by Cathy Marie Hake, Lynn A. Coleman, Mary Davis, Susan Page Davis
He rubbed his face as he headed downstairs and to the front where Fred sat. “So that’s where you went.” After he’d let the dog out the back this morning and inside again, Fred had remained downstairs. Conner raised the shade and froze in the middle of unlocking the door. Scotty stood leaning against the awning post. Conner quickly opened the door. “Scotty, what is it?”
“Miss Maggie’s in a terrible state. She doesn’t know what to do with Mrs. Carlyle. She’s been out on that widow’s walk all night. Wouldn’t let Maggie bring her in. All Maggie could do was wrap a quilt about her.”
“My assistant will arrive soon; then I’ll come straightaway. You return and let Maggie know I’m coming.” He wasn’t sure what he was going to be able to do. If Vivian wouldn’t come inside for Maggie, she wasn’t likely to for him, either. But he would do something neither Maggie nor Scotty would; he’d physically carry her inside if he had to.
As he strode up to the house a half hour later, he could see Vivian on the widow’s walk in the same green skirt and white blouse she had worn yesterday, her gaze firmly fixed on the water’s horizon. What must she be thinking? He hoped nothing dire.
The door opened before he reached it. Maggie clutched her hands to her chest. “Mr. Jackson, it’s good that you’re here. I fear Mrs. Carlyle has lost her mind. She won’t speak, and she won’t come inside. I fear for her.”
He swept past Maggie and took the stairs two at a time. He didn’t bother to knock on Vivian’s door, went straight through the room to the balcony, and stopped.
“I’ve been praying all night that he’s still alive.” Her voice was as limp as her raven hair hanging around her face.
It tore at his heart. “I’m sorry, Vivian.”
“Me, too. For so many things. Life seems to be full of regrets. He was a good man. He deserved to live—not me.”
He didn’t like the sound of that comment. She was just as deserving of life as anyone else. “Vivian, let’s go inside.”
She turned her gaze on him. “I won’t do it, Conner.”
Won’t come inside?
“I know that’s what everyone is afraid of.”
That comment didn’t make sense. Was she talking about something else?
“I’m not planning to jump. I know that’s what Maggie thinks I’ll do.”
Was she speaking the truth? He had no way of telling.
She took a step closer to him. “You believe me, don’t you?”
He studied her, trying to discern the truth. “Let’s go inside.”
“Conner, it’s important you believe me.”
He wanted to, but he couldn’t see past his heart. Any possible threat to her life, even from herself, was blurred by his love for her. “Prove it to me by coming inside.”
She gave him a slight nod and walked back into her room. “Maggie, Conner and I will take tea in the parlor.”
“You should go to bed, ma’am.” Maggie shot him a worried look.
“Later. Mr. Jackson has come all this way to see that I am well. It would be improper to send him on his way without serving him tea.” Vivian swept through the open doorway and headed down the stairs.
He gave Maggie a reassuring nod then followed after Vivian down to the parlor, where she stood at the window once again looking toward the water. He stood for several minutes, staring at her back, wondering what to say.
“I thought I knew what God wanted, but now it’s all so unclear.” Vivian’s voice was soft. “Like a compass with its needle spinning round and round. I don’t know what to do. I just wanted to be a good wife.”
Maggie entered with the tea tray. He motioned for her to leave it, grateful to have a distraction. “Tea?”
Vivian turned quickly. “I’ll serve.”
He studied her as she poured him tea. Was she putting on a face of doing well? Or was it for his benefit so he would leave her be and she could do whatever was swirling around in her head?
“Sugar? Cream?”
“No, thank you.” He took the dainty china cup she held out to him. Lord, help me assess her mental state accurately.
She prepared her own and took a sip. “I know you hold concern for me, but I will be fine.” Was she really fine?
“I survived the death of my first husband, and I will survive this, too.” She stared straight into his eyes. “I promise you that I will do myself no harm.”
