by RR Haywood
‘No,’ the word comes out muted and torn.
‘The weight of the world is upon you. You falter one step and berate yourself so harshly,’ her tone is so soft and compelling I can’t make myself move away from her. ‘Your team needs you, they all need you…’ I half turn and find myself sinking down into her warm embrace. Hands wrap round my back as I rest my forehead on her shoulder.
‘You faltered but you will be stronger. You have to see this through. You have no choice. Listen… listen to me,’ she lifts my head to stare deep into my eyes, ‘you’ve done more than anyone could ask…but this isn’t over and you have more to give.’
‘I can’t,’ I gasp as the tears run free.
‘You will,’ she say gently, with an almost maternal essence, ‘you must. You do not matter. What you can do matters most. It matters more than anything.’
‘…stay here…’
‘With me? You want to stay here with me?’
I nod and she laughs a pained sound full of remorse. ‘Oh Howie,’ she pulls me in for another tight embrace, ‘no, you cannot…but…you have to find me…’
‘I tried but…’
‘But what?’
‘But I broke…and I’m scared…I think about you and…I love Lani but sometimes I think about you.’
‘You will be strong,’ she pushes me to arm’s length and holds me there, ‘I do too. All the time. But…’ she pauses and sighs, ‘close your eyes.’
I do as told without question for there is no danger here. Marcy would never hurt me. I don’t know how I know but I do.
‘When you open your eyes you will rise and you will fight, you hear me?’
‘No…’
‘You will fight as you have never fought before. Your team are strong but without you they falter and bicker and argue. Clarence has the strength of five men but he cannot carry what you can. Paula is smart but she lacks the humility of your touch. They cannot win without you. The infection is throwing so much at them right now, right as we speak…cars laden with fuel are being sent flaming against the walls and a hole has formed. Your team are strewn throughout the building, fighting separately without cohesion, while Dave remains by your side staring into the darkness. The infection aims for the ammunition and is working route towards blowing it. If it wins, all your team will be killed. One has already suffered a bite. Without you and Dave the group lacks the heart to keep going. Howie,’ she pauses and steps closer, ‘your team are the hope, they are the future. You cannot go on without them and they cannot survive without you. Dave will close his eyes and accept death as a means of being with you. You will die. They will die and with you the hope of mankind dies. So when I say you will fight, you will rise up and fight and your voice will carry throughout that building. They will rally on you and you will blaze a path through them,’ her breath on my face now and her hands cup my cheeks. ‘Lani is torn. She knows the team need her but she longs to be by your side. She is at the far end, at the most dangerous point and she covers a gap in the wall. She’s alone and scared but she knows if she turns away they will break through. So again, when I say you will rise, you will rise and the strength will be there again. I promise. All of this doubt will be gone.’
I nod and weep but it’s as though her strength flows into me with a calmness I have never felt before.
‘When you open your eyes you will lead, do you understand?’
‘Yes.’
‘When you open your eyes you will not falter again, do you understand?’
‘Yes.’
‘You will fight and win and you will find me.’
‘I will. I swear it.’
‘Good, now keep your eyes closed…there’s one last thing to do.’
I stiffen as her lips touch mine but only for a second. Within that second a whole barrage of thoughts race through my mind. That this is wrong. But I’m dreaming. That she’s infected but I’m immune and I’m dreaming. Everything is wrong but everything is right and that second passes as I sink into the kiss of her full lips against mine. My heart surges with power and the strength I felt flowing into me before is doubled, tripled, forced through every vein in my body until my muscles feel like they’ll burst with energy. Her hands grip the back of my head as her tongue darts between my lips. The flow increases until I’m no longer human, for surely no human has ever felt like this. She breaks and breathes a long, contented sigh.
‘I’m still a woman,’ she whispers, ‘now go…go…’ She pushes me roughly away, ‘but remember me…’
Twenty-One
‘Lilly!’
She turns and smiles as Maddox threads his way through the moving crowds of the forts survivors.
‘Hey, Mads,’ she blows a strand of hair from her face and stands waiting for him, ‘everything okay?’
