by Janey, C. S.
The wonderful thing about small towns is that not much ever really changes. The early hour - seven a.m. - meant that the lack of shoppers made for a nice quiet moment to myself. Soon, I headed home.
Driving past Grace’s place - the same place we had shared all those years ago - I slowed down as the front door opened and a man stepped into it. Not wanting to be too obvious I kept driving even though Grace had never seen this car. I gasped as I recognized who she kissed just as I drove out of their sight.
None other than Stefan’s brother, Evan.
Turning the corner, I parked and picked up my phone, dialing.
“Hello?” Grace answered, her voice breathy.
“Well hi there,” I replied, grinning. “Are you having a nice morning?”
“Oh, hey Elizabeth. I’ve just been relaxing since Lyndsey is with my mother this weekend. How are you?”
“Got back into town last night, went shopping this morning. On my way home, mind if I stop by?”
She was silent for a moment. “Sure, how long?”
“Just a couple minutes. See ya then.”
Grace hung up without replying.
Sitting in my car for a few minutes, I wondered if she was going to tell me about Evan. Did Stefan know? I’d have to ask her.
I drove off and went around the block so I came in from the right direction, just in case she was watching.
Why would I even think such a thing? She had no reason to believe I saw anything. Rolling my eyes at myself, I pulled into her now empty driveway.
She opened the door as I walked up the steps. She’d changed her clothing style - it was definitely more of what I considered mom style with jeans and a t-shirt than the Grace I knew years ago who dressed up on a daily basis, no matter what activity she had planned for the day. The difference shocked me, even though I knew it shouldn’t. People changed, Stefan had said, and obviously it was more true than I wanted to admit.
Smiling at me, she stepped back. “Come on in! It’s so good to see you when it’s not over Skype!”
I walked past her and she shut the door. We hadn’t seen each other in person since I’d left, but her enthusiasm at seeing me seemed a bit forced. At least, I thought so. It had been so long, perhaps I simply remained out of touch with in person body language. Yeah, that had to be it.
“I can’t stay for long since I went shopping,” I replied, making sure my voice didn’t betray the troubles in my mind. “I just wanted to stop in for a few minutes.”
Okay, my intent was nosiness, but I wasn’t going to say that out loud to her.
“Well, do you want a quick cup of tea?”
I nodded, relieved that she seemed oblivious to the tension. “That would be great, thanks.”
We headed to the kitchen and I took a seat while she flitted around preparing the tea.
“So how is Lyndsey?”
She threw me a real smile over her shoulder as she put the electric kettle on. “She’s her usual bubbly self. She’s getting to the age where she has a reply for everything I say. No matter what I say, for that matter.”
“Basically, she’s a little mini you?” I asked, laughing.
“Ha, ha, yeah! She’s definitely got my attitude.”
The silence following it seemed awkward. I didn’t like it. This was the first time since before I left where our friendship seemed that way. Grace still faced away from me and I wondered if anybody knew about her dating Evan. Unable to resist asking, I kept my voice light and cheery as I spoke.
“You seeing anyone? It’s been a long time for you, hasn’t it?”
And for the first time in our friendship, Grace lied to me.
She shrugged. “Nope, I can’t say I am. Been so busy with Lyndsey and focusing on work.”
I didn’t give away that I knew she lied because I wanted to figure out why she’d do such a thing. “Aw, that’s too bad.”
“Not really. I’ve survived this long without a man, surely I don’t need one now right?” She opened up the cupboard and reached in.
“I suppose. I thought the same thing, but I think Stefan and I might work things out,” I answered with a smile, my mouth going dry at the confession. I hadn’t planned to say anything but she was my friend and I wanted to share even though I knew her feelings about him.
I jumped when the mug she was holding hit the counter with a distinct reaction of surprise. Grace whirled around, glaring at me.
“You’ve got to be kidding me!”
Irritated at the reaction, even though I’d expected it, I grinned. “Nope, I’m not! You should just be happy for me.”
She huffed. Huffed! “I’m sorry, but I can’t be. You two aren’t good for each other.”
I titled my head to the side and lifted a brow at her. “That isn’t what you said when he and I were engaged.”
“What I said was wrong,” she snapped back, whirling around to face the counter again. “It was a long time ago, too.”
Her vehemence did shock me then. This went way beyond her just not liking him for leaving me and my chest burned with sudden anger. I could see her hands shaking as she poured the hot water into the mugs. Not wanting her to burn herself, I waited until she finished pouring before I spoke, no longer willing to bite my tongue.
“I saw you, Grace. I saw you kissing Evan because I drove by as he was coming out the door. If you’re trying to keep it a secret, you failed.”
She froze, her back straightening. When she turned toward me, her face was pale, eyes wide with fear.
What the hell?
“Please don’t tell Stefan,” she pleaded.
“Why would Stefan care? Wouldn’t he be happy that his brother is happy?”
“He’s…” she licked her lips and took a deep breath. “Evan isn’t ready to tell his brother yet. I told him we should, but he insists that he will when he’s ready.”
“Oh, I see.” I really didn’t. I just couldn’t think of anything else to say. “How long has this been going on?”
