“Eat that,” he said. “It will head off the post-combat adrenaline crash.”
I ripped off the wrapper and crammed a chunk of sweet milk chocolate into my mouth. I chewed, not giving it time to melt. “Thanks.”
He slurped on a straw, gulping down what smelled like Dr. Pepper, and shrugged. “I could yell at you for starting the fight without me, but you did what you felt you had to. At least you kept your promise and called me.”
“Elektra didn’t have a lot of time. As it was, we barely saved her life.” I broke off another piece of chocolate. “Good thing Tukka’s not here. It would break his heart—and self-control—to see me eating this stuff.”
“Dessert first,” Fenn said, “because life is short. After that, you can help me with these nachos.”
Hmmmm. Is it feed a cold or a fever? What the hell, nachos are a great idea. Once I leave to take Tukka and the boys home, it might be a long while before I have this kind of stuff again.
Fenn put his drink in a cup holder and started up the Jeep.
“Where are we going?”
“Just down the street. There’s a place we can hang for a while. I want to talk to you.”
“We are talking.”
He fell silent, guiding the vehicle past the pumps, out into the street. It wasn’t long before he stopped at a twenty-four hour laundromat. We went in carrying our food and drinks. No attendants were on duty, or needed. Change machines gave you quarters for the washers, dryers, and assorted vending machines. The white washers and dryers formed silent ranks, ever ready to be of service. The place smelled of detergent, bleach, and lint. No customers were here, but the TV mounted to the upper wall assailed us with the laugh track of a comedy show I didn’t recognize. We sat by a counter where clothes could be folded, setting down our snackage, and pulling over two of the flimsy, tacky plastic chairs that wiggled as you sat.
“Are you feeling better?” he asked.
“A little.”
I felt my face warm under the impact of his constant regard. I remembered back when we were fighting the miko, and I’d had to rescue Shaun from her evil clutches. I’d been just as drained. Fenn had let me drain his lifeforce with a kiss, recharging myself. It had made a difference. I’d saved Shaun. But that kiss and embrace still haunted me. It had been a betrayal of my lust for Shaun even if it had been necessary. This awkwardness was the price I was still paying.
“Relax,” he said. “I’m not going to hit on you. I’m being your friend right now. Trust me, I know how to wear a lot of hats.”
I nodded. “You know, I didn’t ask for the moth man DNA and these freaky changes. First time I grew wings, I made you tear them off.”
“I remember.”
“Not a lot of people would maim me because I asked it of them.”
He shrugged, looking down at the black and white checkerboard tiles underfoot. “I know what it’s like to be more, and sometimes less, than human. I’ve been coming to terms with that my whole life, so I know what you’re going through. For all his sympathy, Shaun’s human. He will always stand a little apart from our kind.”
“That’s not something I want to hear.”
“I know.”
“But you might be right.”
I looked away from him, my eyes on the far wall, but used my peripheral vision to study him. He went as still as one of the washers. I heard him draw in a breath, hold it, and slowly let it go. It felt like we were crossing a line here. Like maybe I was finally growing up. I’d been trying to control every aspect of my life—but my heart—with little success. It occurred to me that if I turned that around, and simply controlled my heart, that everything might just fall into place.
That thought scared me.
I think Fenn smelled my fear because he reached out and covered my hand with one of his. “Instead of fighting your destiny, you might do better to embrace it.”
“There’s a problem with that. There are several destinies to choose from.” I held my right palm up as if weighing something unseen. “Wocky wants me to give in to darkness, becoming some kind of demon fox. Cassie says our own people are so afraid of that happening, they tried to kill me as a baby. It’s why she hid me among humans, giving me up to convince the other kitsune I was dead.” I raised my left palm like a second cup of a scale. “Inari wants to take me over, making me a celestial fox. She offers security, but no freedom. That’s the coward’s way out.” I needed a third hand I could raise for my third point. Oh, Well. “Dhonar and his wild foxes are on a path between those extremes.” Like my father’s shadow world. Those paths require voluntary exile. Sucks to be me.
