by Marika Ray
"What's the big deal?" I couldn't believe she didn't see it. I sucked in a deep breath and tried to calm myself so I could explain logically. "What about the bigger designers that worked their asses off to be household names? Do they deserve to have sales taken away from them? What about other lower income shoppers that needed those coats but now can't get them because you snatched them up? What if everyone hacked into sites and tinkered with things to get what they wanted? Do you know what would happen?"
I was out of breath, and as she crossed her arms over her chest, I was also out of time. She wasn't willing to see this from my point of view and I didn't know how to get through to her.
Deciding to drop the argument and give her the out she wanted, I took a couple steps toward the front door, intent on leaving before I erupted. I stopped, my churning stomach making me unwilling to leave things as they were between us. I turned back around and saw her, tears back in her eyes and her crossed arms looking more like she was trying to give herself a hug of support than gearing up for a fight. She looked alone.
"Bae." I shoved my hands in my jean pockets so I wouldn't give in to the urge to reach out and comfort her. "I massively admire your desire to help people. Please don't think I don't understand your need to keep your promise. But I also firmly believe in right and wrong. And what you're doing is wrong. There absolutely has to be a way for you to make the impact you want. Legally."
I walked to the door and was almost through it when she called out, her voice shaking, "So it's a deal breaker?"
I looked down and closed my eyes, hearing the hurt in her voice and knowing it matched the hurt I felt too. "Continuing to do illegal things? Yes, that's a deal breaker for me."
I walked out, closed her door, and got in my car. It was like all the light she'd brought to my life faded away in an instant, making realize how dark my life had been before her. She'd opened my eyes to what I wanted out of life. How could I go back to a time before she'd changed everything? I didn't want to remain in the dark, but I didn't know how to make this right.
Never had I been tempted to straddle the line of right and wrong, to play in the shady areas of life, but with this woman, I was that close to throwing away all my principles to keep her in my life. Some small part of me held me back, hoping she'd see my point of view and come back to me. It was enough to get me to start my car and drive away, knowing I'd left my heart back at her house.
I knew I did the right thing, but then why did it feel so wrong?
11
Bailey
I spent the next week wallowing in my depression. I was a mixed bag of guilt over what I'd done now that Jack had opened my eyes, sadness over him calling us over, shame because of his judgment of my actions, and mostly just loneliness, missing the man I'd barely gotten to know.
We were together for such a short time, yet I felt such a pull to him. He was an honorable man who was intense most of the time, playful when you dragged it out of him, and willing to deal with my crazy. That was a tough combo to find, and I felt like we'd just started to really get to know each other. We'd ended before we'd begun.
I was grieving the loss of what could have been. I'd had a front row seat to Esa and Ivan falling in love and I'd seen how it changed her for the better. She was practically radiating happiness and a contentment I'd never known. I wanted that too. And the opportunity had just slipped through my fingers.
Esa consoled me the best she could, but frankly, she still had her perfect man at the end of the day, so how could she really understand how I felt? It quickly became apparent that Esa had activated the phone tree and dragged the rest of the squad into action. Which is why I ended up with a bizarre visit from Shasta last night.
She'd tried to lift me up by extolling the virtues of meaningless sex with friends. How deep relationships weren't worth it for most people, so don't get your heart too stuck on just one man. I knew she meant well, but she'd had a messed up past with an abusive husband, so I wasn't sure I could really take her advice in my own situation. Though some of her sex-capade stories were hilarious and helped me smile for the first time all week.
Then Brinley came over this morning before her volleyball practice with a coffee delivery and an inspirational speech. Again, her intentions were good, but I wasn't trying to beat my opponent into the sand in a stunning victory of athletic glory, so the pep talk didn't really apply. The coffee was excellent though. Don't tell Esa.
Tonight was a beautiful, quiet night. I'd gotten home late from work, not wanting to face my empty home. Figured if I was exhausted, I'd just eat, shower, and hit my pillow. No time to go through another box of tissues or beat myself up over my transgressions.
