by Loretta Lost
“What is it?” Liam asks, with concern.
“Well, I’m not sure I should mention this right now, because you’re about to get married and all. Last time I showed up for your wedding, you changed your mind and walked out on Helen. I don’t want that to happen again.”
“I’m stronger now, Sophie. I won’t be so weak again.”
Looking to Cole for permission to share some of the things he suggested I not share, Cole nods slightly.
“I visited your parents,” I tell Liam simply.
The large man instantly flinches. “Well,” he says quietly, looking down at the table in embarrassment. “They are your parents, too, I suppose. I’m sorry you had to meet those people.”
“Do you want to know what happened when I met them? Or save it for later?”
“No, no. I can handle it,” he says, taking a deep breath. “Did you go by their apartment? I know it’s terrible, but I try to avoid that place as much as humanly possible. If you saw it, you’d understand why—but you can’t imagine what it was like growing up there.”
“Actually, I can imagine,” I tell him quietly.
“If it weren’t for Helen, I might have never gone back to that place. I hadn’t visited them in years. Every time I see my father, I’m afraid I’m going to kill him.”
Cole and I share looks.
“Well, I nearly did kill him,” I tell Liam softly. “Cole had to physically restrain me.”
Liam’s eyes go wide. “What did he do? That fucking bastard! Did he touch you?”
“No. But every time he opened his mouth, I wanted to knock his ugly teeth out,” I say, closing my eyes in memory. “He was boasting about how he impregnated women overseas, while on tour, and then left them to starve with their kids. He laughed about the fact that we probably have other half-siblings who might not have survived the war and poverty he left them in.”
“God,” Liam says. “I’m so sorry. As soon as I get home, I’m going to pay him a visit and send him back to the hospital.”
“Um, Liam.” My eyes grow narrowed. “Your dad never left the hospital.”
“What?”
“You don’t know?” I ask him, uncomfortably.
“No. I was so sick and tired of those people… after I realized what happened with you, I haven’t been able to visit, or even talk to them.”
Cole clears his throat. “Maybe we should save this one for after the wedding, Sophie. Don’t stress Liam out a few hours before he has to tie the knot.”
“I’m a doctor,” Liam points out. “Stress is my life. And hospital-related stress is one of the easiest kinds for me to manage.”
“Okay,” I say softly. “Your father is probably never going to leave the hospital. He’s dying of cancer.”
Liam lets out the breath he has been holding in a whoosh. “Oh, thank god. That is the best news I’ve heard in a long time.”
“See?” I say to Cole. “He’s a big boy. He can handle it.”
“Maybe if he’s gone, I can visit the house more, and help out my mother,” Liam says.
Cole clears his throat. “Actually, you can’t…”
“What? Why not?” Liam asks.
“Your mother was starving and unable to even feed herself or take a shower. She was seriously ill, and we put her in an Alzheimer’s long-term care facility, just so that she can get some nursing care and medical attention.”
“You did what?” Liam asks, incredulous.
“We couldn’t just leave her there,” Cole explains. “She’s covered in bruises that aren’t healing, black and blue all over from when your father beat her. When we visited the house, she served us invisible tea, and all the food in the fridge was old and rotten. She needed psychiatric care immediately, or she wouldn’t survive much longer.”
“And even if she was able to keep herself barely alive,” I add. “She’s not really okay. She seems to spend a lot of time staring into space and rocking back and forth, repeating the same phrases over and over—obviously dealing with a lot of issues. That’s why I asked if you knew anything about mental illness, or degenerative diseases. They are trying to diagnose her now, to figure out how to get her proper treatment.”
Liam seems to take a minute to process this, and then he nods. “You guys were right to do that. I feel terrible. I should have done something much sooner, but I was ignoring what was wrong. I was just so scared of my father, and resentful of him, that I couldn’t really even think about doing anything to help her. I just couldn’t go near that place.” He takes a deep breath. “When I get home, I’ll check up on her and make sure she’s being taken care of properly. Maybe I can even have her put in a facility closer to my work, so that I can visit her more often. Do you have any idea what’s wrong with her?”