‘Yeah, listen,’ he stops and offers a wry smile at the sight of the clipboard in her hand, ‘Lenski’s at the gate. We’ve got more survivors turning up.’
‘More?’
‘Word’s spreading,’ he replies, ‘we’ve sent two crews out in boats to the shore on the other side…’
‘Are they being checked?’ She cuts in quickly.
‘Darius and Sierra are there,’ he nods, ‘and that nurse has gone over but I don’t like putting him at risk.’
‘We can’t send one of the doctors.’
‘I know. Lenski wants you down with her for processing.’
‘At the gate?’
‘Yeah, why? That okay?’ He notices the fleeting glimpse of a frown creasing on her forehead.
‘No, no it’s fine,’ she says, ‘I was arranging a rota for childcare but…’
‘Anyone can do that,’ Maddox says and looks round to see two women stood nearby talking, ‘you two, are you assigned a task?’
‘I beg your pardon?’ The older woman blanches in surprise.
‘We need a rota for childcare, can you do that?’ He speaks fast, firm yet soft with a perfect blend of respectful commanding authority.
‘Er, I suppose…’ the older woman blinks a few times.
‘I worked in a nursery,’ the younger woman offers, ‘for childcare,’ she adds quickly with a nervous glance between Maddox and Lilly.
‘You did? Brilliant!’ Lilly beams, ‘right, we need a safe area made for the children. It needs to be checked for anything that can cause injury or harm and we need people to be with them…make sure they eat, drink water…have rest time, not too long in the…’
‘In the sun, yeah I was thinking that,’ the younger woman interjects, ‘who is doing it now?’
‘Now? No one really,’ Lilly says with an imploring look.
‘What’s your name?’ Maddox asks.
‘Angela.’
‘Angela, you are now in charge of childcare for the fort and act on my authority, get what you need from the stores. There’ll be a radio somewhere for you and we’ll get you a few guards assigned. Got it?’
‘Wow,’ Angela offers a nervous smile, ‘really?’
‘Yes, really,’ Maddox says seriously, ‘you get any problems you find one of the crews…’ He turns to spot Ryland patrolling nearby with a shotgun held across the crook of his arms.
‘Ryland, your crew on now?’
‘S’up,’ Ryland nods in greeting, ‘yeah we’re on.’
‘Angela,’ Maddox nods at the woman, ‘she’s in charge of childcare now, get her a radio and stay with her.’
‘Sweet,’ Ryland smiles at the woman. ‘Ryland,’ he nods with a grin, ‘you’s better come with me innit.’
‘Lilly,’ Maddox motions for the woman to fall in beside him as he starts striding back towards the front. ‘You cannot do everything yourself,’ she watches as his eyes dart to every corner of the fort. Nothing escapes his attention but he takes time to look at her and show his interest, ‘delegation is the key to leadership.’
‘Delegation. Right.’ She nods and hurries alongside and notices again how people seem to step out of his way and he rarely has to swerve or deviate. The power of
the man exudes utter confidence, that nothing is beyond him and unlike the crews and guards who hold long barrelled weapons and stare with fixed expressions, Maddox has a single pistol in a holster on the back of his belt. Unassuming, yet it only serves to increase his control. ‘You’re one of us now, Lilly.’
‘Am I?’ She asks with a surprised look.
‘You are. Howie goes out and does out there,’ Maddox nods forward, ‘and we run this, so you’re one of us that runs this. As such,’ he spares her a glance amidst the chaos around them, ‘you need to assert control and authority.’
‘I’m only fifteen,’ she blurts.
He stops and stares at her with a poker face, ‘how old am I?’
‘Pardon?’
‘How old am I?’
‘Er,’ she concentrates, ‘I would say…’
‘I’m eighteen,’ he resumes walking.
‘What!?’
‘Howie is twenty seven yet he commands everyone and do you know what Howie did before this?’
‘Worked in Tesco, didn’t he?’
‘He did. I was in a gang that grew cannabis. Howie worked in a supermarket. Lenski is a Polish immigrant…you get me?’
