by Ashley Emma
And then this had to happen. Branson had to pick her to become buddy-buddy with the people who had shunned her for leaving.
And to protect the man she had once loved.
She squeezed her eyes shut. The beaches of the Bahamas would be worth it, right? She moved on with her task of dressing.
She let out an exasperated sigh. Where the heck was she supposed to conceal her .45 and be able to pull it out at a second’s notice?
She felt around, looking for a flap in the dress or somewhere she could hide the weapon. She wouldn’t be able to easily pull out a firearm without hiking her skirt up, which would be quite scandalous in Unity. But that was the way it was going to have to be.
She secured her M&P Shield on her leg and clipped her badge onto the leg holster. She really didn’t like leg holsters much. Her normal holster was so much more accessible and comfortable. But it was only temporary.
Liv tried to pull her hair into a bun, which was hard to do since it was so short, so it ended up being a messy ponytail. She smoothed out the kapp and yanked it on, not bothering to tie it, and looked in her full-length mirror.
This was as Amish as she was going to look. Oh wait. She had to wipe off her makeup.
She washed her face, removing the mascara, eyeliner, and light brown eye shadow she had been wearing. She adjusted her kapp back into place.
Now she looked the part. She looked just as scared as she had the day she first approached her mother-in-law about Jake’s cruelty. The same wide eyes, pale face, and racing heart.
Liv was nothing like the woman she had been the day she had gone to Diana’s house to tell her about Jake. She had been hoping for Diana’s help. Not rejection.
Diana had let her in and made her a pot of tea, then they sat down at the kitchen table. Bill had been at work, so it was just the two of them.
“How are you doing, Olivia?” Diana poured Liv a steaming cup of tea.
“That’s why I’m here. I need to talk to you about Jake.”
“What about?” Diana poured herself a cup and mixed in some honey.
Liv sucked in a shaky breath. “There’s no easy way to say this. With my family gone, you are the only mother I have now, besides Aunt Mary. But you are Jake’s mother, so I came to you first.”
“What’s wrong, love?” Diana leaned forward in concern. Gray tresses streaked throughout her brown hair that peeked through under her kapp.
Liv choked, unable to utter the words, “Jake hit me.” Instead, she opened the back of her dress and showed Diana a large bruise on her upper back from when he had pushed her in to a bookshelf.
“What happened to you? Did you walk into a door again?”
“No. How would I get this from walking in to a door? Jake did this to me! He’s been abusing me for three years. At first, I thought it was my fault. But I realize now no matter what I do, he’ll keep abusing me. I can’t live like this anymore. What should I do?” Liv began to cry. She pulled a tissue from her apron and dabbed her eyes. “With my family gone, I thought I should tell you first. I’m so sorry you had to find out like this.”
Diana stared at her in disbelief. She blinked once, again. Then she stood up.
“That can’t be true. I don’t know what you’re talking about. Are you making this up?”
“What?” Dismay flooded her veins. She felt her face go pale. This could not be happening.
“My son would never beat his wife.” Diana tipped up her chin in defiance.
“Look at this!” Liv retorted, pointing to her back.
“I don’t know where you got that, and I don’t care. Even if Jake did hit you, sometimes I think you deserve it. You can’t cook, you can’t sew, and now you are making up lies about him. You haven’t had any children yet. You’re not a proper Amish woman. My son could have married any woman he wanted, but he chose you. You must understand and forgive him for being disappointed in you. But I do not believe he is capable of hurting you like that. There is no way he’s abusing you.”
Liv’s heart plummeted to the hardwood floor. “You’re saying you don’t believe me?”
“That’s right. I don’t believe you.”
Olivia saw anger in Diana’s eyes, deep pain that had been concealed by good deeds and a smiling face for years. Was Diana hiding something too, like Liv had been?
Was her husband abusive, too? Bill Sullivan had not been born Amish. He had left his troubled past in the outside world and married into the community, but it seemed like he had never quite let go of the bitterness of his former life. When their youngest child, Ava, died in a drowning accident while her brothers were supposed to be watching her swim, maybe that had triggered Bill’s violence.
The three Sullivan brothers—Ian, Samuel, and Jake—had all seemed like such happy and carefree children long ago, but they had become withdrawn after the accident. Jake especially was never the same.
Had Bill turned violent after Ava’s death? Was this why Jake was so cruel and abusive, because of his father’s abuse? Because it was all he knew? Even still, Jake should have broken the cycle of abuse. Liv had asked him about his father being abusive several times, but Jake never wanted to talk about it, which made Liv believe her suspicions were correct.
Even though he terrified her, Liv felt sorry for her husband for having to endure such a painful childhood.
Was Bill still taking his anger out on Diana?
Poor Diana, Liv thought. She’s living in the same situation as me, probably feeling just as afraid and trapped. Is she too afraid to admit she knows I’m telling the truth?
Diana’s words sank in even more, and the pain of rejection crushed Liv, seeping into every pore of her body, which hurt worse than when Jake hit her.
“Get out,” Diana seethed through clenched teeth. “And don’t speak about my son in such a way again.”
