Eve broke the kiss, unwrapped her arms from around his neck and brushed her lips over his ear.
“Come with me.” Untangling herself from his lap against his growled protest, she stepped down and backed away from him, reaching out her hand. Nodding toward her outstretched palm, she met his eyes. “Please, Jake.”
When he put his hand in hers, she led him into her bedroom and shut the door behind them. Turning to him, she wrapped her arms around his waist and just held him as he rested his cheek on top of her head.
“Will you sit?” she asked, pulling away and pointing to the end of her bed.
His eyebrows pushed together. “You okay, honey?”
“Better than okay. Please.”
She sauntered away, waved a hand for him to sit, walked around the room lighting candles and untying the braided silk ties from the curtains, letting them fall shut. She threw the ties on the chair beside the bed and made her way back to him. Finally calm, she knelt on the floor between his open legs, rested her hands on his thighs, and looked up at him. A small tick jumped in his left cheek as he gazed down at her. Reaching up, she smoothed it out with the pad of her thumb.
“What’s wrong?”
He chuckled and tugged on a strand of her damp hair.
“That’s usually my line.”
“Now it’s mine. Why the muscle twitch? That only happens when you’re upset or lost in thought and it’s usually not a good sign.”
He raised an eyebrow at her. “Observant, baby. Here’s my concern. You’ve only been with two men beside me, Eve. Two men who didn’t know shit about a woman, how they work. I do. I’m not bragging. It’s a fact. I don’t want you confusing what I bring out in you as a woman with what’s between us.”
Eve bit back a smile. He wasn’t bragging. It was without question a fact, and he had reached deep inside her and awakened a part of her she’d never believed she would be able to explore, nurture. But for him to think she didn’t know the difference between the two, in a way belittled her feelings. She squeezed his thighs.
“Here’s why what you just said is inaccurate, although I understand the impetus behind it.”
“Eve. I didn’t—”
“Hold on, Jake. There’s something about me I’m not sure you’re aware of, which sort of shocks me, being as experienced as you are, but then again, your, ah, area of expertise lies in the physical. It’s different for me.”
Using his thighs, she pushed herself up to stand in front of him and rested her hands on his shoulders.
“A psychologist might call me crazy, might say I don’t know what I’m talking about, but from the second I met you, the second, Jake, I knew I...belonged to you. I also knew that was most likely not a reality, since I was thirteen and you were seventeen. For me, when I first saw you, it was like someone switched on the brightest light in a room destined to be forever dark.”
Jake sighed and gripped her hips. “You were a baby, honey.”
“No. Don’t do that please. Don’t demean what I felt, because it’s that feeling, the impact you had on me when I was that young, that is the sole reason you’re sitting here now. I eventually married, yes, because you were already married with kids. What was I going to do? Wait for a man I’d never have? My ex-fiancé, my ex-husband were merely substitutes, distractions, as unfair as that was to them. These were men I slept with Jake, and even with that intimate of a connection, it wasn’t a quiver to what I felt the first time I just saw you.”
She framed her hands around his cheeks. “So for you to assume that I can’t differentiate between the physical bond I have with you and my love for you, is almost an insult. I know the difference. I always have. I’ve loved you a lot longer than I’ve had a physical relationship with you. I don’t give a shit what anyone says, even if that someone is you. I knew it at thirteen. Over the past two years, I’ve had time to analyze and come to terms regarding what I want—need as a woman.”
Jake raised one hand to cup her cheek and she leaned into his touch, cherishing the warmth.
“What’s that?”
It was like all the air sucked out of the room, her throat closed up and Eve fought for the deep breath that stretched her lungs to capacity. This was it. Once it was out, it would be out. Couldn’t take it back.
“Parts of my life left me in an abyss of darkness. I fought through that. It took time, but I got there. A part of that was fighting against knowing there was more to a relationship than what I had experienced—even before things went...bad with my ex-husband.” She put her palm between her breasts and rubbed her chest. “I had more to give.”
She met his eyes. “I just couldn’t give it to the two men I’d been involved with before you, because I knew in every part of me they weren’t right for me—they didn’t see me. I knew there was something else I needed to feel whole, though I wasn’t sure what that was. After you came back, I realized there’s a part of me that craved something...more intense. I also believed I’d never trust anyone with that part of me. You, I trust.”
Jake dropped both hands to her waist now and tugged her between his legs, so her hips were against his chest.
“You know you can trust me. I don’t scare easily, Eve. Say what you need to say.”
“Do you remember the times we were together before the hotel? You’d push me sexually and I’d fight you on the majority of it?”
He raised an eyebrow. “Yeah,” he scoffed. “With crystal fucking clarity.”
She nodded and linked her hands around the nape of his neck. “It wasn’t a case of not wanting to go there with you. Not giving into you was my only defense when you left, and at the time, we both knew you always had to leave. I knew what I could handle and what I couldn’t. That said, even the few times I did explore different things with you, those moments were the most alive I’d ever felt. The temptation to give all control over to you, to let you push boundaries that have always fascinated me was consuming. It’s why I emotionally unraveled towards the end. I’d become an unstable paradox—what I needed with you and what I couldn’t have.”