‘I think so,’ she nods and sidesteps a man carrying planks of wood.
‘It’s in your voice, your manner, your bearing…look people in the eye when you talk to them and assert the authority in your voice but…’ he spares her another glance, ‘only shout or raise your voice when you have to.’
‘But you and Howie can fight,’ she says quickly, ‘everyone says how tough you are. So by the masculinity of your toughness you command that respect.
‘Ever seen Lenski fight?’
‘Well no but…’
‘Lenski doesn't fight.’
‘Right.’
‘Does Lenski command respect?’
‘Oh god, yes, but then she’s got that Polish look, you know, she doesn't show her emotions or…’
‘Do I show emotions?’
‘No, no you don’t…but Howie does, Howie isn’t like that.’
‘Everyone’s different. Make no mistake. Howie is special but he’s also got the ability to be utterly ruthless when he needs to be. You have to find your way but you’re too valuable to do that slowly over time. Find it. Assert control.’
‘I’ll try,’ she bites her bottom lip then stiffens to show resolve.
‘Maddox!’
‘Yes,’ Maddox holds a hand out to show the approaching Doctor Andrew Stone he is aware but he is also busy. It works too. The eighteen year old simply stops the doctor and looks back to Lilly, ‘everyone speaks well of you.’
‘Do they?’ Lilly blushes from the praise.
‘One of us. Go find Lenski.’
‘Okay and er…thanks, Maddox.’
‘Anytime, Doctor Stone, what have you got?’
‘Right,’ Andrew steps in and rubs his hands, ‘we’ve inventoried the equipment and we have enough to start some basic analysis…’
‘Good. What do you need?’
‘Need? Who says we need anything?’
‘You need an infected?’
‘Well yes, yes actually we do…or rather not an actual infected person but we need infected blood.’
‘Got it,’ Maddox nods, ‘I can do that. I can get you an infected person.’
‘Is that safe?’
‘No. Nothing is safe but I’ll make it safe enough. It won’t be brought in here but we can bring one close enough so we can get samples and you can do whatever tests you need.’
‘For a thorough analysis we’ll need the ones we know are immune, some we know are not immune and obviously the infected. Also,’ Doctor Stone steps in to lower his voice, ‘the one that turned but stayed normal?’
‘Lani?’
‘No…the other one, the woman…’
‘Marcy?’ Maddox lifts his eyebrows in surprise.
‘Yes, yes her. We need her too. We need every known type so we can get a cross section of all the blood types and…well, to even begin to understand how this infection works is way beyond us but we may be able to identify certain things within the blood that are different across that spectrum. Listen, we are just general doctors…you understand that right? We’ll do our best but we’ve also got sick, injured and…’
‘I get it,’ Maddox cuts him off, ‘you’ll get Howie and his team when they return. As for an infected,’ the youth pauses to think for a second, ‘that will have to be Howie too. Marcy…Marcy I can get.’
‘Really? How?’
‘Ears are for listening, eyes are for watching and the brain does everything else. Thank you, Doctor. You’ll have what you need as soon as possible.’
Maddox strides off. Not because he has another specific task but because he needs time to think, and he thinks best whilst walking. Also, it makes him look busy which means people don’t interrupt unless it’s important.
The immunity is beyond his control so that is pushed to one side of his brain. An infected he can get but again, that is a task best completed by Howie so that too is segmented to one side. Marcy. He’s heard the story and knows who the woman is, and from what he can gather, she’s close too. Whatever happened between her and Howie is unfinished. He could wait until Howie gets back and ask his group to find Marcy but that will take time, and he couldn’t be sure that Lani would agree to it. Not that it would really matter, Howie would see that it was for the good of the fort and get the job done, but he wouldn’t like to cause unnecessary upset between those two.
‘Maddox, we need more fuel for the generators…’ a man rushes up with a harried look on his face.
‘For cooking? There’s more fuel in the store room at the far end, find Ryland. He’s the duty crew chief.’
‘Got it, thanks, Maddox.’
