by Tera Shanley
“Shut up and give me sixty.”
“Hmm? Sixty what?”
“Push-ups, Summers! And I swear to all that is wrong with this mucked up earth, if you smart-mouth me today, I’m going to make your life miserable.”
She dropped to her hands and knees and started pumping them out.
“Get off your knees,” Brewster said blandly. “You wanted to be a guard with the big boys. Do you see them doing girly push-ups?”
“No, sir.” But in her defense, they were still doing jumping jacks and not push-ups at all. Brewster probably wouldn’t want to hear the shortcomings of his argument, though.
“Then you won’t be doing those girly push-ups either! Sixty. Start over.”
Her arms turned to Jell-O-textured fettuccini noodles about half way through, but somehow she managed. She couldn’t hold her Glock in her numb fingers now even if she wanted to, but she’d done it, and the success counted.
“Now, I want you to make tracks around the fence line of Dead Run River. Rifles above your heads. And knees to the chest, worms. I don’t have all day.”
Vanessa followed Boris down the trail that would lead to the fence line, and Brewster happily screamed in her ear about her many inadequacies for the first two miles. After that, he paid more attention to Boris, who had lagged behind and allowed her to pass. It wasn’t until the final straightaway, miles later, when Brewster commanded, “Halt!”
She peeked around Steven Carpenter’s broad and heaving shoulders. The other recruits moved off the trail to let the oncoming group pass, but she found herself locked into place. She was hallucinating.
Mitchell led the group through the woods like he belonged there. Like he’d never left.
“Mitchell?” Vanessa squeaked.
He snapped whiskey-colored eyes to her and stopped. She bolted for him but within two steps skidded to a stop. She wasn’t hallucinating. Laney was beside him, and her proudly displayed stomach told of a child to come. His child.
Something dark and terrible churned within her and fury blasted through her veins. Not at them. At herself. She should never have let him affect her like this. Not after all this time. It was just a stupid crush! Her gaze drifted to Sean. How could it not? His blue eyes were practically glowing like a freaking bug light.
She recognized his look of utter despair. It likely mirrored her own in that horrible moment.
Chapter Two
THE TRAIL GLIDED ALONG the fence line and cut in toward the mess hall. It was late for breakfast and too early for lunch, but Eloise and Laney had enlightened their companions that if the two of them didn’t eat, they’d adopt sourer dispositions than even the grumpiest Dead. Food it was.
Sean pitied the new recruits. Finn had been given the morning off to hang out with Adrianna and meet up with Laney, and Ned Brewster was the one leading PT. The old badger was relentless, and from the recruits’ flushed and grim faces, he’d been in an especially unsavory mood.
“Halt,” Brewster called out. The sound of the command echoed off the trees, and the eight trainees stopped in their tracks. They moved to the side to let the group pass. All but one.
A tiny woman with rosy cheeks and hazel eyes stood frozen with her gaze locked on Mitchell.
A tremor of uncertainty tainted the edges of her question. “Mitchell?”
A mixture of hope and desolation churned in her eyes. The ghost of a smile faded from her full lips as swiftly as it had arrived. She charged at a motionless Mitchell for two steps that spoke of her relief, but her abrupt halt said she’d seen Laney. Maybe Sean’s heart wasn’t the only one that had been broken that day a year ago. Was that what he looked like?
“Hi, Vanessa,” Laney said, breaking the resounding silence that seemed to fill every space between the ancient evergreens. “It’s good to see you again.”
The small statement, void of emotion, seemed to snap the woman out of herself. She snorted. “Not likely. As I recall we weren’t the best of friends. You back to annoy the shit out of me some more? It has become a tad boring around here.”
“Ha.”
Everyone turned and looked at Sean with the oddest expressions on their faces. Had he laughed out loud? He cleared his throat and gave an apologetic shrug. She had a mouth on her for such a tiny little thing. “I know you.”
“You should. You ran me over this morning and forced me to use my karate moves on you.”
