by Lynda Chance
"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" he snarled.
"I'm not going to talk to you," she replied, just as pissed as before.
He crossed his arms over his chest. "You sure as shit are."
"No." She turned her back to him and opening the dishwasher, she loaded the single plate she'd used earlier.
From her peripheral vision, she saw him give her a look that could have killed, and then he turned and walked away from her and slammed his way into the bathroom. Minutes later, Jessica heard the shower running. She began pacing, and her anger began to take on proportions that she couldn't seem to control.
She paced over to the French doors, and saw all the kids out there still hanging out on the patio. In a fit of pique and to get away from Connor, Jessica pulled her sleeping shirt off and threw on a better t-shirt, one that made her tan stand out and matched her shorts, and went out to join the party.
****
Even though everyone was happy for her to join their little impromptu get together, with a sinking feeling, Jessica knew the second she walked outside that she'd made a mistake. She should have stayed inside and had it out with Connor in private. Now that she'd distanced herself from him a little bit, she realized she didn't want him to come out here and look for her.
But now she couldn't just leave, at least not yet. Everyone was drinking alcohol, and before she could take even a breath, Eric grabbed her by the waist and dropped an inebriated kiss on her cheek before tugging her over to the table with him and pulling out a chair for her.
She sat down and for a few short minutes, almost forgot about Connor as she listened to their laid-back antics. There were only five people, three guys and two girls, and with a sinking sensation, Jessica realized that Eric was the fifth wheel in the group. Just by walking outside, they'd more or less become an instant pair.
Eric was good looking, and if there wasn't a man called Connor who owned her sex life, Jessica knew she'd probably be interested in him. But there was a guy called Connor. At least for now. If he'd fucked someone else, he was history.
Thank God and all that was holy, she didn't have to put up with his shit anymore if she didn't want to. If he couldn't keep it in his freaking pants--that was it.
She talked to Eric a few minutes, about his cousin and the classes they would be taking in the fall, and then she told him she was tired and had just wanted to say 'hi'. He raised a single, drunken eyebrow at her, as if he didn't believe she was really going back inside so soon. He looked so silly that she laughed at him as she got to her feet.
Both of the other girls had just jumped into the pool and the splash they made sent droplets of water all over her and Eric.
Not wanting to let her go inside yet, Eric made a rush at her and grabbed her around the waist, lifting her off her feet, and spun her in a circle, toward the water.
Jessica shrieked, spontaneous laughter coming from her throat, as she clung to him and screamed, "No, don't do it."
Eric laughed and made another circle and she began hitting at the hands that held her. He set her down, with her feet teetering on the edge of the pool, and put his hands on her shoulders in a move that allowed him the opportunity to push her in or hold her in place. "What's it worth to you, pretty?" he asked, his dark blue eyes staring down at her, his words slurred from too much alcohol.
"How about your life, asshole?" The enraged voice came from not a foot behind them, and both Jessica and Eric turned to face the specter that threatened.
Connor towered over them both, barefoot and dressed only in jeans. Fury came from him in waves, his jaw clenched tight as his features became more menacing by the second. His stance was erect, his muscles flexing, his hands fisting at his sides, closing, then opening, then closing again. There was aggression written in every line of his body, and he looked ready to detonate at any given moment.
A dangerous sizzle filled the air, and Jessica began to back away from Eric, trying to stop the impending violence that seemed more probable as the seconds ticked by.
Connor was a good four inches taller than Eric, and he had probably forty more pounds of muscle on him. And even though she knew Connor had been drinking earlier in the evening, he was stone cold sober now and Eric could barely stand up he was so wasted.
Eric wouldn't stand a chance in hell against Connor, not even on a good day, and Jessica knew if it got physical now, it wouldn't be pretty. Connor looked ready to kill with his biceps flexed, his legs braced apart, and there was absolutely no doubt in Jessica's mind that he was ready to attack.
She moved to stand between the two men, inching away from Eric and toward Connor, because she was certain that the only way to calm Connor down now would be to go with him, to move to his side. And even though she was still pissed at him and she had a knot in her throat that made speaking difficult, Jessica reached out and put her hand on Connor's wrist, in a move that indicated she would go with him. Trying to do anything to defuse the situation, she held on tightly, trying to protect Eric, who was innocent in all of this.
Eric had to choose that moment to start getting his shit straight. "Jess, you know this guy?"
Her tongue darted out and licked her dry lips. "Eric, this is Connor. Connor, Eric."
Before she could get another word in, Connor made a grab for her hand and pulled her behind him. He took another threatening step toward Eric, and that quickly, he was in Eric's face. Connor's voice deepened, antagonism coming from every syllable. "Stay the fuck away from her, mother fucker. You touch her one more time--trust me, they'll never find your fucking body."
Eric lifted his hands up in the air in a conciliatory motion, but he looked hurt, and focused his bleary-eyed gaze on Jessica as he swayed on his feet. "Should have told me you have a boyfriend, Jess."
Jessica stood with her mouth open, seeing a side of Connor that he'd never even hinted at. But there was no time for more of a reaction as she found herself being pulled behind an infuriated Connor, through the black gate of her courtyard and inside the apartment.
