The Adventures of Sir Launcelot Greaves

by T. Smollett

  CHAPTER FOUR

  IN WHICH IT APPEARS THAT THE KNIGHT, WHEN HEARTILY SET IN FOR SLEEPING,WAS NOT EASILY DISTURBED.

  In all probability the kitchen of the Black Lion, from a domestic templeof society and good fellowship, would have been converted into a scene orstage of sanguinary dispute, had not Pallas, or Discretion, interposed inthe person of Mr. Fillet, and, with the assistance of the ostler,disarmed the combatants, not only of their arms, but also of theirresentment.

  The impetuosity of Mr. Clarke was a little checked at sight of thegridiron, which Ferret brandished with uncommon dexterity; a circumstancefrom whence the company were, upon reflection, induced to believe,that before he plunged into the sea of politics, he had occasionallyfigured in the character of that facetious droll, who accompanies youritinerant physicians, under the familiar appellation of Merry-Andrew, orJack-Pudding, and on a wooden stage entertains the populace with a soloon the saltbox, or a sonata on the tongs and gridiron. Be that as itmay, the young lawyer seemed to be a little discomposed at the glancingof this extraordinary weapon of offence, which the fair hands of Dollyhad scoured, until it had shone as bright as the shield of Achilles; oras the emblem of good old English fare, which hangs by a red ribbon roundthe neck of that thrice-honoured sage's head, in velvet bonnet cased, whopresides by rotation at the genial board, distinguished by the title ofthe Beef-steak Club where the delicate rumps irresistibly attract thestranger's eye, and, while they seem to cry, "Come cut me--come cut me,"constrain, by wondrous sympathy, each mouth to overflow. Where theobliging and humorous Jemmy B----t, the gentle Billy H----d, replete withhuman kindness, and the generous Johnny B----d, respected and beloved byall the world, attend as the priests and ministers of mirth, good cheer,and jollity, and assist with culinary art the raw, unpractised, awkwardguest.

  But to return from this digressive simile. The ostler no sooner steptbetween those menacing antagonists, than Tom Clarke very quietly resumedhis clothes, and Mr. Ferret resigned the gridiron without furtherquestion. The doctor did not find it quite so easy to release the throatof Captain Crowe from the masculine grasp of the virago Dolly, whosefingers could not be disengaged until the honest seaman was almost at thelast gasp. After some pause, during which he panted for breath, anduntied his neckcloth, "D--n thee, for a brimstone galley," cried he; "Iwas never so grappled withal since I knew a card from a compass.--Adzooks! the jade has so tautened my rigging, d'ye see, that I--Snatch mybowlines, if I come athwart thy hawser, I'll turn thy keel upwards--ormayhap set thee a-driving under thy bare poles--I will--I will, youhell-fire, saucy--I will."

  Dolly made no reply; but seeing Mr. Clarke sit down again with greatcomposure, took her station likewise at the opposite side of theapartment. Then Mr. Fillet requested the lawyer to proceed with hisstory, which, after three hems, he accordingly prosecuted in these words:

  "I told you, gemmen, that Mr. Greaves was mounted on Scipio, when he sawMiss Darnel and her mother in danger of being hurried over a precipice.Without reflecting a moment, he gave Scipio the spur, and at one springhe cleared five-and-twenty feet, over hedge and ditch and everyobstruction. Then he rode full speed, in order to turn the coach-horses;and, finding them quite wild and furious, endeavoured to drive againstthe counter of the hither horse, which he missed, and staked poor Scipioon the pole of the coach. The shock was so great, that the coach-horsesmade a full stop within ten yards of the quarry, and Mr. Greaves wasthrown forwards towards the coach-box, which mounting with admirabledexterity, he seized the reins before the horses could recover of theirfright. At that instant the coachman came running up, and loosed themfrom the traces with the utmost despatch. Mr. Greaves had now time togive his attention to the ladies, who were well-nigh distracted withfear. He no sooner opened the chariot door than Aurelia, with a wildnessof look, sprung into his arms, and, clasping him round the neck, faintedaway. I leave you to guess, gemmen, what were his feelings at thisinstant. The mother was not so discomposed, but that she couldcontribute to the recovery of her daughter, whom the young squire stillsupported in his embrace. At length she retrieved the use of her senses,and, perceiving the situation in which she was, the blood revisited herface with a redoubled glow, while she desired him to set her down uponthe turf.