Fenn took a drink from his Dr. Pepper and shook his head. “No, the decision sucks. You’re just fine. Maybe you should choose none-of-the-above, stay in your life, and let your friends stand beside you the way you stood by Madison tonight.”
I smiled at him. “Hell of an idea. But then all my enemies will become everyone’s problem—ISIS, the Hysane, the moth-ers, the media, and any of my own people that come hunting. For all I know, when word gets out about the dead vamp, some of his undead buddies might take an interest in Maddy and me.”
“You’ll be there for each other,” he squeezed my hand, “the way I’m here for you.”
This was getting a little intense. I stood, letting the motion pull my hand out from under his so I could walk away. He let me go, making no effort to stalk after escaping prey. I liked him for that. I drifted over to the front window of the laundromat and looked out, wanting to lighten the moment with a little humor. “So, you bring a lot of girls here?”
He gave me a bark of a laugh, more a sharp hah than anything else. “No, not usually. You want to get out of here?”
That’s the question, isn’t it? I thought so before but…
There you are! The thought bludgeoned into my brain. I’d been looking at my own image on the glass, not through it. I did so now, recognizing the teal blue bulk that was Tukka. He was staring in at me. He looked better, stronger. A new clarity burned in his lavender pearl eyes as if he’d pushed well past some inner barrier, the way I was trying to. He’d even found time to have his thick mane set in cute little ringlets. I wondered who did his hair.
What are you doing in there? he asked.
Fenn came up beside me and stared out at Tukka. They both seemed to bristle a little. I smiled. Guys!
“We’re on a hot date,” I said. “Can’t you tell?”
Fenn draped an arm over my shoulder, playing to our audience of one. “We’re going to the city dump next, and then maybe this little water tower I know of. Got a problem with that?”
Tukka stared at me, his eyes wide. You’re going to the dump and you didn’t invite me?
I shrugged. “I don’t really need a chaperone, but if you want to come…”
“No room in the Jeep,” Fenn said. “Maybe next time.”
Tukka growled. The window shuddered.
“You break that,” I said, “and I’m not paying for it.”
His growl subsided. His stare acquired a laser focus. He was watching my lips.
Self-conscious, I reached up and felt a smear of chocolate. I licked it away. “It’s not what you think.”
You’ve been eating chocolate.
“Okay, so it is what you think, but it was medicinal chocolate.”
Tukka continued to stare at me, his face twisting into a look of betrayal.
I pointed at Fenn. “He made me eat it.”
Fenn sighed. “Yeah, always the guy’s fault.”
Tukka’s stare went past me, and a hopeful expression took over his face. You have nachos!
“Uh, yeah, but not a lot; besides, you have bigger problems.”
I stared past Tukka, out into the street. A turning police cruiser skidded to a stop. The front of the vehicle pointed right at us. The headlights backlit Tukka. The driver’s door shoved open. A policeman slid out behind the door, a gun in his hand.
“You there, don’t move! Put your ha
nds over your head.”
Fenn murmured in my ear. “Tukka’s not really built to do that. Let’s bail out the back door.” He stepped back, drawing me along by the shoulders.
“But what about Tukka?”
“When he gets over his shock, that cop will probably wind up calling animal control, or maybe the National Guard. Either way, Tukka will have an easier time dealing with this if he doesn’t have to worry about us too.”
“I guess so.” In a pinch, Tukka could always step into the ghost realm, or somebody’s dream. As a two-ton fu dog, he didn’t really need my help.
Yeah, Grace scram. Tukka got this.
And so it was, I abandoned my best friend and my nachos, and for what? The dump?
Fenn grinned as we hurried toward the back door. “It’s incredible what people throw away.”
THIRTY-ONE
“Losing fluff, tearing at the seams...
My feet bleed crimson on the edges of a shattered dream.
Deep, where no one hears, the silence screams.”
—Silence Screams
Elektra Blue
The night passed and I got no sleep. A kind of second wind did kicked in, but I didn’t know if I could trust it. I felt too tired to sleep, but knew I could still crash and burn. Tukka had caught up to Fenn and me. We were on the running trail behind the Human Potential Institute that had been my temporary home—‘till now. I’d used the trail regularly, and had thought to get one more run in—for old time’s sake—then drop in on my roommates. I needed to say goodbye, to explain that I’d be gone, maybe a long while.
