by Maia Starr
“There you are! Finally. Come.”
I swallowed hard. I should be happy. Nobody knew my secret, and, for at least another little while, it was going to be kept safely away from those who might use it against me.
***
“Oh, there you are, human. I was looking for you.”
My heart pounded painfully in my chest at the sound of Lazan’s voice. I had just gotten back from the fitting, where everybody had been very stiff and polite, but remarkably reserved. I could tell they were judging me even without having to hear what they were actually thinking, but there was nothing I could do about it.
Kerglan had been beside himself with joy, blustering and prideful as he answered every question that the staff had about humans. As if he were an expert. He knew nothing about humans from me except perhaps what he had observed. He spoke at length about allergies and the frailties of human biology, which grated on my nerves, but it was a good way to keep everybody more focused on himself than on the small bump in my belly. I couldn’t help but feel grateful for that.
Now, the memories of the day were washed away by the soothing sound of Lazan’s voice. He had found my secret hiding spot in the outdoor garden of their father’s estate, where I was doing my best to collect myself among the beautifully colored wildflowers of the planet Yala. Everything on this planet seemed more dazzling than on Hexa, and probably on Earth as well, but I couldn’t help but feel a pang of devotion to my place of birth. I longed to go there as soon as possible.
“Lazan! What are you doing here?”
Lazan smiled crookedly at me. “This is my family’s garden. I remembered your fondness for botany and realized when you disappeared that you may be out here. Is something the matter?”
My stomach churned. A lot was the matter. I wanted to go home. I wanted to tell Lazan about the baby that was growing in my belly and about all the reasons why we should try to escape this planet. And yet, something held me back. The kindness in his eyes, perhaps the dread of delivering such beautiful and yet devastating news…
“Why were you looking for me?” I asked, avoiding the question. There was no way I would be able to lie to him, but I couldn’t bring myself to tell him the truth either.
“You are wanted. Kerglan has questions for you about your preferences for the ceremony. A lot of these things require a female’s touch…”
Lazan looked away, and I had a sudden glimpse into how torturous this whole thing must have been for him. We had been sneaking around together almost from the beginning, and it had taken its toll on the both of us. Why had I never considered how hard this might be for him before? He was so good at keeping his feelings to himself. I almost didn’t even dare to believe that he cared about me at all. But now I was beginning to wonder whether or not that truly was the case…
“I see,” I said, standing up slowly. I grimaced. There was a steady pressure on my bladder that day, as if the baby was growing rapidly and had one foot constantly pressed on my poor, overworked organ.
“What is wrong? Are you hurt?”
Lazan was suddenly at my side, taking my arm in his strong hands. My heart trembled at his nearness, and I looked up into his eyes, hoping to convey a sense of wellness despite my recent affliction.
“I think my muscles are just sore from sitting in one place for too long,” I lied. I felt terrible as I did so, and even worse when Lazan’s handsome face relaxed into a relieved smile.
“Oh, that is an easy remedy. Come, we will walk inside, where you and Kerglan will go over the arrangements together.”
“Of course,” I said, sighing inwardly. The last thing I wanted to do was to spend more time with Kerglan that day. I had pretty much had my fill. But standing out here with Lazan was unbearable. I wanted so badly to tell him just what was going on and why he should listen to me and try to get the hell off of Yala.
But there was nothing that I could do about it, so I followed Lazan back to the house, not saying another word.
***
“Shit!” I breathed, running to the room that had been designated as my bathroom. I leaned over the sink and vomited violently, tears springing to my eyes as I collapsed to the floor, all of the strength zapped from my body. I couldn’t move. I was helpless. I had never felt so weak in all my life.
All week long I had been feeling horribly ill and had been trying to hide it from everybody. But I hadn’t been able to keep my bearings at the dinner table, and I could already hear the drumming of feet as Lazan and Kerglan ran to my aid.
“Human, what is going on with you? Are you contagious? We must get you to the doctor’s at once!” Kerglan demanded.
“No!” I shouted, nearly hysterical. I tried to scramble to my feet, to convince them that I was fine and everything was as it should be, but I could not find the strength to do so no matter how hard I tried.
If they took me to the doctor, then my secret would be discovered. They had already begun to comment on how I had gained weight since fitting me for the gown, and how much more emotional I had been, though I hadn’t noticed any change in that for myself, other than feeling withdrawn due to my fears.
“Mila,” Lazan’s voice said, muffled from behind the bathroom door. “I believe that it is for the best that we take you in to be examined by somebody who might be able to help you feel well again. It has been a long time since you have been in good health. We are concerned.”
Lazan pushed the bathroom door open, and I grimaced, looking away in shame and agony. I didn’t want him to see me like this, curled up on the floor like I was some kind of weak and helpless child. It was not only humiliating, but it was a sure sign that they were right and I required medical aid.
I almost wished that I could die there myself, me and my child, rather than having to put Lazan through any of the hell that would surely befall him should my pregnancy be revealed. If they took me to the doctor’s, then the man I loved more than anything else, whether it was just a trauma bond or not, was going to be persecuted.