  "Mrs. Darnel, far from being shy or reserved in her compliments ofacknowledgments, kissed Mr. Launcelot without ceremony, the tears ofgratitude running down her cheeks; she called him her dear son, hergenerous deliverer, who, at the hazard of his own life, had saved her andher child from the most dismal fate that could be imagined.

  "Mr. Greaves was so much transported on this occasion, that he could nothelp disclosing a passion, which he had hitherto industriously concealed.'What I have done,' said he, 'was but a common office of humanity, whichI would have performed for any of my fellow-creatures; but for thepreservation of Miss Aurelia Darnel, I would at any time sacrifice mylife with pleasure.' The young lady did not hear this declarationunmoved. Her face was again flushed, and her eyes sparkled withpleasure. Nor was the youth's confession disagreeable to the good lady,her mother, who, at one glance, perceived all the advantages of such anunion between the two families.

  "Mr. Greaves proposed to send the coachman to his father's stable for apair of sober horses, that could be depended upon, to draw the ladieshome to their own habitation; but they declined the offer, and chose towalk, as the distance was not great. He then insisted upon his beingtheir conductor; and, each taking him under the arm, supported them totheir own gate, where such an apparition filled all the domestics withastonishment. Mrs. Darnel taking him by the hand, led him into thehouse, where she welcomed him with another affectionate embrace, andindulged him with an ambrosial kiss of Aurelia, saying, 'But for you, wehad both been by this time in eternity. Sure it was Heaven that sent youas an angel to our assistance!' She kindly inquired if he had himselfsustained any damage in administering that desperate remedy to which theyowed their lives. She entertained him with a small collation; and, inthe course of the conversation, lamented the animosity which had so longdivided two neighbouring families of such influence and character. Hewas not slow in signifying his approbation of her remarks, and expressingthe most eager desire of seeing all those unhappy differences removed.In a word, they parted with mutual satisfaction.

  "Just as he advanced from the outward gate, on his return to GreavesburyHall, he was met by Anthony Darnel on horseback, who, riding up to himwith marks of surprise and resentment, saluted him with, 'Your servant,sir.--Have you any commands for me?' The other replying with an air ofindifference, 'None at all,'--Mr. Darnel asked, what had procured him thehonour of a visit. The young gentleman, perceiving by the manner inwhich he spoke, that the old quarrel was not yet extinguished, answeredwith equal disdain, that the visit was not intended for him; and that, ifhe wanted to know the cause of it, he might inform himself by his ownservants. 'So I shall,' cried the uncle of Aurelia; 'and perhaps let youknow my sentiments of the matter.'--'Hereafter as it may be,' said theyouth; who, turning out of the avenue, walked home, and made his fatheracquainted with the particulars of this adventure.

  "The old gentleman chid him for his rashness; but seemed pleased with thesuccess of his attempt; and still more so, when he understood hissentiments of Aurelia, and the deportment of the ladies.

  "Next day the son sent over a servant with a compliment to inquire abouttheir health; and the messenger, being seen by Mr. Darnel, was told thatthe ladies were indisposed, and did not choose to be troubled withmessages. The mother was really seized with a fever, produced by theagitation of her spirits, which every day became more and more violent,until the physicians despaired of her life. Believing that her endapproached, she sent a trusty servant to Mr. Greaves, desiring that shemight see him without delay; and he immediately set out with themessenger, who introduced him in the dark.