Off the trail, there was a rock bigger than Tukka. I could tell; they were side by side. He was asleep, curled in a massive, teal blue lump on the crunchy, autumn leaves. The rock looked something like a petrified monster. Green moss clung to the side I studied. A raven sat on its crown. The bird stared at me with beady red eyes. Why he wasn’t off looking for early worms, I didn’t know.
In the shadows of my mind, Taliesina tensed. Her golden eyes blazed in warning. Not bird. Raven.
I nodded my understanding; the bird changed everything. Yeah, it could be normal. It didn’t have to be the Trickster, who could manifest as Coyote or Raven, but I knew my luck, all of it bad. And then there were those tiny red eyes that wouldn’t look away.
I scowled. “What do you want, feather brain?”
The raven didn’t answer.
I wondered if he was waiting for the Hysane to get here. I eyed the rock under him with grave suspicion. If it started to move, I was outta here.
What really sucked was that I couldn’t say goodbye to my friends now. I couldn’t track trouble to their door.
I glared at Tukka. “Moments away from fighting for our lives—maybe—and you’re asleep. That’s helpful.”
He only grunted in his sleep, following it up with a sigh.
An evil grin slipped across my face. In a sweet voice I said, “Mmmmm, chocolate.”
I looked back to the bird, as Tukka jerked awake. W-what? Did some one say … chocolate? The thought was edged with hope and pain.
I ignored the question, stooping to gather up a couple of rocks from the trail. Standing, I bounced one of the stones off the rock, a few feet below the bird. It squawked at me, shaking out its wings a little.
“You’re going to answer me or the next one goes down your throat.”
Why Grace threatening beak-face? Tukka asked.
“Use your nose,” I shot him a look of exasperation. “Does that smell like a real bird to you?” My glance went back to the rock. The raven was gone. Trickster sat on top of the rock now. He wore his dark suit with the priest’s collar. His crucifix dangled. His legs were folded under him. And his eyes still smoldered red.
He held a little white paper sack. He shook it so it rattled. My heightened sense of smell already told me what was inside. Tukka surged to his feet and trotted over, sniffing the air, taking in deep draughts. Chocolate?
“Chocolate stars,” the trickster popped one in his mouth, rolling his eyes in pleasure. “Mmmm. Incredible!”
Tukka stared, drooling. Then he shook his head and backed away. No. Tukka stronger than chocolate. Just say no.
Staring hate at the Trickster, I rolled my hands into tight fists, one of them with a rock inside. The muscles of my clenched jaw bulged. I spoke through my teeth. “You heartless bastard.”
His eyes popped wide in surprise. “What did I do?”
Leaves crunched. A voice came from behind me, “Up to your old tricks, Dad?”
It was Fenn. He came around and stopped beside me. His hand took mine, not the one with the rock in it. Our fingers laced together. The air seemed to drop ten degrees as Fenn stared at his father. Fenn said, “I warned you to leave her alone.”
“But I’m just sitting here, eating my chocolate stars.” He rattled the bag again.
My right hand kept hold of the stone as I poured out aura and shadow. The stone was lost in the hilt of the weapon I created. Four feet of shadow sword extended from my fist. The darkness was a smudge at the core of writhing orange haze.
The rock under the Trickster surged to its feet. The golem was apelike, with great forearms, and knuckles that dragged the ground as it hunched forward, taking a step toward Fenn and me.
Growling, Tukka fell in next to Fenn. We formed a line of defiance.
“You are dead to me,” Fenn said. “I never want to see you again.”
My heart cracked a little for Fenn, as it had for Maddy last night. I couldn’t understand what was wrong with parents that they pushed their children away like this. I thought of my own father, my human father. He’d walked away from Mom and me, and I never even got to say goodbye.
The rock golem took another cumbersome step. The Trickster remained on his head, balancing effortlessly. Several boulders rose to the surface of the forest detritus. The heads continued to climb, perched on rocky torsos. Soon, a whole circle of golems enclosed us. Tukka turned to face behind us, watching our six.
