease functioning. But his voice did the most damage. That deep, husky sound made Rennie’s insides quiver with exquisite longing.
Strange yearnings filled her, making her tremble. She was suddenly afraid, but this time she was afraid of herself. If he could do this to her with only a touch, with only a whisper, what then? He could seduce her so easily, make her want things she’d never had, make her dream dreams again.
He could make her love him.
The thought popped into Rennie’s head from out of nowhere. She tried to thrust it away, but it wouldn’t leave. She didn’t want to love him. Love would make her vulnerable to devastating pain should he ever discover who she was, though she would never have married him if she thought there was a chance of that happening. But even if he never found out, he’d already made it plain he would never love again.
No, she didn’t want to love him. She�
��d entered this marriage with her eyes open, with definite goals in mind. She wanted to make a new life for herself here, and she wanted to raise his children in place of the ones she would never have. She had convinced herself these things would be enough. She knew what to expect from Gideon and what he expected of her. Love, her love, was not wanted.
She took a step backward. Gideon’s hand fell away from her throat and she could breathe again.
The corners of his mouth twitched into a rueful smile. “Not tonight, I take it?”
Rennie shook her head. She couldn’t have spoken at that moment if her life depended on it.
“You can take that worried look off your face. No is no, as far as I’m concerned. I won’t try to change your mind. Not tonight, anyway.”
Her throat was made of sandpaper, but she managed to say, “Thank you.”
Gideon picked up his hat. “So,” he said pleasantly as he settled it into place. “How about that dinner?”
* * *
Rennie had expected things to be strained between them after that scene in her bedroom, but she was wrong. Gideon went out of his way to put her at ease. Over a good home-style meal, they conversed on a variety of subjects, and she found herself relaxing, even enjoying herself.
His conversation was sprinkled with anecdotes of his children’s early years, displaying an unusual knowledge of the details usually reserved for a mother’s fond memory. Here was a man not content to take a father’s traditional secondary role in his children’s lives, and it showed.
Then the conversation took a serious turn over after-dinner coffee, when he began to talk about Nicki.
“I’ve tried everything I can think of to get her to talk, Rennie. But nothing seems to help. She’s seen the best doctors I could find, and they all say the same thing. There’s nothing physically wrong with Nicki that prevents her from speaking. The psychiatrists we’ve seen say it could be the trauma of the accident, that Nicki remembers what happened, that she might have seen Johanna being so badly injured. They talk about security, stability, time and patience. But how can I be patient when my daughter is hurting?”