Now he took a deep breath and placed his palms on the desk as if bracing himself.
‘She said that she had always had her suspicions about Noah and when she saw the photos of his sports day it all fell into place. But the important thing is, she gave us her blessing, she knew how important you are to Noah. To me.’ He gazed at me so intensely that I could almost feel his eyes on me. ‘Verity, she left us both the cookery school so that we could run it as a family business.’
I nodded. ‘I thought that too. But it would be tricky for you, wouldn’t it? I mean, I’d already accepted a permanent job here. Not that I’ve had a chance to talk to Rosie about it properly yet, what with the funeral . . .’ I paused, conscious of beginning a nervous waffle. ‘Sorry.’
He scooted his chair along the desk until he was sitting directly in front of me and took my hands.
‘I think Gloria was giving us her blessing.’
I swallowed, not entirely comfortable with the direction this conversation was taking or the new way Gabe was looking at me, touching me . . .
‘Do you have the note?’ I blurted out.
He shook his head. ‘I was all over the place that day: losing Gloria, and trying to shield Noah from what was going on. And seeing you upset about Tom . . . I put it in my pocket but by the time I got back to the cottage, it had gone. Dropped out probably.’
I sighed. ‘What Tom heard did such a lot of damage to our relationship, I really—’
‘Noah needs a mum,’ Gabe cut in. ‘And who better than you? We can be a proper family: you, me and Noah. Verity, I’ve loved you for years.’
My heart pounded; he was right. There was no one better than me. But me and Gabe?
‘As a friend,’ I said, half-laughing. ‘You’ve loved me as a friend, that’s all.’
‘Verity,’ he stared at me with his soft grey eyes, willing me to listen, ‘nobody knows me better than you. Nobody understands me like you do. Even when I jacked in my career, you didn’t try to change my mind, you simply accepted it and helped me through it. I couldn’t have survived these last couple of years without you by my side.’
My mouth had gone bone dry. Where was Mags with that tea?
‘Thanks, Gabe, but we’re mates, that’s what mates do. And Noah . . . Well, after all the flippin’ effort we went through to bring him into the world, I’m not going to abandon him now he’s here, am I?’ I laughed, trying to diffuse some of the electricity in the room.
I much preferred it when he punched my arm and called me Bloomers.
Mimi, I’m mortified. Please know that this isn’t going to happen. He’s lonely and clutching at straws, that’s all.
‘Oh, Verity. We’re much more than just mates. You know that.’
And then everything seemed to stand still, the room slipped out of focus as Gabe cupped my face in his hands and kissed me gently. We’d kissed before millions of times but this kiss was different. This kiss crossed a boundary. One I wasn’t sure we’d ever be able to uncross. My skin pricked with goosebumps and my heart crashed wildly against my ribs.
‘Gabe!’ I gasped, pulling away from him. ‘Wow. Um, I don’t know what to say.’
His shoulders sagged as his eyes scanned mine anxiously.
‘Look,’ I said, deliberately keeping my tone light, ‘I love you too . . .’
But only as a friend, I was going to say, but the words died on my lips as a flash of movement caught my eye.
Tom had appeared in the doorway.
‘Tom. Hi!’ A wave of nausea ricocheted through me. I leapt to my feet, adding unnecessarily, ‘You’ve arrived.’
He was already backing away.
‘Whoops, I’m sorry,’ he winced, holding his hands up. ‘Didn’t mean to intrude. Ignore me, I’ll come back later.’
‘No, no, don’t go, you’re not interrupting . . .’ I spluttered.
‘Verity?’ Gabe cleared his throat in a tone that implied that yes, Tom was very much interrupting.
Poor Tom. His eyes locked on to mine for a second. He rubbed a hand across his forehead and then stared down at the floor. My heart went out to him and it was all I could do not to run over and pull him into my arms.
This was such a mess.
Think, Verity. I took a deep breath. OK. First I needed to make my feelings clear to Gabe and then explain absolutely everything to Tom.
But before I had the chance to do anything, raised voices wafted up from downstairs.
The three of us stared at each other for a split second before we heard a scream followed by a shout from Mags.
