by Mur Lafferty
“Where are the babies?” Kate asked. Kazuko pointed above us where angels filled the sky, each bearing a child.
“The innocent are processed first in times of great death,” she whispered. “They are the easiest.”
The silence unnerved me. Children were not supposed to be that silent. “Is something wrong? Why are they so quiet?”
“A child’s soul is not prepared for quick and violent death. They are so full of life that it takes them time to adapt. They are in shock.”
My skin crawled as the roads became even more crowded, the children shuffling patiently down their proper roads. Some paths were more occupied than others. Unlike when Kate and I started, suddenly it was simple to discover which road led where, simply by following the children of different races and cultures.
Angels appeared in the sky, first as little dots then as larger, winged adults to land softly by the roadsides, glancing at clipboards and directing the children. Despite the crowd of thousands, maybe millions, counting the babies above us, the process rapidly improved. It was weird to see mine and Kate’s private place, as I realized I’d come to view the roundabout suddenly too crowded.
I touched Kazuko’s robe briefly and she stiffened. I withdrew my hand quickly and pointed instead to something shiny. “What’s that?”
It hovered at the side of the road, uncertainly, until a small brown girl with glowing white hair picked it up and put it into a basket. She searched the road until she caught sight of another and snatched that one as well.
“That is an unborn soul of the Hindu people. That girl is an Angiris – an angel that watches over sacrifices,” she said.
“I guess there’s not much sacrifice to watch over right now, huh?” I said. She nodded.
“God, did we cause that?”
Kate stared at the souls of the dead, thousands of them, possibly millions. It was hard to comprehend. She held her hand to her mouth and pressed, the knuckles growing white.
“Kate, remember, it was going to happen with or without us,” I said, putting my hand on her shoulder. “We had to be there to save Atalanta, and preserve Odin, and release Izanami. We didn’t make this happen, we didn’t kill them.”
She walked to the edge of the roundabout and stood, slightly elevated, her head bowed. I made a move to go after her, but Kazuko stopped me.
“Wait.”
“What?” I kept my eye on my friend, scanning the crowd of children, white-faced.
“She needs to process this information. She feels responsible.”
“And I’m responsible for her. This is one reason I didn’t tell her in the beginning.”
“Still, we can’t lose her in this crowd. She is tall and white. And besides, she is your best friend and will glow like a beacon in the dark for you.” I didn’t have a chance to ask what the hell that meant; she pointed to the children. “Look at the souls. Learn what you can.”
I acquiesced and watched in growing fascination as angels from every religion gathered the unborn souls. Some females opened skirts and placed the souls beneath them. Others put the souls into bags. One African man carefully placed each soul into a different carved box and placed it into a cart. He did not have many boxes.
It was clear we wouldn’t get anywhere through the mass of children. I shifted from foot to foot, watching them. “How long do you think this will take?” I asked Kazuko.
She stared at me. “Billions of people will take a considerably long time to process.”
Another angel had landed at the roundabout, carrying a clipboard. She had drab curly hair and a long nose. Clearly a Christian angel, she wore a yellow cardigan over her holy robe and wings. She fussed around the roads, picking children out and putting them on the right roads, muttering to herself all the while. She checked her clipboard constantly. Other Christian angels looked to be in charge of the unborn souls; she just directed everyone else.
I tried to remember if I’d seen her before, but I couldn’t place her. Perhaps I’d seen her on my own trip to Heaven. The first time, I mean.
Kate had noticed her, too, and was headed straight for her, gently pushing uncomplaining children aside as she made her way.
Kazuko watched, her back straight and her face serene. “Something is wrong here.” She spoke as if commenting on something funny her mother had told her that morning.
“What do you mean?”
She gave me a withering look. “Do you ever use that wisdom inside of you or are you just saving it for a rainy day?”
“If you know so much, then why aren’t you doing God’s work?” I said.
“I am doing the goddess’s work. Isn’t that enough?”
I glared at her and looked back toward the road, sighing. Children still came from the one road into Heaven and were sorted and directed down their proper road. Unborn souls drifted along until someone rescued them. My eye kept drifting back toward the officious angel and her cardigan. Ridiculous earrings swung from her ears, little blue globes on small chains. Every time she turned her head they banged against her neck and jaw - they did so even as Kate put her hand on her arm, getting her attention.
Something about the angel pulled at me. Something yearning and terrible wafted from her like the stink of a stable clinging to a farm hand. I gasped. Kate knew it before I did, but unfortunately Kazuko and I were armed and she was not.
I had known Kate would be leaving me; the fate she’d knitted in the yellow scrap had told me that much. Only I hadn’t known how, or when. If I had known, perhaps I could have stopped it. But prophecies don’t work like that.
I approached the road, not caring if Kazuko was behind me or not. The children were nearly impossible to get through; they didn’t part for me like they had for Kate. While Kazuko and I struggled, Kate yelled something at the woman, grabbing the front of her cardigan and pulling it open.
Dozens of small spikes covered the angel’s naked, sexless torso, upon which several golden souls were impaled. They made no noise and did not move, but I knew that each felt unbearable pain. I could feel them, and then realized Kate had felt them too. I stopped in revulsion and Kazuko made a choking sound as she pushed past me.
