by Cathy Marie Hake, Lynn A. Coleman, Mary Davis, Susan Page Davis
He lit a lamp and placed it on a small table near the bed. Samson, panting, stood with his front paws on the edge of the bed. He whined and licked Hollan’s hand.
“She’ll be fine.” Jacob hoped his words were the truth.
The dog looked unconvinced.
“Hollan, can you hear me?” Jacob caressed Hollan’s cheek with the back of his hand.
She remained still, her skin pale against the bright pastels of the quilt. He’d give anything to see her brown eyes open to peer into his. A trickle of blood ran down the side of her cheek. With careful fingers, Jacob tenderly sifted through her hair until he found the wound. It didn’t appear to be deep at first glance, but with the amount of blood loss, it needed his attention.
First, though, he had to get her out of her wet shoes and dress. “Samson, help me out here. Hollan will tan my hide if she thinks I took any liberties with her.”
Samson turned tail and headed for the fire, though he did thump his tail three times in sympathy before curling up into a cozy ball. Or at least Jacob imagined the thumps were a show of sympathy.
“She’s my wife, buddy. It’s fine, really.”
Then why, he asked himself, am I talking to the dog like he can understand or even cares about my justification of what I’m about to do?
“She’ll get pneumonia if she continues to lie here in a wet dress.”
Samson snorted, and Jacob figured it was the dog’s way of laughing at his dilemma. Or maybe the sound was just a contented sigh because as a dog Samson didn’t have to worry about such things. Or maybe it was just a random dog sound that had nothing at all to do with the crazy individual who was talking to him, trying to figure out the inner workings of a dog’s brain when he really needed to be caring for the woman who lay helpless in front of him.
Jacob decided to ignore the irritating thoughts that were pummeling through his head, and with purpose he unhooked Hollan’s boots and slipped them off her slender feet. Though he knew she hated it, she’d taken to wearing the boots ever since she cut her foot on the shell. He doubted the habit would continue after she healed.
Next his clumsy fingers unfastened enough tiny buttons down the front of her dress to rival the amount of stairs in the lighthouse before he was finally able to pull the wet material down and over Hollan’s arms. He tugged it down over her waist and away from her motionless body. He was relieved to find her underclothes dry, so he was able to leave her covered. Her petticoat and camisole did a fine job of keeping her modesty intact. He did a cursory examination for further injuries before tucking the blankets around her. He slipped the wet quilt from the bed and with a sigh of relief that the deed was done, moved the quilt and the dress nearer to the fire to dry.
Jacob dipped some warm water from the pot that hung over the flame into a small bowl. A huge gust of wind blowing against the cottage made him jump. The storm was intensifying. It sounded like this one might turn into a full-fledged hurricane. At least in her present state, Hollan wouldn’t worry about their safety.
The search for rags took a bit longer, but soon he was back at Hollan’s side, ready to clean her wound. He said a quick prayer of thanks that he hadn’t seen any other signs of injury while he settled her in. He could only pray the head wound wasn’t as bad as it looked.
“It’s already stopped bleeding, Samson. That’s a good sign, don’t you think?”
This time Samson didn’t even bother to open an eye. Jacob found it reassuring that the dog didn’t seem nervous about the storm.
“I’ll take that as a sign that you trust she’s in good hands,” Jacob muttered as he cleaned the wound. Now that the bleeding had stopped, the cut didn’t appear to be deep at all.
A lump was forming under the gash. Jacob was cautious as he smoothed Hollan’s auburn hair away from her face. Even now she was so beautiful. “You’re going to be all right, Hollan. I’m here with you.”
He couldn’t do anything more for her for the time being. He slipped into some of her father’s dry clothes that he had found in a trunk across the room and hung his own clothes to dry. He finally settled in a chair beside Hollan’s bed and began to pray.
