by Gina Wilkins
“You’ll be okay,” Kyle assured him quietly. “You’re safe here. You should know that by now.”
“Will you come back sometime?”
“I don’t know,” Kyle answered honestly. “But you’ll be all right, Jacob. You’re a decent kid, with a strong heart and a good brain. Don’t screw up, okay?”
“I won’t.” Drawing a deep breath, Jacob took a step backward.
“Ready?” Shane asked, tossing Kyle’s bag into his pickup.
Kyle shook Kelly’s hand, then blinked in surprise when both the little girls threw their arms around his legs to hug him goodbye. He patted their heads awkwardly, told them to be good and then climbed into the passenger seat of Shane’s truck.
As they drove away, he couldn’t help but glance back toward the house, up to Molly’s window. A movement of the curtains there let him know that, despite what she had said, she’d watched them drive away.
Molly sat curled in a big chair in her parents’ den. A thick stack of photographs rested in her lap. One by one, she studied them, her gaze lingering on the smiling faces.
There was her aunt Lindsey, with her husband, Dr. Nick Grant, and their two teenagers, Jenny and Clay. Jared’s twin brothers, Ryan and Joe Walker, stood with their wives, Taylor and Lauren. In the background of that photo, Joe and Lauren’s twenty-two-year-old son Casey clowned around with Ryan and Taylor’s twenty-one-year-old twins, Andrew and Aaron.
Layla and Kevin Samples beamed proudly at their grown offspring, Dawne, Keith and B.J. Daniel Andreas made a handsome addition to that family, Molly mused. Layla was already hoping for grandchildren—and beginning to nag Dawne and Keith to follow their younger sibling’s marital example. Dawne claimed to be in no hurry to wed again after a youthful disaster of a marriage.
Another group snapshot showed Michelle and Tony D’Alessandro with their brood, Jason, Carly, Katie and Justin. Justin, at fourteen, was the youngest of Molly’s first cousins. Carly’s handsome fiancé was also in the shot, apparently making a place for himself within the family that had been so wary of him at first.
There were photos of Brynn and Joe D’Alessandro and their nine-year-old son, Miles Vincent, and of Joe’s parents, Vinnie and Carla D’Alessandro, still fit and sharp in their eighties. And more snapshots of the now-grown former foster boys and their families, of food being eaten and horses being ridden, of hugs and smiles and a few happy tears.
Yet, in all those photographs, she found only two of Kyle, who seemed to have an uncanny ability to avoid the lens. In one, he stood between Cassie and Jared, self-conscious for the camera, but smiling a little, nevertheless. In the other, he sat in the background of a random crowd shot, listening gravely to something Jacob was saying to him.
Her heart aching, Molly slipped those two photos out of the pile, replacing the others in the envelope. Studying the picture of Kyle with her parents, she wondered how the pain could still be this intense even three weeks after the photographs had been taken.
She had thought—hoped, really, that her feelings for Kyle would prove to be no more than a passing infatuation, and would fade when he was no longer around every day. After all, they’d spent less than a week and a half together, hardly enough time to change her entire life, right?
Wrong. Nothing had been the same since Kyle left. Her former, rather smug contentment with her safe, predictable, sheltered existence had been diluted by the suspicions that she could have much more, if only she had the courage to pursue it.
She was living someone else’s dream here, she acknowledged with a sigh. The ranch, and the group-home facilities—those were plans her parents and brother had made. She had pursued a degree in education because it had seemed useful for their plans—and though she enjoyed working with the boys, she still wasn’t pursuing a course she had mapped for herself.
She had to ask herself now if her determination to live very close to her family was due to a real desire to see them every day—or to an insidious fear of moving away. Becoming fully responsible for her own decisions, her own mistakes.
She had so often used her aunt Lindsey as an excuse, reminding herself of how many impromptu gatherings Lindsey missed by living more than five hours away from the rest of her siblings. Yet now she could see that Lindsey had a good, happy life of her own in Little Rock. She loved her extended family very much, but she didn’t have to be with them all the time to feel connected to them.