Her face filled with color even as she looked down at her hands. “How long? Uh…well, about two years now.”
I jerked my head back in shock. “What? You’ve been keeping it a secret for two years?”
Grace’s lip quivered and I knew she was about to burst out crying. “Yes. Please, you can’t say anything.”
“Why the hell not? Why would Stefan care? You haven’t answered me.”
“We’re just not ready to tell anyone. Please?”
She continued to beg me, avoiding my questions. Confused and quite frankly hurt, I nodded even though I didn’t want to agree. I stood up. “I’ll pass on the tea. I’ve gotta go,” I said as I turned toward the door.
“Okay. Thanks,” she whispered behind me. I didn’t look back.
As I got into my car, I couldn’t do anything except shake my head and wonder what the hell had just happened.
According to Stefan, him and Grace weren’t even close. Perhaps that had something to do with it? Did they have a fight or something that he didn’t think was important to tell me about?
Putting it in my things to discuss with Stefan later, I drove home to put the groceries away before making the visit to my mother that filled me with dread.
~*~
“Hello darling! Come in!”
My mother’s cheery greeting at the door made me suspicious. I didn’t let on though, choosing to smile and walk past her.
“Hi mother. I hope all is well with you.”
Ugh, I hated myself at that moment. I sounded all proper and more like a friend than her only daughter.
She just smiled at me and took my arm, leading me toward the living room. “How was the trip?”
As she sat on the couch, I took a seat in a chair across from her. “It was fine.”
She nodded, not saying anything else as her leg shook nervously.
I knew the feeling. I took a deep breath and leaned forward, using my knees as a rest for my elbows as I put my head in my hands.
“Mom, what’s wrong?”
Her eyes, so like my own, were the saddest I’d seen them since my father had left. And they were focused on me.
“You know,” I stated. “But who…?”
I didn’t even need to finish the question. I knew that Richard, Stefan’s father, had told her.
“Can’t I do anything on my own without people divulging my personal stuff before I get the chance to?”
She shook her head before glaring at me through her tears. “Why wouldn’t you tell me, Elizabeth? What made you refuse to confide in me, when I’ve always been there for you?” Her voice quivered, the pain at my unintended rejection of her never more clear than in that moment. A pain I’d heard over the years and had willfully ignored. “I’d have been right by your side!”
At the sting of tears in my own eyes, I stood up and walked to the couch, sitting next to her.
“I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I was just so ashamed…”
She cut me off. “Oh shush! You have nothing to be ashamed of!”
And for the first time since my teen years, my mother hugged me and I let her. Wrapping my arms around her, we cried together.
~*~
After a bout of crying and many tissues later, we made our way into the kitchen to have lunch. As my mother made some food, I sat at the table and enjoyed seeing the smile on her face.
I still didn’t know how I would tell Stefan. Figuring my mom might have some insight, I decided to ask her. “You knew Stefan was coming to get me, didn’t you?”
“The whole town knew where he was going honey,” she replied, grinning. “How did it go?”
I knew my face was flushed. Even though I knew I was an adult, admitting to my mother that Stefan and I had jumped each others bones within two hours of him arriving seemed embarrassing. “You mean besides the fact he tricked me into a road trip?”
She threw her head back, laughing. The joy in it had my heart squeezing with guilt again. “It is kind of funny, now. But I was pretty ticked.”
“Well, I’m on his side.” Mom brought the salad and sandwiches over to the table and sat down. “It was long past time for you to come home. I just wish I’d done it myself.”
Seeing she was getting teary eyed again, I patted her hand. “I’m here now. That’s all that matters, right?”
She nodded and began eating. It was quite for a few moments until I spoke again. “He doesn’t know. I…I’m supposed to tell him tonight.”
“Just tell him straight up, Elizabeth. He’s a good man and he loves you. How you could have ever thought otherwise is beyond me, especially since he hounded me for years to give him your number.”
I shook my head. “I never thought he didn’t love me. I just didn’t love myself after that.”
“In that case, always love yourself darling, even if it hurts. As long as you believe in yourself, what others believe won’t matter as much, if at all.”
I was the one with the watery smile then. “Thanks mom. I know he deserves the truth. He always did.”
She sighed then, putting her sandwich down and covering my hand with hers. “Just remember, it’s been five years and you’ve both probably done things that you perhaps regret or wish were different. Be open and honest. Let him be that too and be kind to yourself and to him, okay? Not everybody gets a second chance with love.”
Somehow, I got the feeling there was a warning about Stefan in what she was saying. I also figured that it was all she was going to say by the fact she started eating again. Nodding, I followed suit and ate my lunch. The rest of the time passed with a comfortable silence that had me wishing I’d done this years ago.
And wondering what I’d been so afraid of. Perhaps telling Stefan wouldn’t be so bad after all.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
The television blaring, I jumped up with a yelp as a hand landed on my shoulder. Jerking my head around, Stefan stared back at me, the grim look on his face illuminated by the overhead light.
It had gotten so late that I hadn’t expected his arrival. Looking at the clock, I glared at him as I turned the television off and took a calming breath. “You scared the crap out of me! It’s ten p.m. Couldn’t you have at least sent me a text to let me know you were coming over?”