“Not yet,” Cole says, “but they are running tests, and we should have an answer soon.”
“You’re the doctor,” I tell Liam, “but from my understanding, if it’s psychological or trauma-related, there is still hope she can recover cognitive function and improve her quality of life. Especially since her abuser is gone, or nearly gone. If it’s neurodegenerative, it’s a death sentence, and not much can be done.”
“Yes,” Liam says quietly. “Even the most promising drugs in clinical trials for Alzheimer’s haven’t shown real results. We can barely do anything to slow the progression. With the current state of medicine, there is no real treatment.”
“So let’s just hope it’s not that,” Cole responds. “I lost both of my parents when I was nine, so I know how difficult it is, and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.”
“Actually,” Liam says hoarsely, “if I’m being honest, I lost both of my parents a long time ago. I was already pretending they were dead. So if anything can be done to help her—maybe this could bring her back to me.”
“She seems like she was a good person,” I say softly. “She seems like she did the best she could, given the circumstances.”
“She always tried,” Liam says. He reaches out to put a hand on both of our shoulders, and his face is contorted with grief. “Thank you both, for doing what I couldn’t do. For helping me, and possibly saving my mother’s life. If it weren’t for you two—well, maybe now, that baby Helen’s carrying will actually get a chance to meet his or her grandma.”
I smile at him sadly. I reach up and squeeze the hand he has placed on my shoulder.
Liam is shaking his head. “I don’t know why I was incapable. As a medical professional, you would think I could see there’s something wrong with her. This kind of neglect is almost criminal. But my vision was just so cloudy—I’ve been fucking blinder than my patients.”
“It’s okay,” Cole says, reassuring him. “Sometimes it’s easier to see clearly from the outside.”
“But she actually did take care of me,” Liam says, and his voice breaks. “She fed me and bathed me, and helped me put my clothes on when I was a kid—and she never did any of those things for you, Sophie. It should have been me. I should have been there for her, and fear of my father isn’t a worthwhile excuse.”
I don’t know how to respond, so I just nod. I find my eyes falling to the floor.
“Man,” Liam says. “I’ve made a real shitty first impression here, with you two. I hope I can redeem myself someday. But for now—Cole? You’re already being a pretty awesome brother-in-law. I didn’t know I really needed one of those.”
Cole’s face softens a little. “No problem, man. Just being a decent human being.”
Liam reaches out and gives Cole a little hug, and it just melts my heart. I can see the surprise on Cole’s face, and his awkwardness as he hugs back. I have to struggle to hold back my tears.
This is what he came all this way for.
Not the sublime architecture, or the mountain views. Not the free romantic vacation.
He came all this way for family. To help take cake care of the family we didn’t even know I had.
Because that’s the kind of person he is.
/> And that’s the kind of father he would be.
Cole would move hell and high water to protect his child from harm, and make him or her happy. He would never have walked away from me, the way Liam walked away from Helen and his parents. He lives his life with a certain kind of responsibility to the people he loves.
He has always tried to be strong enough to be everyone’s rock.
He has always been my rock.
When Liam pulls away from Cole, I reach out and touch his hand. I try to smile at him, and tell him how much I love him silently, with just my eyes. And that I’m sorry for being a coward and running away, like Liam did.
I never will be, again.
Chapter Fourteen
Carmen comes over, looking at all of us with a smile and a drink in her hand. “Why do you all look like someone died? It’s a wedding, not a funeral, losers. Cheer up.”
“Well, someone is dying,” Liam says, “but he deserves to. And someone else could have died, but my new sister and soon-to-be brother-in-law here, they really saved the day.”
“Ooh,” Carmen says, stepping closer to examine Cole. “I don’t think we’ve met, but you look familiar. Haven’t I seen you in a magazine or something?”