  "He found the old lady in bed almost exhausted, and the fair Aureliasitting by her overwhelmed with grief, her lovely hair in the utmostdisorder, and her char
ming eyes inflamed with weeping. The good ladybeckoning Mr. Launcelot to approach, and directing all the attendants toquit the room, except a favourite maid, from whom I learned the story,she took him by the hand, and fixing her eyes upon him with all thefondness of a mother, shed some tears in silence, while the same marks ofsorrow trickled down his cheeks. After this affecting pause, 'My dearson,' said she, 'Oh! that I could have lived to see you so indeed! youfind me hastening to the goal of life.' Here the tender-hearted Aurelia,being unable to contain herself longer, broke out into a violent passionof grief, and wept aloud. The mother, waiting patiently till she hadthus given vent to her anguish, calmly entreated her to resign herselfsubmissively to the will of Heaven; then turning to Mr. Launcelot, 'I hadindulged,' said she, 'a fond hope of seeing you allied to my family.This is no time for me to insist upon the ceremonies and forms of a vainworld. Aurelia looks upon you with the eyes of tender prepossession.'No sooner had she pronounced these words than he threw himself on hisknees before the young lady, and pressing her hand to his lips, breathedthe softest expressions which the most delicate love could suggest. 'Iknow,' resumed the mother, 'that your passion is mutually sincere, and Ishould die satisfied if I thought your union would not be opposed; butthat violent man, my brother-in-law, who is Aurelia's sole guardian, willthwart her wishes with every obstacle that brutal resentment andimplacable malice can contrive. Mr. Greaves, I have long admired yourvirtues, and am confident that I can depend upon your honour. You shallgive me your word, that when I am gone you will take no steps in thisaffair without the concurrence of your father, and endeavour, by all fairand honourable means, to vanquish the prejudices, and obtain the consentof her uncle; the rest we must leave to the dispensation of Providence.'

  "The squire promised, in the most solemn and fervent manner, to obey allher injunctions, as the last dictates of a parent whom he should nevercease to honour. Then she favoured them both with a great deal ofsalutary advice touching their conduct before and after marriage, andpresented him with a ring as a memorial of her affection, at the sametime he pulled another off his finger, and made a tender of it as apledge of his love to Aurelia, whom her mother permitted to receive thistoken. Finally, he took a last farewell of the good matron, and returnedto his father with the particulars of this interview.

  "In two days Mrs. Darnel departed this life, and Aurelia was removed tothe house of a relation, where her grief had like to have proved fatal toher constitution.

  "In the meantime, the mother was no sooner committed to the earth, thanMr. Greaves, mindful of her exhortations, began to take measures for areconciliation with the guardian. He engaged several gentlemen tointerpose their good offices, but they always met with the mostmortifying repulse, and at last Anthony Darnel declared that his hatredto the house of Greaves was hereditary, habitual, and unconquerable. Heswore he would spend his heart's blood to perpetuate the quarrel, andthat, sooner than his niece should match with young Launcelot, he wouldsacrifice her with his own hand.

  "The young gentleman, finding his prejudice so rancorous and invincible,left off making any further advances, and, since he found it impossibleto obtain his consent, resolved to cultivate the good graces of Aurelia,and wed her in despite of her implacable guardian. He found means toestablish a literary correspondence with her as soon as her grief was alittle abated, and even to effect an interview, after her return to herown house; but he soon had reason to repent of his indulgence. The uncleentertained spies upon the young lady, who gave him an account of thismeeting, in consequence of which she was suddenly hurried to some distantpart of the country, which we never could discover.

  "It was then we thought Mr. Launcelot a little disordered in his brain,his grief was so wild, and his passion so impetuous. He refused allsustenance, neglected his person, renounced his amusements, rode out inthe rain, sometimes bareheaded; strolled about the fields all night, andbecame so peevish, that none of the domestics durst speak to him withoutthe hazard of broken bones. Having played these pranks for about threeweeks, to the unspeakable chagrin of his father, and the astonishment ofall that knew him, he suddenly grew calm, and his good-humour returned.But this, as your seafaring people say, was a deceitful calm, that soonushered in a dreadful storm.