‘Oh my God! Noah! Gabe, Verity? Quick, Noah’s missing!’
Chapter 34
‘Shit.’ Gabe shot out of his chair and bolted for the door.
I propelled myself forward, almost falling over my feet in my haste to follow him. My heart seemed to double in size and all I could hear was a deafening heartbeat.
Tom and I raced down the stairs behind Gabe.
Pixie had tears streaming down her face and was waving her arms round, her words getting scrambled as she tried to explain what was going on.
Mags was trying to pacify her. ‘Calmly, Pixie, tell us what happened.’
‘He was there,’ Pixie sobbed, pointing through the open doors to the Aga kitchen. Her cheeks were streaked with black mascara. ‘Just there. On the deck banging his saucepans and shouting at the top of his voice. I went to the loo and when I came back. Nothing. Silence. I ran out to the deck and it was empty. I even looked over the railings and he wasn’t there. I’m so sorry, Gabe.’
‘Hey, it’s not your fault.’ Gabe was frowning, both hands in his hair as his eyes roamed reception. ‘I’m sure he can’t be far. He might even be hiding.’
I have no idea how his voice could remain so calm, I didn’t even think I could speak right then. My knees were trembling and my mind had gone into overdrive. Had he been snatched? Had he simply taken the hand of a stranger and been led away? Did he know about stranger danger? And would he even recognize a situation as being potentially dangerous? Possibly not. Lovely innocent little Noah would go anywhere if the lure of chocolate or the chance to see puppies had been dangled in front of him.
‘Mags, could he have come past you?’ Tom asked.
‘I don’t know. Possibly,’ she said, wringing her hands together. ‘I popped in the prep room to put the kettle on for a few seconds.’
We all glanced at the glass doors. They were very heavy. I doubted he’d be able to open them by himself. And the railings on the deck were high; he couldn’t have climbed over them, could he?
My heart heaved with pain. If anyone – anyone – had touched a hair on his beautiful little head, I’d kill them, I was sure of it. Although right at that second I couldn’t even move. I was petrified. Literally rooted to the spot. I didn’t know what to do with myself.
Oh God.
A knife twisted in the pit of my stomach and I clutched at the desk to stop myself from fainting with fear. Tom grabbed my arm and hauled me up. I leaned into him, grateful of his solid presence.
‘NOAH!’ Gabe yelled. ‘Come on, dude, where are you?’
He darted into the men’s toilets and came back seconds later shaking his head.
‘Mags, call the police.’ Tom spoke with calm authority. He glanced at Gabe. ‘Just to be on the safe side. If he has wandered off, we don’t want to waste any time.’
Gabe nodded grimly and Mags ran to the phone on her desk.
Police.
The word galvanized me into action. I shook free of Tom’s hand on my arm and ran through the Aga kitchen, my eyes scanning under the tables, behind the huge cream Aga that stood at the front of the room; I looked behind every door, opened every cupboard. There was no sign of him.
‘Noah, are you in here?’ I cried.
No reply. The room was empty. I stumbled outside and the sight of the pile of saucepans, metal lids and wooden spoons – the makings of his little band – abandoned on the wooden deck nearly undid me. Fear s
tabbed at my lungs so sharply that I thought I’d never breathe again. This was every parent’s nightmare. To lose a child. To not know where he is even for five minutes was torture. I couldn’t bear it. I couldn’t bear to lose him.
I leaned over the edge of the balustrade and searched the rocks below. There was no sign of life. Just the urgent chirp of some bird or other and I couldn’t even see that. Where was he? A wail rose in my throat.
‘Noah!’ I hurled my voice out at the river. ‘Where are you, baby boy?’
There was no reply. I sank to my knees, my hands sliding down the wooden balustrade as silent, heaving sobs racked my body.
‘Let’s split up,’ I heard Tom say. ‘Pixie, try every nook and cranny in the cookery school. Gabe let’s go outside, we’ll take one side of the car park each.’
Tom. Thank goodness he was here. While all of us were flapping, he was taking charge.
I heard the entrance doors open and close again as the two men ran outside, shouting Noah’s name. I heard Mags on the phone giving the details to the police and I heard Pixie opening doors and calling to him too.