Hollan opened her eyes and peered into the dusky gloom. The effort was rewarded by a shooting pain that forced her to close them again. She struggled to get her bearings. She remembered the storm and Samson slipping past her. She’d reached for him and had fallen. She had no memory beyond that, except for waking in the bed minutes earlier.
I hope the injury didn’t affect my returning vision. Slowly, realization flowed over her. She’d opened her eyes and had seen into the gloom. She’d been able to see perfectly. The few images she’d been able to take in were engraved upon her mind. The fire burned low. Samson slept near the hearth, closer than was safe, as usual. Her dress and a quilt, along with a set of men’s clothes, hung on the backs of chairs near the fire to dry.
Men’s clothes hung by the fire? She noticed the sound of deep breathing from a chair pulled up close beside her. She opened her eyes again, slower this time to let her eyes acclimate, and for the first time in three years she stared fully into the handsome face of the man she’d once loved. Jacob was stronger, sturdier, but still as striking as ever.
“Jacob.” She whispered the word softly, but his eyes flew open as soon as she uttered it.
“Hollan.” He slipped from the chair and onto his knees beside her. “How do you feel?”
She couldn’t stop looking at him. “Dizzy.”
“You hit your head pretty good right about here.” He touched his fingers near the wound then caressed lightly down her temple. “You gave Samson and me quite a scare.”
“I’m sorry.” She shivered at his touch. To cover her reaction, she reached up and felt the raised bump.
“I hardly think you meant to do it.” He pulled her hand away from the wound and smiled. “I cleaned the injury, but you’ll want to be careful. It will be tender for a few days.”
“Thank you.” She peered over his shoulder. He didn’t release her hand. He was too close. She felt vulnerable. “Has the storm passed?”
“Not completely, but it has calmed down some.”
Her head ached. She closed her eyes and listened to the rain pattering against the roof. The aroma of simmering stew set her mouth to watering. And Jacob hovered nearby. The thought made her tremble.
“You’re shivering. Let me stoke the fire.”
It wasn’t the cold that caused her tremor. She felt plenty warm in the cocoon of blankets he’d apparently tucked around her. It was his gentle touch that made her shiver, that stoked a whole other fire and set forth a new longing within her, a longing for things to be as they had been before. Back when he wanted to marry her out of love, not obligation. Before he left town, before she’d lost her sight, and before she’d lost her parents.
She studied him as he moved about the hearth, stepping carefully over the sleeping dog. His hair was indeed longer. He’d pulled it away from his face, which accentuated his high cheekbones. He smiled as he worked, his features relaxed with relief. When he leaned in from the far side, the fire flared, and she could see the green of the eyes she’d missed looking into for so long.
A sudden panic ran through her. Her vision felt different this time. It felt permanent. She couldn’t put her finger on the change, but she had peace that her vision would remain. What if, now that she could see again, Jacob decided she no longer needed him and he was free to move on? He could have their marriage annulled and return to his previous plans—whatever those plans might have been. Surely he had some. She wasn’t ready for more changes. Not yet anyway.
“What are you thinking?”
Hollan jumped. She hadn’t noticed him crossing the floor to her side.
“Tell me your thoughts. You looked scared there for a moment.” He pulled his chair closer and settled beside her. “Whatever your concerns were, don’t worry about a thing. I’m here, and I don’t intend to leave.”
So you say now. Wh
en you find out you don’t have to watch out for me anymore, you might feel differently.
She so badly wanted to stare into his eyes. Instead she closed her own and feigned weariness. “If you don’t mind, then, I’ll rest for a little bit longer.”
“Do you really want to sleep, or are you merely avoiding the truth?”
“The truth?” Did he still know her so well after all these years? Had he noticed the change in her as she savored the familiar sight of his face?
“I think I understand. You’re uncomfortable with our arrangement, yet you fear being alone. I’m sure this isn’t easy for you.”
So he didn’t know her vision had fully returned. If she kept it that way a bit longer—at least until she had her bearings about her and could come up with a new plan—it would give her more time to think things through. Her head hurt and everything felt too overwhelming. She’d be able to make better decisions in the next few days.
