by Jenika Snow
“You should have seen his face when my dad caught them all but screwing in that douche’s car.” Although to her sister’s credit though Tawny might be more rebellious when it came to getting her father worked up with the bad boys she went out with, she was actually pretty tame in general. And Tarren knew for a fact she was still a virgin, so whatever this wild streak was that had bitten Tawny in ass over the last year or so, she hoped it didn’t get any worse.
“And this would be my cue to leave. No way am I hearing about Dallas’s kids and that shit. No fucking way.”
Tarren turned around and saw Stinger mumbling under his breath. He grabbed the bag of food and left them alone in the office. As soon as the door shut behind him they burst out laughing.
“You’d think the way these old men act when sex is being talked about that they were virgins back in the day or something.” Tarren started chuckling harder. She moved closer to the desk where Alexis was and sat down in the chair across from her.
“Yeah, but I think hearing about the kids having sex by the men they consider brothers probably crosses the line for them,” Alexis said. They both started laughing harder that time.
“So, I feel like it’s been forever since we actually talked, even though we did when you first got back,” Tarren said, and started picking at the edge of her shirt. There was a lot she wanted to tell Alexis, stuff she hadn’t said that concerned her and Lucas. Since she’d seen him last week at the clubhouse for the gathering the club had thrown, it had been a little awkward, a little tense, and she had stayed away since then. Tarren wanted to get her thoughts together, wanted to figure out if she wanted to just put all the years she had loved Lucas behind her and focus on starting her life, or if she should lay it all bare for him. He had texted her a few times, wanting to meet up, but their schedules had been vastly different, and she hadn’t seen him since.
She stared at Alexis, and wanted to be open and honest with her friend. It wasn’t that she was trying to keep it from the girl she considered a best friend. It was more of the fact that she didn’t know how to handle all of this.
“I know. I’m sorry I’ve just been swamped with all this information from my mom and Stinger, and I want to make sure I get it all right,” Alexis said with a little defeat in her voice. She leaned back in her chair as she stared at Tarren.
“I know, girl. I just miss you.” She reached across the table and grabbed and picked up one of the invoices. Taren knitted her brows as she read it, seeing a list of serial numbers, makes and models, and names. “Is this for guns?” Tarren held the invoice out to Alexis.
“Who knows what any of this stuff is really for, if you get my drift,” Alexis said in a softer voice.
Tarren nodded and dropped the paper back on the table. “Yeah, I am sure there is more illegal money floating around than the legal kind.” It wasn’t a secret to anyone that the club had to make a profit somehow, and doing it the “right” way only brought in so much revenue.
The silence stretched between them, and then Tarren just got right down to it. “So, I have been meaning to tell you—”
“Do I need to be sitting down for this?” Alexis smiled.
“Funny,” Tarren said in a bland voice, knowing that Alexis was trying to make the situation a little lighter, because even Tarren heard the strain in her voice. “You remember when I told you I fucked Lucas? Or I guess it was the other way around because all I could do was hang on for that ride.”
Alexis shook her head and then started chuckling. “Please, no details.”
Tarren was not about to go into it with her, but also not knowing where to start. She wanted to talk to her family first about this, tell her dad about it all and see where he stood. But Alexis had been there for her the entire time they were growing up. She was like Tarren’s sister, and she wanted to be honest. “No, but, well, I thought it was only going to be that one night, ya know? Anyway it seemed like that since we went our separate ways and all for a while, but then things kind of picked back up.” Of course Alexis knew about Lucas going away for those last couple of years, and that they had been together sexually during high school. But Tarren hadn’t told her about the sex they had had together right before he had taken off to Arizona, or the time they had gotten back together in the last six months. She had been embarrassed, confused, and had wanted to just put it behind her. And “picking back up” really meant they had slept together, had this weird relationship now, and she didn’t know where the hell they stood.
“So you’re Lucas’s old lady?”
Honestly she didn’t know what in the hell was going on between them, if anything at all. Lucas had said he wanted to talk to her later, but was he trying to rekindle their friendship only? Being an old lady was serious, and of course that was what she wanted, but was that what Lucas wanted? When she came clean about her feelings how would he feel, react? Tarren wanted things to desperately work out after they talked and she decided to tell him exactly what she felt inside for him. But she also knew that they had to tread lightly.
So, she did what she did best. She played it off as if it were nothing. Tarren held up her hands. “Hold the fuck up now, let’s not get crazy. Being an old lady is serious shit, you know that.” She felt stupid, ridiculous even for playing this off as if it were nothing more than a few sex sessions with the Grizzly. It was so much more than that.
Alexis nodded. “So then what? You’re like boyfriend and girlfriend then?” That label was weak compared to what she felt for him, and not even what they were. They weren’t anything but two people that had shared some pretty incredible sex together, had a few awkward moments, and that seemed like strangers when they were in the same room anymore.
“You want to be his old lady, don’t you?” Alexis said more quietly now, and Tarren knew that her friend could read her even when she was trying to play it off. “Why don’t you just talk to him? You guys have something between you. I know you do because I can hear it in your voice whenever you’ve talked about him.”