Something dark flashed behind Jake’s eyes. It was there maybe a second before the stoic mask slipped back into place and he nodded once.
“What do you want, baby? What do you need from me, from us? Say it out loud.”
Eve met his steely eyes and willed every muscle in her body to settle.
“I need you in control. I...I crave it. I’ve realized I’m very much a sexually submissive person. The thing is, it only works for me if it’s you I’m handing that control over to.”
His eyes narrowed and his grip tightened on her hips.
“One question.”
“Okay.”
“You said need. Where’s the need coming from?”
Eve shook her head and moved to step away from him, but he yanked her back between his legs. When she put her hands against his chest, he wrapped his around her wrists.
“You can stay where you are.” There was no give to his tone and it left no room for argument. He placed her hands back on his shoulders. “Talk to me from here.”
Blood surged through her so fast she had to squeeze his shoulders to stay calm.
“With that question—are you suggesting, without suggesting, my need to submit to you that way is something other than simply the fact that I’ve realized submission works for me? Don’t be one of them, Jake, thinking my handing control over to you in here is linked to the dark part of my past. That has nothing to do with it. This is my choice.”
“Whoa. Hold up. I’m not suggesting shit. You got help, Eve.” He anchored her hair behind her ear. “I trust that, so as far as I’m concerned it’s done. It’s dead—healed. Not an issue between us.” He ran his thumb down her cheek and across her bottom lip as his eyes softened. “Do you think you telling me you’re sexually submissive comes as a shock? Honey, you confirmed that
the first second I kissed you, and I knew a long time before that. I read people pretty fucking well, particularly you. And to be clear, I accept. I’ve got no problem with taking control in here. I prefer it, and I’m honored you trust me enough to own it. So don’t assume I’m judging you or anyone else based on what you need or want sexually.”
The tension in her shoulders loosened.
“Okay—I just wanted that clear.”
“All clear. Now, answer the question.”
“I want to be a whole person. It’s a need to own what I want and be okay with it. How can I expect to help others if I won’t own what need I myself? I can’t. I got so low at that one moment in my life because I didn’t know who I was. I’ve forgiven myself for allowing another person to dictate how I live my life, for being what others expect me to be. I’m not weak and I know who I am now. I know what I want. I have the person I want it with, claiming he wants me too.” She raised her arms and let them fall by her sides. “So, that’s it.”
Jake slowly stood up in front of her and wrapped his hands around her shoulders. “That’s all I needed to hear.” Dropping his hands, he slipped the hair band off her wrist. “Turn around.”
Eve narrowed her eyes at him and he nodded behind her.
“Go on. Turn.” He waited until she slowly turned away from him. He swept her hair behind her and began braiding it in one long, damp plait down her back.
“You braid?” She chuckled at the absurd image of her badass Jake, braiding her hair.
“I have two daughters, baby. I wasn’t given a choice. On one of my weekends, the girls decided I needed to learn to braid. Why? I don’t fuckin’ know. They braid their own damn hair, but they decided I needed to know too. Maddie was the model, Kels sat on the arm of the couch and directed. I had to do it about eight fucking times before it met her standards. So now I’m a master.” His laugh rumbled through his chest and vibrated down her back.
When he was finished, he spun her around and sat back down on the bed, nodding to the floor between his legs again as he lifted a hand to help her down. The second his warm hand closed around hers, leading without insisting, asserting without demanding, her lower body liquefied and her heartbeat pulsed between her thighs. It was in the pressure he exerted, the control he accepted with a touch, and how he knew what she needed without asking.
Once she settled, he lifted her up so her arms rested over his thighs and he wrapped his hand around her braid with a long sigh. He pulled her head back until she stared up into brown eyes so dark and intense they appeared black.
“This is what you want?”
While he posed it as a question, she was very aware they both knew it wasn’t.
“Yes.” Never before had a word been so...freeing.
He smoothed her bangs to one side of her forehead.
“So we’re clear. You’re giving me free rein to take you to places you’re uncomfortable with. You only got a PG version of what I want from you before, Eve. The things I want you to experience, that I want to show you, run deep and will be dark for you at times.”
“I know, but I trust you.”
Using her hair, he pulled her face to his and kissed her lips softly before leaning back and letting go of her hair.
“Still, give me a word.” He raised an eyebrow at her.
She cocked her head up at him. “Like a safe word?”
“Yep.”
“Okay...” She sat back on her heels for a second. A word that would shut everything down, signal it was too much. A word that would mean something to both of them but not be misconstrued... “Showboat.”
Jake jerked back and stared at her. “Where we met? That’s your safe word?”
She shrugged. “We’re trying at a life together. It’s not going to always be easy. Trial and error, push and pull, right? We’d have never met if it wasn’t for that place. So, what better word?”
“Showboat it is,” he agreed and lifted her up to stand before him. “Hard limits?”
Eve cocked a hip and couldn’t fight the frown forming. “You speak this language pretty well.”
An evil smirk slashed across his perfect mouth. “This shocks you?”
