by S. Moose
“Holy shit,” she yelps, when she turns around and sees me. “Hi.”
“Hi.” I point my thumb over my shoulder. “I like what you did, but you didn’t have to.”
“I wanted to,” she answers. “Just my ways of letting you know how thankful I am that you’re letting me stay with you. Do you like it?”
What she’s done to the house is nice. I’ve never had someone who cared enough to do something like this for me. But I never allowed anyone to get too close after things fell apart between Ashley and me.
Running my fingers through my hair, I let out a breath and turn to stare at her. “I . . . ah . . . how’d you get everything here so fast?”
“Oh. As soon as they heard my name, they guaranteed me fast delivery. They set it all up and told me they were going to get rid of the old appliances. Do you like it, though?” she asks again.
“Yes.” I turn to her once more and smile. “I like it very much. Thank you, Ashley.”
“You’re welcome, Whiskey.”
A few hours pass before I leave my office and head back upstairs to shower and see if Ashley wants to get dinner. Thoughts about my next project make me smile. I’m not sure what possesses me to do this. I’m trying to keep my head straight and not think about her, but whenever we’re together, it’s hard to keep focus.
After my shower, with a towel around my waist, I hear a knock on my door and in walks Ashley. She’s wearing a beautiful black cocktail dress and her long hair cascades down past her shoulders. I’m about to fall on my knees when she twirls around and smiles.
“Get ready, cowboy. I’m taking you out on the town.”
“Ashley . . .” I start to say.
“Nope.” She walks closer to me, places her hand on my arm, and looks at me the way she used to. “I’m taking you out tonight. Just us. No strings attached. I thought about everything and I think we should be friends, mend that relationship, and see if anything comes from that.”
I nod. “Okay. Let me get ready.”
Her face beams with happiness, and the lightness in her eyes comes back. “Sure thing. You know, I was hoping you’d compliment me with how I’m looking, since your jaw’s practically on the ground and all,” she says with a wink.
Suddenly, an image fills my mind of her black dress in a heap on my bedroom floor, and her lying down with her hair flowing across my bedsheets. Quickly, I pull myself away. “You look beautiful. I’m going to get ready. Give me a few?”
“Of course.” She laughs and closes the door behind her.
Chapter 8
Landon
AFTER WE EAT DINNER AND get ice cream at the local parlor in town, we head to the bar. It isn’t much, but it has the best music and drinks in town.
As soon as we’re inside the bar, the music blasts and Ashley grabs my hand, dragging me to the dance floor. I remember how much she loves to dance and how good she is at it. We move together, like we’ve never missed a beat, and after a few songs, we leave the dance floor and head to the bar to get some drinks.
“Are you having fun?” she asks while we wait for our drinks.
“Yeah. It’s nice to get out and relax a little.”
Our drinks come and I watch the way she takes her wine glass and brings it to her lips, closing her eyes, and taking a sip. The way she’s holding her wine glass and drinking it has me mesmerized.
Shit, what the hell am I doing?
We need to leave soon. Putting space between us is important. I can’t confuse what we’re doing together. I have to continue keeping my distance, and ensuring she has everything she needs. I won’t neglect her in that aspect. Nights like these can’t happen again. The boundary line needs to be thick and black, apparent to her, and I need to stick with my plan. Being with Ashley will only bring me shit I’m not ready to deal with again.
“We should get going,” I tell her, and finish my beer.
“Now?”
“Yes.”
“Oh, okay.”
I don’t miss the defeat in her voice or the way her eyes dart away from me. I don’t place my hand on her back while we walk out. I keep a distance from her, the way it needs to be.
The drive back to my house is quiet until she asks, “What’s on your mind?”
I keep my eyes on the road when I answer her. “Why did you turn away that deal they were offering you?”
Ashley stills for a moment before answering. “Because no amount of money and promises were keeping me away from you. I chose you. I should’ve done that years ago. I’ll admit I was selfish and addicted to the spotlight. I loved being recognized and being pampered. Then it got harder and one day I woke up and realized how empty my life was because we weren’t together.”
I’m not sure what to say so I rest one hand on my thigh and relax my other hand on the steering wheel. Ashley’s hand rests on mine and I don’t move it away.
“Anything else on your mind?” she asks me.
“Thinking of the past and what you told me. I had fun tonight.”
“Yeah. Me, too. Thank you for going out and dancing with me.”
“No problem.”
As soon as we’re back home, we both head to our rooms and change out of our clothes into something else before meeting outside. The temperature dropped a little, but it’s still humid out.
I’m sitting on a chair when I hear the door open and close and see Ashley wearing leggings and a loose shirt.
My old shirt.
I watch her sit down next to me; neither of us says anything. The moments we’re sharing are nice, but I need to be realistic. She’s not going to be comfortable living this small-town life, and I don’t plan on leaving Mason.
It’s not lost on me that she’s staring, her eyes searing into me, trying to peel back all my layers. I refuse to turn my head and look at her. I can’t. It’s too much. Even though we spent tonight together, now that we’re home, the tension comes back, and I realize how heavy I feel.
