“Oh, for goodness’ sake,” his mother mumbled. “The things I do for these children… The things I do…”
Again silence ruled the large bedroom as mother and son gazed expectantly at her, and Charmaine wanted to scream with frustration, since she couldn’t simply throw them out of the room. But as always she backed down and hid behind her wall, as she had done so many times before in a desperate attempt to save herself from her father.
“You can start to talk now,” Sebastian urged after a few minutes during which she hadn’t said a word.
“May I enquire about what I am supposed to speak?” she asked, making sure to sound as haughtily polite as she possibly could.
“Now you are stalling.” Sebastian flashed another amused grin.
“I’m not stalling.”
“Yes, you are.”
“No, I am not.”
“Yes, you are.”
“No, I a—” Charmaine shut her mouth, sending her obnoxious brother-in-law an annoyed glance.
“Why are you, my dear Charmaine, insisting on keeping up the appearance of being heartless and selfish, when we all know you are anything but? Your sister has been telling us this for years, but we never cared enough about you to find out the truth ourselves, not until you married one of us.”
“Sebastian!” Lady Newbury glared aghast at her youngest son, but he merely shrugged.
“It’s the truth. We didn’t care about her.”
“I know we didn’t, and I don’t disagree with you about it.” Lady Newbury smiled apologetically toward Charmaine. “But you don’t have to be so straightforward about it, either, now, do you?”
“I don’t mind straightforwardness,” Charmaine admitted before she could stop herself and immediately Sebastian started to glow with satisfaction.
“See!” he beamed. “You are a Darling, whether you like it or not.”
“What has me being a Darling to do with me being a cold, heartless chit?” She bit back another smile as Sebastian blushed slightly, not so comfortable with getting his own words thrown straight at him.
“Nothing, really.” He squirmed. “It’s just me sharing my opinion. And my opinion is that you should let the disguise go. Mother doesn’t like dishonest people, and most of us are in full agreement. Uncle Charles is not, of course.”
“Of course,” Charmaine repeated meekly, starting to feel dizzy and quite overwhelmed. Not a unique feeling when it came to the Darling family’s illogical logic.
“Uncle Charles has a tendency to like everybody. We don’t know where he got such a treacherous attitude, but Grand-Papa swears Charles is his son and that there is no chance he could have been sired from another man’s loins.”
Charmaine shook her head, not knowing whether to laugh or cry. Having a discussion with a member of the Darling family was like banging your head against a stone wall, over and over and over again.
There was just no way to win, given the variety of rabbit trails they used in their arguments.
Penelope had told her so many anecdotes over the years, about different “discussions” she had overheard when at Chester Park, and to Charmaine they had sounded strange and yet so disturbingly attractive. This family’s bluntness toward each other had seemed perfect. No lies, no hidden agendas. Just the truth, preferably used to hit hard on someone else’s head.
“So now, when we finally have reached through the disguise, we will go back to the original question,” Sebastian drawled. “Why are you pretending to be something you are not?”
With a deep sigh, Charmaine gave up. “Aren’t we all pretending to be something we are not, in one way or another? I have a tendency to hide my emotions, and if that makes me seem like a heartless chit, so be it.”
“But it’s not who you are!” Lady Newbury grabbed Charmaine’s cold hand in hers again. “You are such a sweet girl, with a heart of gold. Why have everyone think you are not? It doesn’t make you any friends.”
“But it saves me from attention I don’t crave.”
“From whom?” As always, Sebastian nailed the central question, and if this hadn’t been such a stressful conversation to her she might have applauded him for his understanding. But just the thought of admitting to these two that her stepfather, curse his black heart, was in love with her and wanted her for his wife was too embarrassing to speak out loud. The mere thought of it made her squirm with discomfort.
“From unwanted suitors who don’t take no for an answer,” she replied instead, not a lie but not the whole truth either. Fortunately, both Lady Newbury and Sebastian seemed satisfied with the answer.
“Oh, my dear child,” Lady Newbury breathed compassionately. “Of course you must have had your share of unwanted attention, considering the vast number of men constantly surrounding you. I remember a dear friend who made her debut the same year I did. She had a man who became completely obsessed with her. He followed her everywhere, even breaking into her home, stealing some of her things, including clothing. She turned into a shivering shadow of the once happy girl she had been, just because one man couldn’t take no for an answer.”
“How can anybody become so attracted to one woman that he would be unable to leave her alone?” Sebastian frowned, and Lady Newbury smiled toward him as only a mother could.
“And there we have the answer to the question of whether you have ever been in love.”
Sebastian stared at her in confusion. “Whatever are you talking about? Of course I’ve been in love. I fall in love every week with some new alluring creature.”
“Never been in love,” Lady Newbury mouthed to Charmaine, ignoring her son’s irritation.
“I have too been in love.”
“No, you haven’t.”
“Stop that snorting, Mother. It doesn’t suit you at all. And, by the way, how would you even know what I feel, when you can’t read what’s in my heart?”
“I know you. You are my son, and I carried you under my heart. There is nothing you can hide from me. Nothing!”
