by Marian Tee
I threw daggers at her with my eyes.
“Oh, don’t be so stuffy. It doesn’t suit you at all. I’ve always thought you had this little crush on Luka.”
I gasped. “I did not!”
Luka was smiling. “Did she?”
“No!”
“Yes,” Catherine confirmed and sighed again. “We have to have a party. I’ll contact your grandfather, Luka. Is that all right?”
“My grandfather will always be glad to hear from you,” Luka said warmly.
Catherine’s head bobbed in response. “Go on up now, you two. The press may have tired Caylie out.”
William’s eyes darkened. “Now that they’re engaged, I’m not sure—”
He couldn’t speak anymore, not with Catherine not so subtly stepping on his foot. Catherine flashed us another smile. “Go on, sweetheart. Rest.”
When Luka closed my bedroom door behind him, I immediately whirled around and demanded, “What the hell are you playing at, Luka? Why do we have to lie to my parents?”
“If they know this engagement is a sham, do you think your father’s pride would allow him to accept the Brethren’s protection? He wouldn’t feel entitled to it. You know that. But you also know they need protection as much as you do.”
The words made sense, but somehow I couldn’t keep myself from thinking that Luka was manipulating me for some reason.
“Rest now, Caylie,” he urged. “Stop worrying about things.”
I let him tuck me in bed. It was times like this, when he was back to being the old Luka I once knew, that made me want to cry and lash out at fate. Oh God of Caros, why? Why could I never have been enough for him?
I saw Luka about to touch my hair, or maybe my face, before freezing midway and finally letting his hand fall to his side. “What is it?” I asked with a confused frown.
Luka took a long time to answer. “Because…I saw how you looked at me.”
I turned my back to him on bed, letting him know wordlessly that I didn’t like where this conversation was going.
“Caylie…” Luka expelled a furious breath behind me. “I know you think I used you in the past to climb up in ranks, but I didn’t. I had to leave then. It was that or put you in danger.”
I bit my lip hard, trying to keep it from trembling. I willed my eyes not to let even a tear fall because Luka Georgiades did not deserve my tears any longer.
“I can’t explain why I did what I did, but Caylie…just think about it. Please just listen to what I’m saying.”
I didn’t answer.
“If I’m just a fraction of how fucking smart everyone say I am, do you really think I would have needed to use a sixteen-year-old girl to make my way up in the Brethren?”
* * * *
I called Sabina first thing the next day.
“We saw you on TV with Luka,” was the first thing Sabina told me.
Her cautious tone was more than enough to tell me I was right in calling her. Taking a deep breath, I asked, “Sabina, what were the rumors you heard about Luka?”
Sabina fell quiet.
“Please. I need to know.”
“Do you remember the legend about the twin princes?”
Frowning, I tried to recall the legend that Caro parents used to tell children about how vampires came to be. “They all died or they all turned into vampires.”
“They didn’t.”
“Umm, okay, but I don’t see what it has to do…”
“When the first prince realized the girl’s heart would never be his, he decided it would not belong to anyone else either. This selfishness became the seed of his self-destruction, his soul rotting without even having to take away the girl’s life. But because the girl was pure of heart, she came after him, wanting to save the first prince but it was too late. He had turned, and he hurt her for he no longer knew her.”
“When the second prince came and saw the girl he loved lying on the ground in a pool of her blood, vengeance became the seed of his self-destruction. As he started to turn vampire before her eyes, she offered him her love and what remained of her life freely. Her words reached him enough for the second prince to seek the sun. And in the presence of their selfless love, the seed of self-destruction withered and died.”
Sabina spoke every word softly, flatly, but I sensed the pain she was doing her best to hide. She spoke the words like she had spoken them a thousand times, like it was wish made upon a dying star.
“Sabina…”
Oh God of Caros, why do you have to make life so complicated for your children?
“I know you know that’s not how the story ends.”
“I have always loved Phillip,” Sabina confessed rawly. “And I know he loved me. But it all changed when his brother…the woman he wanted spurned him, and he turned vampire. He killed her before taking his own life. The Brethren helped Phillip’s family to cover it up but after that, it was over for me, too—for us. Phillip became engaged with Luisa, and I’ve been left in a limbo.”
I could only clutch the receiver tightly, wishing there was something more I could do for my friend. All this time I had never realized, never even imagined it could be this hard for the two of them.
“I know I should give up on him, but I can’t. Ever since we broke up, I’ve done my best—I worked on all those seminars just so I could have money to spend to find a fucking cure, any fucking thing that could get me Phillip back. Finally, I got a tip that led me to a monastery…” She drew another shaky breath. “Caylie, the person I met there is a direct descendant of the second prince and the girl he fell in love with. Neither of them turned vampire. They had their happily ever after.”
