by Sarah Morgan
“I have no idea. You know I leave the running of Snow Crystal to my brother. You’ll have to ask him when you see him.”
She ignored that. “How did you know I had left?”
“Jackson came to the hospital ready to punch me. For the record, that’s the first time I’ve seen my brother spoiling for a fight. Normally he’s the one breaking them up.” They reached the street and Sean caught her arm as a moped sped past, almost mowing her down.
She felt the strength of his fingers on her skin, breathed in the male scent and the desire to kiss him was almost overwhelming. Almost.
She pulled away. “He punched you? Jackson would never do that.”
“No. But it was a close thing. That’s how much he cares about you. He creased my shirt.”
She couldn’t help smiling. “I told him it wasn’t your fault.”
“He didn’t believe you. If I come back without you my life won’t be worth living.”
It was a perfect late-summer evening and they ate in the little brasserie, sitting elbow to elbow with tourists and locals and drinking house wine and simple food. Then they walked along the river, watching the sun set over the Louvre.
Sean told her about his work at the hospital, about his research and then made her laugh with stories of Tyler’s neck-breaking exploits growing up.
The only thing they didn’t talk about was the fact he’d told her he loved her.
“Where are you staying tonight?”
“I’ve booked a hotel down the street. I wasn’t sure you’d feel like company.” He took the key from her and let them both into her apartment, watching her face as she paused by the door. “Bad memories?”
“Mostly guilt. I hate that my last words to my mother were angry and that she died without knowing how much I loved her. I can’t stop thinking about it.” Shaking it off, she walked to the little kitchen area. “Coffee?”
“Thanks.” He sprawled on the sofa, next to the boxes of photos she’d stacked earlier. “I know you don’t want to look at the photos, but do you mind if I look?”
“Go ahead.” Maybe she should have thrown them away. What was the point in keeping something that just made her feel worse?
She made coffee and placed a mug on the little table in front of him. “I miss my coffee machine.”
“We all miss you making coffee with your coffee machine. Élise, you should look at these.”
She kept her back to him. “I can’t. Not yet. Maybe one day.”
“You really should look at them.”
“Sean—”
“You weren’t sure if your mother knew you loved her and I can tell you for sure that she did.”
“How do you know that?”
“Because I’m looking at the evidence, sweetheart. You should come take a look, too.”
She turned and saw him leafing through photographs.
“Where was this taken?” He showed her a photo and she smiled, remembering.
“The top of the Arc De Triomphe. I was eight. I climbed to the top and was very proud of myself.” Despite her reluctance, she sat down next to him.
“And this?” He went through the photos, asking when, why, how until she felt crowded by memories.
“Put them away, Sean.”
He slid the photos back into the box and closed the lid. “I messed up with my grandfather but he forgave me because that’s what families do. And even when I was angry with him, there wasn’t a moment when I didn’t love him. And he knew that.”
“I know. The moment you heard he was in the hospital you dropped everything and came. But your family is different.”
“Your mother knew you loved her. It’s all here.” He lowered the box gently onto her lap. “She knew you loved her and she loved you right back, which is why she wanted the best for you. It’s what we always want for people we love. You can’t switch that on and off. Cross words don’t change that.” He stood up. “I have to fly back tomorrow. Come with me.”
She felt the tug of longing and ignored it. “I can’t do that.”
“Snow Crystal is your home. Everyone misses you. You should be there.” He hesitated and for a moment she thought he was going to kiss her but then he walked to the door. “If you change your mind or if you need anything, call me.”
“I won’t. I’ve never called you.”
His eyes gleamed. “I’ve never said ‘I love you’ before last week, which just proves anything can happen. My number is in your phone.”
CHAPTER TWENTY
“SO FINALLY THE whole family is together. It’s like living in a fairy story, isn’t it, Jess? We even have napkins. Civilization comes to Snow Crystal.” Grinning, Tyler stood up and took the large casserole dish from his mother. “So that’s my portion. Where is everyone else’s?” He put it in the center of the table and glanced around. “I’ve never seen so many gloomy faces around a table. It’s family night. You’re all supposed to be laughing and enjoying one another’s company. What the hell is wrong with everyone?”
Walter stirred. “Don’t swear. It upsets your grandmother.”
“That’s not the reason I’m upset.” Alice shook her head as Elizabeth tried to serve her some food. “I don’t want much. I’m not hungry.”
“I’m starving, I’ll eat yours.” Tyler reached forward and his napkin slid to the floor. “As I said, I’ve never seen the point of napkins.”
Jess grinned. “It stops you getting food stains on your clothes.”
“Stains add character. There’s a story behind every mark on my jeans.”
“We really don’t want to know.” Ignoring his brother, Jackson pushed the potatoes toward Alice. “You should eat, Grams.”
Alice stared miserably at her plate. “I can’t because it’s pot roast. Pot roast is Élise’s recipe. She’s the one who taught Elizabeth how to cook it and I can’t see it without thinking of her. It makes me feel sad that she’s not here. Why wouldn’t she come back with Sean when he flew all that way to see her? What did you say to her?”