“Yeah. I guess not...okay. Um, anything that would cause real pain? It’s not pain that stimulates me.”
“Is that so?” A small grin spread across his full lips, like he knew something she didn’t. “How hard is that limit?”
She tilted her head. “What do you mean? You said hard limits, that’s pretty damn hard.”
“Hmm. Okay.”
Jake yanked her to him, closing the space between them. He slid his hand under her shirt and over her breast, kneading the swell until she moaned. An arm around her back plastered her to him. He rubbed her nipple with his thumb and covered the other with his mouth through her shirt. Switching up, he rolled one nipple between his thumb and index finger. He sucked the opposite peak into his mouth at the same time he pinched her so hard, she jolted back. When his teeth closed around the other one, she immediately shoved her hands through his hair, intending to push him away, but when he smoothed the pain away with a flat tongue and soft caress on the other side, she got caught somewhere between pleasure and pain.
Before she could process her reaction, he tugged her sweats down just below her ass and pushed one hand between her legs. He slid his middle finger between her lower lips and rubbed over her surprisingly wet entrance, proving his point before gliding it inside her.
Pulling her head down to him, his hot mouth played at her ear.
“You like a little more pain than most, love. You always have. So when I ask you how hard is that limit, I want you to at least consider trying things you haven’t tried. If you don’t like it, no more, but I want you open to different experiences.”
He kept stroking her while he spoke, sliding a finger in and out of her slowly, pulling out occasionally to run it up around her clit.
Her eyelids fell halfway closed.
“Okay,” she moaned, before clearing her throat and focusing back on him.
He smirked at her reaction, which only made her hotter.
“So, hard limits. Try again. What’s definitely a no-go?” He stopped touching her, but kept his hand where it was, tapping her chin with his other hand. “I need you coherent for this conversation, baby.” He chuckled. “No-gos?”
Speech, that’s right—an important thing. Hard limits...
“Anal sex. Hard limit.”
Jake nodded, but kept studying her face.
“Anal play?”
The shower she’d taken with him two years ago flashed through her head. He’d pushed her there in that shower...and she hadn’t hated it. When she’d gotten beyond the idea of what he was actually doing to that part of her body and remembered how it felt...she might be able to handle it. Might? No, she was okay if she were being honest.
“Okay.”
He slid his finger from her entrance and teased it along her perineum, that tiny space between her ass and her opening.
“Yes or no.”
“Yes,” she whispered.
“Mmm,” Jake moaned. “That’s enough for now,” he said as he continued to tease her. “You ready, love?”
This was it. They were finally starting their life together. A life she’d always wanted with the one man she’d loved in some way the vast majority of her life. There would be no more hiding, no more denying what she wanted, who she was or fearing he’d leave. She’d bared herself to him and he’d accepted every part of her—the good, the bad, the dark and the light. She’d never been more ready for anything in her thirty-eight years.
“I’ve been ready since the day you kissed me, Jake.”
* * *
“Take your clothes off, baby.”
Jake used an iron tone, an octave or so lower than his normal speaking voice that
would be unfamiliar to her. He’d always been careful with Eve, as he would be with a frightened animal, afraid she’d bolt from him, but no more. Pride coursed through him as he looked at her, owning what she needed, what she wanted. Finally.
Her eyes snapped to his, making his cock hard—submission was so much a part of what made her who she was. The sweetest gift he’d ever been given.
“Slowly,” he clarified, enjoying the apprehension in her blue eyes and the way her nipples tightened under her thin shirt.
Reaching for the hem of her tee, she pulled the bottom up and over her breasts. When her head popped out the top of the shirt, he grabbed her thigh, giving it an affirming squeeze, keeping her present. He didn’t want her getting lost in her head—yet. Only when he forced her there. She had a tendency to get lost in him when they were together. This was about her giving herself to him without being overwhelmed by him. With no more restrictions, he could take his time with her, enjoy her, her reactions to him, her responses—everything that made her his.
“All of it.”
He glanced at her sweats and then back to her, reasserting his demand. Leaning back on his hands, he let his eyes run her body, taking in the slight indention of her hip bones as she slid the sweats over her ass, down her thighs and calves, to pool on the floor. As she rose, he swallowed a chuckle at her trembling stomach muscles, loving how she struggled to get past her vulnerability for him.
A smirk spread across his face while he reclined to watch her.
“You’ve never done that before. I like watching you undress for me.” He stood, took her hand and traded places with her, sitting her down on the bed. Time to push.
“Remember the night at the restaurant before the hotel?”
“What about it?” Her eyes dropped to her feet.
With a finger under her chin, Jake lifted her head up until their eyes met.
“Eyes on me, love.”
While she claimed looking at him made it harder for her, the tension seeping out of her taut muscles and the slight hunch in her shoulders towards him communicated otherwise. Eve had grown so used to denying what she wanted, it had become an inherent reaction. Now that she trusted him enough to own the truth, he’d have to recondition her to indulge the hungry darker side he’d only caught glimpses of before.
Twenty-Four Hours (Shattered Boundaries Book 1) Page 19