He secured the lock on the French doors and turned to her. "You have two seconds to start explaining."
Jessica's nerves steadied out and the fury she'd felt at Connor earlier came roaring back. "Or what?" she spat out.
"You want to find out? I swear to God, Jessica . . . push me, just push me."
"Are you threatening me?"
"Damn, fucking straight."
She let out a disgusted puff of air and turned to move past him, "Right."
He grabbed her arms and lifted her, bracing her against the wall, and pushed his torso against hers, her feet dangling in the air. "Get the fuck off me, Connor!" she yelled. She was absolutely furious at him. Furious, but not scared.
He ignored her and pressed more tightly against her. "Have you fucked him?"
Her eyes flared and shock and anger dueled for emotional control. "What? No!"
"What was all that shit he spewed about you not telling him that you have a boyfriend? What the fuck did you do with him that made him say that?"
"Nothing, I don't know." She wiggled her torso in an effort to free herself. "What about you? You fucked another woman tonight. Don't try to change the subject and turn this shit around on me."
Connor growled, low in his throat and if Jessica hadn't been so pissed, she would have taken it for the warning it was. His lip curled over clenched teeth and his voice dropped to icy precision. "I told you already. I. Did. Not. Fuck. Anybody."
"Bullshit, I smelled her all over you."
"I didn't fuck anybody, Jessica!" he snarled.
"If you didn't fuck her, you damn sure touched her. You were close enough to her that her perfume was all over you."
He let out a slow, aggrieved breath while he continued to pin her against the wall.
"You've got nothing to say to that?" she demanded to know. "No, of course you don't, because it's the truth," she accused.
"I didn't fuck anybody. I haven't fucked anybody since I met you." His ey
es pierced hers. "Did you fuck him?"
"No!"
"Have you fucked anybody else?" His voice and his eyes were like chips of menacing ice.
Jessica refused to be pulled sideways in this fight. She gritted her teeth and remained silent.
His gaze dropped to her mouth. "Have you fucked anybody else?" His voice lowered and he asked the question a second time in a low, almost anguished voice.
When she recognized the unguarded, vulnerable tone to his voice it almost got to her. If the other woman's perfume wasn't still uppermost in her mind she might have felt bad for him. He seemed to be in pain, but she didn't know if she could believe it. She sagged against the wall, crazy emotions vying for center stage in her stomach. "You know I haven't, don't you?" she asked.
Their eyes held as a rush of heat passed between them. "I think it would kill me if you did. You're mine, and I won't share you with anybody. Not because it was one of your conditions, but because you belong to me. Just the thought of someone touching you sickens me." Steel hardened his muscles again and any hint of softness left his voice. "Nobody gets close to you, got that?"
She studied his features closely, wondering at his exact meaning. Surely he didn't honestly believe she wouldn't ever have male friends. And for him to stand there and make demands when he came here tonight smelling of another woman? Bullshit. "Maybe," she said slowly.
"Maybe? What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"
"I didn't do anything wrong. I only hung out with those guys at the pool a few times."
Just as quickly as his anger had left, it came roaring back with a vengeance. "In that goddamn little string bikini?"
"It's a public pool for the entire complex. Did you seriously think nobody would use it except for me?"
"I should have fucking known. I should have fucking known the second you stepped outside in that little fucking swimsuit there'd be guys all over you."
"That's not true. They don't come out every time that I do."
"I can see I made a fucking error in judgment. Get your shit. I need to get out of here. I'm still too pissed to be anywhere close to sane about this. I'm still not sure I shouldn't go back out there and kick his ass."
"Where are we going?"
"My house. Pack enough clothes for the weekend, and bring that tiny-ass little bikini."
Jessica was gripped with uncertainty. "No, I'm not ready to leave just yet."
"What?"
"First you need to explain why you waltzed in here at midnight, reeking of bourbon and perfume."
"Nothing happened, that's all you need to know."
"I don't think so."
Pushing his hand through his hair, he turned away from her with a grim expression before, once more, nailing her with his stare. "I had a meeting 'til nine. Wanted to stop and have a drink." His voice stalled, and he mumbled under his breath, 'why am I explaining this' and looked away from her, putting his fisted hand to his mouth and gashing it to his clenched teeth in frustration.
Jessica's spine stiffened. "You don't think I deserve an explanation?" Pain and anger flared up inside of her, all over again. "I'm just the girl you pay to fuck, right Connor?" Jessica made up her mind, right then and there, she wasn't going to tell him yet. She wasn't going to tell him about her windfall until she knew what he really thought. She wanted to know what happened with him earlier, and she didn't need to show him her ace in the hole, not quite yet.
"You know it's more than that, goddamnit," he snarled, his voice twisted in anger, sounding anything but pleased to have to admit it.
"Is it?"
"Yeah, it is . . . if it wasn't, I'd have been able to go through with it," he pushed out through gritted teeth.
Jessica's eyes flared and she felt her face turn white. She began struggling, strongly and violently, and she took him by surprise and was able to squirm out of his arms. She flung herself across the room, and turned to face him, wrapping her arms around her waist in self-protection. She stared across the room at him, tears brimming in her eyes. She didn't know which was the stronger emotion, hurt that he'd gotten so close to picking up a woman that he reeked of her, or relief, that he hadn't gone through with it. And through it all, was the slow burning anger.