Not saying a word, he loosened his tie and sighed. He looked yummy. I’d never seen him dressed up in a suit before - must be something he’d picked up when he’d became a business owner - and I wanted to do nothing else but jump his bones. Pulling the tie off, he dropped it onto the couch and shrugged out of his jacket. Then, he picked up my phone, which was sitting on the side table, and handed it to me.
“I texted you about ten minutes ago,” he finally responded, starting to unbutton his shirt. “It’s not my fault you had the TV up so high you couldn’t hear anything else.”
I held up a hand, not even bothering to look at my phone. “Wait. Why are you undressing right here?”
He grimaced and removed his shirt. “I hate these suits. I’d rather be naked.”
Resolving not to stare at his chest, I scowled and looked down. “What, you think you’re staying the night?”
“Yes.”
“How presumptuous of you.”
“Really, Ellie? Are we back to that?” I could hear the weariness in his voice and suddenly felt guilty for giving him crap. “I have no reason to come here since my place is closer to town. I could have not come to see you. Would you have preferred that?”
I shook my head and he walked around the sofa. Gathering me in his arms, he sat down on the sofa and placed me so I faced him, straddling his lap.
“You promised we would talk tonight so…let’s talk.”
I gulped and lick my lips as my stomach knotted. “It-it’s late, we could always wait until tomorrow.”
His hands slid up my bare legs before gripping my thighs gently. “No, Ellie. It’s time and I’m wide awake now.”
Placing my hands flat against his chest, I avoided his eyes by closing mine.
This is it, Ellie. Do it.
“I…I didn’t just get hit in the head,” I finally said as his hands rubbed up and down my legs in what I assumed was supposed to be a soothing manner. “There was more.”
His whole body tensed under mine as if he knew what came next, but I forged ahead before he could say anything.
“I didn’t remember anything other than getting hit - I still don’t. Everybody…” I took a deep breath to steady myself and keep from crying. “Nobody saw anything out of the ordinary so…I didn’t get anything else but my head checked out.”
“Ellie…” He lifted a hand to grip my chin and I jerked my head up to find tears filling his eyes. “You were—?”
I cut him off and jerked away, standing up. “Yes! I never meant to hurt you, dammit! Your mother, she begged and begged me to tell you when you got home, but I just couldn’t do it!” I knew I was shouting now, but I didn’t care. “I didn’t want to face you and tell you I only knew I’d been raped because I got pregnant!”
He sucked in a breath, his eyes going wide as he spoke. “Why not? You didn’t trust me?”
“No!” I shouted. “Don’t you see that it never had anything to do with you, for fucks sake? I was ashamed! Somebody had done something to me while I was knocked out and I had no idea! Then to find out I was pregnant and knowing I couldn’t keep—that I couldn’t handle—” I couldn’t even finish my sentence, the words practically choking me now.
At that he stood up and stalked toward me, grabbing my upper arms in his hands. He squeezed his eyes shut and as I saw the tear roll down his cheek, I started sobbing even harder.
“You should have told me, honey,” he whispered, dragging me into his arms and hugging me tightly. “I never, ever would have left you if I’d known. I swear.”
“I-I t-tried, I did!”
I really had. I’d started so many times only to end
up deflecting with something that had ended up pissing him off.
He stroked my hair. “I know you did. I should have been more patient.”
“Please…don’t blame yourself. You…you couldn’t have known.”
This whole thing had my energy sapped, making me tired and weary. My head lay against his chest as he took a deep breath and sniffled.
I’d only ever seen him get emotional like this once and it had been the day he’d finally left me.
Lifting my head, I brought my hands up to wrap around his neck.
“I’m exhausted.”
He didn’t even say anything. And I didn’t need to say another word. He picked me up and carried me to bed.
Something told me that we were gonna be all right and as I lay next to him snuggled in his arms, I slept more sound than I had in ages.
~*~
The next morning I woke up rather early.
Still wrapped in Stefan’s arms, I lifted my head to look at the clock across the room.
Six thirty a.m. on the dot. On a Saturday. I wasn’t shocked though because my body had gotten used to waking up this early for work these past five years.
I tried to figure out a way to slip out of his grasp without waking him. He’d thrown his leg over one of mine, with one arm around my waist and the other under my neck. It was almost our signature sleep position and amazingly, we always woke up the way we fell asleep. Well, except me, since I’d go from lying on my right side to waking up on my back.
Turning my head, I examined him. His breathing was deep and even, his mouth slightly open. I knew that if he was to wake up right now, his already dark blue eyes would be nearly black from sleep. A slow grin would make its way across his face as his hands would begin to roam my body, ready for a morning session of lovemaking that would leave me breathless.
I tried to lift his arm off my waist and it wouldn’t budge. Stretching, I rolled toward him with the hope he would release me and his arms tightened instead.
Drat.
His low chuckle gave away the fact he wasn’t asleep although his eyes were still closed.
“You can’t leave. I’ve gotten used to cuddling you again while I sleep,” he murmured. “Besides, you’re all warm.”