He held her gaze. Could he believe her? He wanted to believe her. But more than believe in her, he wanted her to remain safe. He’d promised Randolph that he’d look after her while he was away, but what did that promise mean now? Was he still to look after her? Should he leave town? Should he stay? What was the right thing to do? It had all been so clear when Randolph was coming back and Conner would be leaving.
He, too, felt like a compass needle spinning without direction. What do I do, Lord?
Conner woke two mornings later to his dog, Fred, standing on his chest, licking his face. Fred was a scruffy brown dog with a strong line of terrier in her. She’d ridded his previous employer’s store of a rat problem in Seattle, and she’d kept Conner’s store rat-free for the past two years. “I’m awake.” He lifted Fred up into the air, but her tongue continued to lap in and out, trying to reach his face. He shifted her to one hand and lowered her to the floor before sitting and swinging his legs over the side of the bed.
The light coming in his window was brighter than it should be. What time was it? He plucked his pocket watch off the bedside table. Seven? He never slept that late. He put it up to his ear. The soft ticking of the inside works filtered into his ear.
Fred wiggled from the middle of her back down to the tip of her tail, shaking off whatever it was that dogs tried to get rid of.
“You have to go out, don’t you, girl?” He pulled on his pants, swung on a shirt, and patted his leg. “Come on, girl.” He headed downstairs and let Fred out the back door to the beach.
When he came back in with Fred, someone was banging furiously on his front door. Fred barked as she ran for the front of the store. He followed close behind. Scotty again. Please, Lord, don’t let anything have happened to Vivian. He opened the door.
The old man huffed and puffed. “It’s Mrs. Carlyle. She’s gone.”
Conner felt as though his rib cage were pressing in on his lungs. “What do you mean, gone? She didn’t …?”
Scotty shook his head. “We can’t find her anywhere. Maggie searched the house three times. I searched the grounds and the stable. She’s nowhere.”
He raked his hands through his hair. “She can’t have just disappeared. She has to be somewhere.”
“Maggie says Mrs. Carlyle’s red gown is gone and her black-hooded mantle.”
“You head south and look on those streets, then head back to the house. I’ll finish getting dressed, get my horse, then head north. I won’t stop until I find her.” He closed his door and rushed upstairs.
Chapter 4
Vivian stared at the churning dark waters and the boiling sky. It wasn’t so long ago that she’d enjoyed a storm like the one coming in, the storm that had likely killed her husband. If she’d known it had come from where Randolph was and had been a threat to him and his men, she would have viewed it differently. She had much to learn about ship travel and the dangers of the sea. What men might be out in this storm, scared? Terrified that they may never again see their loved ones. What wives, mothers, sisters, and daughters waited on the shore, hoping for their safe return?
Sailors milled around the dock. Most knew Randolph and respected her as his wife and left her alone. One seaman had approached her with ill will on his mind, but before she could pull out her Derringer, three sailors had threatened him and dragged him away with a warning never to go near her again. She heard slow, heavy footsteps approaching and slipped her hand into her pocket, wrapping her fingers around the pearl handle hidden there. The man stopped directly behind her. Should she pull out her Derringer and confront him? Or wait?
“Vi
vian,” a man said in a hoarse whisper.
She turned to face Conner, anguish and relief etched on his face.
“What are you doing down here? Maggie’s very worried about you.”
“I didn’t mean to worry anyone. I couldn’t sleep. I want to say good-bye, but I don’t know how.”
“I know this is hard. A love like yours and Randolph’s comes once in a lifetime.”
A love like hers and Randolph’s? She turned back to the water. How wrong outward impressions could be. In time, the ruse would have become reality … if Randolph had been able to forgive her. She sighed. “I didn’t love him.”
“What?”
