by Zara Zenia
I needed to be certain that she wasn't going to die, and he couldn't tell me that. To him, this was just a casual favor, not a matter of life or death. It was something fun to do—maybe break the rules a little bit.
He didn't understand how much she meant to me, and that made me wonder how much I could actually trust him. He might give us up if the Imperium pressured him. He might even be setting me up so he could have me punished.
I walked back to my cube and put my crown on my head while I watched her sleep, imagining that I was laying next to Lainey just like I used to. I'd have my arm around her and she'd burrow her head into my shoulder. We'd spend countless hours cuddling and talking, saying nothing to one another.
I had never connected so fully with another individual in my life. If she died, a part of me would die with her. I loved her.
Chapter 7
Lainey
My reflexes kicked in and my brain told my body to jump. Something had happened. Maybe the door opened. I felt like there was light shining on my eyes. Then I heard human feet clacking against the floor. I couldn't see them, but I recognized the unmistakable sound. I was so tired that my eyes could barely open, but as I started to become more and more aware of my surroundings, I started to be able to make out the dark shapes moving in front of the light pouring in through the doorway.
This was the first time a Fiori had entered the chamber since Markathus had come to talk to me. What were they doing? Were they coming to move us, or subject us to another form of torture?
Every day things were the same. The machines would come and feed us. They'd clean us and the drones would fly over our heads. I wasn't able to make sense of how long I'd been there, at least not in any normal measure of time. I told time by our daily feedings. I had no real way of knowing how long I'd been there, but I believed that it was six days.
This new event had thrown everything out of order. Something else was happening. Maybe we were moving onto another stage in the process. My stomach was getting larger. The thing inside me was growing at an alarming rate, and with every feeding it looked like the rest of my body was getting thinner. My ribs were more apparent on my chest, and I could see my pelvic bones sticking out on both sides.
I was certain it was time for me to die.
A sharp tension started moving through my stomach and up my spine. Their footsteps were moving closer, and they were moving quickly.
One of them stopped right next to me. I was going to die. Another two stopped on my right side. I struggled to see them through my peripheral vision. They were watching the skinny woman on the gurney next to me. Over the past few days she had wasted away until she now resembled a mummy. I could see the outline of her skeleton poking out of her thin, stretched skin. Now something was moving around in her stomach.
The Fiori closest to me pulled out a pair of gloves from his pocket. Then he stretched them across his hand with a snap while the thing pressed against the woman's stomach, stretching the limits of the thin membrane that made up what was left of her skin. My eyes went wide when I saw a jaw peeking out from inside her. The Fiori moved closer to her in anticipation of something.
I wasn't going to watch her die. Instead I listened to the sound of flesh bursting and the squeak of the infant creeping out while they pulled it out of her and plopped its dead body into a plastic cage. I tried to sleep while they removed the body, but the sound of her corpse scraping against the gurney sent shivers down my spine.
I opened my eyes just in time to see the man standing closest to me. He looked like a super model with wavy brown hair and light stubble, but his face was neutral and when I met his eyes the emptiness there shocked me.
That thing was inside me eating my skin and muscle, just like it had done to that woman before she died. Eventually, they would come into the room and stand over me waiting to harvest the fetus when it finally ate through me.
Markathus lied to me. He did this to me. He got me pregnant. His kid was devouring my insides. The only reason he met with me was because he wanted to let me down one more time, because he fed off of suffering and false hope. He probably enjoyed leaving me in the middle of the street the way he had. He certainly had no problem leaving me sitting in this freezer while his child tried to kill me.
He’d pretended to love me. I might've been able to maintain my sanity had it not been for that. There was nothing worse than having someone you love lie to you about the way they feel. He held me, and made love to me. We spent countless evenings together laying in bed just taking in the moment. Those were some of the best times of my life. If those times were a lie, I couldn't trust anything.
We wanted to get a beach house, and have a family. He’d lied to me. The things lovers say to one another after the sweet glow of sex are sacred. He betrayed me. He was killing me.
If I got a chance to see him again, I wasn't just going to kill him. I was going to tear him apart piece by piece as slowly as I possibly could. The man was going to suffer and die slowly just like I was, and I was going to watch every second of it.
I held onto that thought as my body wasted away and I was forced, day after day, to undergo force feeding and cleaning. Three women were dragged out before things got strange. I lost the world and demented images passed through my head. There were beating balls of flesh and creatures made of needles. Reality melded into the fantasy, and I didn't know what was real or what my mind was fabricating.
There was one constant. It grounded me and told me whether I was awake or hallucinating. The ball above my head never left. So far as I could tell, it was the only drone in the room aside from the snake, and it was watching me.
I knew it was watching, because when the feeding drones came in, it would back up just right when I was in the air so it could get a good look at me.
