by Kallysten
He mouthed that last word soundlessly. His eyes dropped again to her exposed wrist, and Alicia fought with herself not to hide it and the glaring proof of her malaise.
“You could have been killed.” His words came out slowly at first, as though he had to push them past a knot in his throat. Soon, though, he was speaking faster, his voice filled with fear. “Vampires are killers! Every week someone is brought to my E.R. because they trusted a vampire! Even in blood bars—”
“I know, Ben,” she said, raising her hand in a calming gesture. “I know.”
They had had this same conversation just two weeks after they had started dating when he had first noticed the scars she hid so well.
“And you did it anyway.” His eyes searched her, as though trying to understand. After a few seconds, he shook his head slowly and asked, his voice a mere whisper, “Why?”
He had asked back then too, but she hadn’t been able to give him an answer, instead hiding behind claims that this was no different from the experimenting they had all done in college with alcohol, sex, and cigarettes. It didn’t occur to her to lie this time.
“For the same reason I used to do it before we started dating.” She swallowed hard and dived in. “To feel like someone depended on me. Needed me. Wanted me more than anything. He made me feel like I used to feel when I was with you. Like I want to feel again.”
Ben had been leaning forward over the island. At her words, he slowly moved back, finally slipping off the stool and standing. Alicia’s heart leapt in her throat when he took a few steps toward the door and she thought he would leave, but he stopped and turned back to her.
“He?” he said, almost choking on the word. “So…it’s just the one vampire, then? Are you telling me…” He passed a hand through his hair again, the gesture familiar and a clear sign he was troubled. “Did you…did you sleep with him?”
Alicia was shaking her head before he even finished. “No,” she said, then repeated just a little louder, “No. It was always just about the bite.”
Hands now buried in his pockets, Ben seemed to be hesitating between stepping toward her and moving back again. Clutching the edge of the island, Alicia stood and took a small step toward him.
Before she could take a second, he asked, “Do you love him?”
“No.” She had not expected him to ask this. Even so, the answer came without hesitation, for which she was grateful. She didn’t want him to have the slightest doubt that she was telling the truth. She held his gaze, hoping he would see in her eyes that she meant every word. “Of course I don’t. I love you. I’ll always love you.” Her voice broke on a tearless sob. She finished in a murmur. “I wouldn’t be so scared to lose you if I didn’t.”
She moved forward again, raising her hand slowly toward him. Before she could touch his arm, he clasped her hand and squeezed it. Alicia let out a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding. It came out as a shaky huff. He pulled her to him, enfolding her in his arms and holding her tight even as she looped her arms around his neck.
“I’m sorry,” he murmured, pressing a kiss to the crook of her neck. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.”
She started replying, but already Ben was continuing, the words fast as though he were afraid to lose his nerve.
“And I’m sorry for…for more than that.”
Alicia drew back so she would be able to see his face. He looked as anxious as she had felt moments earlier.
“What you said about not being able to talk to me… It was the same for me. And then I saw an old girlfriend at the conference last week. I was a little drunk at the cocktail party. And lonely. I flirted with her. Nothing more than that, I swear. And when I came home she called and…I had lunch with her. Just lunch. I didn’t…”
His voice trailed off when Alicia closed her eyes tight. She had known something was going on between him and that woman, but until that instant, she hadn’t known how far it had progressed. She had hoped, of course, that holding hands during a romantic lunch was the extent of what they had done, but she had feared it hadn’t been. A wave of relief slid over her. She opened her eyes again to find that Ben was watching her with fear in his eyes.
“Alicia, I’m sorry. I love you. I want to fix it. Fix our marriage. Do you think…” He stroked her cheek with his thumb, and she leaned into his touch. “Do you think it can be fixed?”
If he had asked her whether she could forgive him, the answer would have been easy. She understood loneliness. She understood it all too well. And the fact that he had come clean about his own erring when nothing forced him reassured her that he truly regretted his lunch date and whatever flirting had happened.
He hadn’t asked about forgiveness, though. She didn’t know if their marriage could be fixed. She just knew she wanted to fix things—like he said he did.
“I think…” She wet her lips, yet again struggling to find her words. “I think if we both want it… Why couldn’t we fix it?”
She couldn’t have said which of them moved first. Their lips met, merely brushing together as though rediscovering each other. They pulled back at the same time, sharing a look.
Is this okay? Ben’s eyes seemed to ask.
Alicia’s answer was to kiss him again with the same tentativeness. His tongue traced her bottom lip. She parted her mouth, inviting him in. Slowly, he came to meet her tongue and stroked it with the lightest of touches. Alicia moaned, the sound very low in her throat. They broke apart again, exchanged another brief but heated look. Their next kiss was pure fire.
Their mouths clashed hard enough to bruise. Their tongues tangled, battling furiously. She slid her left hand up his neck and into his hair. The right one fell down to run along the fabric of his shirt, caressing and holding him to her. His hands at the small of her back pressed her tighter against him, tight enough that she could feel his cock as it began to harden. Without thinking, she bucked against him. He broke away from the kiss and gasped. She tightened her hands on his shoulders and leaned forward, resting her forehead against his. His eyes were wide, the black of his pupils almost entirely swallowing the blue.