He’d had a hard time taking his gaze off her this morning. Maybe it had to do with her rush to escape him or the angry blush that had crept into her cheeks when she figured out he didn’t remember her name. More likely it was because he was unsettled with why he hadn’t noticed a face as pretty as hers before now. Even winded, she was attractive. This pining for Laney had clearly gone on too long.
Mel cleared her throat, and Mitchell led them past the recruits. Sean stopped in front of the woman, and she dragged her eyes away from Mitchell’s back long enough to grace Sean with their blue-green color.
“What’s your name?” he asked.
“Who wants to know?”
He gave her a charming grin. Games were a delicious distraction from the chronic ache that had taken over his chest cavity. “You know who. Don’t make me call you ‘recruit’ like the rest of these yahoos. Just give me your name.”
“Vanessa Summers. Sir.”
He narrowed his eyes at the last word. It was meant to distance herself from him.
“Hmm.” He nodded respectfully to Brewster. “Carry on.”
“Line ’em up, maggots!” the drill sergeant bellowed.
Vanessa lifted her M16A2 over her head with one final mind-bullet glare for Sean and whirled around to join her team. He watched her go until they disappeared into the trees. What was a girl like that doing in guard training? She hadn’t a stitch of makeup on, save maybe a dab of lip balm to protect those perfectly pink lips from the bitter morning wind. Still, her pale skin was flawless, and two perfectly arched eyebrows only a shade or two darker than her hair gave away every emotion she had. The hazel in her eyes was surrounded by dark lashes, and her petite nose turned up at the end in an appealing way. What was she doing hanging around with a bunch of fighters? The occupation didn’t tend to attract the best mannered men, and the female guards were usually all gristle. A far cry from the tough-talking woman with the vulnerable eyes.
He turned and trailed the group at a slow walk. Plucking a long blade of dry grass, he rolled it distractedly between his fingers and glanced once more to the place he’d last seen her. Last year there’d been a girl who sat with Laney and her friends from time to time during dinner, but he’d only seen her once or twice, and he hadn’t paid her any attention. It had to be her.
And she’d had a thing for Mitchell—that much was written all over her face before she’d rearranged it into a defensive sneer. She looked like a pissed off kitten.
“Daddy, c’mon!” Adrianna yelled from up ahead.
His boots made soft thudding sounds against the dirt path as he jogged to catch up. “Listen, I’m going to take Ade and get some work done. Finn, you go relieve old Bruiser before he kills our recruits.”
“Aww,” Laney said. “We just got back. Surely work can wait.”
Mel frowned at him and spoke up. “Actually, Sean heads up all of the guards now. Fridays are his busiest days because he works out the guard schedules for the entire upcoming week. We can stop by later and visit if you’d like, but I’m afraid he’s right.”
God bless that intuitive woman.
Laney squeezed Adrianna’s hand. “I’ll come by later and spring you, okay? We’ll go fishing or something.”
Adrianna beamed. “Can I, Daddy?”
She looked up with those dark eyes so like her mother’s, and he was helpless to deny her. “Of course. You girls have lots of catching up to do.” Thanks, he mouthed to Laney, who smiled and nodded her head.
Adrianna slipped her tiny hand into his as they headed back to guard headquarters. “You know, you
won’t be able to come to work with me anymore once you start school next year,” he told her. “You’ll have work of your own.”
“Is Laney going to have a baby?” Adrianna asked.
He swallowed the loss down. “Yes. How do you know about those kinds of things?”
“’Cause Eloise is having a baby. I told her I always wanted a baby brother or sister, and she told me her baby could be like that to me.” She beamed up at him. “Now I will have two.”
Her hand was so fragile and small in his as he squeezed it. “Well, that’s very kind of her to share her baby with you. And between Eloise’s and Laney’s babies, you will be swimming in little playmates, huh?”
He’d always wished to give her a sibling someday, with the right person, but it just hadn’t been meant to be. His chance was now having a child with another man. He cleared his throat as if it would settle the churning emotion in his stomach.
