by Tiana Laveen
Soon, they were all sitting or standing in the living room, all of their damn eyes glued to Zaire, who seemed a bit nervous, averting eye contact. Mom passed out chilled bottles of beer as the guys made small talk, but it was clear that Zaire was the subject of their fascination.
“So.” Chopper twirled his black handlebar mustache threaded with silver, pinching the ends between his fingers and rolling it to a fine point. “You and my nephew gettin’ married, huh?”
“Yes. Yes, we are.” Zaire answered proudly, her head held high now. Savage placed his arm around her and dragged her closer as they sat side by side on the couch.
“Mad Dog told us a while back that you were with her, Max.”
“I know.” Savage picked up the remote control and flipped channels.
“So, what’s up? What do you two have in common?”
“Are you a dating specialist now? Some kind of marriage counselor? What is this? An intervention or some shit?” He smirked and shook his head. Chopper was used to people bowing down to him and feeling intimidated. Savage adored the man, but he was going to put a stop to this shit before it got started.
“Nah, your dad invited us over.” Savage nodded in understanding. “And you don’t have to worry about anything, I don’t really have a problem with Blacks.” The big man crossed his tattooed arms and stared at her.
“Chopper, cut the shit.”
“Max, I’m talkin’ to the little lady.” The guy cleared his throat, and his gaze narrowed on her.
Zaire sat a bit taller and smiled.
“That’s good that you don’t really have a problem with Blacks. I would’ve spent every waking moment of the rest of my life tossing and turning, concerned about a man I don’t even know by the name of Chopper taking issue with me.” A few snickers filled the room. “You don’t have to worry, either, Mr. Chopper. I don’t really have a problem with big White guys with silly oversized mustaches that make them look like the Pringle’s chip man, either. It’s a damn good day to be unbothered.”
Savage looked away, squelching a bout of laugher by catching his nose between his fingers and pressing his eyes shut, thrilled at her response. That was his baby, one of the many reasons why he was in love with her. A smattering of laughter filled the room, then grew louder. Chopper smirked and just glared at her for a moment or two, more than likely biting his tongue, then shook his head and burst out laughing, too.
“You’ve got a mouth on you, lady. That’s good though.” The man smiled, and it smelled genuine. “You can’t be around us or with my nephew and not be able to hold your own. He’s just like us. He’s good as blood. Whatever happens to him, his mother, or his dad, we take seriously.”
Just then, the front door swung open and Dad entered with two cases of beer and grocery bags draped over his arms.
“Fuck, man!” The old man chortled, his face red from the strain of lugging all that shit inside solo. Chopper got to his feet and a few of the other guys rushed to assist. “Get the chips ’nd shit outta my car, I’ve got ice cream in there, too. Hurry, it’ll melt.”
“Why’d you go get this shit, Mad Dog?” Acorn squawked. He was a newer guy, younger and small in stature. “I thought you said everything was already here?”
“It was, or I thought it was until I looked at what tha fuck she had out on the counter. I told Karina to just pick up some party shit, you know, the usual stuff, but instead she made some gotdamn wheat crackers with this pink fluffy cheese shit and black and green olive salad with corn on the cob in it. I say to her, ‘What in the cream of corn hell is olive salad with fuckin’ corn?!’ It looked like a bunch of green titties on top of some lettuce!” Loud chuckles rippled throughout the room. “She had some bean dip, too, and it didn’t look right, either. It was ass juice in a bowl.
“If I wanted to eat ass I would just spread ’er cheeks and go to town! Wouldn’t have been the first time. I’m a proud ass eater, but don’t lie to me and tell me it’s bean dip… fuck outta here.” Pockets of laughter burst in the room. “So, here I am, and that’s where I’ve been.” He huffed, looking exhausted. “I had to go out and get somethin’ we could really chow down on, that’s all,” Dad said breathlessly.
He started to walk again, then suddenly stopped in his tracks. His lips curled in a big grin when his gaze settled on Zaire. She got to her feet.
“Hey, Dad. This is my baby… this is Zaire.”
