by Janey, C. S.
“I’m sure that’s rough.”
“It is what it is. Then again, I’m on a date with you, so I really can’t complain.”
I giggled, holding out my glass even as I felt my face heat with his subtle compliment. “I think I need more wine.”
He filled both of our glasses up again, our dinner arriving seconds later.
“Wow, that was fast!”
“The chef is amazing. Really, the entire staff is.”
I was sure what he said was true, especially since the food tasted absolutely delicious. Eating hadn’t been something I felt like doing the past week so I ate a bit slower to avoid getting sick, watching him from underneath my eyelashes. He came across as a very graceful, put together man. Alongside his charm and sense of humor, I contemplated why he was still single. Was it just his job and the hours at work that kept someone from seeing a future with him?
After my third glass of wine, I knew I’d had too much. Not having had a drink in years - with the exception of before Liliana’s funeral - the wine hit me harder than it should have. I tried not to let it show as we finished up dinner.
“I was let go from my job,” I shared with him, answering his earlier question from in the car. “That’s why I came home. I had no reason to stay there.”
“So Stefan had nothing to do with it?”
I knew I must be more than a bit tipsy if I could recognize how sober Simon was by looking at him. His face had become serious. I looked down at my hands.
“I was planning to come back anyway. I had no reason to stay there any longer. He just brought me back sooner. He—He really wanted to try again, he said, but I wasn’t sure. Hell I’m still not sure, especially now.”
He inclined his head in acknowledgment. “I understand. So whats your plans then? Looking for work?”
I shrugged as I looked back up at him. “I didn’t really have a plan. Everything has happened so fast…”
The waiter put the bill on the table and without taking his eyes off me, Simon put his card into the holder and handed it back with a ‘thank you’.
Putting his hand over mine, he caught my eyes with his. “Are you okay?”
I couldn’t help but giggle, which gave me away. “Why do you ask?”
“You’ve got a slightly unfocused look on your face, that’s why. How long has it been since you drank?”
I hiccuped then, which just made me laugh harder.
Simon stood up and came around to me, pulling me up from my chair as the waiter arrived back at the table.
Seconds later, we were outside the restaurant walking toward the car. I stopped abruptly and Simon looked at me with one brow raised. “What is it?”
I turned left and then right, staring up at the buildings. “What street are we on?”
“Why?”
“A year, you said a year! What used to be here?”
He must have heard the sudden panic in my voice, his grip tightening on my arm.
I looked up into his eyes and saw exactly what I feared. This building used to be the club, but I hadn’t recognized it because of the new buildings surrounding it and the new decor inside.
“Fuck,” he swore. “I’m sorry, I should have…Get in the car Elle, come on.”
That’s when I heard his voice. I stiffened and jerked my head to the left, only to see Lawrence stepping out of his car while on his cell phone. He hung up as he started to walk across the street. Seeing us standing there, he tipped his hat, no recognition in his eyes as he entered the restaurant.
It was him. He’d done it.
My brain shouted at me, my body suddenly cold, sober.
“Elle? What’s wrong?”
“I…” Not sure what to say to a man who didn’t even know the whole story, I turned toward the car. “Nothing, let’s go.”
Simon looked as if he wanted to say something, but decided against it.
Moments later, we were headed home in total silence.
~*~
“I suppose what happened to me was known enough for you to find out too?” We had just arrived back at my place.
Simon turned the engine off and turned to face me. “I know the basics. I have a feeling that wasn’t it though - not by the way you stiffened when you saw that man.”
I wanted to puke, that’s how sick I felt in that moment. “I don’t know that it was him. I don’t remember anything.”
I watched as his expression clouded in anger. “Your mind remembered, even if you don’t know the specifics. Something clicked.”
A tear slid down my cheek and I swiped it away. “It doesn’t matter anymore. I don’t think he recognized me. There is no proof.”
“Are you fucking serious? Of course it matters!” Then he paused, frowning. “What do you mean there is no proof? Proof of what?”
I hadn’t meant to say that. I didn’t want to discuss this, feeling sicker by the second. I grabbed the handle and opened the door. “I have to go.”
“Elle. Stop.” I paused but didn’t look at him and he sighed. “Let me walk you to your door.”
“I’m fine,” I protested, even as he closed his door and came around to mine. “I can do it by myself.”
“Even if that’s true, you were tipsy enough at the restaurant to require assistance.” He took my arm with his and shut the door. “I won’t let you fall, Elle. You are really upset. You can talk to me you know.”
I continued to say nothing as we walked up the steps and stopped. Digging for my keys, I became frustrated when I couldn’t find them thanks to the tears blurring my eyes. Simon grabbed my purse.
“Let me help.” He rummaged around for a few seconds in the dark.
“I don’t know why the porch light hasn’t come on,” I mumbled and he chuckled as he pulled my keys out.
“Don’t worry, I’m good at feeling for things in the dark.”
The joke caught me unawares and made me laugh, which then turned into a sob.
“Damn it,” Simon said as he pulled me into his arms. “Wrong time to try and be funny.”
