by Cameron Jace
Everyone has his own secrets. No one knows that I switched the iAm.
“So what’s the name of the faction you and Woodsy come from?” I ask Pepper.
“We don’t have a name,” Pepper says nonchalantly. “Why would we? We’re losers. You might as well call us Zero. Can’t you see my name is Pepper? I come from a place where you could be called pepper or salt. It doesn’t matter, really. You’re an add-on to the main dish after all.”
I don’t want to go there again with Pepper, now that she has found true love. I guess she can’t escape the things she was told when she was younger.
“By the way,” I say, trying to divert from where the conversation is going. “I think I saw someone the other day in the forest.”
“Someone?” Bellona wonders.
“A little girl, about seven years old.”
“That’s impossible,” says Pepper. “All players are sixteen. If, hypothetically, someone survived and lived down here, they would be older than us.”
“How would someone survive when we have to say ‘I am alive’?” Vern asks.
“You can just pretend you died and not say anything,” Bellona suggests. “Then hide in the forest.”
That’s exactly what I hope Woo did.
“And do what?” Vern asks. “That’s not an option. It’s just a slower death. There is no way to escape this place, and no way to survive in it.”
“How about the Rabbit Hole? The real one?” Bellona reminds him.
“I don’t believe in that crap. It was just a joke that went viral on the gaming network,” says Vern. “You’ve seen for yourself, the only Rabbit Hole we know of was in the game today. There is no way out of here, and I can prove it.”
“How?” I wonder.
“Would you agree to pretend we’re dead tomorrow and not reply to the iAm saying ‘I am alive’?” he asks.
Silently, we exchange looks. What a crazy idea. No. They won’t do it of course.
But Woo did. Right? He told me he would do it. Otherwise me being here has no meaning at all.
“See.” Vern looks disappointed, as if he wished we’d said yes. He would have preferred it if there were a way out of here. But there is none. “There’s no Rabbit Hole.”
“I guess you’re right,” I lie. I know I saw someone in the forest, but Vern made his point, and I don’t want to expose myself. I am supposed to find Woo secretly. “I must have been tired and hallucinating.”
“I agree.” Leo breaks his silence. What? You agree? Although I doubt there is a Rabbit Hole, I have been counting on Leo claiming there is one. “I don’t care about the Rabbit Hole anymore. I think we have something better than that,” he says.
“We have?” Vern wonders with a mouthful of beans.
“We have each other.” Leo scans us with his eyes. “When I first came here, I thought I was the only one who can fight and survive this. In two days, I’ve learned otherwise. I’ve seen how courageous everyone is. I think we have another alternative than the Rabbit Hole. I think — no — I know we can survive tomorrow. It’s the last game, anyways. If only one of us survives, it will be like we all have.”
Vern spits the beans out of his mouth. Pepper and Woodsy stare at each other. Bellona and I too. The rest scratch their heads. What a moment: Leo, the walking killing machine, telling us that we can make it.
“So why did you confess your love for Pepper?” I ask Woodsy, changing subjects again and stopping Leo from elaborating. He doesn’t usually speak much. If I let him, he will most probably say something stupid. Let’s sleep tonight believing we can make it tomorrow. “Why now?”
“We’ve always loved each other,” says Woodsy. “But since our parents told us repeatedly that it was our fate to become outranked in favor of the rest of society, Pepper never saw the point in us. Sooner or later, we’d find ourselves in the game and we wouldn’t be able to survive it.”
“So on Ranking Day, he insisted that he might have a chance,” Pepper takes over. “He bragged about his endurance and strength, and I made fun of him.”
“I was almost sure,” confirms Woodsy. “For two years before the game, I was monitoring my iAm. My results were so bad, grades in school, IQ, sleep disorder, everything. But I was great in the area of strength. When I was only ten, I could climb up ten flights of stairs with a fifty-pound sack full of sand on my back. I could just keep doing this all day. My father was a builder, and I used to help him. I guess that’s how I got my strength.”
