“Did you see what I did, Whilly?” he groaned weakly. “Did you see?”
Yes, Bradley Wallace, I saw, the dragon answered tenderly. And it’s all right.
And then Bradley Wallace saw everything clearly, all that he’d done in the past and inexplicably suppressed, saw the lies Whilly told to protect him. It was as if a brick wall in his mind suddenly collapsed, releasing all the frightening memories he’d hidden there. And with those remembrances came an overpowering sense of self-loathing and repudiation. The things he’d done were impossible by human standards.
Which meant he was some kind of aberration, a freak, a mutant, a demon. “You knew,” he stated flatly and emotionlessly to the silent dragon, “didn’t you? You knew all along what I was doing.”
Whilly could feel the boy’s fear and self-hate, and had to force those alien sensations from his mind. He had to remain strong for both of them. Yes, I knew, he admitted.
“Why did you lie to me?” the tortured child demanded, tears springing to his fearful emerald eyes.
I didn’t want you to be upset, Whilly told him, still struggling against Bradley Wallace’s powerful emotions which, inexplicably, seemed determined to draw him in, to make him really feel, to become part of him. All that you’ve done with your power has been good, Bradley Wallace Murphy.
Bradley Wallace shook his head uncomprehendingly, and the tears cascaded down his cheeks. “Am I some kind of monster, Whilly?”
His voice trembled uncontrollably.
With a final burst of will, the dragon gained control over the boy’s passions raging through him, and gazed at Bradley Wallace intently.
He saw a young man, strong of mind and heart, deeply troubled of spirit. What he didn’t see anymore was the little boy who, out of compassion, stole food from his mother’s freezer because a small, confused dragon was hungry and alone.
But a monster? The notion was ludicrous.
No, my friend, you are not and never will be a monster. You are a very special human being.
Bradley Wallace shook his head again. “I can’t do these things anymore, Whilly. It . . . it just isn’t right. No one can command the wind except—“ He cut himself off, not even able to say it aloud. God. Only God can control nature. He knew even his thoughts were blasphemous and evil, but he couldn’t stop them. What kind of human being tells the wind to stop, and the wind obeys? He felt weak and lightheaded and evil. Yes, it had to be evil because he obviously couldn’t be a god.
He yawned then, his mind numb with fatigue. But he’d made his decision. “I’m never going to use it again,” he announced weakly before fainting into Whilly’s outstretched forepaws.
Gently and carefully, the dragon gripped the sleeping boy tightly in his talons and launched himself into the stillness of the calm afternoon, winging slowly toward home. Bradley Wallace would change his mind after the initial shock wore off, Whilly decided. He’d see the value of his power and come to accept it.
But Bradley Wallace didn’t come to accept it. In fact, he even refused to discuss the matter. When he came around later that day in the water tower, the boy immediately trudged home without a word and plunged into bed, where he slept clear through dinner and on through the night. His parents wondered what had brought on such exhaustion, especially when he seemed so listless and sullen the next day. His mother tried to feel his forehead for a temperature, but he shied away from her touch.
When they asked him what was wrong, he told them “nothing” and walked away. Marge was ready to call Dr. Cooke, but Jack convinced her to wait, that it might just be a bad mood, another fight at school, something harmless.
But it wasn’t harmless. It was a growing self-loathing that expanded within the boy’s soul like a boil and festered unchecked in his spirit. He even went to confession to admit his blasphemous thoughts and ran desperately from the confessional booth before receiving absolution. Whilly continually tried to convince the troubled boy that he was not evil, and not a freak of nature. His power was a gift and should be used to its fullest potential (although even he didn’t know what that potential was, especially after the wind incident).
But Bradley Wallace was afraid. Too afraid to even consider the dragon’s ideas. He felt so unnatural that it embarrassed him to be in the company of other people, especially the kids at school. He felt certain they would look at him and knew he wasn’t like them, would know he was some kind of mistake that, if made public, would no doubt be the object of scientific experimentation. Or worse, he’d be killed outright to protect the world. He felt more out of place than Whilly, and he despised himself for his power.
