by Ava Mallory
I had to admit when we pulled into the drive, the structure was not at all what I was expecting. For a place called The Felon House, it didn't resemble any prison I'd ever seen before in my life.
It was a beautiful Victorian house with a wrought iron gate that surrounded the massive property. Flowers lined the path up to the expansive porch, adorned with ample seating and vignettes of floral arrangements, tea sets, and what looked to be lemonade in a glass pitcher with matching glasses. Impressive, to say the least.
The sign in front read: The Felon House. Call me a skeptic, but I couldn't imagine that the name lent to a feeling of rest and relaxation for anyone. I supposed there were those who would be intrigued by the quirky title and the even quirkier performance that the Bed and Breakfast promised to entertain guests, but I wasn't one of them.
“It's gorgeous!” Diana fell in love with the house the second we drove into the gates. “Hurry, pull over. I have to see what this place looks like inside. I hope I have a four poster bed in my room.”
Just then, the front door opened and two gentlemen walked out, looking like they were about to embark on a duck hunting trip. As soon as they spotted us, they smiled and stepped down the stairs to greet us.
“Welcome to The Felon House,” they said simultaneously.
One of the gentlemen, a tall blond man with wide set blue eyes stepped forward. “Leave your bags here and one of our team members will take them up to your rooms. In the meantime, we must get you ready.” He walked back up the stairs and walked back into the home.
“Get ready for what?” I asked. “How do you know who we are and which rooms we'll be staying in?”
The other man, shorter with dark hair and hazel eyes, looked at me, offered me a slight smile and said, “All of the other rooms are full except for the ones reserved for you ladies. I'm sorry, but I assumed you were the Mares party.”
Ruby giggled. “You got that right. We are the party, right, birthday girl?” She nudged me on the arm.
“Woo-hoo. We are the party.” I rolled my eyes.
“Well, good. There's been no mistake then. Flynn will get your gear and we'll be on our way.” He said.
“Gear for what? Where are we going? We've just traveled nearly five hours to get here. I was looking forward to rest and relaxation, not sightseeing.” I protested.
He chuckled. “I'm Chip Givens. Flynn is my partner. I mean, business partner. We were old college buddies and went into business together about ten years ago. Now, as soon as he returns, we'll head out for our hike. We do this every evening with new guests. It's our kind of getting to know you tradition. We walk, breathe in the fresh air, and let go of whatever it is that stresses us or doesn't do anything for our quality of life. It's like a cleansing ritual.”
I glared at Diana and Ruby. Something told me that they were both well aware of this ritual and didn't tell me because of how they knew I'd react. I wasn't opposed to exercise. I was just opposed to forced exercise. I had visions of wanting to be a runner or fitness enthusiast, but I just never seemed to find time to actually implement a plan or, as my daughter often reminded me, I didn't make the time. Whatever the case, forced exercise after months of working nonstop and a road trip that made my blood boil didn't feel like a good idea and, truth be told, it sounded like it would be nothing short of a disaster.
“Ready?” Flynn emerged from the house, carrying knapsacks and hiking boots for each of us.
“Torture with your birthday celebration, Mercy? Why, yes, of course. Why not?” I muttered under my breath, wishing that I could hop back into my car and sail off into the sunset.
Chapter Two
“Welcome again, everyone. I hope you're all feeling as refreshed and rejuvenated as I feel right now after our lovely walk. I promise you that this meal will be just as breathtaking as our scenic hike and will leave you feeling completely and utterly satisfied and ready for a good night's sleep.” Flynn stood at the head of the table, wearing an outfit that rivaled something an eccentric millionaire might wear in an old movie.
“I'm starving,” I whispered as I settled in my assigned seat, next to a sweet older woman by the name of Jessica Aaron and an empty seat reserved for Flynn. “I still don't understand why we had assigned seats. No offense to anyone, but if I went on vacation with my friends, shouldn't I at least be allowed to be seated next to them?”
The corners of Chip's lips quirked up for a moment before he answered. “We like to have our guests get to know each other and build a kind of family, if you will. After all, you will have to work together to solve our mock crime, so you'll be thankful that you had the few minutes to learn a little about each other. We'll switch seats for every meal and assign different groups for each excursion.”
“Are there more excursions I'll be forced to go on?” Ruby kicked me under the table. “I mean, will we have the pleasure of going on more fun adventures?” I feigned the best smile I could muster.
Flynn chuckled. “If our little hike wore you out, you would have really hated what we did this morning. Consider yourself lucky then.”
I could only imagine. “What did you do this morning? Fly to the moon? Jump out of a plane?”
Flynn took a couple of quick breaths, seemingly uncomfortable with our conversation. I wondered if he was feeling ill and secretly hoped that his quest to make me kill myself with exercise and niceties had gotten the best of him, but then again, I should have complied with the unwritten agreement I made with Diana and Ruby that said I had to behave myself for the next four days. My irritability was even beginning to irritate me and, I'm afraid, I was about to take it out of our hosts and their guests. If I didn't pull myself together soon, I'd make real fast enemies of not only a room of strangers, but enemies with my daughter and my best friend in the whole world Ruby.
