by Tiana Laveen
He picked up his phone again and went through the camera roll, looking at the many photos he’d taken of Zaire, some of which she wasn’t aware of…
He loved studying her when she slept, especially if she was snuggling against him. He found a photo of her asleep in the bed, the purple sheets all over their naked bodies. Her head lay against his chest and she was completely zonked out. He’d taken that photo because he always wanted to remember what her peace looked like, and to ensure he never made her life more difficult than it had to be, to rob her of her serenity. He placed the phone back down and ran his hand over his head, vibing and bobbing his head to the music.
Shit. Austin is right. I’ve fucked around and fallen in love…
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
The Deep End
“Come on.”
“No.” Zaire looked down into the large indoor hotel pool. She stared at the 3ft. mark written in black paint on the wall, then at the deeper parts. Her nose itched from the intense scent of the chlorine that filled the room.
Savage had jumped into the pool and waited with his arms outstretched, as if she were some bouncing beach ball soon to be tossed his way. She scratched her arm, her nerves a wreck as she devised a plan for how to get the hell out of there.
“Get in the fuckin’ pool, Eva,” he stated dryly.
“No.”
The sounds of Loco, Hwasa (MAMAMOO) ‘Don’t’ played from a small mp3 player shaped like a battery-operated radio, which the fiend had brought along, trying to get on her good side, no doubt. He had everything set up just so, and she couldn’t help but give him credit for that. The son of a bitch had rented the space for just the two of them, bringing with him two thick brand new gold and white beach towels, a couple of bottles of iced tea, some flip flops for her, a boogie board, arm floaties, goggles, and even a swimming cap for her though it was way too small so it remained on top of the duffle bag he’d brought stuffed with more odds and ends.
“What’s wrong? You on your period or something? You can swim on your period, you know.”
“No… No! What would make you think that?”
“Because you’re refusing to get in the fuckin’ pool like you didn’t know what this was about, like we didn’t discuss this days ago—and honestly, you’ve had some mood swings lately, like lady type shit. I have a mother, sister, female associates. It’s the same ol’ shit with you people. I know the signs.”
“You people?!”
“You’re also a little bloated.”
Her eyes practically popped out of her head. “Bloated?! You’re amazing, you know that? Screw you, Savage.”
“Look, we’re not leaving until you learn how to swim. I’m not dating someone who can’t swim. That’s a deal breaker.”
She rolled her eyes, sucked her teeth, and crossed her arms over her white bikini top.
“You really have some audacity, Savage. If I were in your shoes, I’d think really carefully about tossing around ultimatums. I don’t want to date someone who—”
“Don’t say it…” He placed his finger to his lips. “We’re out in public. I have no idea what is being watched and filmed.” His eyes narrowed as he pointed towards what might be a camera hanging up high in the corner of the room.
“Fine, but don’t talk to me about deal breakers or ‘lady shit’.”
“I shouldn’t have to talk to you about anything right now because you’re supposed to be in the water. This is my last time asking you. Get your ass in this pool.”
“No.” Before she knew it, Savage was walking towards the steps. “Shit!” She rushed toward the pool area entrance. Perhaps she could exit in time, run through the hotel lobby and back to the car—hell, anywhere to get away from that place—but when she got to the doors, she tugged and beat on them frantically. The damn things were locked.
“Noooo! Oh, God!” She tried again and again. They rattled like chains, but didn’t budge.
“See, I knew you were going to try some shit like this, woman. You pretended to be on board, and now you’re chickening out.” He drew closer, his body dripping wet. Her nerves were wrecked, yet she was turned on at the same damn time. She tugged a bit more, then made a mad dash across to the other side of the pool area.
I’m fast… and I’m scared! I will tire him out, he’ll be chasing me so long!
She looked back a time or two. Savage kept his pace, a smirk on his face, never running, but walking briskly, his calf muscles tightening as his feet slapped against the concrete floor.