“I just have one of those faces,” Cole says, extending his hand to shake hers. “I’m Sophie’s fiancé, Cole.”
“Carmen Winters. Thanks for totally stealing the thunder from this soon-to-be sister-in-law, by the way!”
“Sorry about that.”
“No worries.” Carmen leans closer to me while examining Cole. “Hey, Sophie. Nicely done. Very, very nicely done. You’ll have to tell me all about this fine man of yours.”
“Save that for the bachelorette party, ladies,” Liam recommends. “We have a wedding to prepare for.”
“Oh, do we still get to have one? Hellie won’t be a bachelorette anymore—but I suppose we could have an unbachelorette party,” Carmen suggests. Then she deflates. “But she can’t drink. How will I get her wasted and make her do terrible things?”
“We can have post-wedding unbachelor and unbachelorette parties. But I think everyone wants to do the wedding first, because they’re afraid I’ll chicken out again.”
“They don’t need to be afraid of that,” Carmen says, putting an arm around Liam to give him a friendly hug, while smiling maniacally. “Because I’ll just fucking kill you, if you hurt my sister again, you fucking asshole.”
Okay, I like this girl.
Liam laughs nervously. “Duly noted.”
“I can help,” I offer, “with any killing that needs to be done.”
Carmen waves her hand. “Don’t worry, Sophie. I’m just joking.” She gives me an exaggerated wink, before turning back to Liam and glaring. “I’m not. I’m really not. I will fucking murder you.” She makes a sign of dragging her finger across her neck slowly, as though threatening to behead Liam.
“As you can see,” Liam tells us, with a grin, “she’s going to be a wonderful sister-in-law.”
“I’ve killed a guy before,” Carmen reminds Liam. “Right here in Europe, actually. Shot him dead, right in the face.” She makes her hand into the shape of a gun and presses it against Liam’s cheek. “Don’t give me a reason to do it again.”
“Okay,” Liam says with a nervous laugh. “I’m going to go check on… the cake. Excuse me.”
“Did you really kill someone?” I ask Carmen, curiously.
“Yeah,” she responds, “but that was self-defense. I was just messing with Liam. Just some playful banter.” Then she lowers her voice and glares at Liam from across the room. “Unless he hurts my sister.”
Liam is talking with Helen’s father, and Carmen is watching them suspiciously. She receives a text message, and glances down at her phone, with concern. “Helen’s having a little breakdown,” she says softly. “I don’t blame her. I better go see if she’s okay.”
“I’ll come with you,” I tell Carmen, squeezing Cole’s leg before I walk away. “So you’re not totally on board with this wedding?” I ask her.
She shrugs. “It not up to me. But yeah, I have some reservations.”
“About Liam?”
She glances at me, hesitating as we walk to the room where Helen’s getting ready. “He’s just the first guy she’s ever really dated, you know? He’s literally the first guy she’s ever seen—because he performed a surgery on her that allowed her to see, but you know what I mean. She’s like this naïve, innocent girl, who just wants to marry her high school boyfriend, but doesn’t know that in ten years, he’s going be a terrible adult.”
“Cole was my high school boyfriend,” I tell Carmen softly. “Sometimes it works out. Also, Liam’s already an adult, so maybe she can judge a little better than you think. I’ve read Helen’s books, and I know she’s aware that there are awful people in the world.”
“Yeah. Bad things have happened to her,” Carmen admits. “And me, too. A lot of bad things. I just don’t want to see her get hurt, ever again. I don’t have the stomach for it.”
As we approach the room where Helen is getting ready, I start to wonder if the situation isn't as perfect as it seems.
"Carmen?" I ask softly. "Correct me if I’m wrong, but is your dad trying to force this wedding on Helen?"
The woman makes a face. "You see it too? My dad has a lot to make up for—he basically paid Liam to date Helen when they first met.”
“What? Helen didn’t tell me that part of the story.”