Olivia turned and reluctantly walked out, heart and soul heavy with sorrow, feeling as though her limbs weighed a hundred pounds each. She let the tears come, and she sobbed in the woods for an hour afterward.
But that was Olivia Sullivan back then—weak, defeated, and a pushover. The Olivia today, Olivia Mast, would have spoken her mind to Diana. She would have gone up to Jake and—
Well, she wasn’t sure quite what, but she would have beat him at his own game, that was for sure. Literally.
Chapter Four
Olivia parked her car in the hospital parking lot under gray clouds that blotted out the sun. The brick red building seemed to loom over her ominously, and she groaned.
“I can’t do this.” She rested her head on the steering wheel. She’d rather—
What? Lose her job?
No. She had to do this. Shutting off the car, she stuck her cell phone and keys in her purse, straightened her kapp, and made sure there was nothing stuck in her teeth. No need to make this meeting more awkward or embarrassing than it had to be.
Once in the lobby, she extracted her phone and checked her notes to see which room he was in. The elevator dinged, and she entered it. Her pulse pounded. She would so much rather be on a tropical beach right now.
When the door opened, she followed the signs to Isaac’s room. Hopefully he was asleep, and she could come back later. She tapped on the door.
“Come in.”
Great. He was awake. Don’t let it be personal. Just do your job.
Before she could think any more about it, she walked inside and stopped short. Poor Isaac. The last time she had seen him, she had been the one with the bruises, but now, he was the one with bruises and bandages on his head. A Bible lay open on his lap, the same worn Bible he had always carried around when they were young.
They stared at each other, and he raised his eyebrows. “Liv?”
Her throat tightened as he beckoned her into the room.
“Come in, Liv! What are you doing here? I mean, you still live in Maine?” The same low voice—so familiar, yet somehow so far away.
Liv ran her fingers over the impeccable stitching
on the hem of her sleeve and willed her heart rate to slow down. She walked toward him and hesitantly sat in the chair next to him. “Yeah, I do. I heard you got hurt, so I came to see you.” She choked out the words and faked a smile, pretending to not be affected by his closeness.
His face was shaved except for some stubble that shaded the edge of his square jaw. That meant he was unmarried...and maybe without a girlfriend.
Oh, God, please help me.
After all this time, of course Isaac Troyer would be the reason she prayed again.
“What have you been doing all these years?” he said.
Good question. She hesitated, and guilt gripped her insides. “You know, just working at a local restaurant. I’ve been renting an apartment not far from here. I just decided to return home today. I wanted to come see you first.” Lies, all lies. But she had a job to do.
“Ah. So that is why you are still carrying your phone.”
She had forgotten to put it back in her purse. “Haven’t gotten rid of all my Englisher things quite yet. But I will.”
As if she would ever really get rid of her phone.
“Was it all you thought it would be? The Englisher’s world?” His green eyes asked many more silent questions than the ones he voiced. Maybe he was wondering if she was with someone. She stared back at him, wishing she had eyelashes as long and dark as his.
“No. I want to come home. I want to rejoin the church.” The worst lie of all.
“Oh, good!” He reached for her hand and squeezed it. “I have been praying you would return one day.”
“Really?” Her heart melted. He had not forgotten her? Had he really thought of her often?
Stop! Focus.
“Yes, Liv. I’ve prayed for you every day since you left.” He gave her hand another squeeze and rested his free hand on his Bible.
An overwhelming sense of admiration and gratitude struck her. He had been praying for her? She sucked in a deep breath. Was this really happening? Her eyes prickled with unshed tears that would have to wait. She blinked them away. “Enough about me. What happened to you?”
“I don’t remember. I just remember waking up in this bed. Everyone tells me Sid Hoffman brought me here. Someone hit me in the head with something and knocked me out, and he found me after. I don’t know what happened.” He shrugged. “But all is well now.”
“All is not well. Bill Sullivan was murdered.” She then lowered her voice, trying to calm down. “Do you know anything about his death?”
“Liv, I know it was a terrible thing that happened, but we must leave vengeance to God,” he said in his low, calming voice. “Do not worry about such things.”
“You don’t want to know who murdered Bill Sullivan?” Her voice rose again.
“No. God will take care of it.”
As if a killer on the loose was no big deal. This was why she had left the church. It was their way to forgive and leave the rest to God, but she couldn’t stand the thought of ignoring a crime.
“Why do you want to know so much about it?” he asked.
“If I am going to live in Unity again, I want to know whether it’s safe.”
“Right. I do see your point. Well, you don’t have to worry. God will protect us if it’s His will.”
“I think once you return home you’ll remember more of the accident.” She tried to distract herself from her own depressing thoughts with the hope that he would recall the incident.
“Even if I did, I would not report the person who did this to me.”
How could he say that? She took a deep breath and looked toward the window. “What if reporting it could save more lives? What if it prevented this person from hurting more people?”
“As I said, this is all in God’s hands. If you will be rejoining us, you must accept these things.”
She was not getting anywhere with him. “Hopefully you can go home soon. Do you want a ride home?”