“Then when I was outranked, and he was ranked a Five,” says Pepper, “there was nothing we could do. However, Woodsy told me that if this happened, he would ask to be outranked to be with me, under one condition.”
“That she starts to have faith, to have hope, to believe that we can make it together,” says Woodsy.
Of course, Pepper wasn’t that person. I could have died myself listening to her negative views yesterday.
“Faith?” asks Vern. “I don’t know what that means. Is that when you’re out of ammo in the game, but you still keep pushing the fire button? Because it never worked out with me — you see, I heard that—”
“We’re not really going to tell you what faith is. Eat more beans. You’ll need it for tomorrow,” Bellona cuts in, being military-harsh with Vern. He can be a drag sometimes, I admit. “So what changed today?” Bellona asks Woodsy.
“I saw how she did her best to save Vern,” says Woodsy. Vern tries to hide his face behind the can of beans. He certainly doesn’t know what faith is. All he cares about is food. “No one goes so far to save someone else, if they didn’t have it inside. A big dose of hidden will and faith. What she did today was pure awesomesauce.”
I grab a chocolate from the bag and stare at it. It seems strange eating chocolate in these circumstances, but Woodsy’s words need some silent celebration. We made it today. One way or the other. And I want to have faith in tomorrow. I lean back against a solitary tree, a little bit away from the fire, and decide to treat myself to a private moment with that delicious chocolate bar, rewarding myself for surviving the second day of the games. Just like I did three mornings every week on the beach behind our house. This reminds me of Mom again — who is legally not my mom anymore.
Don’t have too much fun. You’re a —
I am a Monster now, Mom. Haha. I should laugh at this. That was in the past, Mom. The past was only two days ago when I chose to hide in the shadows, in between the corridors of my school, walking like a living dead corpse, hoping for a Seven, pleading for a Seven.
No, Mom. I will have as much fun as I can. I will embrace life and cherish each moment, as long as I know that I stand for what I believe in, and as long as I am a part of something, and think of others as much as I think of myself. I will have fun.
I might not find Woo, and I might die foolishly, but the experience here is worth it. One day alive is better than thousands of days pretending.
I let the chocolate slide into my mouth so slowly I feel hypnotized. I feel its taste on my tongue, melting like a slow song with a good chorus and a brilliant singer. Never has a chocolate blessed me with such a feeling before. Today it’s different. Its taste feels deserved.
After I indulge the taste fully, I open my eyes and look back into the forest. There is someone in there. That girl is looking back at me from behind the bushes.
Chapter 25
Who’s that Girl?
“Hey!” I stand up and start following her.
When I reach the bushes, she is gone again. It'’s too dark to see behind those bushes, away from the fire. I call for her one more time, touching the white ring on my finger, the one I found before. I think it buzzes slightly again. Or maybe not.
Leo’s flashlight shines on me from behind.
“What did you see?” asks Leo, resting one hand gently on my shoulder. I pretend that I so don’t like his touch. I pretend.
“The girl I told you about. She was watching us.”
“Do you want to go look for her?
” His voice is too gentle to be Leo.
“So you believe me?”
“Of course I do,” he says. “I was only concerned that searching deeper into the forest could open up hell’s gate. We need to rest. We have a big day tomorrow.”
“You’re right,” I lie again. I have a feeling the girl could help me find Woo.
“I know what you’re thinking.” He gets a step closer. Too close. Goosebumps on my arms. Good goosebumps. The kind you feel when the boy you like approaches you.
“Yeah? What am I thinking, hotshot?” I ask.
“That the girl might have a way out. If she had, she wouldn’t be here. She might be a vagabond or a gypsy from another region, using this place like a refugee.”
I am not convinced at all. I am just worried about why he is being so gentle. Do we need to be alone for him to be affectionate and human? He has that musical voice when he talks again. Those James Dean eyes. In all this mess, he looks so perfect.