  "He had long sought an opportunity to tamper with some of Mr. Darnel'sservants, who could inform him of the place where Aurelia was confined;but there was not one about the family who could give him thatsatisfaction, for the persons who accompanied her remained as a watchupon her motions, and none of the other domestics were privy to thetransaction. All attempts proving fruitless, he could no longer restrainhis impatience, but throwing himself in the way of the uncle, upbraidedhim in such harsh terms, that a formal challenge ensued. They agreed todecide their difference without witnesses, and one morning, beforesunrise, met on that very common where Mr. Greaves had saved the life ofAurelia. The first pistol was fired on each side without any effect, butMr. Darnel's second wounded the young squire in the flank; nevertheless,having a pistol in reserve, he desired his antagonist to ask his life.The other, instead of submitting, drew his sword, and Mr. Greaves, firinghis piece into the air, followed his example. The contest then becamevery hot, though of short continuance. Darnel being disarmed at thefirst onset, our young squire gave him back the sword, which he was baseenough to use a second time against his conqueror. Such an instance ofrepeated ingratitude and brutal ferocity divested Mr. Greaves of histemper and forbearance. He attacked Mr. Anthony with great fury, and atthe first lunge ran him up to the hilt, at the same time seized with hisleft hand the shell of his enemy's sword, which he broke in disdain. Mr.Darnel having fallen, the other immediately mounted his horse, which hehad tied to a tree before the engagement, and, riding full speed toAshenton, sent a surgeon to Anthony's assistance. He afterwardsingenuously confessed all these particulars to his father, who wasoverwhelmed with consternation, for the wounds of Darnel were judgedmortal; and, as no person had seen the particulars of the duel, Mr.Launcelot might have been convicted of murder.

  "On these considerations, before a warrant could be served upon him, theold knight, by dint of the most eager entreaties, accompanied with marksof horror and despair, prevailed upon his son to withdraw himself fromthe kingdom until such time as the storm should be overblown. Had hisheart been unengaged, he would have chose to travel, but at this period,when his whole soul was engrossed, and so violently agitated by hispassion for Aurelia, nothing but the fear of seeing the old gentleman rundistracted would have induced him to desist from the pursuit of thatyoung lady, far less quit the kingdom where she resided.

  "Well then, gemmen, he repaired to Harwich, where he embarked forHolland, from whence he proceeded to Brussels, where he procured apassport from the French king, by virtue of which he travelled toMarseilles, and there took a tartan for Genoa. The first letter SirEverhard received from him was dated at Florence. Meanwhile thesurgeon's prognostic was not altogether verified. Mr. Darnel did not dieimmediately of his wounds, but he lingered a long time, as it were in thearms of death, and even partly recovered, yet, in all probability, hewill never be wholly restored to the enjoyment of his health, and isobliged every summer to attend the hot-well at Bristol. As his woundsbegan to heal, his hatred to Mr. Greaves seemed to revive with augmentedviolence, and he is now, if possible, more than ever determined againstall reconciliation.

  "Mr. Launcelot, after having endeavoured to amuse his imagination with asuccession of curious objects, in a tour of Italy, took up his residenceat a town called Pisa, and there fell into a deep melancholy, from whichnothing could rouse him but the news of his father's death.

  "The old gentleman, God rest his soul, never held up his head after thedeparture of his darling Launcelot, and the dangerous condition ofDarnel kept up his apprehension. This was reinforced by the obstinatesilence of the youth, and certain accounts of his disordered mind,which he had received from some of those persons who take pleasure incommunicating disagreeable tidings. A complication
of all thesegrievances, co-operating with a severe fit of the gout and gravel,produced a fever, which, in a few days, brought Sir Everhard to his longhome, after he had settled his affairs with heaven and earth, and madehis peace with God and man. I'll assure you, gemmen, he made a mostedifying and Christian end; he died regretted by all his neighboursexcept Anthony, and might be said to be embalmed by the tears of thepoor, to whom he was always a bounteous benefactor.