“I’d appreciate it. You haven’t officially rejoined the church yet, so thankfully, you can still drive. Then we won’t have to hire a driver. Are you going to get rid of your car once you move back home?”
Uh oh. She hadn’t thought of that. Maybe Jeff or one of the guys could come get it. Or she could hide it in the woods somewhere, like some of the teenage boys did when they bought trucks on their Rumspringa.
“Yeah. I guess I’ll sell it.”
“Everyone will be so glad to have you back.” He reached for her hand again.
His touch sent sparks up her arm. Why did he still have this effect on her? It had been years since they had been together. Why couldn’t her heart rate slow down just a little bit? She wasn’t a teenager anymore.
“Are you sure they’ll welcome me back? I mean, I killed Jake, even though it was self-defense.”
“Right. It was self-defense. The police, the jury, and the court decided that when you went to court. And God would also agree. Once you ask for forgiveness, the community will accept you immediately.”
He looked into her eyes, and she couldn’t look away. He had some type of invisible, magnetic, almost magical hold on her, as if he could control her like a marionette doll. And he had no idea.
Her heart didn’t mind at all, but her police-trained brain told her she was being foolish.
“You really think so?” The community and the church might welcome her back, but Jake’s mother and brother, Diana and Samuel Sullivan, might not. They certainly weren’t like the rest. Their family had always been different because Bill Sullivan had grown up Englisher and married into the Amish, bringing all his baggage with him.
“Of course. The community will be glad to have you back.”
Why did he have to be so charming and boyish? This was going to be the hardest
undercover mission she had ever done.
Chapter Five
Finally, the snow was melting. Hopefully they wouldn’t see snow again for a long time. Winters in Maine always seemed to last forever, and it was not unusual to get a snowfall in March or April.
“You look better today.” Olivia wheeled Isaac out of the hospital in a wheelchair. “Not that you didn’t look good yesterday.”
He grinned and looked up at her, catching her blushing, and chuckled at her awkwardness. Then he changed the subject. “Do you really need to push me in this thing?”
“Yes. Would you relax? Now wait here while I go get my car, okay?”
Isaac nodded, still smiling as he watched Liv walk to her car.
He would not lie to himself about one thing—she looked great. She didn’t look a day older than when she had left Unity. That dress still fit her the same as it had in her early twenties, though she did look stronger and more nourished, and she still had the same beautiful smile. However, he had quickly realized her change of attitude.
But that was not strange to him. He had known her as a carefree, awkward, spunky teenager and had loved her then. Then he watched her turn into a withdrawn, pensive, fearful woman after she had married his friend, Jake. The brave and strong side of her came alive the day Jake died. She had changed so much before she had left the faith, and he loved every facet of her. He hadn’t quite figured out this new Liv yet, but he could tell she was strong, opinionated, stubborn, and independent now.
Not quite Amish material, but he liked this side of Liv just as much as the other sides of her personality. Every color of her spirit and character fascinated him. She was like a kaleidoscope—always changing, always vivid, always surprising.
When she pulled up to the hospital entrance, he chuckled again. Her driving a car while dressed in her Amish garb was so funny-looking. She had also driven on her Rumspringa, though she had never participated in drinking, drugs, or partying. And neither had he. Though she had never done anything immoral, she had fun during that short time when Amish youths experience the outside world. At least she had been given a chance to live freely before she had married Jake.
But Jake was gone. And right now, it was just Isaac and Liv
.
He knew he should feel guilty, caring for his deceased friend’s widow in such a way. But he didn’t. Not after the way Jake treated her. Jake had never deserved her. Had never loved her. And even though they had grown up together, clearly Isaac had not known Jake as well as he thought.
What if I had married her? He wondered it for the millionth time. But he pushed the thought out of his head. He couldn’t think like that. The what if’s could make a man crazy.
Liv stepped out of the car. “Need help?”
“No, no. I’m fine.” Isaac stood up and started towards the car, but then a wave of dizziness struck him. He groaned and fell into his wheelchair. “I’m okay,” he mumbled, touching his head. Liv rushed to his side. “Just as stubborn as you used to be. You haven’t changed much. Come on.”
She offered him her hand and he took it, resting his large arm on her smooth, fair skin. For a moment, he was afraid of leaning on her too much. Then he remembered this woman was the strongest person he had ever met. She had already been through so much.
“You’re one to talk.” He wanted to rest his other hand on her arm, just to feel the softness of her skin even more, but he held back, letting her support him as he stumbled into the car. She helped him get situated without a hitch.
“All set?” She smiled.
“Yes. Danki.”
“You’re welcome.” He couldn’t help but notice her smile fade a little at his Pennsylvania Dutch as she turned away to return the wheelchair. Why had that upset her? Once she returned to Unity, they would be speaking a lot more of that form of German. It was the language spoken more often than English in their community, and the children didn’t even learn English until they went to school.
She strode to the driver’s side, got in, and slammed the door shut, glancing at him. The smile was back, though not as strong. “Let’s roll.” She revved the engine then started driving.
He couldn’t help but wonder how she was truly feeling about returning home.
“You’re oddly quiet. You okay?” Isaac asked after they had been driving in the car for a while. Liv had barely said a word.