I couldn’t let that happen. Not before I had figured out a way to save myself. Their father was a captain; he had his own ship hidden away somewhere. He spoke of it all the time. But I hadn’t found my way to it yet. And even if I had, Lazan was not allowed to leave the planet. He would refuse because he was proud and loyal to his customs. All except the one that had gotten us into this mess in the first place…
“Please,” I whispered, looking away from Lazan and his annoyingly concerned face. “I just want to stay here a little while. I don’t need a doctor. I just need to go back to Earth.”
Lazan opened his mouth as if to respond, but before he could, Kerglan interrupted. “Nonsense, human! We have other humans here, and they are functioning just fine. You can as well! I already claimed you, and you will not dishonor me by trying to leave the planet that is fated to be your home. You are going to the doctor, and you are going now!”
My stomach dropped, and I reflexively covered my stomach with my hand. They were going to find out about my baby. They hadn’t found out about it when I had first come to Yala and they had run tests to see whether or not I was carrying any of the diseases known to be deadly to the Raithers or their ecosystem, but now they would surely see the drastic changes to my body since then and put two and two together. I was terrified.
“Mila,” Lazan said, kneeling down on the floor beside me where I was huddled. “You are not going to lie on the bathroom floor for the rest of the day. That is ridiculous. You are going to have to come with us. We will find you someone who will make you feel better; then we can put all of this behind us.”
“Speak for yourself,” Kerglan muttered. “I have business to attend to today. Planning this ceremony is a lot of gredding work. I’m going to need you to run the human to the doctor’s for me, Lazan. I simply cannot find the time to do it myself. This female has been nothing but trouble.”
“I will take her,” Lazan said darkly, looking at me, his face contorted with worry. I couldn’t let him do
it. I would have to tell him. I couldn’t let him knowingly put his life at risk.
“Good. Then it is settled. She must go.”
My stomach knotted, and a deep sob wracked my chest when Lazan tenderly lifted me from the ground and cradled me against his broad chest. I felt the same sense of safety and protection that I had felt with him back on the prison planet and wished in a way that our paths had never crossed. Or that perhaps we had been able to stay on Hexa and carve out a life for ourselves there, free of persecution. But who knew how much danger our child would be in if we had been able to stay? It seemed to be an impossibly difficult situation.
When we were outside the house, Lazan smiled down at me, his broad face gentle and kind.
“You are going to be okay,” he said softly. “I will not let any harm fall on you.”
“I think that it might be a little late for that,” I whispered. “Lazan, we can’t go to the doctor’s. you have to take me back. There’s something that I haven’t told you.”
“Whatever it is can wait until you are well,” he said, his lips tantalizingly close to my forehead. I could feel his soft, warm breath and it made me feel a confusing mixture of arousal and safety and guilt.
“No, it can’t. please. Just take me back, Lazan. I am pregnant. And the child is yours.”
Lazan halted in his tracks, looking down at me with wide, wild eyes.
“What?”
I thought he was going to drop me on the ground, but instead his grip tightened, and his face became severe. “Tell me that you are lying. This cannot be true.”
The tears I had been trying for so long to hold back sprang to my eyes, and I nodded miserably. “It’s true, Lazan.”
“Well why didn’t you tell me?” he exclaimed. “Why hide such a thing? What purpose did that serve?”
Again, I felt a horrible, crushing sensation nearly destroy me, but I had to try to see his perspective. I had betrayed him by keeping such a secret for so long. And now, we were both in grave danger.
“It would have done no good. If you knew that I was pregnant, I don’t know what you might have done…”
“Were you afraid that I would hurt you? Hurt our child? For my own self-preservation?”
Lazan’s voice was hushed but strained as he walked with me to the hovercraft, where he laid me on the seat and stood outside staring at me as if I were the most horrible creature ever to have crossed his path.
“No! Nothing like that. I was just afraid.”
Lazan’s face softened a little, and he swallowed hard. “Because of Kerglan…”
“Yes. Please, get inside, and we can talk about this,” I sighed.
When we were safely shut into the privacy of the hovercraft, Lazan took a deep breath and started the engine, sending the craft forward with a sudden forceful jerk. I winced, another surge of nausea thundering over me.
“How long have you known?” Lazan finally asked me, his voice even and his eyes straight forward, looking at the road ahead of us. I sighed.
“I have known since we were on Hexa. That is why I ran away. I didn’t want to be the reason for your exile.”
Lazan let out a deep sigh and pursed his lips thoughtfully.
“You should have told me then. I am going to have a child! Someone to raise and who depends upon me!”
“I know,” I whispered. “I wanted to tell you for so long, but I thought it would only put you in more danger.”
Lazan sighed deeply. “Well, I suppose what is done is done now. There is nothing we can do to change the situation.”
“Really?” I asked, turning a tired, skeptical look upon him. “Are you really just fine with it like that?”
“Yes,” Lazan said. “But you still need a doctor. Without the proper nutrition, there is no saving you. You will die, and so will my child. We do not let anybody die here, not even if it is the illegitimate child of an adulterer.”