Tarren exhaled loudly. She picked at the hem of her tank top and then rested her head back on the chair after a few more seconds. “Yeah, you have always been the one to see through my bullshit.” She stared at the ceiling.
Lucas had a past that made the term man-whore a reality, but he wasn’t like that anymore, at least she didn’t see him in that light. He didn’t flaunt and brag about the pussy he had bagged, or make out with and all but fuck club whores whenever she had seen him at the club after they had slept together. Those years apart had done something to him, had softened that hard exterior he always wore, and she noticed it whenever he looked at her, spoke to her even.
“If you care for him—which I can see on your face that you do—then you need to tell him.”
Tarren nodded. They spoke about it for a few more minutes. Alexis trying to get to the heart of it all was obvious, and she wanted to just spill it all out, but not at the clubhouse. “I honestly don’t know what Lucas wants out of life...”
Alexis smiled softly, and Tarren knew that no matter what happened she’d always have someone she could talk to, no matter what. She may not have said it all to Alexis, but her friend had known.
Tarren stood. “Thanks for listening to me. I honestly have had no one I trust as much as I do you, Alexis.”
And then Lucas and Nico pulled up on their Harleys, and the sound of their engines was so loud it blocked everything else out.
They both stood and walked over to the window to stare out of it. Nico and Lucas were off their bikes and speaking to each other. And then like out of some cheesy porn movie, Red, a club whore for the Grizzly patched in kids, came sauntering out of the clubhouse. She stopped beside Nico, but instead of her going after Alexis’s man, she moved her red claws toward Lucas. Red all but pressed her tits against the side of Lucas’s arm, and when he turned away, disengaging her from him, she walked over to his bike. God, that damn slut was like watching a train wreck, and Tarren wanted to look away but co
uldn’t.
Red moved her hands along the gleaming chrome and leather of Lucas’s bike, and although she couldn’t hear what the bitch was saying, her body language told them she was trying to seduce Lucas.
“God, what a skank,” Alexis said, and they both started laughing. It pissed Tarren off for sure, but she did love the fact that Lucas didn’t even pay attention or act like he cared.
“Yeah, well at least she isn’t all up on her like I thought she might be,” Tarren muttered under her breath. Red was pretty much posing on the bikes like she was in some kind of damn Harley magazine.
“If you guys are together he wouldn’t do anything to betray you.”
But they weren’t together, no matter how much Tarren wanted that. She looked over at her friend. Alexis clearly thought there was more there than the reality of the situation, and maybe she would be with Lucas once they spoke and once she came clean. Hell, he might tell her he was in love with her as well. Her heart sped up at that thought. Nico headed toward the clubhouse, and she knew Lucas would be coming in soon, too. She didn’t want to see him right now, not after all this time, and the awkward exchanges they had had over the last few years, but her car was parked right by his damn bike. Yes, they had spoken just last week when she had come to his welcoming party, but even then the exchange had been strange. She needed to get home, sit down alone in her room, with the quiet around her and only her thoughts as her company. Tarren needed to decide how she wanted to go through with this.
“Okay, I better get out of here.” Tarren turned away from the skank and gave Alexis a hug. Nico was already moving into the meeting room, and Tarren kept walking through the main room, passed the pool table, over by the front door, and looked out the window once more to see only Red still standing by Lucas’s bike. She hated that she was so nervous around him, that things had changed so much between them over the years. Tarren was a coward, and weak for wanting to avoid him until she figured shit out.
She grabbed her sunglasses out of her purse, opened the door, and before she stepped outside she was slamming into Lucas’s hard chest. He grabbed her arms to steady her, looked at her in the face, and this pained expression crossed his face.
“Tarren,” he said her name low, like he was breathless almost. God, he looked so good, so masculine, and a little dirty because he had been clearly working on his bike. But he smelled clean, like fresh sweat and a mixture of his cologne. He was only twenty-two, the same age as she was, but he seemed more masculine, older even. She felt like she was falling into this hole, and she didn’t know if she would land on solid ground.
Her hands started shaking, her breath became shallow, and she didn’t understand why all of a sudden she felt like this. Yes, she had been nervous, but right now, seeing him again, feeling her love for him grow even more, had her going into some kind of shock. Pushing away from him, she uttered an apology, not feeling like she was herself around him anymore, and tried to control her nerves. They stared at each other for a moment, and then she was moving outside.
“Tarren, wait.”
She glanced over her shoulder, and slowed her steps, not wanting to be weak and run away from him.
Lucas jogged up to her, and when Tarren was close to Red he grabbed Tarren’s hand and pulled her around to face him. He let go of her arm, nodded, and shoved his hands in his front jean pockets.
“Can we talk later?”
She swallowed, ran her sweaty palms down her thighs, and stared into his deep blue eyes. “I have to go home for a bit, and then head to work.”
“Can we talk later then, Tarren?” He looked at her, his expression guarded now. God, why did he have to look so good? His short dark hair was a little mussed, but it made him look even hotter, and the scruff on his face gave him this edge.
