by AJ Stern
Elizabeth was wearing her “I know I won this contest” smile.
“I looked for a lot of things. Enthusiasm was one of them . . .”
Elizabeth smiled even harder.
“Good ideas were another.”
Elizabeth smiled so hard her face almost fell off.
That’s when I imagined Elizabeth making her big speech at the assembly, high up onstage, talking to the entire school using the microphone.
“But, finally, I looked for someone who had well-thought-out, good reasons why they wanted this job,” said Principal Wilkins. “And that person is—”
Elizabeth got ready to stand up, and I got ready to hold all my tears inside my eyeballs. “Frances B. Miller!”
I looked at Elizabeth, confused. Then I looked at Elliott, then at Principal Wilkins, who stood in front of us with a big grin.
“What do you think about that, Frannie?” he asked.
“I . . . I . . . I can’t even believe my own ears about this,” I told him.
“Why don’t you come to the front of the room and read your composition out loud to everyone?”
I won the job and I won reading my composition to the entire classroom? This was the best live dream I had ever had. I stood up and walked to the front of the classroom and took my composition from Principal Wilkins. Then I read the entire thing out loud.
When I was done, everyone clapped really hard. Everyone except for Elizabeth.
“Okay, thank you, everyone, for your attention. You can get back to your lessons now,” said Principal Wilkins. Then he came next to me and said, “Frannie, before you start your job, there will be some conditions. Mrs. Pellington will walk you to my office at the end of the day so we can have a serious conversation. Okay?”
I nodded, but suddenly I had a really bad day feeling on my skin. People only had serious conversations in the principal’s office when they were in trouble. I did not know what in the worldwide of America I could have already done!
CHAPTER 5
I wanted to hold Mrs. Pellington’s hand on the walk to Principal Wilkins’s office because I did not know what was going to happen. But I did not because holding hands with adults is something I prefer doing only outside of school.
Mr. Wilkins’s assistant, Cora, told us to have a seat. As Mrs. P. and I sat and waited, Cora got up and put a fresh stack of paper in the printer tray. She smiled at me and I smiled back. As principal, I would probably get to touch lots of stacks of paper. Stacks of paper are extremely official, and that is not an opinion.
A millionteen minutes later, Principal Wilkins opened his door and we went inside and sat down. “Frannie, I’d like to congratulate you once again,” Principal Wilkins said straight into my eyeballs.
“Thank you very much for your congratulations,” I told him, looking exactly back into his eyeballs.
“Do you know why I asked you here?”
“Perhaps actually, you wanted to hire me for an actual real-life job?” I asked with a little whisper in my voice.
Mrs. P. and Principal Wilkins both laughed just a little bit.
“No. I’m sorry to disappoint you, but that’s not the reason,” said Principal Wilkins.
“Oh,” I said as all my excited breath was sucked out of my body.
“Your composition was the best one for all the reasons I mentioned earlier. Normally, we’d have no hesitation giving the job to you—”
“But,” Mrs. Pellington interrupted, “because you have a knack for getting too curious for your own good: Cambridge Magazine, The Sandy Sanders Show . . . ,” Mrs. P. said, making a list of all the class trips we’d taken that didn’t actually end up perfectly. “We decided there would be a few conditions to the job.”
I looked at Principal Wilkins to see if Mrs. P. was right about this sentence. Principal Wilkins nodded his head yes.
“We’ve seen you get yourself into hot water one too many times, but we didn’t think it was fair to not give you this job because you deserve it. So, we’ve come up with a three-strikes-and-you’re-out policy,” he said.
“Like in baseball?” I asked.
“Exactly,” he said.
“Can you give me a for instance of a strike, please?” I asked in my most seriousal voice.
“Absolutely. Like I explained in assembly, there will be a list of tasks for you to follow. If you get creative about your job as principal and do things that are not on the task list, you will get a strike. If this happens three times, you’ll be out.”
“You mean you’ll fire me?” I asked.
“I’d prefer to look at it as ending your role as Principal for the Day early. So, do you understand the rules?”
I nodded yes. That was really actually and certainly true. I did understand the rules. I just did not love them.
“Do you think you can do all that?” Mrs. Pellington asked me.
“Yes, I can. And that is not an opinion,” I told her.
“Good. Then welcome aboard, Frannie,” she said.
Then Principal Wilkins stood up and shook my hand. I shook his hand back because that is what you are supposed to do when someone gives you their hand to shake. Then Mrs. Pellington and I thanked him for his time and walked back to our own office, which was our classroom actually.
CHAPTER 6
I was so excited to tell my parents about my new job, I could barely even breathe! They were very impresstified with me, especially when I told them that Cora would be my assistant.
Before bed that night, I told them, “Tomorrow I will not be regular old Frannie. I will look the same, but I will also be different. That is because I am going to be a principal.”
“Will we have to call you Principal Miller?” my dad wanted to know.
“Principal Frankly B. Miller is what I prefer,” I told him. “Frankly is my professional name, and that is not an opinion.”