She swung her gaze back to Conner. “I never loved him. Nor did he me. We married in haste. I was in need and took advantage of his attraction to me.” Her looks had been a blessing as well as a curse. Had her first husband really loved her? Had any man? “I should have said no when he insisted we marry the day after we met, but I wanted the security of marriage. I was completely committed to Randolph. I was going to be the best wife I could for him, and I hoped to fall in love with him. There just wasn’t time.”
His silent stare unnerved her, so she went on, her voice thick with emotion. “Maybe if I hadn’t married him until I was in love with him, he wouldn’t have died. Maybe I shouldn’t have married him at all. Maybe he would still be alive if he had never met me.”
Conner took her shoulders in his hands. “Stop it. There was a freak accident. You had no control over the weather.”
“But he might have been in a different place, and the lightning wouldn’t have struck the ship.” One small change might have made the difference.
“He was on the water. Lightning strikes the high point. Five miles this way or that, his ship still would have been the attraction for the bolts. It’s not your fault.”
He was right, but she wanted to blame herself. She looked back to the rolling water. “We fought the night he left.”
“I know.”
She jerked her gaze back to him.
“He had a few drinks and came to my store. That had been his habit when he was in port before he married you. In the three months you were married, he never once came, so I figured you must have fought. Why else would he come on his last night in port?”
She dipped her gaze away. “Did he tell you what we fought about?”
He shook his head. “I didn’t think it was any of my business.”
“What did he say?”
“He made me promise to look out for you while he was away.”
Even after their fight, Randolph had been concerned for her well-being.
“Then I saw that he got to his ship.”
Conner had always been there for her husband, and now he was here for her. He was a loyal and trustworthy friend. Randolph couldn’t say enough good things about him. She’d felt as if she’d known him before they ever met, and she wanted to rely on him now. Always. Her future was so uncertain. She’d been on a road for her life, and in marrying Randolph, she knew where it was going and what it would look like, even if Randolph threw her out. But now as the respectable widow of a favored captain, she didn’t know what to do. Where to turn. Conner seemed like the only stable thing the Lord had placed in her life. She leaned into his chest.
He pushed her away after only a moment. “What are you doing?” His gaze darted around the dock. “There are sailors all around.”
They wouldn’t care. They’d probably cheer. “I’m sorry.” An emptiness opened up inside her at his rebuff.
He looked up to the darkening sky. “Let’s get you home.”
She felt a raindrop land on her hand and let him lead her away.
Conner lifted Vivian up onto Dakota’s saddle sideways. The rain started coming harder, so he swung up behind her. “Hold on.”
When she gripped the saddle horn instead of turning to him, disappointment sank in his gut like lead. He goaded his horse into a trot. He shouldn’t have pushed her away on the dock. He’d just been so shocked. The sailors wouldn’t have minded, but she was the widow of a respected captain.
She never loved Randolph. He couldn’t shake that thought. He would not do anything to tarnish her reputation nor Randolph’s memory. It was still best if he left town, wasn’t it? He didn’t want to.
Dakota made short work of the trip and stopped in a puddle in front of Vivian’s house. He nudged the horse forward to drier ground when Maggie flung open the door.
Maggie clutched her hands to her chest. “Thank the Lord, you found her.”
He swung down then lifted Vivian, carrying her up the steps and into the house. “She’s fine.”
Scotty pulled on his coat and hat. “I’ll see to Dakota.”
“Thank you, Scotty.” He set Vivian down in the foyer. He didn’t want to. He wanted to hold her. “Maggie, would you make Mrs. Carlyle some tea? I’m sure she’s cold.”
“The water’s hot. It’ll only take a moment.” Maggie hastened away.
He took Vivian’s cape then guided her into the parlor and near the fireplace. “I’ll build this up nice and warm for you.”
Vivian didn’t move as he worked, and soon Maggie came in and gave them both a cup of hot tea. “Mercy me, we have to get you out of that dress and into something proper.”
“I’m fine, Maggie.” Vivian’s voice was soft, almost shy. “My dress isn’t even wet.”