I couldn’t help smiling when I realized what that meant for them. “Oh, Sabina, I’m glad. Does it mean you’re finally getting rid of Luisa?”
“I…hope so. The person I talked to told me it won’t work…that you can’t stop a Caro from turning vampire if it’s not true love on both sides, but I’m hoping…” Sabina paused. “Caylie, do you understand what this means for you?”
I paused, too. “I’m…no. I…don’t.” Something nagged at me, but I couldn’t make sense of it—maybe I didn’t want to make sense of it even as my heart already started beating hard and fast in anticipation of Sabina’s words.
“The Brethren let the wrong legend pass from generation to generation because they felt that it was too much of a risk to let Caros know from the start that we’re not forsaken by love. They don’t want another catastrophic bloodbath in their hands. So the first leaders of the Brethren decided that the chance to love was to be earned, and the second prince and the girl he loved became the first secret keepers. In the past years only a handful had managed to discern the secret and find their way to the monastery.”
“Sabina, I don’t think—”
She cut me off incisively, saying, “Caylie—one of them was Luka.”
I almost dropped the phone. “What are you saying?” I whispered.
“That maybe…maybe the reason why Luka did to you what he did all those years ago was because he…he loved you then and he had to leave, fearing that he’d hurt you.”
Something stirred inside me, yet another emotion I didn’t want to label, but then it died just as quickly as it was born when a lovely girl’s face flashed across my mind.
I said with painful honesty, “Sabina, I know you want to think so but…no. I don’t think it was about me.” My head pounded as the truth hit me, splintering my heart into pieces when it should have remained intact. I wasn’t in love with Luka. I wasn’t. So why was I hurting so badly now?
“Caylie, did he say something to you?”
“He doesn’t have to. I know. Luka can’t be in love with me because…” Tears pricked my eyes, but I was damned if I would let them fall. No more, no more. I promised myself I wouldn’t cry because of Luka Georgiades any longer and I was going to do my utmost to keep it.
“Sabina, he’s in love with Emilia Moretti.”
Ah, God
of Caros. Why did knowing that hurt so badly, too?
* * * *
Having come home on a Friday, I virtually had the entire weekend to rest, recover, and…remember.
Luka didn’t call, not even once.
Was it because he was with the Lyccan princess?
Monday came sooner than later, and I had mixed feelings going to school. A part of me just wanted my old uncomplicated life back. I used to sleep, breathe, and live on my hatred. Now, everything was a jumble. I was a walking mess, my every waking second spent either torturing myself with the past or torturing myself even more with thoughts of the future.
I couldn’t get the image of Luka making love with Emilia Moretti out of my mind, and that was a bad thing. It was very bad now that I knew for a fact I could turn vampire—just like Phillip’s brother, just like the first prince—simply because I selfishly wanted Luka for myself.
Needing some distraction, I took out my phone and checked my Facebook, which was flooded with congratulatory messages for my engagement. It was the same on Twitter and when I checked Instagram, the first bloody thing I saw was a beautiful photo of Emilia Moretti—one she posted herself and tagged to Luka. Two words in handwritten font were pasted on the photo.
Be happy.
I felt like I was sucker-punched with that one, and before I knew it my fingers were moving quickly on my phone’s keypad.
“Caylie?” Luka answered immediately on the first ring. “What’s wrong?”
I was so, so selfish and he was so, so stupid. How could he blow away his chances with the Lyccan princess just to keep me safe?
“Is something wrong?”
“No, I—” There was no easy way to say this so I simply said, “Let’s call the engagement off.” I put the phone down as my heart shattered anew. If I kept up with this, it would be impossible to put the pieces back again.
* * * *
I could only stand still when I walked out of school with my friends and saw Luka waiting outside. He looked spectacular in his Brethren uniform—red for blood and gold for power, the two greatest things Caro as a race desired. Luka rarely wore it outside work so that probably meant he had come here in a hurry, taking no time to change.
Caros around me whispered and whispered.
One part of me had wished for him to come while another part wished he would just let it go.
This entire business of being selfless was very fucked up., and I didn’t think I had it in me to be selfless one more time. It just wasn’t my nature. Born and bred a spoiled Caro, die a rotten spoiled Caro, as they said. For our kind, the spoiling could only get worse over time.
Sabina and Ever stopped beside me. “How do you want to play this, Caylie?” Ever asked. She might be the non-confrontational sort, but she was also touchingly loyal and never the one to abandon people in need.
“Just say the word and I won’t let him talk to you,” Sabina told me soberly.
