‘That’s why you wanted someone else?’
‘I guess I wanted a quick fix. Something to make me feel good about myself.’
‘A new haircut and some retail therapy couldn’t have done that?’
‘Superficially, yes. I did loads of things to paper over the cracks. They were always a temporary solution, though. Nothing I did, we did, ever began mending the underlying problem. Our foundation crumbled, Sophie. All we’ve ended up with in common is you. It’s become an unspoken understanding—’
‘What? That you’re only together because of me?’ She paused. Silence. Wow, is she for real? ‘That’s ridiculous. I’m seventeen, not a child.’
‘I know. You’re still our little girl though. You need our protection. Our joint protection.’
‘Oh, right. Yeah, because that’s exactly how it feels in this house, like you’re both working together to protect me. You two are at each other’s throats half the time. In front of me. How is that being protective? In fact, if this is your idea of joint protection, I’d much rather you didn’t bother. Just get a divorce and have done with it.’ Her outburst extinguished itself. It came as a release, the bubble of resentment which had built up over the last few years, suddenly over-inflating beyond its capacity and bursting. It seemed as though everyone had stuff to get off their chests today. A quietness settled between them. Perhaps they were both exhausted from this day of revelations. Bailey put his nose under Sophie’s elbow, nudging it so he could rest his head on her lap.
‘Poor dog. He’s so stressed, Mum, with the constant arguments, the horrible atmosphere.’
‘I know. It’s not fair. Not fair on anyone.’
‘This has come as such a shock. I know it may seem as though I’m overreacting …’ Sophie twisted Bailey’s fur in her fingers.
‘No. You have every right to feel as you do. I made a mistake.’ Karen sat forward and moved closer to Sophie. ‘A few actually. Now it’s come back to bite me … as did the last mistake I made … Huh. I really don’t learn, do I?’ She raised her eyes, trying to meet Sophie’s. The smile, unsure, feeble – an attempt at gaining her sympathy?
‘I don’t think I want to know about any other mistakes, thanks.’ She tutted and pushed Bailey off her. He skulked over to his basket.
‘Fine by me. Can we get back to the current situation, now, please?’
‘Yes. I guess we should. You’d best tell me why you believe it’s your Jay who’s following me. Because I find it hard to believe, if I’m honest.’ Her mum must be jumping to conclusions. Surely she was wrong, her scrambled brain not working right.
Because if Jay really was her stalker, that meant he was also Erin’s murderer.
Was that even possible?
And how was she supposed to tell her mum that? She obviously felt she knew this guy, thought he was amazing, had even considered leaving her dad for him. She believed he was following Sophie merely as an attempt to get her attention, that he was only a harmless stalker, a disgruntled lover attempting to get to her through her daughter. Sophie was sure her mum didn’t suspect for one second her online lover was actually capable of murder. She hadn’t made the connection because she hadn’t seen the photos. Because Sophie couldn’t bring herself to tell her what they were of, or the fact she thought she’d been there with Erin.
If she told her what she really feared it would push her over the edge; send her anxiety levels higher than ever before. She’d need more than a paper bag to recover from this one.
Sophie lay on her bed staring up at the ceiling, the shade on her bedside lamp casting wispy shadows. She traced them with her eyes, making the abstract shapes into familiar objects. She’d tried the same with her abstract family, attempting to make it into a familiar one that fit with her ideals; was the same as many of her friends’ families. That illusion was well and truly shattered now.
What a weird day.
Her mum had put up a convincing case about Jay being her stalker. Eventually, following some emotional blackmail – which had to be done – she’d shown Sophie some emails. All fairly tame thankfully, but they did come across as quite desperate. Telling her he loved her, how he wanted to be with her. Every one ended with him begging to meet. Each of hers in return made excuses why she couldn’t. He’d got needy, fed up.
It made sense he would seek a different avenue. A way around the block, a diversionary tactic.
Her. She was the only route to her mother.