He turned slowly to face her, as if it was the last thing he wanted to do, and as he dropped his weight against the wall to lean against it, Jessica saw clearly that he realized exactly what he'd admitted to.
The heat and anger she felt were almost overpowering, but she did believe him. She believed that he hadn't gone through with it. Twin tears spilling over, she wiped at them furiously and spat out at him in an accusatory tone, "You wanted to fuck somebody else."
"I didn't fuck somebody else," he said flatly.
"You wanted to, you went out to find someone."
"We're not going to have this conversation, Jessica. Nothing happened. That's the end of it."
She shook her head back and forth, unwilling to accept that. "This was a mistake, all of it." Throwing one arm wide, she indicated the apartment, the set-up. "I can't live like this anymore."
He stiffened and a mask came over his features. "It's a little too late to back out now."
Continuing to shake her head in jerky movements, she looked anywhere but at him as she tried like hell not to cry.
He pushed off the wall, and came to stand in front of her. Taking her elbows in each hand, he pulled her near. "I'm not letting you out of our arrangement."
Now was the time. Now was the time to tell him. Tell him, already. She couldn't, because she was afraid to. As much as he'd decimated her feelings, something had stopped him from going through with sleeping with the other woman, and that something was what she clung to now. He'd stopped because of her, and that meant he cared for her, if only a little bit. Maybe he was far from admitting it to her, maybe he wasn't even ready to admit it to himself. But she knew that she wanted him in her life, and along with the hurt she felt, there was a small morsel of hope that maybe, just maybe, if they were able to work out all this shit, then they could have a true relationship. A normal relationship, like any other.
But if she told him now, told him about her new job and the scholarship, it might blow up in her face. He might pull away from her altogether, and not be able to allow himself into the kind of relationship that she desperately wanted. There had to be a reason, a deep-seated reason, which had made him turn to finding her the way he had, and whatever that reason was, she was afraid it might stop him from moving forward in their relationship if the money wasn't part of it any longer.
It was too dangerous. If she told him the truth now, he might walk away and refuse to carry forward, and she couldn't chance that. She needed to take it slowly with him, but she had no experience in the matter of men and relationships, and she had no one she could trust enough to share the tangled, sordid story of how they'd met to seek advice from.
So she was on her own with this.
And her female intuition was telling her not to spill the beans yet.
Not if she wanted to keep him in her life.
And she did. God, she did.
****
"It's a little too late to back out now," Connor answered as he tried like fuck to mask the panic her words induced within him.
A rush of ice water slid through his veins and he pushed off the wall and walked over to her, and took a hold of her elbows and pulled her toward him. She was holding back tears, and the frustration and fear settling in his gut shook him to the core. "I'm not letting you out of our arrangement."
He'd known from the very beginning that she wasn't cut out for this. He'd tried to talk himself out of it, but he couldn't. He'd wanted her then, and he wanted her now. Finding out she'd been a virgin had been a blow, because it made him feel like shit, and because it had somehow underlined to him that she really was his. She'd never belonged to anyone else; she was his, and his alone, and he loved that . . . he craved it.
At first, he'd still been in denial, and he was asha
med of abusing her innocence the way he had. That first week, taking her night after night on all fours from behind like a dog after a bitch in heat, just shamed him. That first night, when he'd taken her virginity, had knocked him off balance; he'd loved everything about it. But after that one time, he'd refused himself the further intimacy that the missionary position would have strengthened.
He'd used her physically, but the guilt he'd felt from doing it had made him limit himself to once a day. That first week, every single night, he'd wanted to stay longer, much longer, to take her at least once more. Fuck, every time he'd left her bed and went to clean up in her bathroom, he'd gotten another hard-on within minutes. But something inside of him, some small, innate spark of decency, hadn't allowed his body to take what it really wanted, and he'd slammed out of her apartment every night, frustration eating through his soul.
And then came his epic fail.
The night he'd gotten so jealous when he'd realized she'd been outside by the swimming pool, dressed in only three tiny triangles she'd called a swimsuit. He still didn't know which had been worse. The jealousy he felt, or his shock at the depth of that jealousy. He'd never been one to get jealous. Had no idea he could feel the way he had.
And it had only escalated from there. The fight they'd had, her tears and his storming out. But that hadn't been the fail.
The fail happened when he came back, and for all intents and purposes, forgot what the hell was important to him, and had let himself make love to her like he'd been dying to do. Like he'd been bleeding inside to do.
Epic fail.
Because he hadn't gotten his shit together after that, hell no, he'd been making love to her ever since. And it had been good. So very, very fucking good. He'd known within days that something inside of him had changed, that whatever he felt for her, hidden under the surface, couldn't be put back into the closed compartment where he needed it to be.
And the fear he'd felt when she'd fallen asleep in that damned clubhouse. Jesus Christ. He'd never felt anything like it before. That she was asleep, alone, in an enclosed area where anyone could have come along and trapped her there. Hurt her.