“Take me home!” she hollered out as she raced around the pool. He was quite a distance away, so she paused to regain her breath.
“After we have this swimming lesson, I will take you wherever you want to go, but you’re getting in this pool.” She took off running again, her breasts aching as they bounced about in the tiny bikini top. Before she knew what hit her, rough hands wrapped around her waist and yanked her back as though she were a mere rag doll. Dropping a kiss on her cheek, he held her as she squirmed about, begging for release.
“Come on, pleeeease! I’ll do it next week, I promise! I want to go home!”
“You’re coming with me.” He hoisted her in the air and tossed her over his shoulder as she kicked and screamed to no avail, her empty promises falling on deaf ears. Beating him about his shoulders and back did no good. He might as well have been made of granite. In a split second, she was up in the air, flying backwards at warp speed.
“AHHHH!” she yelled when the rush of water smacked her back hard and tossed her about. Her fears realized and bursting free, she flapped about helplessly, getting sucked deeper and deeper into the water, her head barely above the surface. She looked up helplessly at Savage who stood there, his form hazy as she strained to keep her eye on him. He was looking as if he’d been hired to watch paint dry.
“How’s it feel?” he asked with a smile, hands on waist.
I hate him! I hate his stupid face!
“Heeelp… Help me!” Panic set in.
Taking his sweet time, he dove into the pool and snatched her from the grasp of the water. Hauling her towards the other side of the pool which was far shallower, he stood her on her feet like some mannequin.
“I should slap the shit out of you!” she gasped, barely getting the words out. She trembled from the rush of cold air hitting her wet body. She held herself, feeling sorry for herself, worried and full of rage. His expression impassive, Savage crossed his arms and eyed her with his amber gaze.
“You do have the natural instinct to try and stay afloat at least. Not everyone has that, believe it or not. You didn’t do as bad as you probably imagined.”
“I almost drowned! Fu-fu-fu-fuck you!” Her teeth chattered.
“Mmm hmm,” he said dismissively. “First thing we’re going to do is learn to breathe correctly. Then I’m going to show you how to kick and move your arms. Look, baby, this is for your own good. Let’s just bite the bullet, get it over with, okay? You don’t have to ever be the best or fastest swimmer, I’m not trying to turn you into an athlete. You just need to know how to stay afloat, okay? Remember how we had that talk the other night about facing fears? I said I had none, and you said we all have at least one? You were right. Don’t let this defeat you. You’re stronger than this. Respect the water and it will respect you back. It has to move when you come into it, not the other way around. You’re one of the strongest people I know, but you’re allowed to be afraid. Just don’t let it control you. That’s what you tell your loyal listeners and callers. Practice what you preach. I have faith in you.”
She nodded, now dedicated to at least trying after his words of encouragement. Fifteen minutes later, the man had her in the middle of the pool, his hands under her stomach as she kicked her legs about. “That’s good, baby! You’re doing well… Keep going.”
Yuna’s ‘(Not) The Love Of My Life’ played through the speakers. He truly had made a playlist of all her favorite songs. She glanced at him out the corner of her eye, and her
heart raced like rain flowing down a mountain. Her stomach fluttered like black moth wings against the brightest star…
His long dark lashes were webbed with water, his chest gleamed with the wetness covering the intricate tribal tattoos along his tanned frame. Suddenly, her muscles relaxed as she fell into a state of peace.
I feel so safe with Maximus. I feel like I don’t have a care in the world. He makes me breathe. I can exhale and inhale around this man. I can swim, not just in this pool, but also in my life. My problems are the ocean, and he helps me move around them, navigate them, encourages me, helps me get out of my own way. He’s not intimidated by me. He makes me feel like the little girl I was never allowed to be. We laugh, we play… I can float, I can be free… I can be me! He loves me for me… and I love him for him. We accept one another, but keep pushing each other! I can let my guard down. He doesn’t judge me. He has no expectations except for me to be myself and try my best. I am not always sure who that is sometimes since I’ve been pretending for so long!