“I beg to differ…”
Charmaine looked at the arguing mother and son, and a warm feeling started to grow in her heart. All her life she had been surrounded by people who claimed to love and adore her, yet she had always felt unloved and on the outside. But these two, and the rest of their large, colorful family, handled her with the same warm contempt as they did all their family members, and somehow it made her feel like she belonged.
Like she was a part of the family.
Her own parents had always treated her as if she were special and put her on the highest pedestal they could find. They had constantly worshipped her, telling her again and again that they couldn’t believe they had such a magnificent offspring.
But the Darlings didn’t treat her differently, and she liked that immensely. She liked being liked. She liked being a part of something bigger.
But now and then she couldn’t help wishing there were some place she could have some privacy, where she could be alone. She desperately needed peace and quiet and time to think things through.
During her childhood she had been constantly surrounded by her parents and the servants, and now as a married woman she was always surrounded by her husband’s large family. And if she tried to hide in her bedroom there was always someone who sought her out, mostly Penelope.
Charmaine sighed heavily.
Penelope was the dearest sister and friend anyone could wish for, but—to be completely honest—she was a bit too intrusive now and then.
Or most of the time.
She looked at Sin where he lay still in the bed, and she sighed again. The sad truth was she would never be able to have the solitude she wanted. She was married to Sin, and he was the heir, the one destined to take over and run this monstrous house when his father and grandfather had passed on. As his wife, she would be expected to act as hostess and matriarch.
It was Sin’s destiny, and she would of course stand by his side when that time came. But it could take years upon years
. Hannibal was over seventy years old but in perfect health and would probably outlive most of them. At his demise it would be Sin’s father, George, Lord Newbury, who was first in line to take over the dukedom and the responsibilities, not Sin.
But it was Sin who already had stepped forward, running the large estate perfectly even though he didn’t have to. And Charmaine had to admit it vexed her a bit, the thought that it didn’t have to be like this. Sin could back down if he wanted to, and they could have the life she desperately wanted. They could move to a smaller house, have a home of their own where she finally could find peace and not feel huddled all the time.
But it would never happen.
If Sin woke up again he would want to go back to where they had been before, with him politely ignoring her and her feeling alone and abandoned.
“He will wake up again.”
Charmaine nodded, with a faint smile which must have shown how unbelieving she was, and Lady Newbury stared hard at her. “He will wake up again.”
“If I were you, Charmaine, I would listen to her. She’s his mother, and he would never dare to do something to vex her.” Sebastian’s eyes sparkled mischievously, and she couldn’t help but giggle. His mother was right, he was an imp. A handsome, redheaded, wonderful imp, and she was so grateful he now was her brother, her friend, and her confidant.
“I know he will,” Charmaine answered her mother-in-law, ignoring Sebastian’s not-too-gentle bickering. “It’s the not knowing when he will wake that is the hardest to cope with. If I could know it will happen tomorrow, or next week, or even next month, it would be easier, because then we would all see an end to this. But as it is now, we can only sit here waiting, day in and day out.”
“Which brings me to why I came here in the first place,” Sebastian said to his mother. “Father wants your presence in the library. It was something about your plans for the upcoming Season which he disagrees with.”
Lady Newbury sighed as she rose and stepped toward the door. “He is always disagreeing with me when it comes to the Season. If I didn’t know better, I would think he doesn’t want to attend.”
“Of course he doesn’t want to attend!” Sebastian looked just like his mother when he rolled his eyes toward her slender back. “London is so much better off-season. You know, when we aren’t forced to go to balls, dinner parties, and boring music soirées every bloody night.”
“No one is forcing you.”
He snorted loudly enough that she stopped in the doorway and sent him a patronizing look that made his shoulders slump, and with a deep sigh he followed her meekly.
“All right, all right,” he mumbled as he passed her, and Charmaine managed to keep herself from laughing until after the door closed behind them.
Those two were too much alike to ever avoid arguing about everything, but Charmaine had a feeling neither of them minded. They thrived in their constant battle with words and rolling eyes.
She sent a sympathetic thought to poor Lord Newbury, who had such a wayward family to keep up with. But then again, she didn’t think he minded. He always looked at his wife and three children with more love than she had seen shown by any other man of his standing.
Sin had such wonderful loving parents, and she knew in her heart he would be just as wonderful and loving a parent toward their child. He would love their little boy or girl with all his heart, and never would he let the baby feel as unwanted and unappreciated as she always had.
She put a hand on her still-flat belly, longing for when it would grow and become larger and larger because of the baby growing bigger. Not able to withstand the longing, she stood and went to the large mirror, looking at herself from the side. She drew the dress closer to her body to see if there was a little bump. But no, she was as flat as ever.
Not able to resist the temptation, she rushed to the sofa and grabbed up a cushion and put it quickly under her dress, casting nervous glances toward the closed door all the while. Immediately she looked different, with a large swollen bump on her middle, and the lump in her throat grew larger as her heart rejoiced at what was to come. She was going to have a baby.
“Is this your subtle way of telling me I’m about to become a father?”