“We went water skiing. Have you ever been,” Flynn asked, making the intelligent decision to avoid my sarcasm and snarkiness.
I took my cue from the look on my beautiful daughter's face and forced myself to act with civility. “No, I prefer not to put myself in positions where I could be eaten alive by sharks.” So, I guess I blew that one.
The frail woman seated on my left giggled.
Embarrassed, Diana took the opportunity to translate my words for me. “My mom never learned to swim. She was probably too busy with her sarcasm homework to have time for her swimming lessons.”
Everyone seated around the table erupted in laughter. Thank goodness my daughter thought to step in before I ruined the evening for everyone.
Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Flynn patting his face with a cloth napkin. Funny, it didn't feel hot in here. I must have really been pushing his buttons to make him sweat like that.
“Excuse me,” Flynn pushed his seat back and walked out of the room, stumbling over his feet as he stepped.
Chip watched with interest. “Are you feeling well, Flynn?”
It was too late. Flynn had already left the room and was making his way up the stairs, clutching the handrail on his way up.
“I don't think he's feeling well,” I said.
Ruby shot me a warning look. She and I had both agreed that we would not work while we were away. Although we were both nurses and had nearly half a century of experience between us, we recognized when it was time to take a break and let someone else handle the emergencies. Nurses were useless without rest and we both knew that would do no one, including a B & B owner with a stomach bug or some other minor ailment, any good.
Chip seemed to look right through me as he thought about what could be bothering his friend.
The woman next to me, cleared her throat. It was time for me to redeem myself.
I asked, “What brings you to The Felon House?”
“Oh, nothing. I just thought it was high time to treat myself for a weekend away. Since I retired last year, I've made it my duty to do all those things I never had time to do as a career woman.” She answered.
“What kind of work did you
do,” I asked.
Her cheeks reddened. “Oh, forgive me. I should have introduced myself. My name is Jessica Aaron. I was a librarian in a town about the size of this room for well over forty years.”
“A librarian? I love libraries and librarians,” Diana swooned. She'd been reading since she was four-years-old. While we never lived in the lap of luxury when she was growing up, I always made it a point to fill our bookshelves with books for her and I to read. We spent several days a week at our own local library.
“I'm glad to hear it,” Mrs. Aaron said. “Books can and have changed the world. After I retired, I spent many, many days reading all the books I had sitting on my shelves at home. I just couldn't get enough of them.”
“So, is this vacation to celebrate your retirement?” I asked, wondering why she'd traveled alone. Maybe, she was one of those feisty, independent types, not unlike myself, and decided to treat herself to a much-deserved trip.
“Yes, I suppose it is.” She said shyly. “I figured this was a good time to finally write a book. After all, I spent my whole life with a nose in a book, why not try to pen my own? I doubt that anyone would want to read it, but at least, I could say that I did it, right?”
Oh, bless her heart! I hope that someday I'd be able to write my memoirs, but at the rate that I was going, I wasn't so sure it would ever be anything anyone would ever want to read.
“That's fantastic,” Ruby said. “I'd love to read it when its done.”
“Read what?” Flynn reentered the room looking worse for wear. There was no doubt in my mind that he was not feeling well. I glanced over at Ruby. She seemed to have taken notice too. I could see the wheels in her head spinning as she tried to determine what ailment he must have been suffering from and whether or not it was contagious. I figured, our immune systems should have been pretty strong, but stranger things have happened and sneaky bugs found their way into our lives more and more as we got older. I guess that's one of the hazards of aging, but I wasn't going to take it lying down. I felt down for my pocket, just to make sure that my antibacterial gel was still there.
“Oh, Mrs. Aaron here is writing a book,” I told him.
She interjected. “No, it's nothing really. Just a silly little book to keep myself entertained. And, please, call me Jessica. Now, that I'm retired, Mrs. Aaron sounds just too formal.”
“Fine, Jessica it is,” Flynn answered, wiping his sweaty brow.
“Why don't you sit down and have a drink of water?” I suggested to Flynn.
Chip immediately stood up to help ease Felix into the seat next to me. “Not feeling well?” He asked.
Flynn shrugged it off. “I must be getting older. I sure am feeling my age today. Just think, yesterday, when Jessica arrived, I was ready to run a marathon, but she warned me that I'd lose any race with her.”
Jessica smiled shyly, looking away from him.
Ruby and I made eye contact. She shook her head slightly, telling me to let it be. I tended to agree with her and figured things would be fine. This was my vacation. I didn't need to start worrying about taking care of anyone other than myself.