“Whew! That’s what I’m talkin’ ’bout! Pretty hair, too… Is that all of your hair, baby? Because if my son tugs on it while he’s givin’ it to ya from the back, it would be a fucking shame if it slid off.”
“What?! Excuse me?”
“You heard me, sexy chocolate thing, you.” I can’t believe this shit… On second thought, yes I can. “Can’t play pony with a bitch that looks like Sinéad O’Connor… Gotta pretend to be an Indian ’cause ain’t shit there but scalp. Whew! My son sure knows how to pick ’em!” Dad’s smile was downright disturbing as he ogled her. “I bet you’ve got some sweet black pus—”
“Dad. Dad, no… no fuckin’ way.” Enough was enough. “Come on, now. Don’t do this shit. She’s not going to dig that sense of humor. Control yourself,” Savage barked, putting a stop to the shit before the old man got going and ruined the whole damn day. He was a hypocrite, true, and he’d been no different in his style of talking to women when he was single, but that was beside the point. With a big, shit-eating grin, Dad quickly took Zaire in his arms, giving her a nice hug, as if he hadn’t just been standing there acting like a senseless degenerate.
“Nice to finally meet cha, Zaire. Do you prefer Eva or Zaire?”
“Either one. I use Zaire for online, the podcast. It’s my middle name. But either works for me,” she stated in her professional sounding voice.
“Hmm, you talk like you’re on air right now. Sound like a newscaster. The last time I was this close to a newscaster I was being led outta the courthouse on my way to jail in 2004 for stranglin’ a pedo with a fuckin’ teddy bear. I took the bear and wrapped it around his gotdamn neck! Put the squeeze on ’im! The fear of Gawd!”
Zaire’s eyes grew large and she stepped back when Dad got all in her face. She forced a smile then nodded as he simmered down in an instant. I warned her my old man is fucking crazy.
“That… that’s horrible. That the man would prey upon children, not the teddy bear, per se.” She nervously cleared her throat and clasped her hands.
“But I’m the bad guy, right?!” Dad yelled, the veins in his neck straining. “He was in Target showin’ his weenie to a little girl in the toy aisle so I made sure he got more than the bottom basement deal he bargained for. Bet he wished he’d been a Toys R Us kid that day! See, I saw how he was watchin’ her, lookin’ at her, so I followed him. Sure enough, he was up to no fucking good but I got arrested for assault! Can you believe that shit?! What about him tryna sell hotdogs to kids, huh?! Fuckin’ sickos ruining the world! America is full of ’em, buncha pansy fuckity fuckheads doing weird ass shit! Line their asses up and get the firing squad! Who can look at a kid and get their rocks off?! Burn them all in Hell!”
“Pretend to be normal. You’re going to scare Max’s fiancée away. Horrible! No more talk like that,” Mom snapped as she entered the room.
“I’m gonna scare Max’s fiancée away?!” Dad pointed to himself as he glared at the woman. “Have you seen your son, Karina?! If he hasn’t scared her away then nothin’ I say or do could be much worse!” Dad ranted and raved, trying to defend himself as he followed behind her in the kitchen. The brethren walked to and fro, delivering bags of groceries to the kitchen. Scorpion, an older guy who had twin boys Maximus had grown up with, was a fair skinned guy with long platinum blond hair parted in two braids. His small muscles strained as he carted a big, heavy cake under a plastic dome in his hands, trying to watch his step. He slowed down, checked Zaire out, and winked.
“Nice to meet you. Don’t be intimidated. You’re safe with us, sweetheart.” And then he
went on his way.
Zaire crossed her arms. “You warned me they were some characters, but oh boy!” She laughed, shaking her head. “And you grew up around this your whole life, huh?”
“I sure did… proud I did, too. Most of these guys are amazing, Eva, loyal to a fault. Some have come and gone, some were killed – ones that I really looked up to. I still think about them. This is my family. There’s nothing like a MC’s funeral, Eva. It’s wild. I hope you never have to attend one with me but that’s impossible. You will. Some had drug overdoses, some moved away, some are incarcerated for life but the ones still here, I really value them and the ones that are alive but just going in another direction with their lives, I appreciate their influence in my life. When my dad was locked up, they were here, and vice versa. My dad was that motherfucker, Eva.”