I fell asleep the night after the last woman was dragged out and opened my eyes to see that the ball was laying on the gurney next to me, moving over my cheek. I couldn't count just how many times I'd woken up to find him stroking my cheek. It was Markathus.
I didn't know I could cry. But the tears exploded like they'd been building up this entire time, and once they started I couldn't stop. He was trying to torture me. He didn't just want me to die, he wanted to watch and enjoy it. This was entertainment for him.
Chapter 8
Markathus
Minerva root infusion was a strong stimulant used by the Fiori to stay awake for long periods of time. After three days of consuming nothing but the thick purple liquid, my body was trembling and my fur was matted from sweating, but there was no way I was going to sleep, because every second that I looked away from Lainey I missed another second of her life.
Had she been given the ability to move her face, I would've been able to understand a little bit of what was going on inside her mind. But she could barely blink her eyes, so all I could do was keep track of her vitals and hope that she knew I was hovering over her, watching her.
I had no idea how she felt about me, or whether or not she knew that I cared about her. I needed my feelings validated, but that wasn't going to happen, so all I could do was watch her progress. The fetus was growing rapidly, and I could feel her life draining away.
Her eyes pressed out of their sockets, tarnishing her beautiful, milky white skin with purple, half moon circles that had been dragged down by her sagging face. As time went by it looked like the skin around her stomach was loosening. Then it began to sag on the sides and I started to be able to make out the outlines of her hips bones.
I wanted to run out of the room and confront Ferryn, but we were supposed to be confined to our cubes unless we had urgent business. I'd received no further communication from him aside from a private message that he would be in touch with me. After three solar days, she was starting to get even smaller and the bones in her cheeks were starting to show.
When her skin started to grow pale and dry, I started getting impatient. My body needed cleaning. My fur was wild and all I could do was pace around
my cube, huffing while I watched her eyes close and open. Eventually, I lost track of time and began to time things by her patterns—her sleeping, her eating and her cleaning. She was the center of my universe, and she was starting to fade away.
My eye grew wet with moisture when I saw her watching the woman in the gurney nearby being dragged away. It took all of my discipline to keep from running out and whisking her away, but it would put both of us in danger.
They already had it on record that I was ignoring the other test subjects. I should've been flying through the rest of the rooms. They would've noticed my interest in her by now. I was lucky that I hadn't been confronted by the Minister and his agents.
I wasn't going to take further risk by leaving the room. Instead I threw myself into a frenzy while I watched her body heat lower and the fetus grow inside her. It was getting quite a bit larger, and had lodged itself in her digestive system so it could steal her nutrients. Once it reached a sufficient size it would begin eating at her muscles, body fat and organs. She would undergo excruciating pain while it killed her, and her body caved in on itself.
I promised myself that before she reached that point I was going to take action. I wept once more when I saw that her eyes started closing longer than they stayed open. Her brain activity mirrored that of a person experiencing hallucinations. Her body had registered the threat and she was starting to get feverish. That meant that the thing inside her was getting larger, and she was starting to feel the effects of it.
I was sitting on the bunk when I first realized what had happened, holding the sides so tight that my rough, bone white claws nearly snapped from the pressure. I loved her. She couldn't die. It was a risk, but I had to take it. I couldn't watch her suffer.
In a fit of tears, I lowered the drone and ran it along her cheek. “I'm here, Lainey. I'm here. I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry. I'm gonna get you out.” I wanted her to hear me, but I knew she couldn't, so I sat brushing the drone against her. Her eyes widened when she felt it. Then the look on her face grew neutral.
I wasn't sure about whether or not I could read her expressions, but I imagined anger there, and that bothered me. I needed her to feel the same way about me that I felt about her. Her not returning my feelings would hurt me just as much as losing her would.
What would I do if I had to live in a universe where she didn't want to be with me? I hated myself for leaving her. I should've fought to protect her rather than run. Had I done that, at least I would've been able to spend her last moments with her.
I would’ve brought her to some secret place and laid her down while I did my best to make her comfortable. I'd hold her and give her all the best foods while I tried to find a way to keep her alive. I'd share the secrets of the universe with her and give her knowledge that no human had ever been given. I'd tell her how to move from star to star, and how to create something from nothing. By the time she passed, she would've known how to save her dying species, end hunger and war, and build an Imperium.
She lived for science. That would've been the ultimate gift.
When she stopped crying, I watched her eyes close. She stayed like that with her eyes fluttering periodically. It was normal for her to sleep six to twelve hours at a time, but this was different. Her breathing was shallow, and her body kept getting hotter. She didn't wake up for nearly a day, and I was starting to lose it.
I couldn't contact Ferryn via the chat lines, but if I was quick I might be able to move through the halls undetected. I took a sonic shower, and combed my fur until it looked presentable. Then, with my crown still on, I ran as fast as I could to his cube where I was ushered in instantly.
“She's hurt.” I ran inside to confront him.