Chip rang a bell as soon as he sat in his seat. A team of wait staff entered the room, pushing trays of vegetables and cheeses. I was famished and couldn't wait to get through this course and onto the heartier portion of the meal. The quicker it arrived, the sooner I'd be able to finally lay my head down and get some rest.
Next to me, Jessica sat quietly as the wait staff served her plate. Flynn fidgeted nervously. I could feel him trembling. If I had to guess, I'd say that he was suffering with a fever, which meant he had no business sitting out in the dining room with us, but I kept my mouth shut, just to appease Diana and Ruby.
When the plates were served, I had a small sampling of vegetables sitting in front of me and two slices of cheese. What was this? Was I put on a diet and didn't know it?
There was light conversation around the table. Everyone took the time to make small talk with the only other guests, besides Jessica – a newlywed couple, who were relatively oblivious to everyone else. Between their giggling, whispering, and playful petting, none of us could really get much conversation out of them. Oh, to be young and in love.
Flynn continued to tremble, soon the whole table shook with him. Chip kept one eye on him as he made small talk with the rest of us. He was just as concerned as the rest of us were.
“Flynn, why don't you go ahead and lie down. It's been a busy couple of days. You deserve a break. Besides, we have another busy day ahead of us tomorrow.” Chip looked at each of us, a sparkle in his eyes. “Just wait until you see what we have in store for you tomorrow. Our mysteries are legend around here. We get visitors from all over the world, anxious to solve a crime or be part of the show.”
I'd almost forgotten about the mystery dinner thing Diana had mentioned before we arrived. “What time does that begin?” I asked.
Chip smiled widely. “First thing in the morning. I can't go into many details, but trust me, you will love every second of it. You see, Flynn and I are of the belief that everyone loves a good mystery. It's what some people live for, so we try to up the ante with each new scenario. I am fond of this one in particular. It's an idea I've been toying with for quite some time.”
Everyone listened intently as he spoke. He did make it sound intriguing, but I still wasn't interested. Nope. My plan was to sleep until my body wouldn't let me sleep any longer, then force myself to sleep some more. All the shopping, sightseeing, nature walk stuff could go to Diana and Ruby. I didn't want or need any part of it.
“Wow, that sounds amazing,” Diana started.
“Chip?” Flynn's voice was hoarse.
We all stopped to look at him. He tried to offer a smile to tell us he was fine, but quite frankly, none of us would have believed that. His hair was matted to the top of his head. Beads of sweat dripped over the top of his nose. Whatever his body was battling, put up a good fight. I couldn't just sit there and pretend that I didn't notice.
“You really should lie down. I think I have some medications in my emergency kit that can help bring down your fever and...” I offered before Chip stood up to rush to Flynn's aid as he dropped the silverware he had in his hands.
“Flynn? Let's get you to your room.” Chip offered, but Flynn pulled his arm away.
“No, I'm fine, just a little dizzy. I'm sure once I eat, I'll feel a lot better and thank you for your concern everyone, but I'm fine.” Flynn said, wiping his brow again.
The young couple – I believe their names were Paul and Annie something or other – finally took notice and stopped ogling each other long enough to be horrified by the spectacle.
“Ew, is he okay,” Annie asked, looking like she was moments from passing out too.
Oh, great! I've been kidnapped by my daughter and friend and taken to the land where stomach viruses and fevers run amok.
Flynn took a giant swig of his water and wiped his chin with his hand. “Sorry,” he sounded drunk, “I'm just so thirsty. I hear that you're like a detective back home. That ought to serve you well here.”
I looked at Diana and Ruby and narrowed my eyes. I wished they'd stop telling people that I solved crimes. That's not at all how I saw it.
“I'm a nurse – a traveling nurse. Whatever they told you, I'm sure was exaggerated. I'm just me.” I answered, focusing on his flushing cheeks and labored breathing.
For the next several minutes, we sat in awkward silence as Flynn tried to compose himself and continue his meal. He became increasingly confused, mistaking his glass for a fork and vice versa. Chip's face had turned a beet red, but I'm sure that stemmed more from anger and embarrassment, but what else could he do, short of dragging Flynn out of the dining room, kicking and screaming.
I wanted to laugh because you couldn't have scripted a better disaster sequence. The trip that should have been the most relaxing vacation of my life, added more stress to not only me, but to our hosts. That, ladies and gentlemen, is what I c
all karma.
Those seated across from me shifted uncomfortably in their seats as they watched and listened to Flynn. I couldn't focus on my minute serving of roughage because I knew at any second I'd have to either save Flynn from Chip or save myself from a plate full of cheese, falling into my lap. Why didn't this place have a kid's table?
“Don't be modest. From what your daughter told me on the phone, you are some kind of hero in your community.” Flynn slurred his words.
“Well, that's sweet of her to say, but you weren't with us on the car ride over here. I'm sure those wouldn't have been the words she would have chosen to describe me then.” I said, bracing myself for a fall I could see coming in his immediate future.