Adrianna kicked a pinecone off the trail. “Mr. Finn said Mommy couldn’t have a baby sister for me because she got ate up.”
He frowned at the top of the little girl’s dark hair. “You’ve been talking about this a lot lately, haven’t you?”
“Yes. You were gonna marry Mel, but we don’t go to her house anymore, and Mr. Finn said you and Mel have growing up problems.”
“That’s grown-up problems. Mr. Finn is right, but, honey—” he squatted down and held her arms so she’d hear the truth of his words “—you can talk to me about this stuff whenever you want to. You know that, right?”
Her lip quivered. “I know, but every time I do, you look really sad. And I want you to be happy, not sad.”
He pulled her to him so she wouldn’t see the effect her sweet words had on him. He hadn’t been doing a very good job of hiding his turmoil, and that had to change. “From here on, I’ll be happy, okay? And it’ll make me happy if you talk to me about this stuff. Even if it’s things I can’t give you, like a baby sister or brother, talking about it will make us both feel better.”
She nodded against his cheek.
A few hundred more yards of hiking later and he opened his office door for Adrianna. She flopped onto the floor with a drawing book and a pack of colored pencils, and he tackled the stack of paperwork taunting him from the oversized desk. Days like these, he missed working at the sawmill. Paperwork was the worst distraction from things he’d rather not think about. What he wouldn’t give for a day of sawing, counting, stacking, sweeping, anything physical that got him out from behind the desk. Most days he was out in the field, and thank goodness for that. If he was trapped in this office more than one day a week, he’d feed himself to a Dead just to escape the tedium. This must’ve been what it was like for Laney to go from a nomadic Dead-fighting lifestyle to a boring job in the gardens. He regretted stuffing her there, even if his intentions had been to keep her safe. He’d stifled her, and as long as he lived, he’d never do that to another. That promise extended even to Adrianna.
A soft knock on the door had him signing the last page in a hurry. “Come in.” With the freshly inked page on the top of the stack, he glanced up to find Laney peeking her head in.
“Can I talk to you?”
He leaned back in his chair and grinned. “That sounds foreboding.”
“What I have to say will likely piss you off.”
He groaned and leaned on the desk with his knuckles over his smile. “Here an hour and already asking favors?”
“I need a job.”
Cocking his head, he said, “Are you sure it’s safe for the baby?”
“Well, I’m not signing up for guard duty.”
“Oh. What assignment are you asking for then?”
“Cattle? I know I pissed and moaned about how much I hated it, but it offers a chance for more action, and Mitchell has already been assigned guard duty, and he’ll be on cattle too so he can make sure I’m okay and—”
“Laney, Laney, okay. You don’t have to explain to me. I’m not your keeper. Cattle will be fine, and you can start on Monday if you’d like. I’ll go back and add Mitchell to the guard schedule and make sure he’s on cattle with you if that’s what you want. He has enough field experience that he won’t need any training. He’ll get back into the swing of things around here soon enough.”
She pursed her lips. “It’s kind of strange being back here.”
“How so?”
“Like this.” She waved at the space between them. “I don’t know how to be us again, you know? Like after we decided we were better as friends and things were easy. I feel like I have to watch what I say so I don’t hurt you or make you mad.”
“I’m not the same man I was back then. The reason you’re feeling all of that is my fault. I toyed with you and didn’t take care with you, and I saw how bad it hurt you.” Lying would be best if they ever had a shot at being normal around each other again. “We’ve both moved on, Laney. I’m happy to see you so happy. I’m glad you’re back. Adrianna over there missed you terribly.”
“Mel told me you guys aren’t together.” Her face said she hadn’t meant to blurt that little gem out, but there it was, hanging between them.
“We work better as friends.” With a sad smile, he said, “Seems I’m better friend than boyfriend material.”
“But you said you’d moved on.”
He bit back a growl. “Damn it, Laney, you’ve been back for thirty seconds. I’m not sharing the details of my love life with you.”
She narrowed her eyes and stood. “Right. Adrianna, you ready to blow this popsicle stand?”