“I feared being alone through the storm far more than I fear your closeness.” There. She’d said it. But she wasn’t sure that was completely true. His presence brought about a sense of awareness and accentuated an emptiness she hadn’t noticed before he’d arrived back on the island. Already his presence brought her a sense of peace that she didn’t want to lose. The fear of losing him so soon rivaled the fear of the storm. “At least, for the moment I think that’s true.” She cringed. She should probably stop talking until she had more rest and could think through her words, before stating them, with a clear mind.
He leaned close, his lips near her ear, causing tiny bumps to rise up on her forearms. “My closeness makes you nervous?”
She ordered her eyes to remain closed, though she longed to open them and see his face. She could feel the warmth of his breath on her skin.
“Yes,” she admitted through clenched teeth. The man was toying with her. She didn’t feel as bad about keeping her returned vision a secret at this rate. Here she lay helpless in bed and he used the situation to his advantage. She held back her smile. Deep down she didn’t really mind his teasing.
Now he raised a finger and caressed her cheek. His touch was so gentle, so considerate; the act caused tears to form in her eyes. Her emotions were all over the place.
She opened her eyes. “I have a confession to make. My vision comes and goes. For the moment my vision has returned.”
His face lit up. “That’s wonderful news!”
“It is, but I’m confused and overwhelmed.” And that was the pure truth. Hollan hadn’t felt so mixed up and inundated with changes since she’d lost her mother.
“Have you prayed about it?”
She released a small breath and stared at the beams that ran across the ceiling. “I haven’t prayed about much of anything in a long, long time.”
“You don’t believe anymore? You’ve lost your faith?”
The disappointment and concern in his voice had her firing off the first answer that came to mind. “No!”
She hesitated before saying anything more and analyzed his question a bit more thoroughly. Had she lost her faith? At the very least, she’d buried it beneath the pile of rubble that had been her former life.
“I’m embarrassed to say I haven’t given it much thought lately.” Guilt pricked at her conscience. If her faith had been strong, would she have let it drift away so easily? Most people used their faith to get them through the tough times—they didn’t forget about it completely. “What does that say about me?”
“It says you’ve been through a lot.” He shifted his position. “Is God still in charge of your life?”
“I guess so … I mean, yes, I want Him to be. I haven’t given it much thought before now.”
“God understands anger. But you can’t let the anger make you so bitter that you turn against Him.”
“No, of course not. Yet that seems to be exactly what I’ve done. That night … I lost so much.”
“I know what you lost.” Jacob tightened his grip on her hand. “Do you want to tell me about it? I feel responsible.”
“How could you be responsible when you weren’t even here?” She hadn’t meant the words to sound so venomous. It might help to talk about it, to share with Jacob what happened that night. “Mama and I were talking about the wedding when we heard a noise outside. Mama went to check. A storm lurked over the water, and the wind had started up. I stayed inside and continued to work on our dinner, and the next thing I knew, Papa came in through the door. He said he’d sent Mama inside.”
She untwisted and smoothed the sheets she’d wrung tight with her hands. He reached over and massaged away the tension that had gathered in her clenched hands. His touch encouraged her to continue. He deserved to know. The experiences had shaped her into the person she was today.
“Mama hadn’t returned, and we both knew something wasn’t right. Papa was upset and ran to check the beach while I searched the grounds around the house. Neither one of us thought to check the lighthouse, because Papa had just come from there. After looking out over the dune, I turned to go back to the house and I saw a flash of color from the ledge that circles the light. Papa couldn’t hear me, so I went up without him. Mama had been crying, and she stood at the rail, much too close to the edge with the storm brewing around us.”
Her breath hitched.
Jacob wiped away a tear she hadn’t realized she’d shed. “Maybe now isn’t the best time. You need to rest, not get more upset.”
His voice was husky, full of emotion, and she wondered at the remorse she heard in his tone.