Meanwhile I stood up, blood whooshing through my veins and my head pounding. My body was shaking so violently that I thought I might actually keel over. I gripped the wooden railings tighter and sucked in big panicky breaths.
Had he climbed over here, perhaps? Was he unconscious on the rocks below? A sob hiccupped in my throat and I let my head droop and the tears course down my face and drop on to the rocks.
So this was terror. This was what it felt like to have your heart ripped out.
‘NOAH!’ I yelled again.
A glimpse of white fabric caught my eye. Not fabric, but leather, I realized, as my eyes focused on the object wedged between two rocks. My heart pounded. It was one of Noah’s trainers.
‘His shoe!’ I screamed.
I thought back to Gloria’s letter to Gabe and me: Guard my legacy with every breath.
A fine job we’d done of that so far.
Without stopping to consider the wisdom of my actions, I kicked off my high heels and climbed over the wooden railings. I lowered myself gingerly down the other side. My shoulder muscles burned instantly from holding my own body weight and I could feel my fingers already beginning to slip. I didn’t dare look down, I guessed it would probably only be a couple of feet to the rocks, but even so, I realized, I could potentially break an ankle as I fell. I waggled my toes around but I could only feel empty air.
What had possessed me to try this without help? I could have kicked myself, what a stupid thing to do; now not only was Noah lost, but I was in trouble too. I was about to shout for help when my fingers suddenly lost their grip and I landed with a thud, crying out in pain as I stubbed the toes of my left foot on a sharp rock.
I squatted down on to my bottom to relieve the pressure on my ankle. I had landed on a rocky ledge that jutted over the water, thankfully just high enough to stay out of the spray from the river. If the rocks had been wet, I’d probably have slipped and fallen in. It was deep and fast-flowing, the water a dark green murky colour. I eased myself forward and dipped my sore foot in the cold water. The strength of the current and the icy temperature took my breath away. The river was narrow here and I could probably cross it in one long stride. But Noah wouldn’t be able to. I shuddered; if he’d fallen in . . . I shook my head, not wanting to contemplate that possibility.
In the distance I could hear Gabe shouting for his son. He must be somewhere at the side of the building by the waterwheel. My heart sank; that meant Noah was still missing.
Noah, where the hell are you?
The mud bank on the other side of the river was covered in trees with ferns growing beneath them down to the water’s edge. I scanned left and right, but there was no sign of a small boy.
I pulled my foot out of the water and stretched out an arm to pick up Noah’s trainer. The lace was still done up in a tight double bow and my heart thundered as my mind raced: how could it possibly have come off? A struggle? Another wave of nausea hit me and I groaned.
‘Noah!’ I yelled again and turned over on to all fours to begin a search along the rocks.
‘Oh!’ I gasped.
There was a gap of maybe a metre between the underside of the deck and the rocks and there was Noah, sitting with his legs stretched out, completely hidden from view from up above.
My little angel. Our little miracle. His bright eyes wide with delight as he pressed a finger to his lips.
I burst into tears again and crawled towards him, easing myself under the deck, shaking with relief and pent-up fear.
‘Oh thank goodness, you’re all right!’ I sobbed.
‘Shush!’ He pointed excitedly at something he was shielding with his other hand on his lap. ‘Look! Baby bird, Aunty Verity.’
‘Noah Green!’ My voice came out as a squeak. ‘We were so worried about you.’
He removed his hand as I got closer to reveal a tiny bird. Its beak was almost as long as its entire body and it opened its mouth hopefully as I moved to stroke it. The little thing was covered in dull blue feathers on his back with two white flashes at the neck and an orange tummy. A baby kingfisher.
‘It fell out of the nest and its mummy has been looking for it. She has been making a lot of noise. Shouting PEEP, PEEP, PEEP really loud. I think she was scared,’ he whispered solemnly. ‘So I’m keeping it safe.’
Oh, the irony.
I scooped him and the baby bird on to my lap. I have never hugged another person so tightly in my life. I kissed his face over and over again, until he protested at being soaked by my tears.