I put on my comfy sweats after my shower and heated up a frozen dinner. Meal of champions, for sure. While it heated, I flipped through my mail, putting the bills in one pile and the junk in another. When my bill pile was significantly higher than my junk pile, I saw a postcard in bright pink. It caught my attention because it had a big picture of a jacket in the center.
Then I read through the words, flipping to the other side to see what it was about, but there wasn't further explanation. Just a date, a place, and a request for all used or new jackets to be given out to the homeless in Huntington Beach.
It didn't say who was organizing it, other than a small logo in the bottom corner that said Fashion Forward, LLC. I'd never heard of that organization in all my years of volunteering, so my suspicions were instantly raised.
I had my laptop open and was just about to research the company, more than likely resorting to hacking into their website to see who owned and operated the limited liability company. Jack's face when he told me my hacking was a deal breaker flashed through my mind and I closed the computer with a slam before I could give in to my temptation.
He was right. I was abusing my computer skills. I was hacking into things right and left with no thought to the consequences or the morality of it.
And there it was again, my old friend Shame.
I added the coat drive event to my calendar and went to bed, not hungry for my frozen enchilada any longer.
The phone tree was alive and well, and I didn't know how much more I could take of their coddling. The whole Squad was planning to show for the coat drive event taking place Friday night at the Lifeguard Headquarters building right on the beach. I'd already interrogated Ivan and Dean, both lifeguards, who swore up and down they didn't know who was behind the event. I would have doubted their sincerity but my girls Esa and Brinley threatened to withhold the sexy times and they still didn't budge.
Flyers for the event were plastered all over HB, on light posts, community bulletin boards, stores, and even on car windshields. Whoever was organizing this thing had hit the pavement and canvased the whole city. I found out that morning my own company would be there to donate a check to help the local cause.
I had no idea what I was going to as I grabbed one of my older, wool pea coats and headed out the door. I parked in the city parking lot, making sure to grab my parking pass for validation at the event. The parking lot was already filling up and the open area in front of the lifeguard building was lit up like a Christmas tree. People were milling about, enjoying the tables set up with crafts for sale, Esa's shop Chocolate Dreams had a booth set up, and I saw almost everyone had a cup of her deliciousness in their hands.
I almost stumbled on the uneven pavement as it dawned on me Esa was in on this thing. What the hell was that double-crossing hussy thinking keeping this from me? What the hell were best friends for if they don't spill their guts when you needed it most?
Hands grabbed my waist and kept me from spinning right around and going back home. Thankfully, a waft of Calvin Klein hit my nose before I used my heels for defensive stomping purposes.
"Jack?" I craned my head to see him behind me, a nervous wobble to his lips. Damn him, I still just wanted to suck on them, feel them on my body.
He blinked and then burst into his signature smile, dimple lo
oking happy to see me. "Just in time. Come on."
His fingers threaded through mine and he tugged me toward the small stage set up in the middle of all the madness. We passed Esa's booth, and she smiled and waved at me like she wasn't dead to me. Flipping her the bird with my free hand didn't even faze her. She tossed her head back, laughed, and lifted her hot chocolate cup in a toast.
Treasonous bitch.
We reached the stage and Jack climbed up before pulling me up alongside him, tucking me into his side, arm firm around my waist. Smart boy. I was poised to run if this thing, whatever the hell it was, went south. As it was, I was enjoying his body pressed against mine too much to put up a fight. It was an exquisite form of torture to be this close to him, knowing he could never be mine again.
Jack grabbed the mic off the stand, effortlessly transforming into some sort of real life, slick game show host.
"Ladies and Gentlemen! Can I have your attention please?" He waited for everyone to quiet down and turn their gazes to the stage. I tried to take a step back out of the spotlight, but he yanked me forward and held me even tighter.