“I’m s-sorry—”
“Don’t be. Let’s get you inside.”
He released me and using his cell for light - why hadn’t I thought of that? - slid the key home, opening the door.
“Which way to your room?” He asked as we stepped in and he shut us inside.
“Uh…up the steps to the right.”
“Do you need anything from down here?”
I shook my head and he guided me up the steps, one hand on my elbow.
With his solid grip and softly spoken questions, I got the impression he was in doctor mode now, making sure I made it safely to bed so I didn’t hurt myself. The thought made me smile.
“You’re sweet,” I announced rather loudly and winced. “Pfft…I guess I’m a lightweight.”
He led me to the bed, where I promptly fell forward on it.
I heard him chuckle as he sat down on the bed. “Do you need anything? Or for me to call someone, perhaps to come over here so you won’t be alone?”
I lifted my head but just barely, turning to look at him only to find myself staring at his leg. “Uh…aren’t you here? I’m not alone.”
“I can’t stay, Elle. You probably won’t even remember this in the morning. How you got so drunk off of three glasses is amusing, though.”
I blew a piece of hair out of my face, lifting myself up on my elbows. My brain was definitely muddled. I didn’t understand why he couldn’t stay. “Why not?”
Oh god, had my voice quivered? I think so.
He reached out, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear, not saying a word.
Tears clouded my vision. “I’ve ruined our date haven’t I?”
Why did I care? I hadn’t wanted to go out with him really, had I? It was just meant to piss off Stefan…but then I started to like him. Crap, when had that happened?
His face fell. “No,” he replied sharply. “You didn’t do anything wrong, Elle. I don’t need you to tell me what happened, I put
it together myself. You’ve every right to be upset. I’m not rejecting you.”
The tears came harder at his words, at his discovery and the next thing I knew, I was lying next to him in bed, cradled in his arms.
I don’t know how long I cried, but he just held me, stroking my hair, silent.
When morning came, he was gone and I had no idea of when I’d fallen asleep.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
As luck would have it, I didn’t have a hangover. Thanking the stars for that, I changed clothes and headed downstairs.
My purse was right by the door on the table and I searched through until I found my phone. Seeing it was dead, I put in the charger before heading out the door to go grocery shopping. I’d just text Simon when I got back in.
I arrived at the store minutes later, which was near empty due to the early hour, as always. The lone cashier smiled as I walked by and I smiled back at her.
Strolling through the aisles, I had nearly finished shopping when I ran into Penny.
“Oh, hi Elizabeth!”
I’d always liked Penny. She and I shared a similar sense of humor, along with being shy and introverted.
“Hey Penny. How are you?”
“You’re asking about me?” Her mouth had rounded in an ‘o’ of surprise. “It’s me who has been worried about you!”
I gave her a small smile. “I guess you heard.”
She rolled her eyes. “My brother is a dingbat. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you myself, I really should have instead of listening to his promises that he would. We all thought you knew when you came to brunch…”
I shrugged. “It’s okay. I think he should have told me himself too. It was his place, not anybody else’s.”
At that, her face lit up. “You wanna do something some time? I know you don’t have many friends, but I consider you my friend.”
“Did Stefan…?” I couldn’t even finish the question.
She nodded, her eyes going soft with sympathy. “He didn’t give specifics, he just said there was more to it. We understand everything. How anyone could be mad at you for that would be beyond my understanding!”
“Thanks, Penny. I’d like that. I’ll call you later okay?”
“Sure!” She gave me a hug before heading off in the other direction.
I just sighed in relief that I hadn’t run into Stefan instead and finished shopping.
However, as I pulled up in the driveway, I realize I’d spoken too soon. Stefan was sitting on the front porch and lifted his head from his hands as I got out and shut the car door.
“What did you plan to do, sit there all day until I got back?”
“If I had to, yes.”
I crossed my arms over my chest, standing a few feet away from him, scowling. Afraid he would touch me, afraid he wouldn’t. Still angry, still hurt yet desiring him so much it hurt. I wanted to hate him for hurting me as much as I wanted him to just take me in his arms. I fisted my hands, my nails biting into my skin in order to keep from touching him.
He looked like shit, his red eyes giving away the fact he probably hadn’t slept well in days. At least he knew how I felt, although I’d slept really well last night for the first time in a week.
I turned and went to my trunk, pulling out my groceries. Stefan showed up beside me and pulled out the rest before closing the lid.
“Uh, thanks.”
We were inside and heading to the kitchen before he spoke again. “I’m an idiot.”
“Duh.” I started putting the groceries away, making sure to avoid looking at him or being near him. He stood near the door, not really daring to come inside, his hands shoved in his jean pockets.
“I wasn’t sure you were getting my messages.”
Slam, slam, slam.
The cans of tomato sauce hit the counter as I put them down with more force than necessary. I heard him sigh and smiled to myself.
“How many times am I going to have to apologize, Ellie?”
At that I turned around, glaring at him. “As many times as it takes, Stefan, and then perhaps some more. What you and her did was inconsiderate. How you finally had to tell me was just fucking ridiculous. You should have told me before you were forced to!”