“Are you a Teen-Gene package?” I ask spontaneously.
“What?”
“Bad idea,” I murmur. “Never mind. It’s just that you act like you’ve known me for a long time.”
“A little longer than you think.” He brushes the back of his hand against my cheek.
“Okay.” I take a step back. “You are being creepy now. What do you mean longer than I think?”
“I’ll explain when the right time comes.”
“And when is the right time for you? Dying time?” I flash back. “Oh. I remember. You kiss people right before dying, right when you finally realise they will no longer be here and you’ll be all alone and miserable.” I take a step forward again, my finger right under his nose.
“Are you implying that I like you?”
“Of course you like me.” I wave my finger.
“How many times do I have to tell you that I didn’t kiss you in the dome?” Leo bursts out. “Timmy is playing tricks on you.”
“You’re lying—”
“Hey, guys?” Bellona calls, searching for us in the dark. “Are you okay or what?”
“I didn’t kiss you.” Leo pushes my finger away. “I care for you, yes. But I don’t like the idea of me kissing you spreading around.”
“Yeah? So you did. Who are you afraid of? What is your story, Leo? Why are you even here? It doesn’t make sense that you’re here with us.”
“It doesn’t make sense that you are here either. You know that,” he says.
I swallow. What does he know about me? Can I trust him with finding Woo?
“I heard that,” Bellona says. “So why are you here in Dizny Battlefieldz? I know I am here because I’ve disgraced the army. Pepper is here because she has no potential. Vern is ill. Woodsy is a Romeo. What about you, Leo?”
“Pepper is a great singer, by the way. It isn’t right. She does have potential,” says Leo. I am surprised he knows anything about Pepper.
“Pepper sings?” I ask.
“Four years ago, I was part of a talent show. I heard her sing. She sings beautifully.”
“So why wasn’t this shown on her iAm? It could have saved her,” says Bellona. “And why didn’t you recommend her? These things help.”
“I was a different person then. A selfish jerk. I couldn’t care less about her rank. As for the iAm, who said that this machine could read your soul? Can you tell me the statistics of your spirit? Singing is a talent of the soul.”
I could pull my hair and scream right now. Singing is a talent of the soul? Since when does Leo talk like a passionate human being?
“This is good news, Thor.” Bellona smiles. “What better to do the night before you die than listen to a talented voice?”
Chapter 26
The Sound of Music
Pepper’s voice is angelic. I can imagine the words like fireflies dancing around the hazy heat from the fire in the middle of the circle. Leo has a broad smile on his face. Every surviving day down here, he starts to show more of his soul and become more human. Pepper’s voice is better than chocolates. Woodsy is using a tree branch for percussion. I am clapping, and Bellona is dancing, military-style.
Pepper decides not to sing I Am Alive, Leo’s banned song. Instead she sings another tune of his. It’s called: Sometimes.
There was a time when life seemed so hard
I thought that I was alone
No one to cry to and no one to run to
And no place to call home
So I said it’s ok now
Run away, I thought I can escape
But only now I realize
I’ve got to stick to my fate
I sneak a glance at Leo as Pepper sings the words. What’s your story Leo, really? I mean how did this killing machine write such beautiful lyrics and a lovely tune.
Pepper continues:
Sometime you get it right
Sometimes you get it wrong
Sometimes you got to give it up all you got
And just fight for your rights
I remember the song now. I caught Woo singing it once. It was his third favorite. His first was called ‘Follow the Sun’ by the Beatles.
“The hell with the banning,” says Bellona, still dancing. “Down here we can do whatever we want.”
Down here we are actually free to do what we want. I believe Leo. The Playa was designed to be a much better place, but Prophet Xitler flipped the coin to its ugly side.
A tingle of euphoria in my spine urges me to turn my iAm on. Leo gives me that look again.