“What’s a popsicle?” his daughter asked.
Shaking her head in mock sadness, Laney said, “That’s just a tragedy right there. As soon as it gets cold enough out, we’re going to figure out how to make popsicles. Come on. I think I need the grand tour of this place again, and Mel says you’re the best one for the job.” She turned at the door. “What time should I have her back to your cabin, and where am I allowed to take her?”
“Uh, how about we meet at the mess hall at six, and I’ll grab her then. You got the old Mini-14 with you?”
She pointed to the strap that held the assault rifle securely across her back. “Never leave home without it.”
“Then I don’t care where you take her. I trust you to protect her. You always have.”
Laney’s eyebrows nearly touched her hairline. “Are you serious right now? I really can’t tell if you’re joking.”
He laughed at the unbridled look of shock that had washed over her face. “I told you—things are different now. Have fun you two.”
She gave an absent little wave before Adrianna pulled her the rest of the way through the cabin door.
Maybe things would’ve been different if he’d gotten his crap together sooner. If he’d treated her differently and hadn’t been so careless with her attention. But any man with eyes could see how crazy she was about Mitchell and how head over heels he was about her. When they looked at each other, everything in him sang that things had worked out just like they were supposed to. Why it hurt so dang much, he hadn’t a clue, but he had to get hold of the tidal waves of emotion that had come back with Laney’s reappearance in Dead Run River.
She and Mitchell were right where they were meant to be. It was him and Vanessa who’d lost out. Vanessa. He wouldn’t wish this feeling on anyone and especially not someone so intriguing. The shocked sorrow in her expression played across his mind time and again. Finn would know more about her.
He snatched his jacket and bolted for the door. Vanessa, that delicate and fierce wounded bird, made an irresistible distraction.
When Vanessa was younger, before the end of the world, she had seen a Seventeen magazine article with a picture of a girl all curled up on her bed, mooning about a breakup with her boyfriend. Oh, for the love of peanuts, she was now that girl. When had the transformation occurred? The one where she went from strong, unfeeling Vanessa to emo, tear-stained, sensitive-about-other’s-feelings Vanessa. New Vanessa
was a total drag. She wiped her eyes and sat up in her bed. Even the happy purple comforter didn’t bring her joy. Apparently, she couldn’t just live on the simple things anymore. Apparently, her stupid heart thought she needed love and friends and a family. Ugh! What a mouse she’d become.
She flung her hunting knife into the wall over her writing desk, and as it vibrated against the wooden board it had lodged in, someone in the next room yelled, “Knock it off!”
“Sorry,” she called. She wasn’t sorry.
And who could she talk to about all of this? Eloise had come to be her closest friend in the past year, but at the moment she was probably trading secret ingredients for stretchmark cream and baby-growing tips with Laney, and no way in hell was she going to go traipsing in on that conversation to talk about her messed-up, leftover feelings for Laney’s boinking buddy. In fact, she likely wouldn’t be able to confide in Eloise ever again without being suspicious that what she said would somehow make its way back to Laney.
And she couldn’t talk to Nelson about it either. He was the best brother she could have asked for, but the kid had his own crush on Laney back in the day. The whole freaking colony was full of Landry worshipers.
The knock on the door was so loud it was borderline rude. “What?” she yelled, not bothering to get up.
Steven Carpenter, another one of the new recruits, shoved open the door and muscled his way into her tiny room. His face was flushed, and he breathed like he’d run through a swamp in soggy boots to get to her. “Mel just posted a supply run call. She said there’s room for two new recruits to get some field experience.”
Yes, there it was. The solution to all of her problems. Her escape. “Even though we haven’t graduated yet?”
The feather mattress sank as he folded himself beside her. “She said if we do well in the field, we’ll go through the graduation ceremony when we get back.”
She wiped all traces of the traitorous tears from her face with the sleeve of her sweater and lurched for her weapons and jacket. “Where do we sign up?”
“Thata girl. I knew you’d be up for an adventure. Boris, that wanker, was like, no, there’s Deads out there and—”