She put a hand on his arm, her eyes full of understanding.
“He takes care of people. It’s just what he does. Half the time he was in jail or prison was for gun or assault charges. The other times? Trying to help another motherfucker out by any means necessary. If he had five dollars, he would give his brother four ninety-nine of it if he needed it. They all have a lot of respect for my dad, even some of the newer guys coming in because my dad doesn’t take any shit, never backs down. He is a father figure to all the younger dudes and he’s earned his stripes.”
Just then, Dad came walking towards them, tilting a beer can to his mouth.
“All jokes aside, let me cut straight to the shit.” He threw his head back and took a big swig. “If you hear anyone talk about you bein’ Black in a negative way, come to me, all right, sugar?” He tapped on his barrel chest and winked at Eva.
She smiled and nodded. “Okay.”
“I’ll take care of it. It’s just different for some of ’em is all. Some of ’em don’t believe in race mixing, but will act respectful because they know if they don’t, I will rearrange their fucking face. Some of ’em don’t give a shit about any of that mess. As long as Max is happy, they’re happy, just like me and his mother feel. Some of ’em don’t see what the big deal is; they didn’t even blink an eye but ya see, we live in a crazy world, Eva. I addressed this ahead of time so there would be less of a chance of something happening.”
“We do live in a crazy world. Lots of things happening that shouldn’t be.”
“Oh, they should be.” His brow arched as he took a hard gulp of his beer. “See, everything happening in this world was pre-written, meant to be. We set this wheel in motion. We can either fall in line, or we can fuck up and deal with the repercussions. We’re animals, savages… My last name means a lot to me. It tells the truth.” Dad’s eyes grew steely. “If we, as people, regardless of our race or religious beliefs, put that shit aside and just realized we all want the same things in life, it would all be a hell of a lot easier but see, that’s make-believe.
“That’s not how real men move. Somebody has to be on top. People hate to be on the bottom. Been that way since the beginning of time. The only way we get do-overs is through our kids. My son here was my second chance.” Dad grabbed him by the collar and pulled him close. Savage grinned, knowing his father was in the beginning stages of being drunk off his ass. “See, Eva, my father was a poor man. He was also a strict man, a tough man. Me and my brothers and sisters couldn’t do shit right in his eyes. He felt like it was weakness to hug your kids, tell ’em you love them. Now, in fairness to my father, that was a different time period though, but I had vowed to never be that type of dad. Not to my daughter, Max’s half-sister Shauna, or my son here.
“Max knows who his old man is. He knows I can get upset. He knows I would turn this entire fuckin’ planet upside down for him, his mother and Shauna, too.” Zaire’s eyes welled with emotion and he sent her a silent message of love. “Now, here it is, all laid out on the table… Because my son is about to marry you, that’ll make you my and Karina’s daughter-in-law. The ‘in-law’ part is bullshit. It’s just daughter. You’re a member of this family starting today.” Dad’s expression turned dead serious. “Do you understand me, sweetheart?”
“Yes, I do.” Zaire smiled.
“Good. ’Cause ain’t shit going down for you or my son that’s not kosher, without me knowin’ about it. So, you’re gonna bring your pretty ass in this kitchen and eat with all of us. I’ve got all sorts of shit, you name it. I bought fried chicken too, all right, but don’t turn that into some racist shit because my White ass loves fried chicken!” Savage and Eva burst out laughing. The man was truly a piece of work. “I’m serious.” Dad chuckled. “You’re beautiful. Really.”
“Thank you…”
“My son loves ya and he says you’re smart ’nd funny. That’s all I needed to hear.” Dad took her by the hand, and the three walked into the kitchen. It was loud and boisterous in there, a party being had. “HEEEY! You nutsacks, listen the fuck up! In case you missed it, this is my son’s surprise engagement party, all right?!”
“YEAH!!!”
“All right!” the guys cheered.