  "When the son, now Sir Launcelot, came home, he appeared so meagre, wan,and hollow-eyed, that the servants hardly knew their young master. Hisfirst care was to take possession of his fortune, and settle accountswith the steward who had succeeded my father. These affairs beingdiscussed, he spared no pains to get intelligence concerning Miss Darnel;and soon learned more of that young lady than he desired to know; for itwas become the common talk of the country, that a match was agreed uponbetween her and young Squire Sycamore, a gentleman of a very greatfortune. These tidings were probably confirmed under her own hand, in aletter which she wrote to Sir Launcelot. The contents were never exactlyknown but to the parties themselves; nevertheless, the effects were toovisible, for, from that blessed moment, he spoke not one word to anyliving creature for the space of three days; but was seen sometimes toshed a flood of tears, and sometimes to burst out into a fit of laughing.At last he broke silence, and seemed to wake from his disorder. Hebecame more fond than ever of the exercise of riding, and began to amusehimself again with acts of benevolence.

  "One instance of his generosity and justice deserves to be recorded inbrass or marble. You must know, gemmen, the rector of the parish waslately dead, and Sir Everhard had promised the presentation to anotherclergyman. In the meantime, Sir Launcelot chancing one Sunday to ridethrough a lane, perceived a horse saddled and bridled, feeding on theside of a fence; and, casting his eyes around, beheld on the other sideof the hedge an object lying extended on the ground, which he took to bethe body of a murdered traveller. He forthwith alighted, and, leapinginto the field, descried a man at full length, wrapped in a greatcoat andwrithing in agony. Approaching nearer, he found it was a clergyman, inhis gown and cassock. When he inquired into the case, and offered hisassistance, the stranger rose up, thanked him for his courtesy, anddeclared that he was now very well. The knight who thought there wassomething mysterious in this incident, expressed a desire to know thecause of his rolling in the grass in that manner, and the clergyman, whoknew his person, made no scruple in gratifying his curiosity. 'You mustknow, sir,' said he, 'I serve the curacy of your own parish, for whichthe late incumbent paid me twenty pounds a year; but this sum beingscarce sufficient to maintain my wife and children, who are five innumber, I agreed to read prayers in the afternoon at another church,about four miles from hence; and for this additional duty I receive tenpounds more. As I keep a horse, it was formerly an agreeable exerciserather than a toil; but of late years I have been afflicted with arupture, for which I consulted the most eminent operators in the kingdom;but I have no cause to rejoice in the effects of their advice, though oneof them assured me I was completely cured. The malady is now moretroublesome than ever, and often comes upon me so violently while I am onhorseback, that I am forced to alight, and lie down upon the ground,until the cause of the disorder can for the time be reduced.'

  "Sir Launcelot not only condoled with him upon his misfortune, butdesired him to throw up the second cure, and he would pay him ten poundsa year out of his own pocket. 'Your generosity confounds me, good sir,'replied the clergyman; 'and yet I ought not to be surprised at anyinstance of benevolence in Sir Launcelot Greaves; but I will check thefulness of my heart. I shall only observe, that your good intentiontowards me can hardly take effect. The gentleman, who is to succeed thelate incumbent, has given me notice to quit the premises, as he hathprovided a friend of his own for the curacy.' 'What!' cried the knight,'does he mean to take your bread from you, without assigning any otherreason?' 'Surely, sir,' replied the ecclesiastic, 'I know of no otherreason. I hope my morals are irreproachable, and that I have done myduty with a conscientious regard; I may venture an appeal to theparishioners among whom I have lived these seventeen years. After all,it is natural for every man to favour his own friends in preference tostrangers. As for me, I propose to try my fortune in the great city, andI doubt not but Providence will provide for me and my little ones.'

  "To this declaration Sir Launcelot made no reply; but, riding home, seton foot a strict inquiry into the character of this man, whose name wasJenkins. He found that he was a reputed scholar, equally remarkable forhis modesty and good life; that he visited the sick, assisted the needy,compromised disputes among his neighbours, and spent his time in such amanner as would have done honour to any Christian divine. Thus informed,the knight sent for the gentleman to whom the living had been promised,and accosted him to this effect: 'Mr. Tootle, I have a favour to ask ofyou. The person who serves the cure of this parish is a man of goodcharacter, beloved by the people, and has a large family. I shall beobliged to you if you will continue him in the curacy.' The other toldhim he was sorry he could not comply with his request, being that he hadalready promised the curacy to a friend of his own. 'No matter,' repliedSir Launcelot, 'since I have not interest with you, I will endeavour toprovide for Mr. Jenkins in some other way.'