For days, the chief topic of conversation around the entire Bay Area, and the entire country, it seemed, was the mysterious occurrence at the Golden Gate Bridge. The TV news and local papers dealt with nothing else that Sunday night, and interest continued on through the week. Marge suggested, as had many witnesses, that it might have been a miracle. Jack laughed at that, but offered no theory of his own.
Katie believed, along with many people in the county, that somehow the mysterious Captain Courageous was behind the incident. Jack did comment on that, saying the unknown hero couldn’t possibly have stopped a bridge the size of the Golden Gate from swaying. Nonetheless, Katie held firm to her belief. Having slept through dinner this night, Bradley Wallace mercifully missed out on that discussion.
For Bradley Wallace, the days following the “Golden Gate Bridge Incident” (as the papers dubbed it) were uncomfortable and painful.
And then, when members of the media, in their speculations about the occurrence, postulated Katie’s theory about Captain Courageous being somehow responsible, the boy realized with an uneven mixture of sadness and relief that the disavowal of his power had another far-reaching effect - it signaled the end of the Captain and his heroic deeds.
CHAPTER 15
“The Trap”
St. Raphael’s buzzed all week with talk of the bridge, so Bradley Wallace was unable to escape hearing about it even in his classes. Mr. Baldie offered his “scientific opinion” that a strange, but not unnatural, convolution of wind currents conspired at just the right moment to stop the swinging span. Bradley Wallace wished with all his heart that it had been so simple. But he knew the truth, and the truth was killing him.
He avoided all discussions pertaining to the bridge, both at home and at school. If anyone asked his opinion, he muttered something about not knowing and hurried away. He kept to himself as much as possible, and fortunately no one sought him out. He still felt that every time someone looked at him, they could see the things in his head, would know he was different and completely shun him. He feared that more than anything - being alone.
Eventually, he couldn’t duck Janet any longer. He managed to avoid actually talking to her for a few days, but she finally caught up to him one day in the hall after recess. Running up behind him, she grabbed his arm lightly to halt his rapid strides, and he instantly pulled away from her touch. A hurt look flashed across her soft features, but he didn’t care. He didn’t feel anything. He didn’t want to. When she said she’d missed talking to him lately, he grunted that he was “real busy catching up on stuff.” She smiled and asked what he thought about the bridge, to which he responded with a shrug. She expressed her opinion that it had been the heroic Captain Courageous who’d done it, and that’s when he bolted. He just turned and ran away, her shocked and confused expression etched in his memory.
And as if he didn’t have enough on his mind already, John Wagner started actually following him around. Every time Bradley Wallace turned, somewhere behind him Wagner would be lurking - in the halls, at recess, in the lunchroom, it didn’t matter where.
And under Wagner’s penetrating gaze, Bradley Wallace felt stripped, naked and vulnerable, as though his very soul was being carefully examined. In his present paranoid mood, he didn’t need those feelings. So he and Wagner engaged in an unending game of hide and seek, but they never actually came together. And the
y never spoke.
Whilly was not pleased when Bradley Wallace told him their adventures as Captain Courageous were over, that he couldn’t be trusted with “this thing in my head.” He truly felt that he might go out of control sometime and “blow somebody away.”
The dragon cited past evidence of the boy’s control over his mind push, and recalled how much good they had done, how many people they’d helped. But Bradley Wallace paid no attention. He’d made up his mind and no one was going to change it. Fear made his decisions these days, and self-doubt anchored them. He just couldn’t take any more chances.
Even watching “Dark Shadows” could not completely fill the void in Bradley Wallace’s troubled heart, and he found no relief in the usually comforting images of his friends at Collinwood. His brooding became more pronounced, and more complete over the ensuing weeks, and his mother got so worried that she hauled him down to see Dr. Cooke. Another battery of tests and dumb questions revealed what Bradley Wallace already knew and had repeatedly told his mother - he was fine. “Physically,” he overheard Cooke tell his mother, “but psychologically is another matter. The boy is obviously depressed,” Cooke had said, “and doesn’t want to talk about what’s bothering him. Now I know some excellent psychiatrists.”
