by Julia Donner
Two cups of tea, an egg and toast fortified her sufficiently to head for the library where she kept her desk and ledgers. Cook would have left a stack of bills and requests for foodstuffs for the week. Perhaps she could deal with those until Jasper showed up with his typical demands for money she didn’t have.
Early afternoon brought her brother to the library. He’d apparently showed himself the way, since Elsie didn’t announce him, which was probably for the better. The maid despised him and found it almost impossible to treat him with any respect. Disgust rendered what civility she could muster rather thin. Not acceptable behavior for a servant but Elsie had proved herself indispensable and unswervingly loyal. And Ana was fed to the teeth with her brother’s selfishness.
She had thought her dislike of Jasper could not sink any lower until he sailed into the library in fine style. He wore a navy long-tailed coat, gold silk waistcoat, trousers to mid-calf to show off striped stockings. Seals and watches dangled from silver and golden chains. A ring she’d never seen before glinted on his right hand. He carried yellow York gloves and a Malacca cane topped by the carved-silver head of a sphinx.
Ana stood to greet him in her plain frock of faded blue, its cuffs turned to hide the fraying. She vowed that if he asked her for so much as a groat she’d throw her round-heeled shoe at his head.
“Ana, good morrow to you, Sis!”
“It is afternoon, Jasper. What brings you here?”
He set his cane and gloves on a chair seat, then tucked his hands under the coattails to clasp them low on his back and strolled about the room. His carefree mood declared that he was decidedly satisfied with his lot.
Suspicion replaced her dread. Had he come into an unexpected windfall? If so, she might be able to wheedle a return from him for her many donations, but she doubted it would ever happen. Jasper believed whatever was hers was meant to be his. She’d begun to anticipate marriage to Carnall, most especially the relieving of the daily drudgeries due to the economies, but she did not like the fact that she would go into marriage loaded down with debt and endless problems. Even though Carnall had the funds and staff to whisk away the trivialities that seemed insurmountable to her, there were still the numerous but small local debts and the larger one of the mortgage.
Jasper only smiled at her earlier question, elevating her growing alarm. Then he laughed and strode to the desk. “Why didn’t you tell me, Ana? It’s all over London. Why must I be the last to know?”
Impatience tightened her mouth. She closed the ledger. “I have no idea what you’re talking about. If you plan to speak in riddles, I wish you would go away. My days are not filled with leisure. I have much to do.”
Jasper propped his backside on the edge of the desk and began to twirl a seal from the end of its chain. “Playing coy, are we, when you’ve landed in a pot of cream.”
She waved her hand with an expansive gesture that took in the room. “Look for yourself. Nary a drop of cream in sight, Jasper. From the cut of your new clothes, I surmised that you came into funds. If so, it is my hope that you will share. Which reminds me.” She withdrew his leather folder crammed with his debts from a drawer and plopped it on the desk.
Jasper ignored the folder. He sent her a playful, admonishing scowl. “There’s no need for dissembling, dear sister. I will not judge you for taking the easier path.”
“Judge me? Have you already finished your first bottle of the day?”
“Pooh! It would take more that one bottle to render me inebriated.”
She slapped her hand on the desk. “Then what are you talking about?”
“Why, the marquis, of course. It’s all over town about you and Carnall.”
Her brain went blank. That was followed by a chill and the drench of a vulgar feeling she could only think of as violation. Until her recent lapses with Carnall, she had been strenuously careful to never become a source for gossip. Jasper was saying that she was the object of widespread scandal. Refusing to cringe, she found her voice. “You will explain that unsubtle accusation, sir.”
Jasper shrugged and left the desk corner. He flipped up his coat tails and dropped into a nearby chair. “You and Carnall have entered into a liaison. I shan’t come between you, if that’s what you’re thinking, especially since he’s the key to the elimination of the largest of my vowels. I sent ‘round a note to his agent before we left town.”