Of course, Lindsey had family in Little Rock, too, she reminded herself. She had been adopted as an infant by a couple with two sons, all of whom still lived in the Little Rock area. So it wasn’t entirely accurate to say that Lindsey’s situation was the same as Molly’s would be if she…well, if she decided to move some distance from the ranch.
“Molly?” A door closed somewhere in the house as Cassie called out to her. “Are you here?”
Slipping the photos of Kyle into the pocket of the loose black cardigan she wore with a peacock-blue T-shirt and jeans, Molly rose to her feet. She no longer wore the brace, and her ankle was almost entirely back to normal—even if nothing else was. “I’m in here, Mom.”
Cassie came in carrying several shopping bags. “I found the cutest Thanksgiving decorations for the dorm dining room. Little cornucopias and turkeys to set on the table, and some Thanksgiving napkins and placemats. They were on sale for a great price. I thought I’d set them out next week to get the boys into the spirit of the holidays.”
Forcing a smile, even though she, herself, wasn’t feeling very thankful just then, Molly said, “I can’t wait to see them. I’ll help you decorate the dorm whenever you’re ready.”
Cassie looked at her with a frown. “Are you sure your ankle isn’t hurting you, sweetie? You just haven’t been your usual self lately.”
Which was exactly the problem, Molly thought, swallowing a sigh. “It’s fine, Mom. Don’t worry about it.”
“Is there something you want to talk to me about?”
Cassie’s eyes were entirely too perceptive. Molly suspected her mother knew something had gone on between her and Kyle, but she respected Molly’s privacy. She probably assumed Molly would tell her about it when she was ready—but she was obviously getting a bit impatient for Molly to decide she was ready.
“Really, Mom, I’m okay,” she said. “Let me see the things you bought.”
For the first time in her life, Molly found herself unable to talk to her mother about a personal problem. Maybe it was because she was afraid that if she started to cry, she wouldn’t be able to stop. Or maybe this was just something she needed to handle on her own.
Or maybe, she thought, it would just hurt too much to admit that not once had Kyle even asked her if she wanted to go back with him. Which made all her agonizing over her decision to stay close to her family a painfully moot point.
Chapter Fifteen
Two days later, Molly picked up the telephone in her room and punched in a series of numbers. She had waited as long as she could to make this call. Her eyes were focused on the photograph of Kyle and her parents as she listened to the ringing at the other end of the line.
It was answered on the third ring. “Hello?”
“Hi, Jewel. It’s Molly Walker.”
“Molly! How nice to hear from you. How are you, dear?”
“I’m fine, thank you. My ankle’s almost completely healed.”
“That’s wonderful news.”
“How are you? Last I heard, you were coming down with a cold.”
“Oh, that only lasted a few days. I’m right as rain now.”
“Good. And Mack?”
“Mean as a snake and twice as slippery,” Jewel answered with a fond laugh that belied the joking insult. “He and Kyle are working on one of the rental cabins today. Putting new flooring in the bathroom, I think.”
Molly drew a deep breath and asked, “How is Kyle?”
“He’s working himself to a frazzle,” Jewel answered frankly. “When he’s not working on one of our places, he’s
fixing his own. I’m not sure he’s sleeping very well—and I know he’s lost a few pounds, even though I’ve been sending as much food as he would accept.”
Was he pushing himself so hard because of her? Molly looked at the photograph again. Was it possible that he missed her even a fraction as much as she missed him? “Do you think he’s okay? Physically, I mean.”
“Physically—he’s fine. Just needs some rest and some calories.”
“And, um—emotionally?”
“I think maybe you’d better ask him that yourself, Molly,” Jewel replied gently.