And that’s when Bradley Wallace tuned him out. He didn’t need any damned head shrinker telling him he was crazy. No way! Fortunately, Marge and Jack were old-fashioned, and didn’t believe in shrinks. He eavesdropped on them that night as they argued over what to do about him, but they could come up with no real plan of action. They finally decided to take a wait and see attitude. He slunk back to his room and locked the door.
Bradley Wallace even began avoiding Whilly whenever possible. For a time, the dragon persisted in his attempts to convince the boy that “the thing in his head” should be used, not suppressed, and Bradley
Wallace was already too pressured by his parents and school to have Whilly hassle him, too.
After the first week, however, the dragon made no more mention of Bradley Wallace’s power, lapsing into a despondency paralleling that of the boy. And they seldom did anything together anymore. There was no kite flying or boat chasing. All they did was watch “Dark Shadows” each afternoon. For Bradley Wallace, all joy in life seemed to have vanished, and the dragon echoed his companion’s mental state. When alone, all Whilly would do was play Josette’s music box. Over and over and over. But it didn’t help. Boy and dragon were beginning to stagnate, but neither realized it.
The rest of the world, at least, continued to move forward. There was much ballyhoo in the press about the apparent disappearance of the hero known only as “Captain Courageous,” who seemed to have vanished as quickly and mysteriously as he appeared, to the dismay of almost everyone. But Bradley Wallace still refused to resume the heroics, intentionally avoiding the news as much as possible so he wouldn’t feel guilty about his decision.
His parents still worried over his seeming disinterest in everything these days, Jack offering his usual explanation that it was all “growing pains.” Overhearing that remark irked Bradley Wallace, who had taken to eavesdropping quite a bit on his parents’ private discussions. He didn’t want to be caught off guard if they decided to spring a shrink on him. And why was it that whenever a child acted in a way his parents didn’t understand growing pains were always the quick and easy answer?
Jack decided his son needed something new to spark his interest, so he signed the boy up for golf lessons at Peacock Gap Golf and Country Club, hoping Bradley Wallace would enjoy what he felt to be “a super sport.” For the sake of argument, Bradley Wallace went along with the idea. But he just couldn’t generate much enthusiasm for hitting a little white ball around a gigantic lawn with a skinny hockey stick (Whilly’s description of the game, actually). Still, his continuing the weekly lessons with self-proclaimed golf pro Stan “The Man” Stazian seemed to please his father, so Bradley Wallace continued without protest. If it made things
easier for him at home (and it seemed to, though his mother kept a constant eye on him), then golf was worth it. Besides, it did give him something to distract his mind, and he needed all the distraction he could get.
The only real stability, for what it was worth, was the daily presence of “Dark Shadows.” He and Whilly continued to watch the show religiously and, even though the storyline wasn’t great, the program proved a stable base to which boy and dragon could return day after day. The characters, Bradley Wallace’s friends, could be relied upon to always be there at four o’clock every weekday afternoon and provide some small measure of comfort to his scarred psyche. Thus, perhaps, the most devastating blow to the boy’s troubled mind came with the shocking, and totally unexpected news that “Dark Shadows” had been cancelled by the network and would go off the air on April 2. On his birthday.
Whilly was disappointed, but his interest in the show had waned somewhat in recent months. Bradley Wallace was crushed, and sunk into an even deeper depression from which Whilly feared he might never emerge. Making matters worse, Stan “The Man” told Jack that Bradley Wallace had a natural ability with a club and would make “one helluva damned good golfer” (Stan liked to swear) if only he applied himself, and “he isn’t applying himself, dammit!” All of which led to Jack coming down hard on Bradley Wallace for not practicing his swing. March was a crummy month.