The next step was to be sure. Sophie groaned as she considered the supposed ‘plan’. She didn’t know why her mum had even suggested it. It was so far beyond achievable, she’d almost laughed. She was adamant though. She wanted to see for herself – identify Jay as the stalker. Of course, it wasn’t really going to happen. Apparently, she was going to ride in with Sophie to work in the morning, let Sophie walk on and hang back a bit, to watch to see if he was there. See if he followed. Once she was one hundred per cent sure he matched the pictures she’d printed off the computer – sure it was Jay – they were going to consider their next move. Or so she’d said.
When she’d first spoken about this plan, Sophie had panicked. If it turned out that she was right, that it was Jay, her mum might hold off calling the police. She wouldn’t want her lies to surface. But, if it wasn’t Jay, which was by far the likelier outcome, then her mum would call the police and the rest of the stuff would come out. Sophie would look guilty, be humiliated. Ridiculed. Blamed.
Her panic had subsided after a while, though. It was never going to happen. One – her mum would struggle to make it past the front door. Two – if she managed that stage, she’d end up stranded in Coleton, as she’d never cope with driving herself home again. And the idea of a taxi … well. So, basically Sophie was back to square one. She’d no one to walk to and from work with. But, at least the police weren’t going to get involved – she definitely didn’t want to go back for another grilling at the station.
Sitting at the dining room table for dinner had been an uncomfortable half-hour. She ate as quickly as possible, eyes on her plate, avoiding her dad’s. If she looked at him, into his eyes, he’d see the guilt. It might not be her fault, as her mum had repeated a dozen times, but she now felt guilty by association. She knew now. She held the information, the knowledge of her mum’s betrayal. By keeping it inside of her, not telling him, she was helping to hide the secret. She was an accessory. It seemed like she was an accessory to every bad thing at the moment. Murder. Adultery. What else could she add to the list?
Her phone buzzed.
Only a handful of people had the number of the temporary phone. She assumed it would be Dan. It was.
Amy’s having a meltdown. We all need to get together.
Sophie sat upright. Amy? Having a meltdown? Didn’t sound like her.
What about? Where and when do you want to meet? And who is ‘all’?
Dan replied within seconds.
She’s had too much to drink. Is going on about letting Erin down, being the worst friend, etc. Drama Queen ;-) Both of you come to mine after work tomorrow? The others will make their way here too. The Saturday gang.
It was the last thing she wanted. Certainly didn’t need it now.
Does Amy know about this?
Dan’s reply surprised her: It was her idea. See you tomorrow. Sweet dreams.
Was he having a laugh?
Tomorrow. Saturday. A week since Erin’s murder. And Amy wanted to meet then? Why? It’d be like some macabre anniversary. What were they going to do, sit around and each say how thankful they were that it hadn’t been them? She didn’t fancy being out at all, especially at Dan’s. If it was Amy’s idea, then why weren’t they meeting at hers?
She didn’t like this one bit.
Although, it would mean that for one night she would be ‘covered’, not left alone to walk back to her car. Saturday, then, was sorted. Her mum would be with her in the morning, Amy in the evening.
But what about the rest of the time – when s
he was on her own? Those were the moments she was most concerned about.
Those were the times when something bad could happen.
CHAPTER SIXTY-FIVE
Karen
Saturday
Karen stood in the doorway of the en suite, a cotton pad in one hand sweeping across her cheekbone. ‘Sophie’s taking me into town this morning.’
‘Really? That’s good.’ Mike didn’t lift his head, continuing instead to thread his belt through the trouser loops. ‘Are you meeting Rachel?’
He had to ruin it, didn’t he? Couldn’t he praise her for attempting to get outside the house? ‘No. I’m trying small steps first. If that’s okay with you?’ Had she managed to keep the sarcasm from her tone?
‘Absolutely. Once you’ve done that successfully, you’ll be able to go a bit further, won’t you?’ He looked at her briefly, before pulling the fleece over his head. It left his hair ruffled. At one time, she would’ve gone over to him, brushed it down again with her hand, kissed him. Now, she simply turned away and went back into the en suite.
‘Like I said, small steps.’ She raised her voice so he could hear her. ‘I wondered where you’d be today, you know, if there’s a problem.’
