by Alice Sweet
Grayton hissed back, “Yes she will.”
A crash in the kitchen sent all of them running. Ivan caught Autumn just before her head hit the floor. Serena asked with fear in her voice, “What is it?”
Ivan answered sounding unsure, “A vision, I think.”
Grayton snapped, “You think?”
Serena snapped back, “Quiet! Take her to the bed, let her work through it.” Ivan picked up her limp body and carried her to the bedroom, placing her gently on to the mattress.
Grief
They all stood there staring at her unmoving body. Serena looked at Ivan’s skin again and little marks were now noticeable along his neck, just like his forearm. His skin was now radiating heat and Serena frowned. Grayton saw the look of concern on her face and understood Serena’s need to speak with Ivan alone. He slipped out of the room and headed over to the book shelves by the desk next to the living room.
Serena looked at Ivan worry in her eyes, “How long do these last?”
Ivan replied still irritated, “I do not know. She did not say. In the coffee shop it was only a few minutes but she was not unconscious there.”
Serena looked at the clock next to the bed, “You only have ten maybe eleven hours left Ivan,” he nodded his head in agreement.
Then Grayton entered the room again, asking pessimistically, “What if she has moved into the first stage of the transformation?”
Ivan shot Serena a look and she asked still worried, “What does her skin feel like?” Ivan reached out and touched her face and then pulled his hand back frustrated, “I don’t know I can not feel anything aside from the fire.”
Grayton suggested then, “Her eyes, they should be clouded, if she is changing.”
Ivan reached for her eye lids and slid them up gently answering, “No, I think she is sleeping.”
Serena agreed, “Her heart rate and breathing suggest sleep.” Instantly chastising Ivan, “You should not have waited for Grayton. You should have just kissed her and saved yourself, he would not have blamed you.”
Ivan looked up at Grayton, who smiled genuinely as he replied, “I believe Ivan knows me better than you do Serena.”
Serena snapped at him then, “Well I would not have blamed you. Besides, she might not be intended for either of you.”
Ivan replied sourly, “I know.”
“What if she does not wake up?”
Ivan returned quickly, “She will wake up.” Serena shot him a look, and he added tensely, “I will give her an hour and then I will try to wake her.”
Serena shook her head no, and then repeated, “You should not have waited.”
Ivan offered reluctantly, “She had a dream about meeting and kissing someone and about Sophia doing the same. I did not talk to her about the process because I knew that it was too soon. She decided to be.... difficult. She tortured me until I answered the questions that she had about the dreams, and the voices.”
“Clever girl,” Serena beamed.
Grayton added irritated, “It is not torture if you enjoyed it Ivan.”
Serena snapped then, “He called you here to help you Grayton.”
“No he called me here to clear his conscious. If she was meant for me then he wants to soften the blow of stealing her first kiss, with another female for me.”
Serena replied disapprovingly, “You know that it does not work that way.”
Grayton repeated her earlier words, “It is not an exact science.”
She huffed, “Now you are just being difficult.”
Then Serena’s looked over and saw a book on the shelf that she recognized and pulled it down distractedly. She opened it to the spot that had a corner bent back. There was a passage underlined and she read it aloud to the two men standing in the room.
Ivan listened as Serena read it asking, “What book is that?”
Grayton cut her off finishing the last two lines of the passage from memory. Then he announced the Title and Author, and Serena nodded her head confirming his prediction. Grayton reached for the book just as she lifted the bent corner back, smoothing it flat and read, Grayton. Then she yanked the book back and snapped, “Not yet.” Her anger alone sent both men rushing towards her, to take a look. She held it to her body protectively and then hissed at them as they approached.
Grayton was faster and stronger than Ivan and snatching to the book first. He scanned it quickly finding his name written in the corner. He handed the book to Ivan smugly. Then he turned and looked at Autumn who was sleeping on the bed peacefully and smiled a small smile at her. Ivan watched his reaction and searched the pages frantically.
It took him a few moments longer, since he began looking through the underlined words first. Then his face turned sickly, as he saw the word under the tab and ripped the page from the book. Instantly, he began searching though the other books on the shelves, searching for any other notes. As Grayton watched Ivan’s reaction to another book, he pulled yet another title down from the shelf and flipped though it. He smiled triumphantly reading his own name aloud this time, and Ivan reached over and yanked the book from his hands.
Ivan located the page where Grayton’s name was written again and ripped it from the book. Meanwhile, Grayton smiled satisfied as he pulled another book from the shelf that he recognized, already feeling confident that he would find his name in the bindings as well. When he realized that he was right, the grin returned, even larger than before. Serena tried in vein to convince them to stop then, but in spite of her protests, she knew that there was no stopping them, not now.
Ivan was almost completely irrational in his testosterone filled body, the fire burning unbelievably hot. With the added stress of the insecure bond in addition to the possibility of his mates desire to kiss another male, his body ran even hotter. Also the longer his mind was left to itself, the more erratic it had become, only serving to increase the fires destructive power. He now only had hours left before it cooked his brain, and his body spontaneously combusted, from the sheer strength of the destruction on his system.