“But until then you’re Frannie, right?” my mom asked.
“Yes,” I told her.
“Good. Because it is time for Frannie to go to bed,” she told me.
I did not know how in the world of ever I was going to sleep. I looked at my clock to make sure that my alarm was set. The red light was still on, so that meant yes, it was set. I was planning on getting to my first and only day of my new job at 7:00 AM, but Principal Wilkins said that school didn’t start until 8:30 AM. That is why I said I’d be there at 7:30 AM, and I would wait. Principal Wilkins said that was not something he would prefer. And that is why I agreed to get there at 8:00 AM with the rest of the staff, when he said I should.
As Principal for the Day, I was going to dress exactly like Principal Wilkins. A for instance of what I mean is that I was going to wear a blue, collared shirt and my dad’s most beautiful magenta tie. Those were the exact colors I had seen Principal Wilkins wearing the day before.
What I did not know about him was everything else. I couldn’t just look like Principal Wilkins, I had to act like him, too. But I did not know some very important things about him, like, what did he eat for breakfast? What did he do in his office all day besides shuffling papers and yelling at kids? Did he have any friends? Where did he live exactly? These were all the types of thoughts swirling around my brain when I guess I fell asleep. Because when I opened my eyes, it was the next day!
At breakfast, when my mom passed me the cereal, I decided that principals didn’t eat cereal. She asked what exactly they did eat for breakfast. And that is when I said I didn’t know because no one remembered to tell me!
“I bet they eat eggs,” my dad said as he pulled a carton of eggs out of the refrigerator.
“Yes, eggs!” I told him. Eggs sounded very principalish. Also, my dad wears a suit to work just like Principal Wilkins. And do you know what my dad eats for breakfast? EGGS!
“Scrambled, over easy, boiled, sunny-side up, or fried?” he asked.
This was my first very big decision of the day.
“Sunny-side up!” Because that’s the kind of day I wanted to hav
e.
After I ate breakfast and got dressed, I packed my briefcase with things I might need, like my dad’s empty glasses frames, business cards, résumés, paper clips, and blank paper.
Then I clip-clopped the buttons of the case closed and ran down to the car where my mom was waiting. We got to school at 7:55 AM exactly. I kissed her very fast because I had only five minutes, and also because I didn’t think principals kissed their moms before going to school.
I am not a late kind of person, which is why I ran up the stairs to the second floor and ran down the hall and into the office where Cora sat.
“He’ll be here any minute, Frannie,” Cora told me.
I scrunched my face at this sentence. I did not prefer that Principal Wilkins was late on my first and only day of my new job.
“My name is Frankly, actually,” I told her. That is when she looked up and showed me her eyeballs, which looked a little confused.
“It’s my professional name,” I explained. “I use it for all my jobs.”
Cora nodded and smiled because she understood about professional names and jobs.
“Very good. Frankly, it is.”
Then I sat down and waited and waited and waited. Finally, after thirty-five years and forty-seventeen days, Principal Wilkins arrived.
“Good morning, Principal Miller,” Principal Wilkins said to me. That is when I bowed and said, “Good morning to you, too.”
“You look very professional in your tie,” he told me.
“Thank you very much for your compliment,” I said. I was very impresstified with how businessish my voice sounded.
Principal Wilkins pulled out a key chain, which had a neighborhood of keys on it. I made a brain note to get a key chain and a worldwide nation of keys. He unlocked his door, and although I’d already been in his office, he said he’d give me a tour. This was something I really preferred. Principal Wilkins showed me where he sat to do his hardest thinking.
“And in here,” he said, opening a drawer at his waist, “is where I keep my doodle pad. You are welcome to use it when you have tough decisions to make.”
My ears could not even believe this sentence. I did not realize that doodling was something adults knew how to do.
After he finished giving me the tour, Cora came in and looked at me with big, smiling eyeballs.
“So what do you think?” she asked.
“I like it,” I told her
Then they rocket-shipped the swivel chair taller for me, and I sat where Principal Wilkins sits every single day of his life.
“Do you remember the three-strikes-and-you’re-out policy?” Principal Wilkins asked me.
“Yes,” I told him, because I did actually. Even though I did not like it.
“It’s a good policy to remember, especially since you might be going over school rules with any misbehaving students who are sent to the principal’s office today.”
I stood up because sometimes I do that when I absolutely cannot believe something.
“Is that really true?” I asked.
“It is true. That said, I will be supervising you, so you won’t get carried away. Now, is everything clear?” he asked.
“Yes, Principal Wilkins,” I said. “Everything is very clear.”
“Good. I just want to go over your list of tasks, and then we can both start our days,” he said.
We sat down at the desk and looked down at my list of tasks. It was not even close to the type of tasks I had hoped I’d have. A for instance of what I mean is that I hoped the task list would read like this:• Please go to the closet and pick out as many office supplies as you want and take them home.
• Test all the buttons on the telephone, as well as the staplers, three-hole punches, and electric pencil sharpeners to make sure they work.