‘You mean how far away will I be when you get stuck and can’t make it back home?’
It sounded as if he were smiling.
She wasn’t having that. She pulled the flush hard, watched the cotton pads swirl in the toilet bowl and disappear, held her head up and went back in to face Mike.
‘No. I won’t need you to come save me, don’t worry. I’ll do this.’
‘Fine. That’s good. Because I’m on the other side of Haytor. Not only is the signal bad there, it’s a good twenty miles away, so I wouldn’t be any use to you anyway.’
Nothing new there, then.
‘At least I know not to try.’
‘Seriously though, what if you can’t drive back?’ Now there was a hint of concern.
‘Bus?’ What a terrible thought. I have to be okay to drive home. I have to be.
‘It’s a plan.’ He shrugged a shoulder, came around to her and took her hands in his. ‘You can do it. I have every faith in you.’ He kissed the top of her head. ‘I’ll look forward to hearing all about it tonight. Shouldn’t be a late one today, it’s not even my Saturday really. Maybe around four. Okay?’ He dropped her hands and walked out before she could respond.
One minute he was mocking her ability to go outside, next he was telling her he had faith in her. How was she meant to decipher him? Anyway, whatever. Basically, if she was going to do this, after Sophie left her, she was on her own. The only person she’d be letting down if she failed was Sophie. And as this was her mess, her fault Sophie had got involved, she had no intention of letting her down again.
In an hour from now, she hoped she’d know for sure if Jay was Sophie’s stalker. The prospect both comforted and terrified her. On the one hand, if it was him, she knew no harm would come to Sophie, she could deal with it herself and it would be over. On the other hand, if it wasn’t Jay, an unknown male threatened the safety of her daughter. And Erin’s killer was still out there. She shook that thought from her head.
Karen picked out a plain white, baggy T-shirt to wear – loose enough to prevent her getting too sweaty during the inevitable panic stage, where any tight clothes added to the feelings of restriction and claustrophobia. She sighed and sat on the edge of her bed. What a mess she was. What else could she do to prepare for this? Cold drink. That might help; perhaps she should take some extra tablets too. Paper bag. Must remember the bag.
‘You doing okay, Mum?’
‘Yes. Yes. Fine.’
‘You are sure about this, aren’t you?’ Sophie continued into the bedroom and sat beside Karen. ‘I mean, I could try and take a photo of the weirdo, save you coming in.’
‘No. I want to see him in the flesh.’
‘All right. Up to you.’ She patted her on the arm and got up to leave. ‘Oh, but, I need the car for later. Dan texted last night, Amy is apparently in need of a group get-together and wants to meet at Dan’s. So …’
‘Oh. Um …’ Bollocks. Although the thought of driving worried her, the thought of a bus was terrifying. At least in the car she was alone, could freak out a bit, give positive reinforcement statements aloud to herself: manage the situation, keep everything under her control. On a bus, full of strangers who would stare, judge her, and ridicule her – that was a really frightening prospect.
‘Okay,’ she closed her eyes for a second, inhaling deeply, ‘I’ll get the bus home. Probably a better idea anyway. Don’t want to be a danger to other drivers.’ She attempted a laugh, but the tightness in her throat caused it to come out as a squeal. Her armpits tingled with the beginnings of perspiration.
It was starting.
She needed to go now, before it took hold.
At the door. The residue of a thin mist clung to the sides of the porch windows. Sophie was in front of her, leading her through. Out.
‘Don’t drag me.’
‘I’m not, Mum, it’s okay, you’re doing great.’
The air, fresh and damp, touched her face. She kept her head down. Focused on the ground. One step. Sophie’s car was in the drive. She’d driven it in, passenger side closest to Karen. Two steps. A clunk, as a door opened. Three steps.
‘Sit in, now.’ A gentle, guiding push.
She was in. The door slammed. Safe inside the car.
‘Excellent, Mum, you’re doing really well.’ The soft whoosh of the wipers swept the film of moisture across the windscreen as Sophie started the engine.
She’d got this far on Wednesday. This wasn’t a success yet.