He flinched, his face reddening at my reprimand.
“You shouldn’t have come here. I’m not ready to even consider forgiving you, let alone talk with you like a civil person.”
His expression clouded as his jaw tensed. “What you meant to say is that you obviously can’t be that hurt since you already went on a date with what’s his name.”
“Considering you went and fucked what’s her name in no time after I left, you can’t really talk can you?”
He stormed toward me, his fists clenched. “You slept with him?”
I laughed at the incredulity in his voice. “His name is Simon and it’s none of your business!”
“In that case, her name is Grace and it’s not any of your business!”
With that, I slapped him.
As his hand flew up to his cheek and mine covered my mouth, he laughed.
Laughed.
“Feel better, honey?”
I pointed toward the door. “Get out.”
He put a hand on either side of me, trapping me against the counter. “Not a chance,” he whispered, our faces so close now that our noses nearly touched. “Do it again.”
What? He wanted me to hit him again?
He must have seen the question on my face, his smile growing wider. “Yep, do it. Hit me, if it will make you feel better, heal the hurt. I’m just warning you though, it won’t.”
My shoulders sagged as I sighed. “No, you’re right, it won’t. So please leave.”
“I can leave your house Ellie, but its kinda hard to just push me out of your heart isn’t it? Not so easy. And its not easy for me to just let you go. I don’t want to give up, or for you to give up. I’m sorry, I should’ve told you right away. We can’t work this out if you won’t talk to me.”
Refusing to cry, I closed my eyes and childish as it was, covered my ears with my hands. “Go away, damn you! Haven’t you done enough. Leave me alone!”
It only worked to muffle his words, not block them out completely.
“Ellie…you can block your ears to what I have to say, and you can close your eyes to avoid seeing me, but you can’t keep your heart from loving me. In one instant, I did something that forever changed my life, but how long will you punish me for it? I get it, you’re angry. You’re hurt. Be angry. Be hurt. Date that guy if you must. But you know where to find me honey and you can be damned sure I’ll be waiting for the moment you’re in my arms again. Because you will be. We belong together and you know it.”
I opened my eyes to glare at him, unblocking my ears to shove him away with my arms and he stepped back. “I’m not punishing you for what you did then. I’m not even punishing you now. You did this to yourself when you didn’t have the guts to tell me in private, before you took me to that hospital. Now get out.”
He didn’t say anything else, just leaned in and kissed my forehead before turning around and walking out.
~*~
“Do you think you’re punishing him for then or now? Or both?”
Simon and I were sitting on my love-seat, our knees touching as we faced each other. It had been near ten when he’d finally gotten off work and called me to see how I was. Embarrassed over the night before, I invited him over and he offered to bring food. Then, we’d talked about our day and now here we were, talking about Stefan.
I put the container of sweet and sour chicken down, sighing. “I admit, I’m hurt over the fact it was her. Out of everybody, he had a child with her. I don’t want to be angry about it. I have no right, but I am.”
He put his down as well and scooted over, putting his arm along the head of the sofa behind my head. “I don’t think you necessarily have no right. After all, she was your best friend and continued to act the same all these years, holding back vital inform
ation from you.”
I leaned my head back and closed my eyes. “True. I’ve yet to talk to her about all of this and I’m not sure I ever want to.”
“While Grace might deserve that, her daughter doesn’t. She knows you as her aunt, doesn’t she?”
“How do you know that?”
“At the hospital, she mentioned you. How she was having her party and she was finally going to meet her aunt Elizabeth in person. She went on and on about it, much to Grace’s embarrassment. I gathered that much.”
I groaned, covering my eyes with one arm. “I totally forgot about her party! They’ll both be there, I’m not sure I can handle it on my own.”
“What about bringing me? Or would that be too weird?”
I turned my heads toward him, my mouth falling open before I snapped it shut. “Are you serious? Bringing you is like…” I paused, searching for the right words. “They’re practically my family. It’d be like announcing that we’re dating to them.”
His free hand slid under the one on my lap, threading our fingers together as he leaned closer. “Hmm, dating.” He looked up at the ceiling for a moment before meeting my eyes with his. “Is that dating as in, going on dates but not actually being a couple, or is that the boyfriend and girlfriend type of dating?”
I knew the mischievous grin on his face meant he understood exactly what type I referred to, but he wanted me to say it.
His mouth was inches from mine and I wanted him to kiss me. I wouldn’t make the first move though. At least then, if we kissed, I could say I wasn’t the one who had initiated it. I still felt guilty for liking him so soon after things happened with Stefan and wasn’t sure where to go from here.
I licked my lips, his eyes darkening as they dropped down to gaze there. “It would be a serious declaration,” I whispered, my mouth suddenly dry. “You’ve no idea the kind of questioning you’d get from them.”
He laughed, the sound low and sexy, then lightly kissed my cheek. “Wanna play a game?”
“What kind of game?” We were both barely speaking now, the words spoken on a breath of air.
“Simon says.”
My eyes jerked up to his, even as the deliciously devilish grin spread across his face.