“Still planning on selling me to them?” I asked.
“Not exactly,” the Trickster said. “What we’ve got here is a bidding war. You’re quite popular.”
Behind him, coming out of the trees, were half a dozen witches led by Missy and Evil. The gals were armed with automatic weapons, dressed in green leather and black Kevlar. Evil winked at me. Missy wore that fake smile of hers, accenting it with candy apple red lipstick.
White flashed out of nowhere and Inari’s foxes were on the trail. She faded in between them, bright, pastel robes alive with color in the dull gray of approaching dawn. Her porcelain skin shone as if lit from within. I could easily see why ancient Japanese had thought her a goddess.
“And we have another bidder,” the Trickster said.
Everyone thought I was merchandise. A thing to own. Even people on my side like Virgil thought of me as someone to use. At first, it had gotten old, then irritating. Now? Infuriating. Rage boiled up. Incandescent fury that painted the world orange, unless that was my brain interpreting signals from my new antennae. No, it was my kitsune aura. My body was sheathed in leaping flames. Fenn involuntarily stepped away from me as if afraid of being burned, then moved back to where he’d been—a show of faith and solidarity.
I would never hurt my friends.
Tukka’s thoughts meshed with mine. Grace, piss on a tree. Mark territory. Time come to stop holding back.
“What the fu dog said,” Fenn murmured. “You’ve always held back. I should know; I’m an expert on that. You can’t afford to pull punches on this bunch, not if you want to stay free and make a point that you aren’t a collectible.”
I thought of the immense shadow force that the proto world had allowed me to unleash. I’d used that power to carry Fenn and me back to this world. There was no telling what I could do if I embraced the dark emptiness that I’d resisted even more than the mothman infection.
The Trickster smiled gently down at me from his perch atop his rock gole
m. “Now, you don’t want to go starting something you can’t possibly finish.”
Glaring at his father, Fenn’s face fuzzed up. He grew a toothy muzzle. His hands morphed into claws. Enough extra muscle grew in to shred his shirt. “I think you’ve said and done enough. We’re going to have words when this is over.”
I had a plan. I need to clue Fenn in, but not those surrounding us. Tukka was plugged into my thoughts. If I told him what I needed, he could tell Fenn. I turned and said, “Tukka.” He shot me a glance over his shoulder. I tapped my head.
What?
I thought deeply on what Fenn needed to do.
Tukka stared at me. Then he grinned.
I looked at Fenn’s face.
He looked back, a puzzled expression in place. Then his feral face lit up with understanding. His eyes narrowed as a vicious smile took over. “I’ve never tried crossing that way. Always used anchored gates, but I don’t see why it wouldn’t work.”
“They’re planning something!” Missy complained.
Evil thumbed off the safety on her weapon. “Won’t do ‘em any good.”
The Trickster glared at the witches. His eyes were back to being red coals. “No one gets to damage the merchandise before they buy her. I really must insist you put your weapon away.”
Several of the golems pivoted to face the witches, reinforcing the decree.
I turned my thoughts inward, searching my inner darkness for Taliesina. Her gold moon eyes hung in that darkness, the rest of her dissolved and ready. She’d always been comfortable with my shadow nature. I was the one with the problem. Until…
“Now!” I cried.
Down the path from us, Fenn opened a gate to the proto world. It was a two-dimensional rectangle of light—much bigger than the Trickster’s gate had been. A blinding gush of desert sunlight swamped us all. I smelled scrub plants, baked earth, and cactus. “Fuck me blind,” Evil said.
Fenn moved his gate now that it had manifested. The plane of light followed the trail and extended well to either side of it. A moment later, the gate had swallowed everyone at the auction, and we were a world away. The gate closed, and there was no retreat to my world. The witches formed a knot, staring around in disbelief. Inari had a small, secretive smile in place, her serenity unruffled. Her two white foxes, however faced me, teeth bared in snarls as if they feared what else I might do here—where all things are truer than anywhere else.
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