Weigh up the risk and the threat. He can take a crew with him to find Marcy but that exposes that crew to unnecessary risk and he knows he can move faster on his own. The Bossman used Maddox as an enforcer to collect debts and it was a skill Maddox honed over several years. Finding people and making them want to do the right thing. Opposition doesn't faze him. Maddox knows he’s fast at running and capable in a fight. But then he leaves the security of the fort to someone else and if he was to die out there then it leaves this fort without an established leader.
‘Mads, we got anymore suncream?’
‘Stores. You know that,’ he casts a searching look at the young boy, ‘Carl, you getting enough water?’
‘Yeah swear down, Mads,’ the youth nods his head eagerly.
‘So what’s up?’
‘Nuffin,’ the boy looks down and fidgets.
‘Carl, you know where the suncream is kept. You wanted to speak to me. What’s up?’
‘My stomach hurts,’ the boy blurts with a flush of embarrassment.
‘You told your crew chief?’
‘Can’t find her,’ the boy mutters.
‘Skyla? Where she at?’
‘Dunno.’
‘How bad is it?’
‘Fucking hurts,’ the boy winces, ‘like fucking proper.’
‘Let me see…’ Maddox sees the shame on the boy’s face and guides him over to one side out of view, ‘come on.’
‘It’s like…in here,’ the boy lifts his t shirt and rubs across his abdomen, ‘and it hurts when I piss.’
‘You sure you drinking water?’
‘Swear down,’ the boy nods.
‘Carl, I ain’t angry. You get me? How much you had today?’
‘Water? Some at breakfast.’
‘You on the early crew?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Go see the doc.’
‘But Skyla said I had to stay by the gate.’
‘I’ll do the gate, go see the doc and if anyone says shit then tell ‘em I said so. You get me?’
‘Yeah, thanks, Mads,’ the boy goes to walk off then stops, ‘is it bad?’
‘What? Your stomach? Nah is it fuck,’ Maddox grins, ‘you pro
bably dehydrated. Stay in the shade. Tell you what, see the doc and tell ‘em I said you got to stay in there and help them today.’
‘Okay, Mads,’ the boy runs off, stops and runs back before handing over his rifle with a sheepish grin.
‘Loaded and the safety’s on,’ the boy runs off again leaving Maddox holding the weapon.
‘Mads, we got two boat loads coming in,’ another young voice calls out from the gate.
‘Carl has gone to the hospital,’ Maddox announces on stepping through into the middle section, ‘keep this gate locked and stay alert, you get me?’ He looks to the crew standing ready with shotguns, ‘you lot been here all morning, you had a break yet?’
‘Nah, Mads but we’s okay.’
‘Skyla, this is Maddox. You hearing me?’
‘Alright, Mads.’
‘Your crew need rotating. Where are you?’
‘Toilet.’
‘Sort your crew out.’ He clips the radio back on his waistband and walks out to the small beach. Two boats move slowly, laden with survivors. Maddox nods to Lenski and Lilly waiting to receive them and casts his eyes over the watchful crew. He stays a few feet away from everyone else in yet another subconscious, but overt, display that he is in charge.
‘We bring them in or?’ Lenski turns to Maddox.
‘DARIUS?’ Maddox shouts across the still water, ‘HOW MANY?’
‘ELEVEN,’ Darius shouts back, ‘ALL CHECKED. NO WEAPONS. NO BITES.’
‘BRING ‘EM IN.’
Lenksi watches the boats as they ground out gently in the shallows. The crew ranges out into a wide semi-circle, weapons ready but lowered. All eyes scanning the new arrivals.
A few men, more women and yet even more children. All of them bedraggled, sunburnt, filthy and completely terrified. The refugees take in the youths holding the weapons and the distinct lack of friendly faces ready to greet them. A weighted silence, heavy and oppressive.
‘Lilly,’ Maddox says softly across, ‘they need a warm welcome.’
She beams with genuine sincerity, ‘Hi. I’m Lilly, this is Lenski…you’re all safe now.’
As she speaks, Maddox waves his hand low, signalling the crew to ease back. They respond instantly with smiles and nods as a palpable relief sweeps the occupants of the two boats.