Ferryn seemed undaunted by my lack of a greeting. “She's healthy enough to move.”
“You have a way?”
He stopped to take a breath and met my eyes, an old exercise we used to calm our minds. “You're desperate.”
“More than you'll ever know.”
“You don't know what I know, boy. This is a serious matter. I don't care how you feel about that woman; I need you to maintain your own sanity. You're not bathing. You're not eating. I can see that from the bald patches on your head. You have to survive, regardless of what happens to her. Now I will not allow this to continue if I see that you're not taking care of yourself.”
I nodded my head in a curt sign of agreement. “Can you help her?”
“Yes. She'll be moved, and you'll be allowed to leave with her.”
“How?”
“Logs will be altered to show that you are off planet while she is moved to a safe place on Valice. Then you'll both be given transport to another world.” He opened his eye wide and met mine. “You will not be allowed to return. Your deaths will be recorded. I will be the only contact you have with the Imperium.”
“Why will you remain in contact with me?”
“Because the bond you have is worth protecting, and I'm going to help you.”
“How do you know about love, Ferryn?”
He let a puff of air out slowly and relaxed, motioning for me to sit next to him. “Humans aren't the only ones to grow attached to one another. There is a class of species known to many as pack sentients. They depend upon one another for sustenance the same way we do, but they also maintain complex relationships with one another, and these relationships define their lives.
When I was younger, I traveled to a planet in Andromeda, where I found a species much like humans. They were so similar, even in appearance, with olive toned skin and hair that fell down their bodies. Their culture was complex and I became intrigued by them, especially their philosophy, so I enrolled in an academy that taught their major principles.
They were hard to grasp. I was like a child, and most of them could tell that there was something wrong with me, but rather than give up on me, or recycle me, they gave me an honored place in their small community. They made it their goal to help me learn so that I could become one of them. They called it Juntu, the assistance of the weak.
I was stronger for it, and grew to understand the species over time. They didn't care so much about technology or possessions. They preferred the company of others. Eventually, I met a young female there. Her name was Mara, a black flower that grows on their mountaintops. She had white hair, and a yellow eye. It was such a titillating combination that I couldn't help but want to talk to her.
Through her, I learned the power of touch and the connection that two individuals can share. It's dangerous, so dangerous that when I was forced to leave, we both became incapacitated. I still think about her, and I want to contact her, but she is old now. Her species doesn't live anywhere near as long as we do, and I don't want the Fiori to know that I developed a connection to another individual.”
I shifted around uncomfortably. “Am I irrevocably damaged?” Such a thing would warrant execution.
“I don't believe that we should kill the weak.” His blatant disrespect for Fiori practices was unsettling. “I think we should heal them.”
“You're right.” My eye watered. “But you'd be killed if anyone heard you saying that.”
“You're young. You don't understand our species the way you think you do. Plenty of Fiori have developed an attachment with another individual. We just don't talk about it, because we're killed for thinking differently, and do you know why the Imperium does that?”
“No.” I shook my head.
“Because of divine right. Thousands of years ago, before the space age, the council managed to stay in power by telling them that an intangible force had given them the right to rule. Since then, their children have twisted that teaching and extended it to the rest of the race. They believe we are the rightful rulers of the universe, which is why they're afraid of outside influences coming in and changing who we are. So when a new idea is introduced into the Imperium, it's stamped out immediately. I personally think that companionship and compassion would've helped us.”
“But
we fight to survive. That's why we've succeeded.”
“Nature is governed by more than just strength. That's an old idea, one that has been disproven by many different races. Haven't you ever noticed how different species cooperate with one another? Look at how humans keep pets, or how primitive races use lesser species for transportation. Nature is an intricate web of interdependent forces that relate to one another while maintaining a common goal. Some species kill one another. Some eat one another. Others mate with one another, and others share resources.”
“You think we should engage in trade rather than seizure.”
“Of course. One of the most valuable things in the universe is knowledge and we're never going to learn anything if we keep killing off species and taking their resources. We need to learn from them, and start to become a better species. As things stand now, we're an infection that has spread from star cluster to star cluster. We deserve extinction. If there is a natural order created by an intangible being like the ancients said there was, then it's probably killing us so we'll stop destroying other races. Have you ever thought of what it would be like to watch molten metal fall from the sky? Your house would melt and catch flame while everyone inside became encased in lead. Your city, and all of the places you loved so much would disappear in a second. Then, when panic really set in, you'd realize that everything on your world was being destroyed. We're vicious creatures, Markathus.”
“I never thought of that.”
“Because we don't believe in caring about one another, much less other species. It's a sickness. This infection that is keeping us from mating isn't our real problem. Our real problem is our inability to stop inflicting pain on everyone we come into contact with. I'd rather have every Fiori in the universe die than watch this massacre we call an Imperium continue.”