"Thank you all for coming tonight and donating your coats for the homeless here in our great City of Huntington Beach." Everyone clapped, and he paused till the sound level dropped low enough to be heard.
"As you all know, the homeless situation here in HB is reaching epic proportions. We may disagree on how to remedy this situation, but I think we can all agree that it's the humane thing to do to make sure everyone has a warm coat this winter." Murmurs of approval ran through the crowd.
Jack swallowed hard and turned to me, still addressing the crowd. "I'm ashamed to say I never gave it much thought, but this beautiful lady here has educated me on the responsibility we all have to watch out for our fellow neighbor. When she came to me, wanting a way to reach out and help on a bigger scale, I was all for this event. I think it's safe to say this is just the beginning of what you'll see Fashion Forward take on in the future, led by this badass, Bailey Smith."
Everyone cheered and whistled, but I didn't register much beyond the look of adoration on Jack's face as he looked at me. My mouth was hanging open, a look I don't recommend. Then again, I never claimed to be a model. I just couldn't get my brain to catch up with my ears. This was my event? Fashion Forward was my company? Did he do all this? For me?
Jack turned back to the microphone. "Please enjoy the vendors that are here tonight and be sure to drop off your used coats to the right of the stage. Checks can be dropped off directly to Bailey. Thank you again for your generosity. You are what makes Huntington Beach great."
Applause broke out again and people moved to mingle through the vendor tents, stacks of coats already piled up to the side of the stage. Jack pulled me off to the side of the stage, still not releasing me from his side.
My stomach was in knots and I felt hope bubbling up in place of sadness. If there wasn't any hope that Jack and I had a chance, I wanted to squash that bitch before she let me take a big fall. I couldn't handle losing Jack twice.
"Jack, wh--" I tried to get my questions answered, but was interrupted by a woman in a suit coming up to us and greeting me, like she was happy to see me.
"Hi Bailey. I'm Jackie Bartholomew. I'm here to present you with a check for your charity efforts. We're so proud you're part of our team and doing so much good in our community." She reached out and shook my hand, then turned so we were shoulder to shoulder.
A man with a camera around his neck told us to say cheese, a check held between Jackie's hand and mine. I smiled, automatically posing, though inside I was a ball of disjointed questions. Nothing made sense, and I needed an explanation if only someone would pause everything for a second and clue me in.
After they got the picture they wanted and a few profuse, and confused, thank you's from me, Jackie and her cameraman took off. I whirled around to find Jack just a few steps away, watching me with a smile on his face that could only be described as proud. Which let me tell you, it was a hell of a lot better look than the one of disappointment he'd given me a week ago.
"What did you do, mister?" I wanted answers. I needed answers. I was only two seconds away from pulling him behind one of the vendor tents and having my way with him. I'd prefer to know exactly what was going on first so I knew exactly how much I needed to thank him.
He laughed and I couldn't help smiling in return, hoping his smile lines would one day be more pronounced than his frown lines. I hoped I still had a chance at being the cause of all those laugh lines.
His laugh ended, his lips still tilted up, his good humor not just for show in front of an audience. I made a valiant effort to focus on my questions. All I could hold in my brain was the thought that the man looked damn good in a suit. Strong legs walked over, his tailored suit jacket open, the white dress shirt contrasting nicely with his tan skin. He looked like he was born in a suit, the power exuding from him and making my knees weak.
I had a healthy self-esteem, anyone who knew me even a little bit, knew that. Yet a small part of me still wondered what this man was doing with a girl like me. One with no family of her own, a yen for breaking the law, and always up for a good fight. He was gorgeous, successful, smart, and he was just so good. When you looked up the definition for a good and honorable man, Jack's face was sure to be there.
"I've been thinking, Bae." His rough hand came up to cup the side of my face. His eyes spoke volumes, telling me we had a chance, waiting for me to say the right thing. "Under all this bluster and sass is a good woman. A woman I'd like in my life. Maybe you just needed someone to show you what you could do to help people legally." His hand tightened its grip. "Esa told me you've quit all the hacking. Does that mean you understand why it's wrong?"