For a few heartbeats, they remained immobile, their eyes locked, their breathing slowing down again together.
His lips curved into a lopsided smile and he said, “You made pie too, didn’t you?”
She laughed, happy that he remembered their first dinner date. “I did. Want some?”
She could have sworn his eyes sparkled as he answered. “Maybe later. Right now I’m hungry for something else.”
Threading her fingers through his hair, she smiled coyly. She had a pretty good idea what he meant, but asked anyway, “And what would that be?”
“My wife.”
The strength and intensity behind these quiet words cleared Alicia’s mind of anything that wasn’t her desire for him. Swallowing hard, she nodded, then covered his mouth with hers again, tracing his lips with the tip of her tongue. She started protesting when he pulled away, but as soon as he had picked her up, one arm supporting her knees and the other at her back, his mouth found hers again for a quick peck. She rested her head on his shoulder as he carried her to their bedroom. When he laid her down in the center of the bed, she pulled him against her, unwilling to let go even for the briefest instant.
“Kiss me,” she said, and at once Ben’s mouth was back on hers.
She could still taste the wine on his tongue, but it was his desire that made her feel drunk. For a long moment, their tongues seemed to dance together, pursuing each other back and forth between their joined mouths. At the same time, they rolled onto their sides. Their hands found each other, holding on for a few instants before slipping on to tangle in her hair or to stroke along his throat. All of it remained slow. They had all the time in the world, after all, to rediscover each other and pledge their love anew.
Alicia tugged his shirt free of his pan
ts and inched it upward. She had to break off the kiss to pull it completely off him, but it was worth it. She now had the whole expanse of his silk-smooth chest to caress with her hands and mouth, and she lost no time doing both. Ben alternately tensed and shivered beneath her touch, quiet hums of approval falling from his lips.
His own hands did not remain idle, and he found his way beneath her blouse. Light fingers stroked along her stomach, briefly dipping into her bellybutton before coming up to caress her lace-encased breasts. Her nipples were teased into peaking between thumb and forefinger while in turn Alicia’s tongue flicked against Ben’s flat areolas. The hint of her teeth scraping against his flesh made him jerk back.
He clucked his tongue, giving her a mock-severe look. “No teeth, now.”
She tried to look apologetic, but it was hard to do when he was urging her onto her back, his hands already working on her blouse. He popped the buttons one by one, starting with the bottom one and going up. He pressed his lips to each new inch of skin he uncovered. When he reached the topmost button, he opened her blouse and immediately descended on her right breast, sucking on it through her bra. The light cotton was soaked through in seconds. Her nipple hardened, pushing against the fabric.
Alicia moaned and arched up, trying to increase the feel of suction, but already his mouth was abandoning her nipple to travel instead along the upper edge of her bra. Tiny licks wet her skin, and when he blew on the same path his tongue had traveled, goose bumps erupted all over Alicia’s body. He continued his path upward, pushing the strap of her bra aside to kiss his way to her shoulder, and from there up her neck.
As their mouths found each other again, she spread her thighs just enough for him to fall between them. She angled her hips to meet his unconscious rocking, but it wasn’t enough. Forcing her hand between their bodies, she found the fastenings of his pants. She undid his zipper and button then pressed her hand into the opening and against his cock, cupping it in her hand over his boxers to feel the hardness and sheer heat of it for a moment. The barrier of cotton soon became intolerable. She had to feel him skin on skin.
Grasping the sides of his pants and boxers, she tugged and pushed them off as far as they would go. He sat up to help and finished undressing himself, then turned burning eyes to her.
“Lift up,” he said, very low, as he began tugging her skirt off.
She complied and the skirt went easily. She kept her hips raised, expecting him to divest her of her panties too, but soon realized it wasn’t his intention. Kneeling on the bed between her legs, he laid his left hand on her thigh and traced her folds through her panties with his right index finger. A tremor shook Alicia, and she propped herself up with her elbows behind her to look at him. He was entirely focused on her as he circled her folds a second time, wetness now seeping through her panties where he was touching her. Over his slightly parted thighs, his cock bobbed, neglected, the tip glistening with precome.
“Stop playing.” She tried to sound stern, but her words came out pleading. “Come here.”
She reached out toward his cock, but he didn’t move forward, remaining too far away. She didn’t complain, though, because he finally hooked his thumbs over the sides of her panties and tugged them off her. As his eyes traveled over her body, she could see hunger and love in his gaze. In the past months, she had thought them gone, had thought routine had smothered the passion he felt for her, but now she realized she had been wrong. They had been there all along, only waiting for her to recognize them beyond the mask of her own doubts.
Her need to touch him increased tenfold. She laid her left hand on his cheek, hoping to draw him to her. He turned into her touch to kiss her palm, then covered her hand with his. Weaving their fingers together, he pulled her hand away from his face and turned it, palm upward. She could practically feel the touch of his eyes on the bite marks, and had to struggle not to pull her hand away to hide it. Very slowly, he brought her wrist to his lips and kissed each round, swollen mark. Alicia shivered.