Molly started to reply that it was hard to ask him anything when she and Kyle were more than a sixteen-hour drive away from each other, and he had no phone. Instead, she changed the subject. “The reason I called was to thank you, Jewel. For your kindness and hospitality when I was hurt—and for your excellent advice about taking responsibility for my own actions.”
“You’re welcome. Is my advice helping?”
“I told my brother to put a sock in it today.” Molly smiled at the memory of Shane’s expression. “He was bossing me around about something this morning, and I let him know I don’t need him to tell me what to do all the time.”
“Good for you. How did he take it?”
“He got sort of mad at first—and then he acknowledged that I have the right to make my own decisions.”
“It sounds as though you handled it quite nicely. Of course, you’ll have to remind him a few more times before he really gets the message.”
“I’m sure I will.”
They chatted for a few more minutes, and then Molly concluded the conversation. Jewel made her promise to call again sometime before letting her disconnect.
“Just one more thing,” Molly said before hanging up. “Would you mind not telling Kyle I called?”
“If that’s what you want.”
“I think it’s best for now.”
“Then I won’t say anything.”
Molly thanked her and replaced the receiver into its cradle. And then she picked up the photograph again, wishing she had the ability to read Kyle’s mind through the snapshot and across the miles that separated them.
Kyle sat in his exercise room on the third Saturday afternoon in November, staring morosely at the equipment scattered around him. He wore sweatpants and a T-shirt with cross-trainers, and he was prepared to start working out—but he just couldn’t seem to muster the energy.
Could be that he was thirsty, he decided, pushing himself to his feet. Usually he needed a drink after his workout, but what the heck. He needed to jump-start himself somehow. He’d have some juice. If he didn’t start feeling more energetic soon, he might have to consider drinking caffeine again, he thought ironically.
He was halfway to the kitchen when someone knocked on his door. Probably Mack, he thought. They had said something about working on the cabin today.
But it wasn’t Mack. Feeling his face freeze with surprise, he stared at the beautiful redhead on his doorstep. She wore a coat this time—a puffy, lime-green jacket that just skimmed the hips of her dark jeans. A fuchsia-colored shirt peeked out from beneath the jacket, and he noted in his first stunned glance that she wore boots. No sign of the brace she’d had on last time he’d seen her.
“Molly?” he said, finally finding his voice. “What are you…?”
He couldn’t read her expression, though her emerald eyes seemed to be brimming with emotion. “May I come in?”
It was almost tempting to tell her no. He was afraid that if she came inside, he would never want to let her go again. Not to mention that he had spent the past five weeks trying futilely to exorcise her memory from his home. Now he was going to have to start that process all over again.
Instead, he stepped aside and said, “Yeah, sure. Come in.”
He couldn’t take his eyes off her as she crossed the room, shrugging out of her jacket and tossing it over a chair. She didn’t even limp now, he noted, painfully aware of his own permanently halting gait when he followed her.
His hands clenched at his sides as he fought the urge to reach out for her. “What are you doing here? Do your parents know you’ve come?”
“I didn’t need their permission the last time I came here, and I didn’t ask for it this time. I’m an adult, remember?” She turned to face him, tossing her hair back over her shoulder. Except for her eyes, her face was smoothly composed, her posture relaxed. Only the faintest quiver in her voice betrayed her underlying nerves. “Do you remember that first time I came to your door?”
“Of course I remember.” He could still see her standing on his doorstep for the first time, could still remember how he’d felt when he had seen her there. Even before he had known who she was, before he had known what it was like to touch her and hold her—even then, she had taken his breath away.
Her voice brought him back to the present. “You gave me five minutes to convince you to come back to Texas with me.”
Rather embarrassed by the reminder of his inhospitality, he nodded shortly. “Yeah. I remember that, too.”
“Consider this my way of repaying the favor.” She glanced at her watch, then looked up at him again. “I’m giving you five minutes to convince me to stay in Tennessee.”