March was lousy, too, for John Wagner, whose mental state exactly matched that of Bradley Wallace. He felt depressed and sullen, moping around the house and school like a zombie. And what was that music he kept hearing in his mind, that he’d constantly find himself inexplicably humming? Murphy was somehow responsible for this, too. After what he saw, or thought he saw that day, anything was possible.
The scene played back repeatedly in John’s head, and even pervaded his dreams. He’d even taken to calling out Bradley Wallace’s name in his sleep, and Joan determined from this that perhaps the Murphy boy might know what was troubling her son. But even John himself didn’t know. All he knew was fear.
Marge expressed surprise when Joan called one night, because
Bradley Wallace had never mentioned John before, and then concern when the other woman explained her reason for phoning.
Yes, Marge admitted, Bradley Wallace had been depressed lately and no, she hadn’t been able to find out why, and yes, it did seem peculiar that John was acting the same way. Like the typical mothers they essentially were, the two women jumped to the “obvious” conclusion that the boys had probably gotten into mischief together and were worried about getting caught. Marge promised to question her son about his dealings with John, and the conversation ended with a click.
Bradley Wallace burst out laughing when his mother suggested he and John Wagner were partners in some dastardly deed. When he realized she was serious, and becoming angry at his reaction, his laughter subsided and he calmly explained to her that John Wagner hated his guts and gave him nothing but trouble and they definitely never did anything together. Furthermore, he really didn’t give a damn what was happening to Wagner, and suggested sarcastically that Wagner might be feeling guilty for being such a prick. He was angry, he knew, angrier than he should be; and yet he was at least feeling something, the first real feeling he’d allowed himself since that day at the bridge. Inadvertently, Wagner had helped him again.
Marge reprimanded him on his choice of language, but otherwise seemed satisfied that her son and John Wagner were not friends and therefore not in trouble together. Their mutual depression must be a coincidence, she decided. She called Joan and told her what she’d learned, and John’s mother didn’t sound at all surprised to learn of her son’s bullying tactics. But, she insisted, he was so docile now that a girl scout could probably beat him up. It was most peculiar, both women agreed, but neither could suggest a suitable explanation. “Give it time,” Marge advised. “That’s what we’re doing.”
A positive aspect of Bradley Wallace’s suppression of his power was a renewed vigor wh
en it came to schoolwork. It was like he used school to keep his mind occupied so he wouldn’t continually brood. Besides, school was something normal, everyday, a point of stability he could latch onto and feel secure and safe with. “Dark Shadows” would soon be gone, and he needed something else. Naturally, his parents were delighted with his scholastic initiative and improving grades.
And naturally, Katie was unhappy. She had always done better than him in school, but now he was giving her a run for her money. She made a number of pointed comments about him getting help from someone else, but he didn’t care. He didn’t really care what Katie thought about anything.
March came and went, and Mr. O’Conner never called him to work.
Finally April 2 drew near, and Bradley Wallace looked toward that date with dread. After five years of daily viewing, “Dark Shadows” would be gone. All his friends, who had gotten him through good times and bad, who had cheered him up when he was down, who had kept him company when he was lonely, who had made his life interesting, would be gone. What made the situation even more depressing was that the storyline on which the series would end didn’t even involve any of the regular characters, but focused on the alternate Collins family of Parallel Time 1841. Bradley Wallace wouldn’t even be able to find out if Barnabas ever found a way to prevent Josette’s death, or free himself of the vampire curse. That was depressing.
And then it happened, the final slap in the face. Almost as though he knew “Dark Shadows” was ending and knew how much Bradley Wallace needed to be part of that final episode, Jack arranged for he and Katie to play a round of golf with him at the club, on the afternoon of Friday, April 2. He told Bradley Wallace it was part of his birthday celebration. But Bradley Wallace, to use one of Marge’s favorite expressions, was “fit to be tied.” The final episode and he’d have to miss it for a golf game? Mr. O’Conner was sure right about Fate, he thought - it can really mess you up sometimes.
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