  "That same afternoon he walked over to the curate's house, and toldhim that he had spoken in his behalf to Dr. Tootle, but the curacy waspre-engaged. The good man having made a thousand acknowledgments for thetrouble his honour had taken; 'I have not interest sufficient to make youcurate,' said the knight, 'but I can give you the living itself, and thatyou shall have.' So saying, he retired, leaving Mr. Jenkins incapable ofuttering one syllable, so powerfully was he struck with this unexpectedturn of good fortune. The presentation was immediately made out, and ina few days Mr. Jenkins was put in possession of his benefice, to theinexpressible joy of the congregation.

  "Hitherto everything went right, and every unprejudiced person commendedthe knight's conduct; but in a little time his generosity seemed tooverleap the bounds of discretion, and even in some cases might bethought tending to a breach of the king's peace. For example, hecompelled, vi et armis, a rich farmer's son to marry the daughter of acottager, whom the young fellow had debauched. Indeed, it seems therewas a promise of marriage in the case, though it could not be legallyascertained. The wench took on dismally, and her parents had recourse toSir Launcelot, who, sending for the delinquent, expostulated with himseverely on the injury he had done the young woman, and exhorted him tosave her life and reputation by performing his promise, in which case he,Sir Launcelot, would give her three hundred pounds to her portion.Whether the farmer thought there was something interested in thisuncommon offer, or was a little elevated by the consciousness of hisfather's wealth, he rejected the proposal with rustic disdain, and said,if so be as how the wench would swear the child to him, he would settleit with the parish; but declared, that no squire in the land shouldoblige him to buckle with such a cracked pitcher. This resolution,however, he could not maintain; for, in less than two hours the rector ofthe parish had direction to publish the banns, and the ceremony wasperformed in due course.

  "Now, though we know not precisely the nature of the arguments that wereused with the farmer, we may conclude they were of the minatory species,for the young fellow could not, for some time, look any person in theface.

  "The knight acted as the general redresser of grievances. If a womancomplained to him of being ill-treated by her husband, he first inquiredinto the foundation of the complaint, and, if he found it just,catechised the defendant. If the warning had no effect, and the manproceeded to fresh acts of violence, then his judge took the execution ofthe law in his own hand, and horsewhipped the party. Thus he involvedhimself in several law-suits, that drained him of pretty large sums ofmoney. He seemed particularly incensed at the least appearance ofoppression; and supported divers poor tenants against the extortion oftheir landlords. Nay, he has been known to
travel two hundred miles as avolunteer, to offer his assistance in the cause of a person, who he heardwas by chicanery and oppression wronged of a considerable estate. Heaccordingly took her under his protection, relieved her distresses, andwas at a vast expense in bringing the suit to a determination; whichbeing unfavourable to his client, he resolved to bring an appeal into theHouse of Lords, and certainly would have executed his purpose, if thegentlewoman had not died in the interim."

  At this period Ferret interrupted the narrator, by observing that thesaid Greaves was a common nuisance, and ought to be prosecuted on thestatute of barratry.

  "No, sir," resumed Mr. Clarke, "he cannot be convicted of barratry,unless he is always at variance with some person or other, a mover ofsuits and quarrels, who disturbs the peace under colour of law.Therefore he is in the indictment styled, Communis malefactor,calumniator, et seminator litium."

  "Pr'ythee, truce with thy definitions," cried Ferret, "and make an end tothy long-winded story. Thou hast no title to be so tedious, until thoucomest to have a coif in the Court of Common Pleas."

  Tom smiled contemptuous, and had just opened his mouth to proceed, whenthe company were disturbed by a hideous repetition of groans, that seemedto issue from the chamber in which the body of the squire was deposited.The landlady snatched the candle, and ran into the room, followed by thedoctor and the rest; and this accident naturally suspended the narration.In like manner we shall conclude the chapter, that the reader may havetime to breathe and digest what he has already heard.