Charmaine stiffened and let the cushion drop to the floor. Slowly she turned, too afraid she had dreamt hearing the beloved voice. As her gaze fixed on the bed, she met the tired eyes of her husband.
Chapter Fifteen
“You’re awake,” she breathed, and he frowned slightly.
“Of course I’m awake.”
“Are you really awake?”
“Charmaine, please stop that squeaking. My head hurts like hell. And yes, I am perfectly sure that I am awake. Oof!”
His arms automatically hugged her closer as she threw herself on him. Her eyes burnt as she dug her nose down deep into his neck, marveling over the sensational feeling of having him hold her again.
“My, my!” He chuckled. “One could think I’ve been asleep for days, not hours.”
“One month.”
She felt him tense slightly and knew it was better to blurt out the truth instead of letting him wonder. “You’ve been asleep for almost a month, ever since the day you were shot.”
“What? I was shot?”
She sat up so she could look into his dark eyes. Confusion filled them as he dragged a hand through his hair.
“Yes, you were.”
“By whom?”
She hesitated slightly before answering. “They don’t know. Someone sneaked up outside your study and shot you through the window.”
He sat up beside her, looking down at his hands. “Was I hurt?”
“Yes, you were shot in the head.” She lifted her hand, caressing the small scar on his temple. “Right there.”
His fingers moved over the scar, and she could see he had a hard time grasping the truth.
“Maybe I shouldn’t have said something,” she said, anxiety filling her heart. “Maybe I should have stayed quiet and let you come around slowly.”
“No. I’m grateful that you did tell me. Now I have a chance to think this through a bit by myself before the storm comes down upon us.”
She frowned at him. “The storm?”
He grinned, just as mischievously as his younger brother had a little while ago. “Mother.”
Ah. His grin deepened as she smiled back toward him, and she threw herself into his arms again, not able to stand being so far from him now that he finally was awake.
“So are you?” he whispered softly into her ear.
“Am I what?”
“Pregnant?”
She felt him hold his breath as if her answer meant everything to him. “Yes.”
Howling like a madman he rolled her down into the bed, putting himself on top of her, kissing her face wherever he could reach. She laughed as he howled again, and his apparent happiness sent shivers of delight through her heart.
It was so perfect.
This was how she had pictured it, the radiant joy he would feel when enlightened about her wonderful news. A memory of how Francesca had been abandoned by her husband, the Duke of Hereford, after telling him about expecting his baby, came to Charmaine. Then it hadn’t meant anything to her, but now, as she herself had had the pleasure to tell her own husband she was expecting their baby, she suddenly understood how utterly mortified Sin’s sister must have been. To her it had been the best day ever, until her husband had thrown it all in her face.
She looked into Sin’s shiningly happy eyes and felt the ice surrounding her frozen heart melt a little. In this moment of shared marital bliss everything was perfect, but she knew it soon would change. It always had before.
He would change.
It still hurt how he had cast her aside after their return to Chester Park. She was grateful for her old walls, which she immediately had put up again, saving herself from the pain she felt when he dissociated himself from her.
He kissed her again, this time on the mouth, and s
he couldn’t hold back a grimace as his foul breath washed her face.
“Smells like flowers, I presume?” he grinned, and she wrinkled her nose a bit more.
“Rotten such.”
“I think I do need to clean up a bit. But I’m starting to feel a bit weary, and I think I need to rest for a minute.”
He lay back on the bed again, and she sat up, immediately starting to fuss over him, straightening his pillow, smoothing out the bedspread. He grabbed her hand and put it against his chest, on top of his steadily beating heart, before closing his eyes and slowly drifting back to sleep.
Breathlessly she sat there, waiting for him to do something or move slightly to show he was only sleeping, not back in his coma. But he merely lay there, breathing evenly, and in the end she couldn’t stand it—she pinched him, hard.
“What?” he growled, turning over to his side, and she immediately scooted close to his back and put her arms around him.
“I just wanted to see if you were alive.”
“That hurt!”
“I know. Sorry.”
He grabbed her hands against his chest and let his thumbs caress her soft skin. “I will wake up again, I promise.”
“You’d better.”
He chuckled before drifting back into sleep, but even though the same fear came over her, she didn’t pinch him again. Instead she waited a while before slipping out of the bed and sneaking out of the bedroom.
She had to stand still in the hallway for a few minutes before walking down to the library, where she found Lord and Lady Newbury in the midst of a heated argument regarding how necessary it was for them to partake in the social season of the ton which was to start in a mere month’s time.
“Ah, Charmaine, thank you for arriving so perfectly,” Lady Newbury breathed with relief as she joined them. “Tell my husband we have to go to London this year, too. Sebastian still needs us!”
Lord Newbury snorted loudly. “No, you need to be there for Sebastian. He definitely doesn’t need you there. We all know how you tend to interfere, completely without common sense.”
Lady Newbury gasped, outraged. “I. Beg. Your. Pardon! How can you say such a thing? I am your wife, and you love me. You should praise to the sky my ability to care for our children instead of showing this odd resistance to my being there for them.”
The Beauty of You Page 18