Walter grunted. “It’s probably more a question of what he didn’t say to her.”
Sean met Jackson’s gaze across the table and reached for his wine. He was fairly sure there wasn’t enough alcohol in the house to get him through the pressure of family night. Why had he agreed to come? “I said what I wanted to say.”
“But did you tell her you loved her?” His grandmother’s food lay untouched on the plate. “Women like to hear that and men don’t say it often enough.”
Tyler attacked his pot roast with no visible loss of appetite. “I love you, Grams.”
Her eyes softened. “I know you do, honey. You’ve always been a wild one, but underneath you have a big strong heart and one day some woman is going to snap you up for the rest of your life.”
Tyler choked on his food. “Not if I see her coming first.”
Jess giggled. “You could hide under the napkin.”
“That would be one use for it.”
“What do you mean men don’t say it enough?” Walter was looking at Alice. “I say it to you every day and have since the day we met.”
“I know.” Alice’s gaze softened and she stretched out her hand. “I came to buy maple syrup—”
“Oh, please, no, not that—” Tyler dropped his fork and pushed his plate away. “And please no kissing at the table. I am done with all this kissing at the table. If people want to gaze at each other then go book an evening in the restaurant and do the whole candles and wine thing. Don’t bring it to family night.”
“Talking of the restaurant, we need more help,” Elizabeth said quietly. “Once the season starts we won’t be able to cope without another member of staff. You’ll need to recruit someone, Jackson.”
Jackson reached for the salt. “I’ll deal with it tomorrow.”
“I’ll do it.” Kayla typed a note into her phone. “You have enough to do.”
“You will not be recruiting anyone.” Walter brought his fist down on the table w
ith a thump that made cups and cutlery rattle. Maple dived for cover. “We already have the best chef there is. We don’t need to go looking for another one.”
Jackson put his fork down. “She’s gone, Gramps. She’s gone back to Paris.”
“Because she had things to sort out there. And she’ll be back when she’s done. And in the meantime, we’ll manage because that’s what families do and she’s family.”
Jackson exchanged glances with Sean. “Gramps—”
“And her job will be here waiting for her when she’s ready to return to it.” Glaring, Walter reached for his glass but Sean noticed his hand was shaking.
“She’s not coming back, Gramps.” There was a heavy lump behind his chest. “Jackson has to make decisions about this place.”
“She’s been gone five minutes and already you want to give her job away?”
“She’s gone, damn it!”
“I don’t understand why everyone is shouting?” Alice pushed the food around her plate, too upset to complain about the language. “And I don’t understand why she left. She loved it here. I know she loved it here. Last time we had family night she couldn’t stop telling us how much she loved us.”
“Because she was about to leave,” Jackson said wearily. “It was her way of saying thank you but none of us understood it at the time.”
Sean let out a breath. He understood it.
After what happened with her mother she would never, ever miss an opportunity to tell the people in her life that she loved them.
The irony was that she’d said it to everyone but him.
The ache behind his chest intensified.
“What does she have to thank us for?” Walter scowled. “We’re the ones who should be thanking her for producing food that’s the talk of Vermont, New Hampshire and most of the East Coast. We had people from California here last week who had read about her! So don’t talk to me about finding a replacement because she’s irreplaceable. And if Sean had spoken up, she might not have left.”
Sean swore under his breath and thumped his glass down on the table. “I spoke up! I told her I loved her. Yeah, that’s right—” He met his mother’s astonished gaze. “I told her that. Several times, in fact, so there could be no misunderstanding. And now can we all talk about something else?”
Jackson sent him a concerned glance.
Tyler and Kayla were gaping at him and as for his mother—
“Oh, Sean.” Tears shimmered in her eyes and she covered her mouth with her hand. “That’s just— It’s perfect. I couldn’t be happier.”
“You don’t have any reason to be happy because she doesn’t feel the same way, Mom. Now can we move on? We’ve talked about this for long enough.”
“Doesn’t—” Elizabeth exchanged glances with Alice, perplexed. “Well, of course she does.”
Sean clenched his jaw, wondering what he had to do to move the conversation onto a different topic. “So how are bookings for the winter, Jackson?”
“Slightly up.” His brother came to his rescue. “All we need now is plenty of snow, but overall I’m optimistic.”
“I may not know anything about mending broken bones,” Elizabeth said stoutly, “but I know when a woman is in love.”
Alice smiled. “I knew straight away.”
Sean breathed deeply, looking for an escape. “My phone is buzzing,” he lied. “I’ve had it on silent.” That was true, but when he pulled it out of his pocket and surreptitiously turned it on he saw that it really had been ringing.
He had twenty missed calls.
Exactly twenty. All from Élise.
“I have to—” Shit. Twenty? “I have to get this. I have to make a call.”
Tyler sighed. “Of course you do. Lives to save, people to heal. Don’t mind us. It means we can all talk about you behind your back.”
Walter frowned. “Can’t you tell them you’ll call them back when you’ve finished your food? A man has a right to eat a meal.”