Grayton on the other hand watched for five hundred years as everyone around him found their mates, and he was left to suffer an eternity, alone in the dark. He had for the first time in five life times, the smallest taste of that possibility now. It was so close to bubbling over. Now this possibility no matter how small, had become all consuming, comforting even, and after years of pain this slight reprieve felt like heaven. A half an hour later, nearly all of the books on the shelves was either ripped to shreds, or burning in the fireplace.
Once that was done, Grayton laid down on the couch by the roaring fire, watching the flames, a smug grin on his face, cherishing his small victory over his endless pain. Ivan on the other hand was still spun up, pacing in the hall, mumbling to himself and trying desperately to calm down. Serena meanwhile, sat on the couch trying to distract herself from the chaos of the situation, flipping through the channels anxiously. Continually checking the clock on the wall, before glancing back over her shoulder at Autumn, asleep in the bedroom.
Autumn awoke minutes later, to an empty room. As she sat up, her head began pounding. Her memory came flooding back, last night, and this morning, they were here.
She reached for the glass of water and pills left by the bedside, Serena no doubt. Then as soon as she swallowed, she reached for her journal under the pillow next to her and scribbled the memory down while it was still fresh. Then she tucked it back under the pillow and looked at the clock. It was seven forty five. How long had she been asleep? She was doing the math as she stepped out on to the paper covered floor and nearly slipped and said to herself, “What the…”
It took her a moment to realize that they were her books. Her first thoughts were confused, though she called out, “Ivan!” She looked around completely baffled, when he entered the room, she asked worriedly, “What happened in here? Did I do this?”
He said nothing he just stared at her; anger and hurt in his eyes. As she stepped closer, her first reac
tion was to sooth him but then she saw the mess that continued out into the living room. She brushed past him looking at the giant mounds of destroyed books, gasping at the destruction. Then she looked up at Serena who was standing expectantly waiting for her to speak. The curtains had been drawn so that the room was dark now, save the roaring fire place, which was astonishingly overflowing with the pages of her books. Autumn put her hand over her mouth, but that did not stop the sob from coming out, as she began to tremble.
Serena finally explained, “They found some notes in the books.”
Autumn replied incredulously, “So they destroyed them all!” She looked to Ivan for confirmation disbelievingly. Then she looked back at Serena who nodded her head yes. She began to frantically search though the piles of torn up novels. No one moved a muscle; they just watched her unravel before their eyes, unexpectedly.
Serena shot Ivan a dirty look, and gestured for him to go to her after she realized that there was something more amiss. He shook his head no; his pain was too deep at the moment and the fire in his head too hot to touch her, comfort her. She was crying over some books that she had written Grayton’s name in over and over again. He felt like crying out now, his heart breaking, he did not want to be close to her. No, he did not want to feel the heat, the flames that rose up from their connection, not now.
Grayton on the other hand felt instant remorse for hurting them both. His old friend’s look was his fault, but watching her cry was like torture, slow and painful, there was no denying it or so he thought. He watched as Ivan selfishly refused to comfort her and his instincts kicked in. His brow furrowed and he began to walk towards her, determined to comfort her somehow, even if it meant making things worse for him. Ivan watched Grayton making his move and the fire spiked in his chest. The next thing he knew he was kneeling next to Autumn’s body glaring up at Grayton, warning him to stay the course.
Grayton backed off but watched them carefully; giving his friend a look which assured him that he would happily take his place if he failed her. Autumn on the other hand swatted at Ivan violently and moved away, searching frantically for something in the rubble. She glanced back at the fire place briefly, and then went back to the search, with more furry. Ivan finally snapped causing Serena to hiss at him, “What are you looking for?” Autumn looked up at him her face red from crying and opened her mouth to speak but stopped herself and turned back to her task at hand instead. He said then a little more gently, “If you tell me what you are searching for I can probably help you find it.”
She swatted the air again, angrily, “Go away you’ve already done enough damage.”
Ivan snapped reactively again, “If you are looking for the books that Grayton read to you, and then they have all been destroyed.”
She snapped back, “What? Grayton’s books? No, I don’t care about that! I am looking for a small red book. It’s about this big,” she made a gesture with her hands to demonstrate its size, “Help me look for it.” She continued searching now with blind rage ripping through the piles. All four of them were on their knees instantly then, searching for the lost book.
Then she stopped suddenly, and said to herself, “I can’t remember if I left it in my room.” Then she cursed and continued searching, muttering, “It is the only thing I have left of her.” Ivan was completely taken aback, along with everyone else in the room realizing that there was something more the matter than just a book.
Ivan asked again, “What?”
She cut him off and said, “I had it out a couple of days ago. I can’t remember if I put it on the shelves in my room.” Autumn cursed again as she picked up a red book, and after realizing that it was not the right one, she threw it across the room, snapping, “Ivan if you burnt it I swear....”
Serena interrupted gently, “It was an accident Autumn.”
She hissed back, “Well what was the big freaking rush? Why did you have to destroy them right now? I could have told you which books had notes about Grayton.” She gestured to Grayton when she said that, and he froze in mid search, “You did not have to destroy them all. I worked hard to build my collection.” Then she looked up and saw that the drawers that held her notes were not open and noticed that none were in the piles that she had searched though so far. “And why didn’t you rip up my notes as well? I have way more information about you all in those?”