Her eyes watered and she quickly turned away, overcome by the unexpected emotions. Without saying a word, he calmly gathered her into his arms and embraced her. Wrapping her arms around him, she rested her head against his chest and sobbed.
“I don’t know what’s come over me, Maximus. This is embarrassing!”
“Why is it embarrassing?” He gently stroked the wet strands of her hair.
“Because… I’m emotionally exposed right now. My moods are all over the place. I’m crying and I don’t know why… Well, yes, I do. I’m not on my period right this second. It’s due though.”
“So I was right.” They both chuckled at that. “Nah, it’s cool, baby.” He kissed the top of her head. “I don’t know what’s going on in that complicated head of yours, but I can tell you this much: I’m just glad you allowed me space in it.”
She slowly lifted her head and looked him in the eyes.
“You’re like me—no one gets close. We don’t allow it.”
“The only difference is, Eva, I remain who I am, the same man in all situations. You put on a show and present an image that’s really nothing like you. That’s actually what intrigued me about you when we first met. It’s like you knew I was onto you, but instead of running, you let me undress your façade, layer by layer.”
“Maybe I was tired of acting.”
He shrugged.
“Anything is possible. We all get tired of things… running away, running to shit that doesn’t serve us well just because we’re used to it. I accept who I am. It’s not pretty, but it’s me. There’s freedom in that.”
“You excited me. I was attracted to you for all the wrong reasons, Savage, but then I realized you were far more than meets the eye. You’re smart and, believe it or not, you’re also kind.”
“I’m not nice, baby. I’m just nice to you.”
She swallowed. She knew he was telling her the truth. There was no way she could twist and turn this so that it went down easier. Savage was a hard man. Hard to love. Hard not to love. Impossible to forget.
“Well then, aren’t you putting a show on now, too?” she asked.
“I guess you could say that, but it’s not really a show. It’s an evolution.”
“Ahhh, I like that.” She nodded, smiling before kissing him on his soft, perfect lips. The water made a slight sloshing sound around their bodies as they slid against one another.
“My changes aren’t fake. My existence in your world is real. You motivate me to want to be nice to you because you allow me to be, desire for me to be, and I know that if I’m not what you require, I won’t get what I want from you. I can relax around you, not look over my shoulder every damn minute, worrying about what the hell you might do to me when my eyes are closed. I can tell you anything, baby.” He ran his thumb against her cheek and smiled. “I may not be ready to tell you all of those things, but at least that door is open to me. I can’t do that with just anyone, let my guard down… and best of all, you can offer advice when I need it. Not to try and change me, but to help me be a better man if I so choose to be. Think about it.”
He shifted her body to bring her legs around his waist. She held on to him as he walked slowly through the water, like a giant crossing a river.
“Remember when I asked you last week about wanting to visit my father? I told you as he ages, our conversations get a little strange, uncomfortable, so I’d been kind of avoiding him. That’s been on my mind for a while. I had no one to talk to about that until you came along. Do you remember what you said?”
“Yes. I said we all go through stages in our lives. If we have no witnesses to those stages, that doesn’t make them any less real. We can either go through life with our eyes wide shut, or open them and watch the splendor, even in the most painful of transformations. All things under this sun have beauty. It’s up to us to find it,” She said.
“And that was so damn profound to me, baby. You gave me books, and I read them on the plane when going on my last mission. Some of them made me think about this in new ways.”
“Yeah, I remember. You were in my little library and looking at all the movies on the shelves, the DVDs, my old collection. You saw all the books placed next to them in alphabetical order. You started pulling some out, one by one, and asked to borrow them. Of course I said yes. You selected ‘How to Win Friends and Influence People,’ ‘The Secret’, ‘The One Thing’, and ‘The Art of Happiness.’”
