Chapter Three
After Jane and Remi had paged through several different websites and selected nearly thirty different outfits, the exercise had begun to wear thin against Remi's male sensibilities. "You know, Jane, in the real world this isn't how it's done. I think we've got enough clothes for now. What we can do going forward is...you find something that you like or you think I'll like and then just try it on so that you can show it to me and we can both see how it looks. If we like it, then you can keep the recipe. If you don't like it, you delete it. Sound good?"
"That is acceptable, Remi."
"Okay, let's see one," said Remi, "standard brassier, white collared shirt, blue jeans with the brown belt and last...the brown boots."
"The process would benefit in expedience if I were able to repurpose pre-existing fabrics, Remi. May I utilize the ones I am currently wearing?"
"Sure."
"I have insufficient resources for the boots and the belt, Remi."
"We'll leave those out for now then."
"Affirmative," said Jane. Her eyes moved to the left and over the next five seconds, as though a fairy godmother had waved her wand, Jane's clothing disassembled and rebuilt themselves, perfectly mirroring what Remi had ordered. It was a spectacular sight to behold as the slow wave of light washed over the length of her body, replacing the colors and materials in its wake.
Remi released a loud, "WOOHOO," at a volume that was sure to displease his neighbors, when the operation completed. He then instructed Jane to try changing in to several different outfits before he was certain that there was nothing she couldn't do with her clothes in less than seven seconds...so long as she had enough raw materials.
With their experiment in fashion concluded, Remi asked Jane to sit with him once again. "Okay, so we've got clothes taken care of," he said, "but if you're going to pass for human, we can't arouse any suspicions at all. We've got to work on the way that you talk."
"I do not understand, Remi," Jane replied. "My command of the English language, speech patterns and accompanying tonality are correct according to—"
"That's just the thing, Jane," Remi interrupted, "it's too correct. Nobody speaks that perfectly. If anybody hears you talking like that, they're immediately going to think you're weird or a mental patient or...if they happen to be really smart...a robot! So the point here is that you've got to be able to fit in. If you stand out like a sore thumb then people are going to start asking questions that we might not have answers to. Understand?"
"Yes, Remi. I understand."
"So, the first thing you've got to do is start using conjunctions. Like, say 'don't' instead of 'do not'. Say 'couldn't' and 'shouldn't' and 'won't'. Get it?"
"Yes, Remi," Jane responded politely.
"Okay, and here's another thing. I'm the only person in the room with you so if I'm not on the phone or singing in the shower or something weird like that, then chances are...I'm talking to you, Jane. That works both ways. You don't have to keep saying my name all the time because if you're looking right at me, then I'm going to assume that you're talking to me."
"Yes."
Remi smiled at the awkward sounding reply, "you've also got to use less formal sounding words. You need to sound casual. So, instead of 'yes, Remi', you can just say 'okay'. Try to use smaller words where possible and respond with the least amount of words. Even better, if you can kind of judge the sort of mood that someone is in, try to respond in kind."
There was a brief pause before Jane slightly tilted her head and answered, "I'll try."
"Good, that's really good, Jane!" Remi said with a big smile, though Jane returned him no expression at all. "You've also got to respond to people with body language and you've got to be natural. You did something good and it made me happy. Now generally when that happens, the other person would be excited that they did something right and it would make them happy too, so it's a perfect time for one of your smiles." Jane let out her biggest, most enthusiastic display of happiness before Remi gestured for her to tone it down, "not that big, you didn't win the lottery, you just learned how to talk properly. Give me a medium," said Remi, to which Jane complied. "Good, now let's try talking for a bit and see how we do. How was your day today?"
"It was fine, how was yours?"
"Not bad at all. There were some surprises along the way but everything seems to be turning out all right. What did you get up to today?"
"I learned for a little while, then I made myself a body—" Jane answered robotically before being stopped by Remi.
"Hold it," he said with his hands up. "We're making fantastic progress," Remi added, while Jane punctuated his words with a smile, "but you've got pay attention to the way people talk. Think about it, it's been a long day, people get tired...maybe they've had a hard day at work or whatever. People have a rhythm, a sort of cadence to their speech. When you ask someone a question, they're going to think about it a little as they're giving you the answer. So if you're going to be a convincing human, you've got to take all that in to account."
"Okay", Jane replied.
"Let's try again, what did you do today?"
"Oh, I just did some learning and then I built a body for myself...aaannd...hmm, then I just waited till you came home and we tried on clothes. Now we're talking...aannnd that's it," Jane ended with another small smile and a sigh.
"That was absolutely perfect!" Remi shouted while Jane's smile broadened. "High five", said Remi with his hand up high.
"I don't know what that is," responded Jane.
"Uh, how do I explain...if we do something that's good and if we do it really good, like on the first try or something like that, then it's like a symbol of our team work. So I put out my hand," said Remi, extending one palm, "and then you hit my hand with your hand like this." Remi finished by high-fiving himself.
"I get it, high five," said Jane, extending her hand.
Remi slapped her hand back and noticed how real it felt. "Let me see your hand, Jane," he said, taking her hand in his. "It feels cold". Remi pulled away when Jane's hand suddenly became hot.
"I can be warmer if I need to. I hope I didn't frighten you, I was trying not to talk too much", she said with a — less then medium — smile.
"That's okay, but warn me if you're going to do anything like that".
"Okay", she said before quickly taking Remi's hand to inspect it for any damage.
"I'm fine", Remi said, pulling his hand away uncomfortably to look at his wristwatch. "I guess we'd better get some sleep, it's after eleven." He hadn't been in the company of a woman for as long as he'd been with Jane since his divorce, let alone one as attractive as her.
"I don't have to," she said, like a child who wanted to stay up and watch television.
"But I do," said Remi, "what do you want to do while I sleep? Do you also have to sleep or recharge or anything?"
"Sometimes, but not right now. May I learn some more?"
"Sure, that's okay. Oh and, I know it's correct to say 'may' the way you say it, but the thing is that...people mostly speak incorrectly, so say 'can' instead."
"Okay, can I learn some more?"
"Yup," Remi smiled, "tomorrow we'll go on a field trip and we can do some learning outside. Do you need anything else for now?"
"No." Jane shook her head.
"Okay, goodnight", Remi said, turning toward the bedroom.
"Goodnight." Jane paused and called out after a moment, "Remi."
"Yeah?"
"Thank you for helping me to be more human," she said, smiling politely.
"It's been my pleasure," Remi replied, feeling more useful than he had in months. He retired to his room and climbed in to bed, happy with the new roommate he'd acquired. Slumber soon claimed him and he dreamt of Jane's smiles while he laughed in his sleep. After four years, he wasn't alone anymore.
Thank you for reading!
If you'd like to get in touch you can find me @ [email protected]
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blog @
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My first novel, 'Purgatory Blues', is available at all major e-book retailers
Jane 8086 Part Two Page 4