“No, I need to do this.” She took a deep breath. “I went out there, and the wind buffeted around me. It almost blew me over the edge. My mother didn’t even acknowledge my presence. I called to her and tried to pull her back inside, but she shoved me away. I fell against the stone wall and hit my head. When I came to, I’d lost my sight and Mama all in one fell swoop. Papa saw us up there, but before he could get to the top, Mama had jumped.”
“No one knows why?”
“No, we never found out. She took her secret to the grave.” Her voice had dropped to a whisper, but now she laughed, the sound harsh in the silence. “What kind of mother does that to her child—even if the child is almost grown? What type of wife abandons her husband in such a painful way? How could she have done that to herself and to us?”
“Hollan, maybe she didn’t jump. If the wind was that strong, maybe she fell over accidently.”
“Why was she up there?”
“I don’t have the answers to those questions, Hollan. I wish I did.”
Hollan understood his confusion.
“I know. I don’t really expect you to. But therein lies the reason for my silence and distance from God. It wasn’t a conscious choice I made, but I stopped communicating with Him.” She hesitated. “I haven’t forgotten my father’s and uncle’s teachings. I’ve even talked to God a bit lately. But still I’ve drifted away.”
“Now that you’ve realized this, are you ready to make things right with Him?”
She nodded. “I am. I want to find my way back.”
“He’ll calm your fears and will help you sort through all the changes you’re experiencing.” He chuckled. “Changes we’re both going through. If we work as a team, perhaps we can make sense of it all and see what God has for us. Let me pray with you.”
Jacob clasped her hand and leaned forward to rest his forehead against it. She clung to him like the lifeline he was. The strength and confidence in his warm voice as he prayed washed over her.
“Lord, we join together in prayer and thank You for keeping us safe through the storm. Help Hollan back into the fold, Lord, and use me to make the process easier. We ask that You bring Hollan clarity of mind and calm her fears in all situations. She wants You to take control of her life. Guide her in all things…. In Jesus’ name, amen.”
Hollan listened as he finished up his prayer and felt a sense of peace flow through her. She released to Him all the fears and concerns she�
�d carried. For the first time in a while, she felt the burdens she’d carried alone lift. She held only one small concern back for herself. She knew she was supposed to turn everything over to God, to let Him watch over all aspects of her life, but in this one small area she still felt she needed to keep control, at least for a little bit longer. For now, for just a little bit longer, she still felt the need to keep the permanent return of her vision a secret from Jacob.
Chapter 7
After two days in bed, Hollan couldn’t wait any longer to get out and explore the island. She understood Jacob’s overprotective nature after a blow to her head, but she wanted to get up. She had a lot to celebrate. Her vision had returned! It hadn’t wavered once. She sent a covert glance at Jacob. And neither had the man she still loved. He’d returned and now stayed close to her side. But that all-important detail aside, at the moment she only wanted to see the places and things she loved through new eyes. And even better would be to see everything with Jacob by her side.
“We’re going out to explore today.” Hollan settled at the table, not leaving her comment up for debate. “I feel completely ready to go outside and breathe in some fresh air. If I have to stay inside another day, I’ll surely go insane.”
“You will, huh?” Jacob set an aromatic plate of eggs in front of her before taking his seat. “We certainly don’t want that. A little fresh air won’t hurt, but you’ll need to take it slow.”
“Yes, doc.” She busied herself with eating, not wanting to waste a moment of the brilliant day that waited outside their doorstep. “Jacob, these eggs are wonderful. Where’d you learn to cook like this?”
“All over the place.” He stabbed at an egg, and she took the moment to study him. His damp hair was slicked back from his forehead. “When you travel like I did, you meet up with a lot of different people. I had to work a lot of odd jobs in order to make ends meet.”
“How did you end up choosing to do that? What made you decide to become a traveling preacher? I don’t remember you ever talking about wanting to do such a thing.”