“We’re alone, you know?” she says.
This is true. We are alone and I don’t miss the suggestion in her tone. We could be spending time together, skin on skin, and reconnecting. My dick hardens with the memory of being inside her, of feeling complete. Whole. I would have given Ashley the world. The universe. All the stars in the sky. But I know better now, and I need to remain in control.
Ignoring the pang in my chest, I get up from my chair and head inside the house without letting her know I’m calling it a night. I take the stairs, one by one, and enter my bedroom. The windows in my room face the backyard. My heart wrenches in my chest, and it’s taking everything in me to not go back to her.
A knock on my door gets my attention, and before I can say anything, it opens with Ashley standing in the doorway.
“Are you okay?” I ask slowly.
She rushes in and wraps her arms around my waist, placing her head on my chest. My arms stay by my side. I don’t move.
“Ashley?”
She pulls herself away but remains close, her eyes are shut and I’m not sure what she’s about to say. We’re silent for a few moments. Standing here in the dark with her brings some sort of comfort. The pain is still there and I’m doing everything I can to protect my heart. But the contentment is something I can’t explain.
Or I don’t want to.
“Every night before I went to bed, I sat by the window of my apartment, watching the lights of the city. New York was everything I wanted. I became someone because you believed in me, and it’s that belief that pushed me to be more than a pretty face on the cover. Young women looked up to me, and after my second year, I made changes to advocate for women around the world. It was empowering.”
As much as I want to listen to her talk about the years she spent away from me hurts too much. I can’t stand here, breathing her in, and seeing her without wanting to break down like a damn pussy.
“Landon?”
“Yes?” I answer her.
“I never stopped thinking about you.”
I sigh, letting my head fall forward. Her fingers weave through my hair like she used to do.
“I can’t do this tonight,” I tell her with a hitch of pain to my tone. “You need to leave.” The words leave my lips and I instantly see the hurt in her eyes that causes my walls to chip away.
Ashley doesn’t move away from me. “I know I hurt you. What I want is a second chance to prove my love for you is real and strong.”
We stare at one another in the dark room with just the moonlight through the window. Her silhouette shadows the walls and I can see every curve of the body that I still long for. She’s so fucking beautiful.
My body misses her.
I can’t see her like that or think of her of being my home. It’s irrelevant. She’ll always be beautiful in my eyes, but she broke my heart, and it no longer works. I’m shutting all my feelings for her down.
Permanently.
“Ashley. Go.” It takes everything in me to say those two words.
“Okay, Whiskey. Even though I’m leaving right now, doesn’t mean I’m giving up.”
Chapter 9
Ashley
PAIN ENGULFS ME. IT’S TAKING me under, drowning me, and viciously reminding me of what I might never get back. I cling onto my chest and fall onto the bed. My eyes shift from the ceiling to the door.
Forgive me.
Forgive me.
Forgive me.
Fear consumes me.
My head’s spinning from the aftermath of being in his arms and hearing him dismiss me. The more I push, the more he pulls back, and if I don’t push enough then he’ll think I’m giving up. No matter what I do it’s a lose-lose situation. I weigh both scenarios and sit up on the bed. I can continue pushing him and hope he’ll open up again, or I can give up and confirm everything he’s thinking.
I need to keep pushing.
***
Today I’m meeting Kemper for lunch a little ways outside of town. I need to get away from the gossip and stares. All this town needs is some juicy gossip and everyone’s in an uproar, drinking tea while talking about the latest news.
It’s been a month since I returned home and people are still watching me like a hawk. From the bits I’ve picked up from the grocery store and the shops, they’re wondering when Landon and I will get back together. They hope we’ll find our way to one another and settle down.
I’m wondering that, too.
The diner’s quaint and has a homey feeling. I’m standing by Kemper’s car, the one he’s letting me use until I can get my own. The large wooden welcome sign makes me smile for some reason. It’s as if I’m getting permission to walk in and not feel like the center of attention.
As I make my way inside the diner, I immediately see Kemper sitting at a booth on the other side. I rush over and surprise him by sliding into his seat and giving him a big hug.
“How’s my baby sister doing?”
I shrug and move out of his seat to sit in mine. “Confused. Hurt. Motivated.”
“Uh-huh. This got to do with your ex-boyfriend, Landon?”
“Of course. Who else would make me feel like this?” I sigh and rest my hands on the table. “He went to Kentucky without me two weeks ago.” I lower my voice and my head. “I stayed at his house and didn’t leave the entire time he was gone. I’m pathetic.”
“Nah. You’re in love. I need to say something to you.”
“Okay, go ahead.”
“It has been a month and you’re still living with him. I don’t know what you’re doing, but I think you’re missing the bigger picture of all of this. In your head, you want him back so you can ride with him into the sunset.”
I nod in agreement.
“And that’s your problem. You want this to be easy and for him to open his arms and take you back without a second thought. He’s shocked and scared, Ash. He needs to see you aren’t going to up and leave again. The only thing that’s clear is how much he loves you.”
“Yeah,” I quietly agree. I can see his fears and I completely understand.