“Yeah. She experienced a violent attack in college, and she moved away from home to live by herself—away from people. Dad sent Liam to seduce her and bring her home, and tricked her into getting this experimental eye surgery. Then, when Liam and Helen actually hit it off and were spending too much time together—Dad tried to pay Liam to break up with Helen.”
“Whoa.”
“It's because she was blind for over twenty years,” Carmen says with a shrug. “My dad always saw her as this pathetic charity case he had to help out. Everything might seem really shiny and clean from the outside, but it's a little messed up once you dig deeper.” She takes a deep breath. “Here we are. I’ll go in first and see how she’s doing. Maid of honor duties and all. Excuse me.”
When Carmen enters the room, the door does not perfectly close. I stand near the entrance, and listen in on the conversation between the women. I cross my arms over my chest, processing what Carmen just told me, and what I knew from before.
“You’re having second thoughts,” Carmen is saying.
“I’m freaking the hell out," the bride responds. "What do you think I should do?”
Carmen takes a second to answer. “It’s not my place to say, Hellie. It’s your relationship.”
“What relationship?” Helen asks. “We haven’t spoken in ages. I don’t even remember who Liam is. But everyone is here, expecting a wedding! I can’t disappoint them. And I told him I would. Seeing him again was just so overwhelming that I only remembered the good…”
Carmen interjects then. “None of the people in this room are going to have to live with him. They aren’t going to have to sleep in his bed every night. They aren’t going to have to worry that he’s going to flake out when things get hard."
“Getting abducted has made you so wise,” Helen says.
This causes my eyebrows to lift in surprise. I didn't know that Carmen had been abducted. I thought these were just spoiled, rich girls from a perfect family, but they seem tougher than I previously imagined.
“You’ve always been the wise one, Hellie,” Carmen responds. “If you need more time to think about this, we’ll all understand.”
“I don’t know why I’m so jittery now. I missed him for weeks. I cried so much. I just wanted to be close to him again, more than anything. And now...”
Something strange happens in my head. I don’t know how to describe it, but the room spins, and I feel like I’m going to pass out. I grip the wall for support, fighting to stay standing. I stare at my hand, thr
ough the fogginess, and see duplicates, and triplicates of my engagement ring.
Sorry to hijack the body, Snow, says a voice inside my head.
It’s a voice I’ve never heard before. Or maybe I have heard that voice, and just never really paid attention.
I just need a minute, she tells me.
I find myself moving forward, without my own permission. I feel like I am at a distance from my own body, and there is a hazy filter over everything. I feel like I am fighting for control of my limbs. I hear my own voice speaking to the bride.
“Don’t do it, Helen.”
She looks into the mirror, at my reflection. “Sophie?”
“I don’t trust him,” my voice says. “I think he’s dangerous.”
Carmen looks up at me with surprise. “You seemed so nice and supportive out there. You were so forgiving.”
I feel myself shaking my head. “Look, I seem a lot of things. I act a lot of things. But I have trouble forgiving men when they fuck up, and Liam really fucked up. Helen—you’re such a great girl. You deserve better than my jackass brother.”
Helen looks startled. “Sophie, this isn’t helping. You’ve only met him twice, and the sample was really skewed. Trust me when I say he’s a good man.”
“You told me that he lied to you and upset you so much that you drove off a cliff and got brain damage,” my voice responds, as my body steps closer to her. “I remember everything you said to me on that cab ride, Helen. I’ve thought about it a lot. He might be good, but he’s not good enough.”
“That’s not fair,” Carmen says. “You should give him a chance. He’s your brother.”
My head nods without my permission. “I will give him a chance. I have no other choice. He’s the only blood brother I have. But Helen doesn’t have to give him another chance. There’s a whole world of men out there who could treat her better. Including David.”
“Do you really think so?” Helen whispers.
“Hey, hold up,” Carmen says, gesturing with both hands to indicate that we should stop. “Pump the brakes. We don’t know you, Sophie. Who are you to come in here and say shit like this to my sister?”