Her breathing shallowed.
Like it had on Wednesday.
An unbearable heat enveloped her skin, her face on fire.
Like it’d been on Wednesday.
‘Stop the car!’
‘Why? Mum, we haven’t even got out of our road.’
‘I can’t do it. I’m sorry. Go back.’
‘What was your point in coming with me?’
‘I know, I’m sorry, I—’
‘No. Tell me. What was your aim, why did you want to come?’
‘To see him. Find out. Stop him.’
‘Right. Say it again.’
‘Eh?’
‘Say it,’ Sophie shouted.
‘I want to see him. Need to find out if it’s Jay.’
‘Again.’
‘I need to see him for myself, find out if it’s Jay.’ More conviction this time. She repeated it again. And again. Head down, she stated her aim, like a mantra.
Sophie pulled out on to the main road leading to town. Ten more minutes and they’d reach the car park. She didn’t speak any more, no further words of encouragement. Karen’s voice and deep breathing were the only noises in the car.
‘We’re here, Mum.’ Sophie thrust her arm through the open window, pressed for the ticket. The barrier lifted.
‘Really? Are we?’
‘That’s good, isn’t it? You’ve done it. Mum, this is the farthest you’ve been for ages, you know, apart from the counsellor’s.’
‘Yes. Yes, it is. I feel sick.’
‘You’re fine. Come on, the worst is over.’
‘It’s absolutely not.’ How could she say that? This was the easy part.
‘I’m trying to be supportive?’ Sophie shook her head. ‘Come on then. Let’s do this.’
CHAPTER SIXTY-SIX
Karen willed her muscles to move her legs, to get her out of the relative safety of the car. They resisted. She opened the door and grabbed her thigh with both hands, moving one leg free of the vehicle. Then the other. She was out. She leant back against the closed door, hunched over, eyes down. If she lifted them, she’d see the vast expanse of open space. Panic.
‘Are you going to be okay, Mum?’ Sophie bent over her and swept a chunk of hair away from her face. She shut her eyes tight. ‘Mum?’
&nbs
p; She could hear the nerves in Sophie’s voice.
She had to look up. Get a grip.
Come on, you need to see him. Look up.
She straightened, opening her eyes, keeping them on Sophie.
‘Right. Good. We can do this, Mum.’
Hearing Sophie’s sudden confidence buoyed her. She was here now. She could do it. She held on to Sophie’s upper arms and risked a quick glance around the car park. There was no sign of mist in Coleton. Instead there was a darkness, an oppression of low cloud. Seemed apt.
‘If he’s been following you regularly, he’ll have already seen you drive in and know I’m with you. I’ve probably frightened him off and all this will be for nothing.’
‘Nooo. If you’ve frightened him off you’ve done your job, protected me. So, it won’t have been for nothing, will it?’ Sophie was mothering her, talking to her as if she were coaxing a child.
‘Protected you for one day only? That’s not good enough. If I don’t see him, I won’t know if it’s Jay. I have to know.’
‘Are you ready for me to walk off?’
Karen glanced at the image held tightly in her trembling hand and nodded. As ready as she was ever going to be.
Sophie kissed her on the cheek, whispered ‘I love you’, and turned to leave.
‘Take care, Soph.’
‘You too, Mum.’
Okay. Concentrate. Keep focused. Who’s looking Sophie’s way, who’s following?
Sophie reached the courthouse, walked slowly towards the crossing. Karen moved forwards too. She wanted to be far enough behind to make the stalker think he could follow Sophie unnoticed, yet close enough to make a positive identification. An old bloke pushing a bike stood beside Sophie at the crossing. Was that him? They crossed. He walked in the opposite direction. No.
Karen carried on walking. Sophie turned, caught Karen’s eye, shook her head gently. She’d put him off, he must’ve seen she was there and disappeared. Damn. Karen was level with the courthouse, Sophie nearing the corner. It was now, or not at all; she was almost at her work entrance. That’s where Sophie said she’d seen him last. Could she have missed him? He may have sneaked around the corner as they were taking their time in the car park.
Saving Sophie Page 18