But we weren’t really given a chance to strategize more as Luka clearly lost patience waiting for me to come to him. In seconds, he had closed the distance between us and stood in front me, looking even more intimidating than usual. Luka up close in his Brethren uniform was a sight to behold and even more so now, with the way he did nothing to restrain the aura of his power. It was enough to have my body skin tingle and I had no doubt all the girls within a few meters were feeling the same body-tingling sensation, too.
“Hello, Ever, Sabina.” His manners were faultless, his smile a charming force that even my most loyal friends weren’t immune to.
In the corner of my eye, I saw Sabina nodding reluctantly while a flushed Ever mumbled ‘hi’ back.
The whispers had grown louder. The glares that I got from behind also became sharper, as if the girls no longer cared if I knew they were staring or not. But honestly, I couldn’t blame them. You know how human girls would gush about men in uniform? Well, they would just about die if they ever caught a glimpse of a Caro male in uniform—and especially when it was Luka we were talking about.
He was, in a word, dashing, and he took everyone’s breaths away. Yet for some reason Luka only had eyes for me.
“Caylie—”
I tried to brush him off. “I’m not in the mood for rehabilitation—”
But I forgot that this was Luka, and he wasn’t the type to get brushed off easily. Without missing a beat Luka answered, “That’s great since I’m not here for a rehabilitation session. I thought I would drive you home. Work finished early.”
“My driver—” I began.
“I already sent him back. I hope you didn’t mind my presumptuousness.”
Seeing no way out but to give in gracefully, I smiled stiffly at my friends. “I guess that means I have to take a rain check on our coffee date tonight.”
Ever’s gaze was concerned when she sought mine. “Call us,” she said.
“Of course.”
Inside the car, I expected Luka to immediately launch into question mode but instead he made do with small talk, which only rubbed me the wrong way. But when we got home and reached my bedroom, Luka slammed the door shut with more force than was necessary.
I spun around just in time to see Luka stalking towards me.
Shit.
“What the hell was that about, Caylie?”
“You know what this is about.”
“The only thing I know is that you’re displaying a strong reluctance to posing as my betrothed.” Before I could say anything, Luka asked, “Does it bother you that much?”
Now he was the one who lost me. “I’m not the one who has a problem—”
“The fuck you’re not,” Luka snapped.
I reared back, stunned to hear Luka curse first and without any apparent reason. “Luka, why are you so mad?”
“Because I thought you were better,” he confided with audible self-contempt. “You’re breaking our engagement because you’ve realized you can’t bear the thought of everyone thinking you’re about to marry a half-human mongrel—”
Oh God of Caros, how could he be so blind? “I’m breaking off the engagement because I want you to be happy, too!”
Luka broke off at my hiss before roaring back, “What the fuck are you talking about?”
“I’m not as selfish or as shallow as you and everyone seem to think,” I spat. “I want you to be happy, too. I really want that and I know you can’t be happy if the girl you love thinks you’re really marrying someone else.”
“The girl I love,” he repeated almost dumbly.
I snarled, “Do you want me to spell it out more clearly? Emilia Moretti then. Does it ring any bells now?”
Luka appeared speechless. I watched him take off his glasses and pinch the bridge of his nose as if he was in danger of having an aneurysm bursting on him.
All I had to do was close my eyes and I could easily recall the princess’ photo with those two words. Be happy. Fuck her. I meant it. Fuck her. Did she think I didn’t want Luka to be happy as well? He had ruined my life, but I just couldn’t find it in me to hate him anymore. So why the hell she thought she had the right to make me feel guilty, I had no fucking idea. That Emilia Moretti didn’t do or say anything to make me think she wanted me to feel guilty didn’t matter. I just felt it in my guts and so really—fuck her.
Trying to keep my voice level, I started, “I don’t want you to sacrifice—”
“Stop.”
I shut up.
“I’m really glad that you thought about it.”
Funny, but he didn’t sound glad. In fact, he looked very much…moody. Angry and sad or something in between.
“But it’s not necessary.”
“It is—”
“I promise you, Caylie, it’s not.” His lips twisted. “The girl I love will not notice me. I don’t think she ever will.”
My heart broke for him even as a part of me rejoiced, the part of me that still hated him a little bit and would forever do so. This part of me was glad that karma was a bitch that made n
o distinction of races, its poison as venomous to Caros as it was to humans, shapeshifters and what not. “But Luka—”
“It’s okay. Don’t worry about it. So just let this nonsense about a broken engagement go, all right?” His voice was hard, leaving no room for argument.
I turned away, not wanting him to see how I felt about his decision, but this was Luka, and he knew me inside and out. It was, after all, the same reason why he was able to hurt me so badly. He knew what knife to twist—and where and how.