Things between Landon and I aren’t the greatest. We’re living together, but our lives are separate. He spends most of his day helping Gunner and Jeff at the ranch, and then goes to tend to the horses. When he gets back home, we have dinner and talk about little things like how our days went, or our plans for the next day. I don’t dare go into his bedroom anymore, and we haven’t gone out since that night.
I glance around and see a few tables with people and an empty booth. A young teenage couple catches my attention. They’re sharing a vanilla milkshake, and holding hands, while staring at one another.
I immediately think about Landon and how we’d sit in a booth at the diner with our milkshake and fries.
“You know I’m on your side, right?”
Kemper’s voice gets my attention and I answer, “Of course.”
“Why are you really back? You haven’t said too much to Mama, and I’m sure you haven’t seen your friends. Talk to me, Ash. What’s going on?”
The question doesn’t throw me off guard. I put on a brave face and tell him why I’m back.
***
My two best friends from high school, Leigh and Shelby, begged me to come out tonight to catch up. I felt bad since I never reached out to them when I came home. After agreeing to meet, I watched them leave and I was happy they wanted to hang out. It’ll be good to catch up with them.
The Rustic, Mason’s one and only bar, is nothing compared to where I used to party. I use the word “party” loosely. I didn’t get into the whole party scene. I’d show up at a new club opening or a birthday celebration. While mostly everyone around me drank, I stayed sober and watched out for my friends. One day the paparazzi loves you, yet the other days, they can’t wait to show you in a bad light.
I keep it simple tonight by wearing dark, skinny jeans with an off-the-shoulder white shirt and, of course, my light brown boots.
It’s crazy busy tonight. The bar’s crowded with people hanging out and drinking, while the dance floor’s full of people two-stepping and moving around to some good ol’ country music. Leigh and Shelby are dressed to impress, with their tight shirts and short denim shorts.
“I read online how you posted your goodbye. Most of the comments are wishing you well and thanking you for being an inspiration. We’re so proud of you, Ash.” Leigh and Shelby touch my hand, give it a squeeze, and let it go before taking a drink of their mint juleps.
I slowly take a sip of my white wine and set the glass down. Being here tonight makes me realize how much I’ve missed. This is home. Not the city or a European country. Mason is where my dreams will come true.
“I heard from Fannie Mae that Landon turned down Magnolia today when they ran into each other at the store. Mmmm-hmmm. It was a hot mess. Magnolia came up to him, hooked her claws into his chest, and he politely moved away. Apparently, Magnolia told Landon that her parents are out of town until next week and he should stop over.”
Magnolia Edgeworth.
Just hearing her name makes me roll my eyes. I try to hold back my feelings since Whiskey’s not mine.
Magnolia’s had her eyes on Landon since we were babies in school. She chased him around the playground and always asked him if he wanted to come over and play. The thing about Landon, even when he was a little boy, his mama taught him to be a gentleman, no matter what. Each time Magnolia asked him to play, Landon gently let her down.
As we got older, her advances were bolder, but Landon remained polite. It changed once we became a couple. Magnolia gave up, but each time my back was turned, she came around and wanted to hang out with Landon.
She’s the definition of a hot mess.
“Oh!” Shelby snaps her fingers, trying to get our attention. “Have you seen Memphis lately?”
“I heard he just got back into town,” Leigh adds.
“Where’d he go?” I ask, wondering about Memphis. My heart hurts thinking about him and hearing his name.
; When we were growing up, it was Landon, Leigh, Shelby, Memphis, and me. Next to Landon, Memphis was my best friend. He was my rock and Landon was my boulder. The five of us always hung out. Things were never weird and we never fought. The guys protected us, and mostly all the other guys in school were scared to talk to us, especially me, but I didn’t care. I only had eyes for Landon. We were family and we were there for one another—until I tore us apart.
“Last I heard, Mama said he was in California and then traveled to Alaska. His pictures are beautiful and being published in magazines nationwide. Mama told me that his mama told her his photos might be going international.”
I smile, thinking about how much Memphis loves his camera and taking snapshots. His talent is remarkable. What he can do with a camera, by capturing the natural beauty, truly comes alive when you’re looking at the picture.
Before Leigh says anything else, loud cheers ring through the noisy bar. The shouting gets our attention and I see Memphis walking in. I stare at him, instantly feeling sad and guilty. Landon hasn’t mentioned him, so I’m not sure if they’re still friends or not. Even though Leigh and Shelby are my girlfriends and Landon’s my heart, Memphis is my person.
“Damn he looks good,” Leigh whispers.
“Dear Lord he sure does,” Shelby agrees and takes a sip of her drink. “I hope he’s back for good so we can all get together.”
Another pang tugs at my chest.
“Yeah,” I mumble.
My eyes are still on him and I can’t look away. I should go up to him, talk to him, and pray that he doesn’t hate me the way Landon does. As if he can sense me, he turns around and our eyes meet. He shakes his head and talks to a few people before leaving. Without thinking, I get up from my chair and rush toward him. Once we’re both outside, I shout out his name and he immediately stops.
“Please, let me explain,” I pant, trying to catch my breath. “Please.”