• Please try the school intercom.
• Please come up with brand-new classes to replace the boring ones we already have.
• The school lunch is disgusting. What would you like to eat every day? Make a list and give it to Cora.
But instead, the list of tasks I got went like this:• Make morning announcements.
• Review attendance sheets and create one master list of all the absentees.
• Make twelve photocopies of the absentee list and distribute to all of the faculty.
• Observe one student teacher in action and make a list of three things you think they did well.
• Meet with student teacher at lunch to discuss your notes.
“If you need anything, Cora will be right here with you. All right, Frannie?” Principal Wilkins asked.
“Frankly,” I reminded him.
“Frankly. Have a great day!” he said.
“You, too, Principal Wilkins!”
“If you need me, Cora, I’ll be in the teachers’ lounge. Don’t be afraid to use my cell phone,” he told her, making his eye sockets very hugeish so Cora could see all the white around them. That’s how people make their eyeballs look when they are being extremely serious.
“You got it, Mr. Wilkins,” she said.
Cora was sitting in a chair directly opposite me at my desk. She didn’t need to tell me why she did this. I already knew. She did it because now she was my assistant.
I could not wait to give Cora her first job, which would be something off my extremely important, but sort of strictish list. But before I could say anything, Cora got out of her chair and walked to my side of the desk.
“It’s eight thirty. Time for the morning announcements,” she said.
That is when my stomach filled up with moths and butterflies.
Cora opened a top secret drawer and pulled out a top secret microphone and put it right in front of my own face. I did not know that’s where Mr. Wilkins’s microphone lived! Then Cora handed me the announcements, all typed up on school stationery.
“Are you ready?” Cora asked.
“Yes, I am exactly ready,” I told her as my nerves surf boarded all over my insides. “No! Wait! I am not ready!”
I said. I forgot all about my eyeglass frames, which I packed because they are a very principalish thing to wear. I opened my dad’s briefcase and put the frames on my face. Then I looked up at Cora. “Now I am ready.”
“Just read the words exactly as they appear,” she said.
Then Cora pushed a button, and I heard the inside of the microphone humming at me. When she nodded, that is when I knew that it was time to talk. I looked down at the paper, but decided I would say a little something of my own first.
“Hello, Chester Elementary School. This is Frankly B. Miller, and I will be your principal today. I have never been a principal before, so I am very excited about this job—”
Cora crossed her arms and tapped her foot a little bit at me. That is why I said, “And now I will read the morning announcements.”
After I read the announcements, which were very boring and said things about today’s lunch monitor and after-school sports, I took off my glasses and Cora put the microphone away. Then Patricia Weller, from third grade, ran into the office with a stack of very important-looking papers.
“Here you go,” Patricia said as she handed Cora the papers.
I could barely keep my own breath in my body when Cora turned and handed me the stack of papers!!!
“These are the attendance sheets for the lower school,” she said. “You need to look them over and write down all the absent children on a separate piece of paper. Then we will need to make twelve copies of that list and distribute it to all the teachers.”
Copies! I love copies. Making copies meant using the copy machine, which is my exact favorite kind of machine.
“I’m going to run to the bathroom, Frankly, all right?” Cora asked.
I nodded yes because it was all right.
“Try and be finished with that list by the time I come back, okay?”
I nodded my head okay. When she left the room, I spun around in the swivel chair several times and felt very import
ant indeed. I looked down at the class lists and counted the not here kids, which equaled only six! I wrote them all down on a separate sheet in less than one half of a second. Now I had free time!
In that free time I decided to be a really spectacular principal and introduce myself to every single class, so they knew who was principal exactly for the day. While I was at it, I would ask them if they needed anything or had any questions whatsoever about the morning announcements, or anything in the entire world, actually, as a matter of fact.
CHAPTER 7
I walked down the lower school hall toward the first-graders. I could not wait to open their door and talk to them as their actual principal! It was the most excitified I’d felt since I made the morning announcements. I wasn’t going to be show-offish about it, but I knew that the little kids would be very happy to meet the person behind the mouth that made the morning announcements. Even the teachers would look at me with WOW in their eyes. I could already feel it, and it hadn’t even happened yet!
Here is a scientific fact about interrupting a class. You are not allowed to interrupt a class for any reason, unless it is an emergency, you are a teacher, or you are the principal. I was never any of those things, which was why I never interrupted classes. But today I was the best of those things. As Principal for the Day, it was my job to make sure anyone who needed help with anything got it. If someone needed to remember the order of the planets, now was their chance to learn such things from their principal!
I peered in through the door of Mr. Peters’s kindergarten class. He was sitting on the desk reading to his students. They were listening very carefully. Some had their chins in their hands and others had their heads jutted out like excited turtles. They were extremely concentratish. Whenever Principal Wilkins had to tell our class something, he would just open the door and come in. That is because principals don’t have to knock first. I turned the knob on the classroom door and walked right in. When everyone looked up at me, I felt the most official and professional I’d felt all day.