“Eva here is going to break bread with us. Her father is a firefighter and her mother a former beauty queen!” Eva giggled as several of the men clapped and whistled. “So, treat ’er right, get to know her, be nice ’nd shit. Let’s eat!” One of the guys turned the radio up and Kansas’ ‘Carry On Wayward Son’ was the first song to drift through. Zaire stood next to Mom, and they chatted while they fixed their plates… Savage took a moment to drink in that beautiful scene.
Eva, you’re in. My Dad likes you, and he is a hard sell. Welcome to my crazy family. I love you, baby. This feels right. This is definitely where you’re supposed to be. Right here, with all of us…
…Three months later
He sure was hungry.
“So, I think we can leave that over there,” Eva said to one of the movers, who placed her vast collection of expensive perfumes near the vanity she’d just had delivered from the furniture store. The guy exited the bedroom while Savage sat on the edge of the bed, cutting into a green apple. He popped a slice into his mouth. “Thank you.” She waved to another mover before he headed out. “I haven’t moved in a while… Damn.” She brought her shirt up to her face and wiped the sweat from her brow. “This shit is aggravating.”
“If you would sit the fuck down and let them do their job, Eva, maybe it wouldn’t be.” He sliced once again into the juicy fruit. “Payin’ all this money for what? For you to supervise their every move? You’re in the way. Sit down. Take a load off.”
“You know, you can jump up and help at any time. I like to be proactive about these things.”
“Why in the hell should I lift a finger when I already had to go through extra measures to make sure you had everything you needed before you moved in here? You literally handed me a list of shit… ‘Savage, have the walls painted this boring ass cream color. I want all axes and medieval styled décor removed. No black toilets. Get rid of the bearskin rug. Stock the refrigerator with sparkling water for my friends and me, and on and on… You’re high fucking maintenance. I did all of that. It’s done, so if I wanna sit here and eat this fuckin’ apple and not lift one finger to help motherfuckers we already paid a shitload of money to so they can help you relocate, then I won’t. Are you hungry?” He shook the apple at her.
“You’re an asshole and no, I’m not hungry, so you can keep your little apple.”
“I wasn’t giving you any of my fuckin’ apple. I had some sausage for you…” She sneered as he pointed below his waist. “Don’t pretend to be a vegetarian now. It even comes with its own sauce. Been a few days since you had this dick in your mouth.” He chuckled. “That’s a three for one deal – you’d be finally silent and satisfied and I’d be happy, too. Win-win situation.”
“I can’t stand you right now, Savage.” She chuckled. “And I hope you choke.” Her eyes narrowed and then she winked. Showing him her middle finger, she turned to exit the room.
“I love you too, baby.” He chortled.
/>
A few hours later, things had finally quieted down. The movers were gone, their big truck vacated the premises and he was in the living room with Dorothy, his big albino snake. The snake was wrapped around his arm, her smooth scales gliding along the tattoos and muscles of his form. He kept a gun magazine open with one hand while he pet her with the other.
“Okay.” He heard the shuffle of Eva’s slippers as she drew near. “Looks like if we take that one light out of the closet and replace it with the one I showed you the other day, it should… Ahhh! Oh my God!” He smiled at her. “Savage! I told you to not have that damn snake around me!”
“She wasn’t. We were in here… you were up there.” He pointed to the staircase, a smirk on his face.
“I was fooled! I only learned two weeks ago you had a damn snake as a pet! I had no idea we had a roommate! She has to go, Savage! If she accidentally gets out of her cage while you are away for work, I am not going to be responsible for wrangling her up and putting her back.”
“Dorothy isn’t goin’ any damn where. I’ve had her for four years and I told you if that happens again, just call that guy’s number I gave ya and he’ll come over and get ’er.” He turned around and flipped another page of his magazine. “Besides, she’s a harmless python. Aren’t you, Dorothy?” he said in a baby voice as he brought her in for a kiss.
“Disgusting.” The woman huffed and retreated to the kitchen.
After a while, he placed the gorgeous reptile back in her large cage he kept in a small spare room that was painted with a jungle mural. Yes, Dorothy was worthy of her own digs.