“Ben...”
“I should have noticed,” he murmured. “I can’t believe I—”
Unable to listen to more, she slid her hand to the back of his neck and drew him to her. She stopped him with a hard kiss that made their teeth clash together. Pushing him onto his back, she sat astride him, teasing both of them when she pressed down against his hardened cock.
“Cocktease,” he said, tongue in cheek, as he rested his hands on her thighs.
Alicia smiled, relieved that the tension was dissipating. She quickly pulled off her unbuttoned blouse along with her bra, enjoying Ben’s appreciative gaze. His fingertips skimmed up her sides, thumbs tracing the underside of her breasts before they slipped behind her. Hands splayed over her back, he pulled her down. She supported herself on her forearms while he raised his head to capture her nipple into his mouth. She hissed at the feel of the tight seal of his lips and the teasing tongue flicking over the sensitive tip.
Her eyes closed for a couple of seconds. Her hand shook a little when she reached between them and took hold of his cock. She pumped it in her fist a few times, spreading the precome over the length and drawing a chocked moan from Ben. He released her breast when she guided the tip to her folds. Their eyes locked just as she lowered herself onto him, both of them holding their breath for a second.
As difficult as it was, she remained still for a few moments, enjoying the feel of him stretching her, filling her, completing her. She held his gaze and tried to put everything she didn’t quite know how to express into her eyes. There was one thing she could say, though.
“I love you.”
He pulled her down again, this time until their lips barely touched. She could feel his mouth moving against hers as he repeated the words and gave her his love. A slow kiss sealed the exchange before Ben rolled their bodies, settling between her thighs as he lay above her. He peppered her face with small kisses and started moving inside her, each of his slow thrusts building up her desire.
Gentle touches led each of her legs in turn to wrap around him. As his pace gradually increased, he propped himself on his hands, his face just above hers. Their eyes locked again, and Alicia’s mind struggled to grasp the depth of the feelings she could see reflected back at her. If she had had any doubt that they could work through this, it vanished at that instant.
Her hands flew over him, touching every inch of him she could reach as though to make up for the past weeks of distance. Her nails raked over his arms, leaving scarlet trails that drew a sharp hiss from his lips. She soothed them by arching up and trailing her tongue and lips over them. A particularly sharp thrust made her clutch at his back.
Wavering above her, he reached down between them and pressed his fingers against her clit. The angle was awkward, but the rhythmic pulse he worked to establish soon had Alicia thrashing against him and unable to hold her legs up or do much more than clutch at his shoulders.
“Come on, love.” His breathing was jagged, his voice shaking. “Come for me. Show me how beautiful you are when you come. I want to see you. I want—”
She received each word like one more touch from his hand or lips, one more caress. She followed their lead and grasped for her orgasm, arching one last time into him and keening his name. His hips jerked several more times against hers as he joined her pleasure. Drawing him down to her, she held him tightly against her body.
Still shaking, he lifted himself off her. A gentle hand resting at her waist guided her onto her side. She rolled away from him, and didn’t have to wait long before he spooned his body alongside hers, his arm holding her tight to him, his spent cock nestled against her ass.
Feeling him pressed to her back like this, feeling his strength and support, she wanted nothing more than to put all of this behind them. They weren’t the first couple to have problems. They wouldn’t be the first to rise beyond those problems, either. She just wished she had been sure they
could be strong, and move beyond this.
The suggestion formed on her lips almost before she was conscious of it. “Do you think we should see a marriage counselor?”
Ben remained silent for a moment. His arm, curled around her waist, tightened almost imperceptibly. “I don’t know,” he said at last, very low. “Maybe.” A handful of seconds trickled by before he added, “Probably.”
Alicia picked up his hand and drew it up to her mouth. She kissed his knuckles, wordlessly thanking him for realizing that they might need help working things out. And if he could admit it, maybe she could do the same. She had balked, years earlier, when he had warily suggested it. Maybe it was time.
“And maybe I should see a shrink, too. About…about the biting.”
His hand let go of hers and slid back until his fingertips were touching the scars on the inside of her wrist. A shudder ran through Alicia. Over the years since she had first told him about her visits to blood bars, he had always avoided touching the bite marks on her wrists. She wasn’t sure what it meant that he was touching them now or that he had kissed them earlier, but a knot inside her chest loosened a little bit, allowing her to breathe a little better.
“I should have noticed.” His whisper tickled the back of her neck. “I’m sorry. And I’m sorry about the rest, too. I swear—”
She turned in his embrace, facing him and laying a finger across his lips.
“Maybe… Maybe we could stop saying we’re sorry. Both of us.”
His lips pursed and he kissed her finger. “Anything you want.”
Arms wrapping around each other, they pulled closer until their bodies were flush. With his warmth enveloping her, Alicia tried to clear her mind. It felt like a lot had happened in just a few hours. It had all gone very fast. As she held him tight, however, as she took in the comfort, forgiveness, apologies and love she could feel in every touch, she was filled again with that unexplainable yet deep certainty. This was the right thing to do.