I had loved the bones of this boy since he entered the world. He was only an hour old when I first saw him, first experienced that rush of love that had grown and grown with time. The last ten minutes had been the worst of my life; I’d never forget them for as long as I lived. But they were over, he was safe, and I doubted whether I’d ever be able to let him out of my sight again.
My stomach was still fluttering with love and nerves and the after-effects of sheer panic and I inhaled two or three times before speaking again.
‘Didn’t you hear us calling you?’ I said breathlessly.
He nodded. ‘But this is a baby,’ he explained, looking down at the little kingfisher in his lap. ‘At nursery we’re not allowed to shout near the babies.’
‘Oh, I see,’ I said, my face breaking into a smile. ‘Well remembered.’
‘And all babies are special, aren’t they?’
‘Yes.’ My voice was muffled from burying my face into his neck. ‘Especially you.’
He stuck his bottom lip out, protesting that he wasn’t a baby and I laughed and cried at the same time, feeling deliriously, hysterically happy.
‘Now I’ve got to shout. Just once,’ I added as Noah opened his mouth to complain. ‘Because everyone is looking for you.’
He tutted and cupped his hands to protect the bird’s head.
‘I’ve found him!’ I yelled as loudly as I could, my voice still wobbly with emotion. ‘I’ve found Noah; we’re on the rocks under the deck.’
And then after I’d fitted Noah’s trainer back on to his foot (it had got trapped between the rocks so he’d pulled his foot free, he explained), we crawled out from underneath the wooden boards and I picked up my godson and held him close, breathing in his little-boy smell.
Gabe came thundering around the corner, slipping and stumbling on the rocks. He threw his arms round both of us.
‘Oh, mate.’ He brushed Noah’s wavy hair from his face and kissed him. ‘Don’t do that to me.’
‘Careful, Daddy!’ Noah gurgled, holding up the kingfisher fledgling. ‘You’ll crush the baby. I’m looking after it.’
Gabe looked at the bird and then at me. Our eyes softened with shared relief.
‘Well done for finding him,’ he murmured. His lips came close to mine and I turned my face so that his kiss landed on my cheek.
I cleared my throat. ‘
I’ve never been so scared in my life, Gabe.’
Gabe tightened his grip. ‘That’s because you love him just as much as I do. Think about it, we’re family. That’s what he needs. That’s what I need.’
I didn’t know how to answer that. I swallowed, tears burning my eyes and took a deep breath.
On our annual bluebell walk back in April to celebrate Mimi’s life, Gabe had hinted that he might be ready to move on, start another relationship. And although I’d been shocked at the time, he was a young man with a young son and he’d been on his own for two years; it was only natural that he would want a woman in his life again. But never in a million years had I expected that woman to be me.
I’d said I loved Gabe. And I did. And today I’d realized just how fiercely I loved Noah too.
Gabe was waiting for some sort of response. His soft grey eyes burned into mine with such intensity that my insides trembled.
‘I can see that,’ I said finally. ‘But right now this baby bird needs his mum.’
A shadow of disappointment passed across Gabe’s face and his eyes fell away from mine.
‘That must be the burrow,’ he murmured, pointing to a small hole in the mud bank opposite. He took the baby bird from Noah’s little hands and carefully straddled the river, popping the little kingfisher back inside.
‘There,’ I beamed, blinking away the tears. I brushed my lips against Noah’s face. ‘Safe and sound. Just like you.’
‘Hello down there,’ Pixie called from the deck, waving her arms to catch our attention. ‘Mags is calling the police back with the good news. Hey, little dude, what was with the Spider-Man act?’
‘Sorry,’ said Noah. He pressed his face to mine. ‘But I’m a good climber, aren’t I?’
He grinned cheekily and we rubbed noses.
‘The best,’ I agreed.
‘You’ve got him?’ Tom appeared from the same direction as Gabe had come from. His dark hair was standing on end and he was out of breath. He pressed a hand to his chest and exhaled. ‘Thank heavens for that.’
‘Yeah, thanks, mate,’ said Gabe, stepping forward with his hand outstretched.
The Plumberry School of Comfort Food Page 33