Kate looked at the angel in horror, frozen in place. The angel grinned and stepped forward, her outstretched arms winding around Kate. I choked out something and renewed my efforts to run forward. The angel’s wings flexed as her horrific body pushed against Kate, the glistening spines pressing through her clothes into her body.
Kate fought. My friend struggled and grunted, gasping as the spikes drove deeper with each flex of her attacker’s wings. With a cry, she closed her eyes and then the Kate that was Kate, her physical being, dissolved and drifted away on the wind.
Nothing remained but one more shining soul, impaled on a spike. Kate was gone.
I roared something unintelligible and shot forward, the children scattering suddenly. Where I had before assumed they were dazed and not aware of their surroundings, the children now moved away from the roundabout as a crowd, creating a space around us. Many pushed the unborn souls away as well, protecting them. I was only dimly aware of this.
The angel actually bared her teeth as she saw us coming. Kazuko had pressed the katana into my hand, and it felt natural to me; unnervingly so.
We had nearly reached her, swords drawn, but the angel smiled and moved her hand toward her right ear. Kazuko and I both struck as the angel grabbed her earring and squeezed it.
The blinding light seemed to flare a long time before the roar of the explosion, but I’m pretty sure, in hindsight, that they were simultaneous.
As consciousness left me, I wasn’t sure if our swords had reached her or not.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
After all we’d been through, I’d planned on confronting Him with more panache. I’d gained the wisdom of a god, lost an eye, outwitted other gods, and now carried the sword of a goddess.
In the imagined confrontation, I hadn’t planned on going the way of Lucifer or anythin
g, or even simply arguing that God perhaps was doing a bad job. I just wanted to know what was up. I wanted all the information. I finally understood why Kate was so freaked out when she saw the souls. We had lost enough, felt responsible for enough, and for what?
But no, I was not permitted to confront Him with righteous anger and fury. I instead appeared naked inside His study, feeling ethereal, as if I’d been formed of mist only seconds before.
I opened my eyes and saw Kazuko tying the sash of a white kimono. Before I could react and cover myself, angels slipped a robe over my shoulders and a white band across my ruined eye.
God stepped back and smiled at me. “There. Back together again.”
“What happened?” I asked. “Where’s Kate?”
“You found an agent for the adversary, as I’d hoped you would do. She had a discarnate explosive that she used when you figured her out. The three of you disintegrated. I have put you back together.” He looked pleased with Himself.
“So where is Kate?”
“When I said, ‘the three of you’ I meant the agent for the adversary, you, and your guardian. Kate had already been discarnate, and the attack on her did a great deal of damage to her soul.”
“I don’t understand - can’t You put her back together like You did us?”
“The end of the world is a busy time for Me,” He said, still serene. “Souls are still slipping through the cracks. I need you more than ever now, to discover where the new souls have gone and retrieve them.”
“Wait, we found the rogue. We started the end of the world in every afterlife we reached, except for maybe Dog Heaven. We have done what You asked. And You can’t bring her back?”
“Your damage was to your bodies. Kate’s damage is to her soul. I could give her a body again, but her soul is still damaged. To repair that damage takes more power than I can to expend right now.”
“This is bullshit!” I said, rubbing my face. My fingers caught on the white band over my eye and dislodged it. “We did everything for You! And You can’t even-”
I gasped and pulled the band down. My healed eye blinked ferociously in the light, acclimating to it. “Wait, why is my eye back? I thought that couldn’t be healed?”
He looked down. “When you became discarnate, you lost that which was within you. I was able to restore you whole, however. You are as good as new.”
“Wait a minute, I lost Odin too?” Nausea stirred in my belly, although I couldn’t remember when last I ate. “And Megan is still gone?”
The anger that gathered in my chest dissipated at the sorrowful look on His face. “Yes. I am sorry, Daniel.”
“I thought You were all-powerful! So what’s with You not giving me any help out there? I had more help from the Norse and the Japanese than you. Did I fail some test, or give into temptation or something?” I was horrified at the realization that my hard-won anger had given way to threatening tears. So not the first way I wanted to use my new eye.
God shook His head. “Not in the least. My children have free will. I wanted to see how you would go about the adventure. You were taken care of, don’t you think?”
“Kate hasn’t been.”
He went to the mantle and pulled down a bottle I hadn’t noticed. Glowing yellow liquid swirled within. I swallowed. “Is that her?” I asked, my voice barely a whisper.
“Kate’s substance is less ethereal and more chaotic, damaged as she was by an agent of chaos. This damage is different from what I am used to; her dis-incarnation was quite traumatic. At this moment, as is perhaps obvious by the missing souls, I am not fully omnipotent. The fracturing of My power has taxed Me greatly. If I were to give her a corporeal body, I am afraid her soul would leak out and dissipate.”
I stared at the bottle in anguish. “But, You’re God aren’t You? You fixed us, so fix her!”
God placed the bottle on the dais and looked at me. “The afterlife is too chaotic now for Me to use the power I have to assist her.”