I nodded, my heart beating faster, the hope growing bigger. "Yes," I whispered. "I never meant to hurt anyone. I just wanted to help." It was the God's honest truth. I was an idiot to think it was actually okay to break the law to help the needy. Robin Hood was a fairy tale told to children at bedtime, not something to model my adult behavior after.
His smile grew, and he pulled me close, those lips finally touching mine, sealing the deal. Hope blossomed in my chest, causing happiness and relief to run through my veins. We could get past this. We would get past this. I wouldn't let him slip through my fingers again.
The kiss just got heated with his tongue reaching out to caress my bottom lip when I heard a throat being cleared right next to us. I pulled back, blinking quickly to come back to the present and figure out where I was.
The sounds of the event returned, people walking around talking, the ocean waves a constant backdrop to a well-attended event. Esa and Brinley stood there, smiling at Jack and I.
"Can I help you bitches with anything?" I may have been in a happy bubble with Jack, but I didn't forget that they knew what was happening and kept me in the dark all week.
Brinley grinned and Esa smacked her thigh before breaking out into loud laughter. "You should have seen your face when he dragged you up on stage!"
"Just remember, payback's a bitch," I warned them both, before letting myself smile along with them. I guess I couldn't be too mad. They went along with this charade so my man could win me back. All's well that ends well.
"You're wanted back at the stage. You gotta count the donated money and the final tally of coats donated," Brinley informed me.
Jack grabbed my elbow, whispering out of the side of his mouth. "By the way, I registered Fashion Forward as your LLC so you'll have to figure out what to do with the money donated tonight and how to set yourself up as an official charity legally. Everyone thinks this has been your event right from the beginning. Hope that was okay."
He looked nervous, like I'd be anything but touched that he'd go to all this trouble to show me what I could do to help without landing myself in jail. I mean, I wanted to be in his handcuffs, but in a bedroom, not his interrogation room.
I didn't answer, just grabbed his hand and dragged him bac
k up on the stage with me. This time I grabbed the microphone and addressed the crowd still mingling in the parking lot.
"Okay, we have our totals. You ready to hear the difference you've made here tonight?" I shouted to the crowd. I grabbed the envelope Esa handed to me and proceeded to read what she'd written on the sheet of paper.
"We've collected 183 used coats!" For the second time that night, I felt my jaw drop. I couldn't believe it. It would take me years to buy that many marked down jackets and distribute them. One night and the community had done so much more. I smiled at Jack, grateful again that he was so brilliant. "And as for cold, hard cash..."
I checked the number Esa had written, certain she got it wrong. I looked over at her and went to hand the paper back. She shook her head and pointed at it.
"Are you sure this is right?" I said into the microphone.
The crowd laughed, thinking I was joking. Esa just gave me a thumbs-up, the totals were correct.
I looked back down, the reality of what Jack had done here tonight rocking me to my core. Only once had I had someone believe in me like this. The Grants had seen through my rough exterior to the girl I really was. I thought I'd lost that forever when they'd died.
I didn't believe in all their religious teachings, but I had no doubt they'd sent Jack to me, knowing I needed him to fulfill everything I could be.
I was an independent woman that could stand on her own, and look damn good doing it thank you very much, but I was truly a force to be reckoned with when I had Jack by my side.
I pulled the microphone back to my mouth and gave the crowd what it wanted. "Somehow, some way, you all have reached deep and donated...$27,000!" Everyone cheered, and I applauded them in return. This wasn't my doing. Literally, I'd done nothing. This was all Jack and the city I loved so much.
Before the cheering even stopped, I whirled around to find Jack and pull him close. I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him with everything I had in me, not caring who saw the tear of happiness that managed to slip out. I admitted to myself that I loved this man, and I wasn't afraid to show it.