Thoroughly confused, he shook his head. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Then maybe I should put it in simple words so you’ll be sure to understand.” Her all-too-accurate mimicry of him made him wince. “I took you back to Texas with me, and you knew you couldn’t be happy living there. Your heart, and the responsibilities you’ve taken on, are here. So, now’s your chance, if you want it. Tell me why I should stay here with you.”
He pushed a hand through his hair, annoyed to find that it wasn’t quite steady. “This is crazy.”
She nodded coolly, though he saw her swallow hard before she said, “If you aren’t interested in having me stay, then there’s no need to take this any further. All you have to do is say you’re happy here alone, and that you would just as soon I’d go back to the ranch.”
“Molly, you don’t want to stay here. Your family, your job, your home-they’re all in Texas. You would be miserable here.”
She lifted an eyebrow. “You aren’t very good at this, are you? I asked you to convince me to stay, or tell me you want me to go. I did not say I need you to make my decisions for me.”
For some reason, he was beginning to get irritated. Maybe because it felt as if she was offering him just a glimpse of heaven-even though he couldn’t believe he would be allowed to enter. “This is ridiculous.”
She dropped her watch arm and nodded brusquely. “You’re not interested. Fine. That’s all I needed to know.”
She reached for her coat. Kyle reached out quickly to grab her wrist. “Wait.”
She looked at him with another tiny, telltale quiver in her lips. “Why?”
His tongue seemed to grow suddenly stiff and unco-operative. “Are you trying to tell me you want to stay?”
She shook her head stubbornly. “That’s not the deal, Kyle. If you want me, you’re going to have to take a few risks this time. You have to accept the possibility of rejection—or loss—or disappointment—or failure.”
“You think I haven’t dealt with all those things before?” he asked in disbelief.
Her voice gentled. “You’ve survived pain I can’t even imagine, and it breaks my heart for you. But that’s my point, Kyle. That’s life. What you’re doing here—keeping to yourself, staying uninvolved, protecting yourself from any more pain—that’s not living. Just as my staying with my parents and letting my family make all my decisions for me wasn’t really making the most of my life, either—as you pointed out, yourself.”
He looked down at his hand, which encircled her slender wrist so easily. Drawing a deep breath, he said, “I can’t go back to Texas with you. Jewel and Mack need me—they don’t have anyone else now. And, frankly, I need them, too. Mack pretty much saved my life in
Germany, when all I wanted to do was give up and join my lost friends. He and Jewel are as close as I’ve got to family now.”
“I would never try to take you away from them. Having met them, I can understand why they mean so much to you. What you all mean to each other.”
“And I know how much your family means to you.”
“I adore them,” she answered simply. “All of them. But they have their lives. I want my own.”
“Here,” he said skeptically. “With me?”
“That depends,” she replied, refusing to budge. “Tell me why I should stay here with you.”
“I don’t believe this.”
“You remember that advice Jewel gave me? It was for me to start making my own decisions. Examining all the facts and options for myself, and then making the choice that felt right for me. So that’s what I’m doing, Kyle. I want you to give me some reasons, if you have any, why I should stay here with you. After I’ve heard your arguments, I’ll decide for myself what’s right for me.”
She glanced pointedly at her watch. “You have two minutes.”
Kyle was still staring at her as though she had lost her mind. To be perfectly honest, she was beginning to wonder about that herself.
It had seemed like a good idea at the time she’d gotten on a plane in Dallas. She had started questioning her decision when she had climbed into a rental car and pointed it toward Kyle’s cabin. By the time she’d knocked on his door, she’d decided she was making a huge mistake—but since she was here, she’d figured she might as well go through with it.
She had needed to know once and for all if the reason Kyle had never asked her to come to Tennessee with him was because he hadn’t believed she would agree—or because he simply hadn’t wanted her.
She reminded herself that he hadn’t said the words that would have sent her on her way, brokenhearted but satisfied that she’d done everything she could to give them a chance. Of course, he hadn’t given her any reason to stay, either.