He frowned at me, His face so sad I could barely look at it. “The truly tragic thing here is that I am not the only god who has the wisdom to repair damaged souls.”
Oh shit.
“Odin,” I confirmed.
He nodded. “I am sorry, Daniel.”
He left the study. I sat there with the silent Kazuko and the ruined soul of my best friend. And my two eyes.
And my little, mortal, stupid brain.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
The shattered soul of the being who was once named Kate watched the man crumple and weep. The woman watched him, too. The soul wondered why the woman didn’t comfort the man; she just sat there. That wasn’t nice. A winged woman entered the room and handed the woman two swords. She stood and took them, bowing to the servant. She strapped one sword around her waist and one across her back.
She approached the man at last and pulled him up to a standing position. She picked a white band off the floor and efficiently wiped his face. He took it from her and stuffed it into the pocket of his robe.
He picked up the soul’s bottle, then, giving the soul a thrilling ride as it swirled within its confines. He looked at it, tears brimming again, and then gently put it back down on the mantle.
They left, then. The soul was disappointed; but it somehow knew the man and woman had saved it from the searing pain from before. It remembered nothing before the searing pain. It would have liked to push its way out of the bottle, but one needed a body for that.
It dozed for a bit, having nothing to occupy its interest. A couple of angels entered the room, frantically switching reality around. The walls fell away, the roof dissolved and the wooden floor of the study became the deck of a ship. The soul enjoyed the pitching of the deck, and eagerly watched more people appear on the deck.
The Great Being was there again, the kindly man who had gathered the soul and put it in this jar before it had melted away.
The Great Being stood on the ship, dressed in light clothing and a hat to keep the sun off his face, and faced two others. The two men were both in business suits without a thread out of place, well-fitting, and with looks on their faces of complete discomfort. Very Important Men, then. Leaders, perhaps. The Great Being spoke to them, turning the wheel of the ship, and they struggled to maintain their footing. In front of them, the sea writhed and churned. One of the men frowned and tried to speak, but the Great Being cut him off. The boat rocked and the men grabbed onto rigging.
The soul stayed strangely rooted to the deck of the ship, unaffected by the turbulence. The cause of the choppy waters became apparent soon enough, and the men screamed when they saw it.
A great whirlpool swirled ahead, sucking in all around it. The Great Being didn’t fight the pull, instead he steered the boat so it would be caught in the current. The men both dropped to their knees and spoke to the Great Being, tears streaming. They traveled faster as they began swirling around the whirlpool. The Great Being paid them no attention, instead bending to pick up the soul and its jar.
As the ship descended, the men holding to the rigging desperately, the Great Being stepped off the deck and fell, landing nimbly in the study.
He put the soul back on the mantle, and it waited there for the next exciting thing to happen.
The Great Being met with angels who gestured and waved their arms about; once a stray and desperate wing nearly knocked the soul from its perch, but the Great Being steadied it. The angels spoke of things like fracturing and chaos and the hand over.
The soul wished it had hands. They looked like fun.
The Great Being frowned and stared at the floor. He then pulled a letter from his robe and handed it to an angel. They left the room together.
More time passed. The soul tried again to achieve some sort of corporeal body, but it couldn’t manage so much as a finger.
More angels. More meetings. The soul began to grow bored. There was no concept of passing time here in this little room, and there were no more exciting boat trips.
It was
during a meeting with some small glowing children that another exciting thing finally happened.
The man returned, the woman behind him, her face still unmoving. The man carried one of the swords now, unsheathed. He wore the same white robe, only now it was tattered, sandy and bloody. The soul wondered what adventures they’d seen. The man turned to look at the soul, and the injury to his face was suddenly apparent: he had lost his left eye, the socket and three deep scratches covered by the white rag he’d used to wipe his tears earlier.
He spoke quickly to the Great Being, his hand white with the effort of gripping his sword tightly, the muscles in his jaw clenching.
The Great Being accepted this interruption in stride, dismissing the children and standing to meet the man. He touched the man on the shoulder and smiled, and the man relaxed his grip. The woman knelt by the door.
The Great Being sat the man down and they talked for a long time. The man’s remaining eye widened as the Great Being talked, and he nodded slowly. The Great Being smiled one last time at the soul in its jar, and then left the room.
Choose a life to return to. Choose a body. The soul was astonished to actually hear the voice. Images flashed by then: a baby boy, an old woman, a dirty male farmer, and a young woman. Animals, then, a mouse, a giraffe, a hyena, a fox. When it landed at last on a hawk, the soul swelled in excitement.
Please, Kate, the voice pleaded. The image of the young woman appeared again, with emotions to go with it. Love, longing, frustration, courage, compassion, independence. The young woman had had a good life. Her body was strong. While the animals presented fascinating possibilities, the soul realized that the limitations were too great.
I am Kate.
Daniel stepped back, his breath catching in his throat, as Kate materialized in front of him. He averted his eye quickly at her nakedness, and angels silently entered the room to robe her.
“Kate? Are you all right?”
“I – I think so.” The soul that was now Kate again rubbed its new face. “I saw… so many things.”