“Turn on yours, everyone,” I say. “Let them hear us dance and sing. Let the world hear your banned song.”
“I like that!” Bellona turns on her iAm and transmits the song to an international feed: a function that allows you to send your song anonymously to the world, to whoever is interested. Still, this doesn’t allow you to call or contact anyone outside. It shows an instant chart of how many people are listing, voting, and commenting. It’s illegal to stream a song that is banned, but we are illegal teens, anyway. What does one more illegal thing matter? So be it. The beauty of the international feed function is that once the song plays, there is nothing illegal about hearing it or commenting on it. The blame is only on the sender.
Blame it on the Monsters. The song is online.
“Right here from Dizny Battlefieldz…” Woodsy mimics a radio host’s attitude, talking to a stone instead of a microphone. He is mimicking Timmy a little. “We have an exclusive stream of the number-one song in Faya: I Am Alive.”
Ten listeners in a few seconds.
More fireflies gather around the fire, with flickering colors. I hear movement in the forest. Animals, I guess. Even if it was the girl who keeps hiding from me, I wouldn’t mind.
A squirrel suddenly passes through, jumping over the fire, and escapes to the other side. And we thought there were no animals in here. There definitely are, but I guess there is something that scares them.
We have one thousand listeners and over three hundred comments.
Leo grabs my hands all of the sudden, pulls me up, and we start to dance. His big hands are on my back, and his legs move swiftly. I am a horrible dancer. He is a master. Our eyes meet in the flickering light, and I see through them. Just like the stars I used to tell Woo about. Although it feels confusing, remembering Woo while in the hands of Leo, I convince myself that I haven’t found Woo yet.
I see the child behind Leo’s eyes for the first time. The one you could imagine splashing water at you while swimming in the ocean, riding a motorcycle for fun, sleeping deeply and holding someone he loves next to him, instead of a rifle.
“Twenty thousand listeners, in only a couple of minutes.” Bellona can’t help herself. She stands between me and Leo, dancing with us. “We should stream our own live show.”
Pepper signals for me to check the listeners count for the song we’ve just streamed. My iAm says eighty-seven thousand listeners, over thirty thousand likes, and two thousand comments.
“They r
ecorded the live version we just sang and are rotating it on Zootube,” Pepper notices. The song is spreading through the network.
“What can I say,” says Leo, with his eccentric smile on his face. “I was a superstar once.”
“Does that mean we have fans?” asks Vern.
I feel like a light bulb is shimmering above my head. Do we have fans? Isn’t it time to use this in our favor? Since when do outranked have fans?
“Interesting point,” says Woodsy. “Those fans are Fives, Sixes, Sevens, hopefully Eights and Nines. And they are fans of the Monsters.”
Leo poses like a body builder, showing off his six-pack — it’s a four-pack, actually. Pepper and Woodsy pose behind him. Vern crawls between them, as if they are taking glamour shots. The skaters laugh and continue gorging on canned food. They barely nod their heads to the music, as if dancing will strip them of their soldier identities. Can’t they see their leader, Bellona, dancing like a duck?
I take a photo of all of them gathered and posing with my iAm.
Pepper keeps dancing, spreading her hands to the night sky. “I am so happy,” she says. “Shouldn’t they send us more flowers from the sky or something?”
“Come on, Timmy,” I say in my iAm and look up at the midnight sky. “I know you can hear us.”
“Come on,” Bellona says. “A little Artificial Skyyyyy.” She knots her face and squeaks her voice, imitating Timmy. I laugh hysterically at this. “Send us some dandelions down here from your artificial sky?”
“Where is an artificial sky when you need one?” Leo mutters.
“Come on, Timmy,” I insist.
“No can do,” Timmy joins in on the iAm. “We don’t have Artificial Sky where you are. I could drop a bomb on you though. We have those.” He sounds sleepy. I think we woke him up.
“Noooo!” we all scream, and continue dancing.