“It’s red! You should be wearing black. I took the liberty of dyeing that orange dress you never liked. It should be dry. We’ll put that on you until we can have some proper mourning clothes made for you.”
“Very well, I’ll change later. But I won’t have any other black dresses made. One will be sufficient. Is that clear? I’ll not waste the money.”
Maggie nodded.
Vivian waved a hand. “You may go.”
Maggie dipped her head and turned to leave.
“And, Maggie, thank you.”
Maggie beamed and left.
Conner took a swallow of his tea. “Is the fire all right?”
“It’s lovely, but you’re soaked.”
“I’m not so bad. My coat in the foyer took most of it.” He set his tea on the mantel. “Out on the dock, when I pushed you away—”
“Please, Conner, don’t. I was overcome and wanted a little comfort. I shouldn’t have imposed. I’m fine now.”
“I know you said you weren’t in love with Randolph, but you’re still grieving a loss. He was my friend, too.” He held his hands from his side. “I could use a little comfort, too.”
“Oh, Conner, I never thought about how this was your loss, as well.” She stepped to him.
He wrapped his arms around her. He wanted to hold her forever. Just because he was in love with her didn’t mean she would ever have feelings for him. He wanted to kiss her but stepped away before he felt the embrace had crossed the line of impropriety. Maybe it already had. His friend was barely dead, and he was thinking about kissing his widow. What kind of man was he? He should give up on Vivian while he still could and leave town as planned.
She studied him a moment as if he were a new face to her. “Do you remember what I said the other day about the compass?”
He nodded. “You felt like you were the needle spinning around.”
She took a sip of tea. “Do you know that a ballerina fixes her gaze on a stationary object as she twirls around and around? When she stops, she’s not dizzy because she kept her eyes fixed on one thing. I’m trying to keep fixed on the Lord and know that He will take care of me. I don’t feel so dizzy. But when I look at you, I don’t feel dizzy, either. The Lord and you are both stationary objects for me. He in heaven, and you in the flesh.”
He wasn’t sure how to feel about that.
“I don’t mean to occupy all your time or take you away from your duties or your store. But for now, until the Lord helps me figure things out, if I can look to you, I know I won’t get so dizzy I fall down.”
“I don’t know what to
say.”
“I believe He has placed you in my path to help me through all this. I promise not to be a burden to you, but if you’d rather not …”
“You could never be a burden. I’m glad to help in any way I can.”
“Thank you. You always were a good friend to Randolph.”
Not as good as she might think or he wouldn’t have had feelings for her. “Have you thought about a service for Randolph?”
She sucked in a breath. “But there is no body to bury.”
“Men are lost at sea all the time, bodies rarely recovered.” He couldn’t tell her that whatever was left after the explosion was probably eaten by a shark or other sea creature. “It’ll give you closure.”
Her brow furrowed. “It would be the proper thing to do, wouldn’t it?”
He nodded.
“What do I need to do?”
“I’ll talk to Minister Sciuto and make all the arrangements. You don’t have to worry about anything.” He wanted to take care of everything for her. Take care of her, too.
He left shortly after that to the clouds’ steady offering of rain. How could he leave town now after promising Vivian to be her anchor through this? Lord, I guess I’m staying if that’s what You want. Please help me show proper decorum and not dishonor You, Vivian, or Randolph’s memory.
After Conner left, Vivian stood in her room and inhaled as Maggie cinched her corset a wee bit tighter to fit her into her mourning dress. The dress wasn’t nearly as bad in black as it had been in peach. Any orangish colors made her look as though she were recovering from a long illness.
“You must’ve gained a little weight since the captain commissioned this dress for you.” Maggie huffed with exertion behind her.
“It’s all your fine cooking. You spoil me.”
Maggie held out the bodice. “It might not be the fixin’s.”
Vivian slipped her arms into the sleeves. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Maggie stepped behind her and started hooking up the back. “You’ve been married three months. You could be carrying a little one.”