Serena asked sounding alarmed then, “You kept notes?”
Autumn stopped momentarily and replied, “Well yes, I have been hearing voices for the last two years. I began writing them down to prove to myself that I wasn’t crazy!” Then she added gesturing to Grayton again, “That and listening to Grayton reading at night, they were the only things that kept me from heading to the loony bin.” Serena blinked and then looked at Ivan frightened. Autumn continued, while her hands began sorting though the shredded papers again, “I also have a dream journal of all of my dreams and visions. That’s under my pillow, if you need that as well.”
Serena asked then, cautiously, “Where are the files exactly?”
She pointed to her room, “All of the drawers in there are full of them.” Serena began to walk slowly towards the room and Autumn added, “There are also files under the bed. I tried to stay as organized, as much as possible, so that I could refer back to them when I needed to.” Serena nodded and walked a little faster this time as she continued, “Oh and under the bed on the left are stored chronologically, the ones on the right are filed by names as best as I could.”
Grayton dropped the pile in his hand and headed for the room as well unable to hide his curiosity any longer. Ivan ignored them and continued searching with Autumn for the lost book, had she looked at him she would have seen his look of distress. Suddenly, she stopped in her tracks and said to herself, “Wait, I was reading that night.” Then she turned and ran to the reading area and began to pull the pillows from the couch. She looked with the same tenacity that she had previously, with the shredded books.
She cursed as she pulled the last pillow off and there was nothing there. Then she dropped to her knees and lifted the front of the couch, tipping it over, and it landed with a heavy thud, as she finally found it. She sighed loudly and held it to her chest smiling brightly, tears streaming down her cheeks. She wiped her eyes then trying to regain her composure, as she stood up suddenly. “I am going to take a quick shower, before we head to Sophia’s.”
Just as she reached the bathroom door she looked back at Ivan and asked him with new depth in her voice, “Can you clean the mess up please?” Ivan nodded his head yes, his eyes sorrowful. She turned without another word and closed the bathroom door tightly. She showered for a long time trying to relax her stiff aching muscles, and calm down, finally turning off the water and drying slowly.
A minute later, outside, the entire space was cleared of all traces, save the empty shelves. While her companions moved on to read the files that pertained the most to them and theirs. She dressed again, wishing that they had not seen her upset. She did not want them to ask about the book or why it was so important to her. Most importantly she did not want Ivan to ask. She did not think that her mind could handle that connection just yet. The two most important things in her life now, a cherished memory from her past, and a possible future, just outside the door, too close for comfort.
He was so close to death that she could taste it now. Why couldn’t he? He was so ....so what...perfect. No he was being difficult, a flaw that would undermine him if he was not careful. That was what she needed; a flaw, then maybe she could go forward with this kiss that he wanted. She was more nervous than she thought possible, just thinking about it now. His skin was so soft and he smelled so good. Better than any man had ever smelled before, even her body knew he was perfect. God, why else would it be trying to change before she even reached the dance?
Maybe she should just surprise him, so that he wouldn’t be expecting it. Then he could be safe, her mind recoiled at the word, Safe, why did she not like that word today? She s
hook her head again, thinking, I just need to be brave. I want him safe but...what?
Then it hit her, an icy cold chill, she didn’t want him safe. That was it! She wanted him burning with a fire that would consume him. She wanted him burning for her! He was going to die and all she could think about was fulfilling her own selfish desires. She felt a wave of guilt then, willingly kiss him. Autumn frowned at her reflection in the mirror, Oh god no! What if when she kissed him, and she couldn’t take the fire from him? Her head began to pound then and she shivered, grabbing a bottle of pills. After she popped a couple, finishing it off with a handful of water from the tap, she dried her hands.
She looked up at the top shelf in the bathroom where she had put the red book and swallowed hard. Then she thought to herself, be brave, and glanced at her watch, eight forty five. Then she walked out to find the living room exactly how she normally left it. The only exception was her files, stacked on the desk, and that all of her shelves were bare.
Someone had even opened the curtains in the room and flooded it with natural morning light. Serena was bent over some of the files studying the papers carefully before commenting, “She might be the eye. Look at these every clan is in here.”
Grayton nodded in agreement from the desk, where he was looking over a stack of papers as well. Grayton added, looking up at Ivan mournfully, “I am sorry Ivan.”
Ivan replied glumly, not looking at his friend, “As am I Grayton.” Autumn watched as Ivan flipped though her dream journal reading it quickly, tracing his fingers along the words that were underlined. He did not seem to like what he was reading. She stepped in closer to get a better look. He was reading her dream about their first meeting. She didn’t want him to read that, her chest hardened and her skin felt cold all of a sudden. She reactively reached out and touched Ivan’s arm.
He jumped holding his arm protectively looking surprised. Serena and Grayton turned to look… frightened. Grayton stood up lightning fast his chair falling backwards hitting the floor with a thud. Serena simply gaped at her, and Ivan stumbled a few steps backwards. Autumn twisted her body shaking off the cold that now settled on her skin, trying to understand the problem.