“See, they all had gems in them, making me question myself and my relationship with this person in my life—a guy half responsible for me being born. This man raised me, watched me grow up.” She kept her eyes on him, keeping him engaged, attached to her. When Savage showed himself to her, revealed the inner workings of his private thoughts and the secret rooms inside his heart, she was all ears. These instances came in spurts, totally out of the blue, and she relished them, for they meant that he trusted her… and she trusted him, too. “If he could watch me go from being a whiny, crying baby all the way to a grown man, then I can get over myself and extend him the same. Like you seeing your mother. It hurts you to visit her sometimes, but you do it. You inspired me. Your courage helped me.”
“Exactly. We encourage one another. It’s hard, but we can do it, Savage.”
“You know, he’s not going to always be strong and tough. He’s getting older… That was the basis of my concern.”
“I figured as much.”
“Baby, years of wild livin’, alcoholic binges, three cigarette packs a day, occasional recreational drugs, and just a hard life have caught up with him. He’s still a hard-headed, hard-hearted motherfucker, but he’s slower now. Things are different. My mother, on the other hand, seems to avoid me.” He chuckled sadly, averting his gaze.
“Yeah?” She ran her fingertips against the back of his neck, then gently nudged, forcing him to look back into her eyes. “You were telling me a while back that she hasn’t returned your calls and you’re getting worried. Is that totally out of character for her?”
“Nah, not really. She does that sometimes, goes kind of into hiding. My half-sister, Shauna, said she was over there a couple weeks ago though and she claims they’re both fine.”
“I almost forgot you had a sister. Do you see her often?”
“When we were kids? Not as much as I would’ve liked. Now? We talk often. See, here’s what happened. Never mind though… you don’t wanna hear this shit.”
“Yes, I do! Tell me.”
The man hesitated, but then decided to go on. “Well, I mean, because her mother raised her and had custody, things were difficult. She didn’t live in Los Angeles until the last four and a half years. Shauna is good people, ya know? I used to ask about her all the time and my dad would get pissed. Not at me, but at the fact that he couldn’t see her when he wanted to. He would always send money when he could and visit her, or at least try to see her, but from my understanding, and my sister pretty much vouched for it, her mother didn’t want my father a
round.
“So, they were in and out of court until the judge ruled that her mother have full custody and he only get supervised visitation. It was due to his criminal history and motorcycle gang affiliations and my father swears up and down that her mother lied and said he abused her. He said he never laid a hand on her, that he doesn’t beat up women. I know he never touched my mother, even during some of their loud arguments—though that was rare that their fights were so loud that I could hear them. My father was really upset about this, you know, about not seeing his kid, but he tried to make the best of it. He used to warn me about getting the wrong woman knocked up because of this shit.”
“Oh… you got someone pregnant? I know you don’t have any children. I just didn’t—”
“Nah, that’s not what I’m saying. He was talking about don’t do it.” She nodded in understanding. “He’d tell me I needed to make sure I didn’t get anyone pregnant if I couldn’t see spending the rest of my life with them. I knew it was serious then, even as a kid. Now, yeah, I slipped up sometimes when I was young and stupid, risked it by not always strapping up, but more times than not, because of his warnings and what he taught me about women, sex, and how I was basically raised around it due to my mother, I was careful more times than not. As I became an adult, the warning stuck with me, not just due to what my father had gone through regarding his daughter, but because I don’t know if I even want to be a father. I struggle with the idea of it.”
She cocked her head to the side, feeling a wave of disappointment.
“Why are you looking at me like that? I told you this already. I was upfront.”
“Not quite in this way though. I thought you said your father was a great dad? You also told me a while back that you like kids.”
“He is a great father and I do like kids, baby, but if I have any, it means that they’ll be someone else in the world that I’m responsible for. That’s huge to me. I know it sounds selfish, but I don’t think everyone having children should be having them. Some people don’t deserve to be parents, or sometimes they just aren’t ready.”