Her breath stopped. She looked out the window at the gloomy day. No sun to lift her from this slide into despair’s dark hole. Scandal, combined with her brother’s outrageous presumption and lack of finesse, were too much to absorb. Questions bombarded her brain, jumbling and tumbling in a cluttered ball than refused to unravel.
She pulled her stare from the view out the window and settled it on Jasper. How could Jasper condone an illicit relationship and expect his sister’s lover to cover his debts? How could she save the school’s reputation from the scandal making its way around London and members of the same society was the source the academy’s income? The questions kept piling up and whirling inside her head until she thought she might go mad striving for solutions.
Her brother interrupted her mental chaos. “I say, Ana, could you ask him to forgive the four thousand pounds? He’s rich as Croesus, you know.”
Her mind went entirely blank again. Except that she kept hearing over and over the horrifying sum. She had to say something to hide the horror that raged inside. Everything she had strived to achieve for years had evaporated, crumbled around her feet like shattered glass.
She gently cleared her throat in order to speak. Perhaps Jasper was wrong and there was a way to salvage something from the ruins.
“Where did you hear this gossip?”
“Boodles. Some days ago. Many of the members have daughters or sisters here. Girls are wont to pen effusive letters of love and gossip. Once told, these things fly like fire. It’ll die down soon enough, but you shouldn’t have to worry. As old as you are, there was never a chance for contracting a marriage. You must be nigh on thirty by now, ergo we must view this as an opportunity for you to be lifted from your drudgery, and I must say, it’s an unlikely reprieve for us all. Lucinda can’t quite overcome the embarrassment of your endeavors and lapse into the sordid world of employment. At least there is nothing entirely grubby about educating the ignorant. We may feel blessed for that, and you have chosen so well, Ana! Carnall is excessively plump in the pocket! I daresay he’ll not mind lending me the odd shilling for not creating a fuss.”
Her brother acted as if he had no inkling that he was behaving like a flesh-peddler, foisting his spinster sister and otherwise future dependant on a rich cull. She pressed her fingertips into her forehead and rubbed. Nothing could make this situation worse.
The rebuttal to that hope came as a knock on the door. Elsie entered, “His lordship, Lord Carnall.”
Chapter 18
Overcoming life’s obstacles had become second nature, but Carnall’s unexpected appearance and the disaster that was about to take place was too much, too close together. She desperately needed to sit, to take a moment to sort through everything.
Elsie should not have brought Carnall to her without permission, especially when she had another guest. But the marquis had been running tame at the academy for weeks, and the girl had raised the marquis to the level of deification. Even though pushed and distracted, Ana couldn’t rummage up the energy to castigate the girl or assign blame. Her present dilemma had its roots in her own weakness and unfortunate family.
Carnall’s broad smile, its joy lit with a hint of wickedness, faded when he saw the brother she never wanted him to meet. She hoped he wasn’t thinking the worst from coming upon her alone behind closed doors with another man. Carnall could be unreasonably possessive and jealous. She’d witnessed that when he met the squire. It was dreadful enough that she had to introduce her intended to a family member so grasping and inconsiderate as Jasper. She desperately wanted to run, to die, to be anywhere else but here, because
she knew her brother. He would apply to Carnall for assistance. As soon as the introductions were made, Jasper would presume upon the romantic connection. She couldn’t imagine a circumstance more mortifying.
Carnall frowned at her brother. “Moorpath. What are you doing here?”
Scorn rang loud in that question. She had expected a territorial attitude, but they’d met somewhere before this. He’d been surprised to come upon her in private conversation with another man, but this was unexpected. Carnall obviously knew her brother. Her expectation to diffuse or make the best of an awkward business devolved into hopelessness.
Jasper sprang up, jovial and wreathed with bonhomie. Carnall shook Jasper’s hand but did not remove his glove to do so. The snub had no effect on her brother, while Ana’s head began to throb. Every muscle tightened, readying for the blow.