Tyler reached across. “I’ll eat his meal. Shame to let it get cold.”
His grandfather slapped his hand. “He’ll be coming back. Is there any problem that can’t wait five minutes?”
Right on cue his phone started ringing again and Sean glanced down at the screen and saw Élise’s name again. His heart lurched. She’d never called him before. Not once. And she’d been calling him and calling him and he’d had his phone switched off. What could have happened?
He told himself that twenty missed calls didn’t mean anything except that something bad had happened.
Was it Pascal?
He never should have left her there alone.
The phone was still ringing but he didn’t want to answer it in front of his family.
Sweating, he stood up quickly, knocked his wineglass over and sent wine flowing over the table. “I need to—”
“Go.” Tyler stood up and threw his napkin on the table, watching as the cream fabric slowly turned red.
“Those napkins were a wedding present.” His mother sighed as Tyler piled another one on top.
“Glad to have finally found a use for them.”
Sean slammed the door behind him and answered the phone. “Élise? Are you all right?” His hand was shaking so badly he almost dropped the phone. “Where are you? Is something wrong?”
ÉLISE PACED ALONG the lake path, wondering if she’d misjudged. Wondering if he’d come. And then finally she saw him, sprinting through the rain, his shirt glued to his chest and his hair plastered to his head.
“I can’t believe you’re here! I thought you were in Paris.” He grabbed her arms and pulled her under the shelter of the trees. “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming back?”
“I didn’t intend to, but then you left and I did a lot of thinking and, merde, why is it raining again?” She was shivering and he dragged her into his arms, holding her close.
“My phone was switched off and when I saw the missed calls from you I almost had a heart attack. I thought maybe Pascal had shown up at the apartment or something. You’ve never called me before. Never.”
“I know.” Her teeth were chattering but she knew it was nerves, not cold. “I needed to talk to you. I took a chance that you’d be here. It’s family night.”
“Why didn’t you come straight to the house?”
“Because there are things I have to say. Just to you, not to everyone.”
He eased away from her, his blue gaze suddenly sharp. “Do you want to go to Heron Lodge? We can dry off.”
“No. This is fine.” She gave a nervous laugh as water dripped through the trees onto her neck. “Most of our relationship has been conducted in this forest.”
“Relationship?” His tone was guarded. Cautious. “I didn’t think we had a relationship.”
“Neither did I, but then I realized I was kidding myself. We’ve been in a relationship since the moment we first met. It was always there—the chemistry, the connection—all of it, but it frightened me so badly I wouldn’t even consider it.”
He breathed in deeply. “Élise—”
“Ever since Pascal I have never allowed my emotions to be involved. I did not trust myself because with me everything is always exaggerated. I love with all of me, my whole heart, not just a little bit—” she clasped her fists to her chest “—and I could not risk that again so always now I make decisions with my head. And then suddenly last summer everything changed.”
“It changed for me, too.”
“I told myself it was nothing because you hardly ever came home so my feelings were easy to control, but I thought about you all the time.”
“I thought about you, too. I thought you were like me. I couldn’t understand why Jackson was so protective.”
“So then you discovered I was not like you and you should have driven back to Boston at supersonic speed, but instead you kept coming back here and then you told me you loved me and it was a very big shock because I did not at all expect it.”
“I
was shocked, too, which is why I didn’t handle that part well.”
“The fault was not with you, it was with me. I was very afraid. I did not want to fall in love and I didn’t want you to fall in love with me. I would not do anything that would harm your family or make things difficult. I love them so very much, but it’s true that having them here for me made it easier for me to hide. I had love in my life, and that was enough for me. I told myself I didn’t need romantic love.”
“Élise—”
“I went back to Paris because I knew I had to face all the things I have been avoiding for so long. And then you came.”
“I couldn’t bear the thought of you facing that alone.”
“It meant a lot to me that you came.” She locked her hand in the front of his shirt, now soaked. “You were the one who made me look again at the photographs and think of everything differently. After you left I sat there and went through them all, every single one, and I could see that you were right. The evidence was right there for me to see. My mother loved me very much, and she knew I loved her. I will always regret that I didn’t say those words to her more often, but I believe that you are right and she did know it. And I sat there after you left and I remembered how strong she was, living her life fearlessly even when it was hard, always finding fun in life, and I knew she would not be proud of me hiding away and being afraid all the time. She would not be pleased that one very bad decision stopped me from living my life fully.”
“Sweetheart—”
“I spent a lot of time thinking about how it is between us, how amazing and how I feel when I am with you and I realized that I have been a great big idiot. So I got on a plane and came back here and I have just one question to ask you and you will answer me honestly because it is very important.” Her heart was bumping and her hands were shaking. “In Paris you said that telling me you loved me was a mistake. Is that because you wish you hadn’t told me, or because you don’t love me? Because you also said that love wasn’t something that could be switched on and off.”
“The mistake wasn’t loving you, it was telling you. I upset you. Scared you. Forced you to leave a place you see as home and people you think of as family. That’s the reason it was a mistake. You had a life here you loved, and I shook that up.”