“Of course.” She breathed out, let her shoulders sag, and glanced at the window of the meeting room. If Alexis was trying to watch them she wouldn’t be able to see from this location, but that was better. This seemed a bit awkward. “Call me and we can work out where and when, okay?” Tarren smiled, feeling like it was a little forced, but she was a little on edge right now.
He nodded, didn’t take his blue gaze off of her, and then she finally forced herself to move away from him and climb into her car. She glanced at him, saw he was still standing in the same spot, looking right at her. Red moved away from the Harley and over toward Lucas. She tried touching him, but he shrugged her off, glanced at the blonde, and shook his head. He started saying something to her, and when Red huffed and threw her hands up in the air like she was pissed, a smile covered Tarren’s face. The club whore glanced at Tarren, her scowl deepening, and then she moved into the clubhouse, probably to find one of the guys to fuck. Red was a slut in the worst way, liked hanging around the single Grizzly members, and spreading her legs for them.
Lucas glanced at Tarren again, lifted his hand in a wave, and she smiled. She started her car, pulled out of the clubhouse driveway. And Lucas stayed on her mind the entire time, because there was no getting away from him, or what he did to her.
Chapter Nine
Tarren grabbed the cup and empty plate off the small patio table and brought them back inside the air-conditioned building. She had been working at The Steel, a small sandwich and coffee shop for the last year. Although she had her Associate’s degree, two in fact, they were useless. There were no jobs in Steel Corner for a twenty-two year old that had studied art at the community college, and her pre-req classes in English and math didn’t count for shit. But she enjoyed working at The Steel, was even working toward being the assistant manager. Tarren had her own place, albeit a small one-bedroom house she rented on the edge of town that was more rundown than anything else. Still, it was hers, and that was what mattered. It was a Friday evening, and although it should have been busy with the weekend here, and kids being out of school, it was pretty quiet. She set the cup and plate in the back room, came back out, and leaned on the counter. She was the only one working tonight, but with the café being so small, and only having a couple of tables inside, and a couple in the patio, it wasn’t too much too handle.
Lucas was on her mind, had been all day, but she still hadn’t heard from him on whether they would get together later to talk. Would he actually call her and try to work things out? Despite wanting to go back to what they had, Tarren didn’t think that was possible, but she wanted to move forward with him and see where things went from here on out.
Some sappy song that the owner had selected played overhead, and it reminded her of elevator music. A couple came into the shop, not much older than their late teens, all over each other, and pissing Tarren off. She turned around, knowing it wasn’t their fault they were so madly in love, and she was this crusty, cranky bitch nowadays. Even after all this time she couldn’t stand to be around herself sometimes.
“Two caramel lattes, please,” the young guy said, and then immediately started kissing the bleached blonde girl. They were both humans, both sickly in love, and it all made Tarren want to gag. She made their drinks, handed it to them, took their money, and tried to block out the fact that she was so miserable right now because she was jealous of what they had. Fortunately, they didn’t stay at the café, and when she was alone once more she turned her back toward the door and closed her eyes for a second.
She thought about Lucas being in Arizona off and on for the last couple of years. Jagger had sent him and a few others to help another club set up. But she couldn’t blame only Lucas for this weirdness between them.
Her relationship with Lucas was strained and probably would be for a long time, if not forever, but she hoped to rectify that when she spoke to him later.
The sound of the door opening again told her another customer had come in, and she glanced at the clock. She only had another hour before her shift ended and her replacement came in. She was ready to go home, to wait for her time with Lucas, and see where in the hell the future took her. She turned around, and her heart stopped. There
on the other side of the counter, just separated from her by a few feet, was Lucas. Of course she shouldn’t be surprised to see him, because it wasn’t like he didn’t know where she worked, but she had thought he would call to speak to her.
“Hey,” he said, smirking slightly, and looking too damn good for his own well-being.
“Hi.” Tarren swallowed, knowing that she was staring at him, but not caring.
“I should have called, I know, but I wanted to see you in person.”
She nodded, smiled a little, and licked her lips, all seemingly at the same time. He glanced behind him when a little kid started giggling past the shop. He looked good in his Grizzly MC leather cut, and the patch on the back telling everyone that he was part of a very dangerous outlaw shifter biker crew. He faced her again and gave her a lopsided smirk. Underneath he had on a dark t-shirt, and he wore a pair of loose fitting distressed jeans that had a little bit of oil smeared on the pant legs. He was all male, potent, intoxicating, and she was still so much in love with him that she hated him for it. After all of this, he had let her father intimidate him when Dallas had told him to back off. She had started World War III that night her parents had come home early, and her dad had known what they had done. Although they had seen each thereafter, it still sucked that Lucas had let her father dictate what to do. But she couldn’t just blame Lucas or her father for how that day had ended, because Tarren hadn’t fought hard enough for Lucas either.
He took a step forward, his grin vanishing. “Dallas is a pretty intimidating male, Tarren.” He was so close to her now that she smelled the cologne he wore, and the faint scent of the grease from his Harley.
“What?” she stuttered out, not realizing she had spoken her thoughts out loud.