“Just the man I hoped to see! Ana never mentioned that you were acquainted.” He turned slightly away from Carnall to shake an admonishing finger at her. “Naughty puss! You might have told me that you knew the marquis.”
Ana answered around a constricted throat. “There is no reason to discuss the family members of my students.”
“Not even to make it known you have such elevated connections? But I must acquit you. Your activities here in the country are far from the amusements of London.” Jasper waggled his eyebrows and lowered his voice for a conspiratorial explanation. “The marquis is quite the fellow with the racing set. Those Irish horses are coming along famously on the turf, are they not? I say, Carnall, did your man receive my application?”
Carnall’s attention flicked to her and away before he answered. “I have not been up to London for some days. What application is that?”
Jasper hesitated, widened his smile, and explained in a lowered voice, “You know, the wager.”
Carnall remained silent. The stare he bent on her brother made it clear that Jasper must clarify a topic too vulgar for Carnall to comprehend. Ana began to die inside.
Nervous, and displaying the first sign of self-doubt, Jasper’s tone adopted a faintly defensive whine. “After all, your association with my sister should allow for a modicum of consideration for her family’s comfort.”
Jasper demonstrated this opinion by snatching the folder from the desk and handing it to Carnall. “If you could see your way clear, I would be most obliged.”
Carnall looked at the folder he held. “Obliged to do what? I’m not entirely sure that I understand your request.”
“Why, sir, you have entered into a relationship with my sister. It is customary to endow her with compensation for her companionship. A house, conveyance, jewels and so on. I can see no reason why you shouldn’t feel some gratitude to a close family member, who is entirely willing to condone this sort of arrangement without contention.”
The contempt and revulsion on Carnall’s face completed her humiliation. He glared at Jasper, at her, then down at the folder he held. He released it. She flinched when it landed on the floorboards with a splat.
She forced herself to stand straight, chin up but gaze lowered, while inside she felt raw and shattered. She averted her face and held despondency at bay until she could be alone. She feared a strange, hovering darkness into which she would descend and from which she could never recover.
She closed her eyes when another knock sounded on the door. Resentful and impatient, Elsie muttered, “Lady Lucinda Moorpath.”
Skipping over the preamble of civility, Lady Lucinda entered, saying, “Jasper, why have you left me waiting?” She paused when she noticed Carnall. “Forgive me, sir. I was under the assumption this was a family matter and that Ana had no other visitors. Ana, you must get rid of that stupid maid. She should have informed me that you were in private conversation.” She lifted an eyebrow at Carnall. “I must assume that you are the person now in association with Jasper’s sister. You will understand, of course, why we cannot be introduced.”
Ana clenched her teeth and stared down at the papers strewn across the desk. The ruthless suppression of tears and her emotions set off a quivering throughout her body. She held on as Carnall glanced her way. She couldn’t see it, but felt his attention. He stepped over the folder and went to the door.
“You will forgive me, but I must ask to take leave of you.” He nodded a bow to Lady Lucinda. “Lady Moorpath.” He ignored Jasper and to Ana said, “Good day to you, madam.”
Ana sank down onto the chair. The shivers changed to shudders. She had no idea how to salvage anything from the horror of the last hour. Everything gone, Carnall, her livelihood and that of her aunts, even her reputation, which when weighed in the balance meant nothing without the school. The rustling of papers restored her senses to the present problem.
She looked up when Jasper set the folder in front of her on the desk. She told him in a deadened voice, “Leave and take that with you. I wish to never see either of you again.”
Jasper sputtered, “That is altogether too harsh, Ana. How was I to know he had such a thin skin? Never thought a gaming man would take to a high horse.”
“Leave, Jasper, and do not come back.”
Worry crept into his tone when he whispered, “Will you be quite alright?”
Lady Lucinda snapped, “Come along, Jasper. I have no issue with being through with her. It is just as well. She would eventually have become an indigent relative. The aunts we could fob off as too distant, but a sister is too near a connection to be ignored without public censure.”