I let the news sink in. Lazan was still driving me to the doctor, even though he knew that it would be his end. Was he insane? Didn’t he care about his own safety? How could he be so calm? Or was he going to try to find a way out of this mess?
“You can’t take me to the doctor, Lazan. You would be better off without us…”
My voice broke, and Lazan fixed a startled look upon me.
“That is not true, Mila. While this situation may not be ideal, I would much rather know you were alive and well than stuck on the prison planet to spare me the same fate. And I am going to take care of you now just as I have always promised to do. I want to know that you are okay, not suffering. You cannot even walk right now; it is not an ideal situation. And if your health suffers, so will that of our child. It is not acceptable.”
I looked down at my hands, feeling slightly guilty. I should not have kept the truth from him for so long. He had taken it well, and even though he was concerned, somehow he managed to be more concerned about me than he was about himself. I sighed and slumped back against my seat. It was not good for me to be allowing myself to be so lost and alone during my pregnancy. I could have had someone with me going through every step of the way, like a man who truly cared for his child.
And yet, it would never be that simple. Because we were on the planet Yala now, and that meant that we would never be safe. Not while Kerglan had a claim on me and knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that he had never conceived a child with me. We were both doomed, and today was the last day of our freedom.
“Kiss me, Lazan,” I whispered. He looked over at me as if I were insane.
“What?”
“I want you to kiss me. I know that we are not going to have much of a chance after this and I want you to know that I…you mean the world to me and I want everything between us to be the best they can. But I ruined everything.”
Lazan smiled at me sadly. “Nothing is ruined. Not yet. While things may seem bleak, there is a way out of this. But first, we must make sure that you are well. Please do not fight me any longer. Everything will be all right.”
He leaned over and kissed me gently on the lips, and then pulled away, his multicolored eyes gentle and serene. I couldn’t help but feel heartened. Maybe there was a way out after all. It was hard to believe it, but with Lazan on my side, perhaps things would work out for the best. All I could do was hope beyond hope that he was right so that all of this suffering would not be for nothing.
Chapter 9
Lazan Kylad (Technical Support)
“It’s a good thing you brought her in when you did, Lazan. Your brother should have been more careful with this human. She could have died. Why did he not think to get her a pregnancy test when you all finally returned to Yala?”
The doctor looked at me inquisitively, and Mila and I exchanged private looks.
“I think that things have just been very busy for Kerglan,” I started slowly. “In fact, he wanted to be here to see that she was well, but there are many demands on him right now, especially concerning the ceremony. You know how the Committee is about making sure that everything is to code and by the book…”
“Of course,” the doctor said, nodding quickly. “I understand. Still, it could have cost his mate her life. I would encourage him not to be so reckless next time.”
“I will pass that along,” I said edgily, trying not to let my bitterness come out in my voice. I simply couldn’t stomach hearing anybody refer to Mila as my brother’s mate, especially now that I knew that she was carrying my child. The whole thing had been incredibly gredding awful, and to know that Kerglan’s claim on her was about to be challenged by my adultery was incredibly stressful. Life with my brother was already difficult enough. I was going to have to find a way out of this situation. I had to protect the human. And just as importantly, I had to protect our child.
“See that you do. Well, make sure she takes these pills three times every day, and see to it that she is getting enough fluids. She is a little bit dehydrated, even by human standards.”
I nodded.
; “Thank you, doctor. Is she free to leave now then?”
“Yes, of course. Well, there is the matter of billing, but I suppose Kerglan will be the one to deal with that, as this is his mate.”
“Yes,” I said, biting my tongue. No matter how hard it was to hear such things, I had to make sure that I was keeping the human’s immediate best interests in mind. And challenging the doctor’s belief that Mila belonged to Kerglan was only going to make matters worse. There was the chance that I could still get her out of there. Maybe we could make a life for ourselves outside of the suffocating confines of Yala. There had to be somewhere in the universe where Mila and I could live together and raise our child. I would just have to find that place.
“Great. We will be in touch for the follow-up examinations. She should have been seeing somebody to see to the child’s health for nearly a month now. I don’t know how she could keep that kind of pain to herself for so long, but she managed it.”
I cast a glance at Mila, so small and delicate and yet so strong in her own way, and sighed. “She is a spitfire, I suppose,” I said, more to Mila than to the doctor.
He chuckled and nodded. “Absolutely. Now get her back home. She is going to need a lot of rest. Raither children can take a lot out of a person, especially hybrids. Humans have some special rules to follow, as you know we have outlined. You are a good brother-in-law to be so invested!”
This was too much, and I ignored the doctor’s words.
“Come, Mila. It is time to get you home,” I said, brushing past the doctor’s cheery smile and helping the human to her feet. “There is much to discuss now.”
Her eyes searched mine and seemed to understand that I wasn’t talking about the child.
“Yes, you are right about that,” she said, following me. Her legs were still a little bit weak, but the doctor had managed to get her relatively back to normal. It was a huge relief, and I walked slowly as Mila made her way to the hovercraft.
When we were inside and away from the doctor’s office quite a way, she turned to me.