Ana drilled the woman with all the rancor and revulsion she’d kept hidden for too long. “Allow me to correct that supposition. I would have taken to the streets before accepting a life lived in your company and under your roof.”
Lady Lucinda said with sourness and a thin smirk of spite, “Apparently you already have.”
Just before they left, Ana said, “And his offer was not a carte blanche. He asked to marry me.”
The door closed on her words. She doubted they cared and would erase her from their minds before they reached their carriage. The weight of what had happened came rushing at her. Loss and sorrow surrounded. The memory of Carnall’s profound revulsion returned. Hot tears stung her face. She let them fall. For a short time she had basked in the dream of security for herself and her aunts, no more waking before dawn or toiling in the night to hide the fact from the students that there weren’t enough servants. The girls came from affluent families, most from the aristocracy, and had no idea where the kitchen was located or how many servants were needed for a house this size. That was a large part of what they were learning at the academy, knowledge of the skills to become the perfect wife.
Of all the losses she suffered this day, the worst was the loss of Carnall, which she couldn’t accept or think about, but of his rejection, she had no doubt. She desired his good opinion as much as she yearned for his presence and touch. She wouldn’t blame him if he assumed her brother had plotted, had encouraged her to entice Carnall into a compromising situation, for either an offer of marriage, or the compromise of an illicit nature. Either would provide for Jasper’s unquenchable quest for income.
There was no other option but to carry out the last resort. If she could distance herself from the school, she might at least repair its reputation and retain a livelihood for her aunts. Her mother and uncle had left family heirlooms that she had previously refused to sell. Aunt Honoria had the wherewithal to negotiate their sale and manage the school until the present sessions ended. Her aunt did not have the personality nor the inclination to take on the task, but would if no other option presented itself.
Ana began to write a letter to leave behind for her aunts. Having a task to perform helped to tame the turmoil inside, the unbearable ache she feared wouldn’t reach its peak until later. After blotting, folding and sealing the note, she opened a drawer and withdrew a pouch. She didn’t need to count the little inside and took four shillings. Only the minimum, since the grocer’s account needed a partial payment to keep the food deliveries c
oming. She sat back with a sigh, the coins warming in the center of her palm. She’d done what she could. There was nothing left but to leave.
Scratching on wood reminded her, let her know how deeply she’d sunk into despair. She’d forgotten about Torquil. He whined for her on the other side of the door.
Her shoulders curved under the grief. She folded her arms on the desk, and propped her forehead on her arms. She allowed the sobs to come, let herself cry long and loudly to smother her dog’s distress. When Torquil began to howl, she got up and went to the door. Kneeling, she wrapped her arms around his neck. She’d taught him not to lick. To comfort her and himself, he burrowed his nose into her stomach and whined.
After inhaling a shaky breath, she lifted him away and smoothed her hands over his head and neck. She smiled crookedly into his limpid gaze. “Hush now, love. I’ll take you with me. You can be my companion on the road, which is a very good thing indeed. It appears I shall to have to walk.”
Chapter 19
Night blurred the road ahead. There was a curve and after that twelve more miles to reach Tunbridge Wells. She wasn’t sure what she would do when she reached that point. Purchase a steaming cup of tea would be the first thing. She’d forgotten to bring anything to drink. Torquil had been licking at drifted pockets of snow.
She rubbed the cold tip of her nose and kept walking. There would be a signpost ahead at the curve. A stump had been left there for the convenience of foot travelers. She could rest for a while, but not for long. A brisk pace kept her warm. The long-sleeved merino dress and wool cape did very well, but sitting would invite a chill.
The stump squatted beside the road exactly where she recalled it had been placed. She sat and set her tapestry portmanteau on her lap. Torquil immediately planted himself over the toes of her shoes and dropped his chin on his paws. Her dog was content as long as he stayed in her company. He heaved a sigh, but didn’t close his eyes. His breeding lines came from generations of watchers over sheep. He would not rest until they reached a place he considered safe.