“Will you calm down?”
“No!” I growled. “Just get off me,” I begged. As usual, my anger was a fleeting emotion, the precursor to an impending breakdown.
“Jade. I don’t want you to leave like this. Please .”
I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths. He was right, I was leaving, but I wasn’t going to be the second woman running away from his apartment today. We stayed that way. My chest to the door, his chest to my back, until I stopped shaking. I needed to get out of there quick fast. John was so close, and I wanted nothing more than to turn around and let him hold me. Console me and tell me how she meant nothing to him. Tell me how much he loved me, but I saw the look in his eyes when she opened the door, and I knew that nothing he told me was going to explain that. Just as I was rationalizing my exit, John placed a kiss to the side of my neck. I tapped my head on the door, trying to shake off the chills that he sent shooting down my spine.
“John. Please. I really need to go,” I said calmly.
“I don’t want you to leave angry.” He inched away, but was still barricading me between the door.
“I just need to go.” My mind was a blank slate, there was no use trying to pretend we were going to have a productive conversation. John and I didn’t fight. We had sex, and then had pillow talk. My head can not wind up on his pillow!
Without any further objections, he let me go. I took my time descending the stairs to the lobby. Then, instead of hailing a cab right there, I took my time walking towards Columbus Circle. I didn’t even care that it was frigid outside. The cold air helped me to pull it together. This was just a moment. One moment in the sum of a billion. I needed some perspective. I needed to find my own perspective, not anyone else’s opinion. I needed a moment of clarity.
Ch 22 Rebounding
The next morning I resumed my routine. I wasn’t just trying to keep myself busy anymore. I needed to integrate myself with the rest of the world. The bubble of isolation that I had been existing in for the last few years hadn’t been a cushion, but more like a prison. Trapped with nothing but low expectations and disappointments.
My usual two mile run on the treadmill morphed into a four mile trek as I rehashed various events. My move to New York. Meeting Julian and then losing him just as quickly. My relationship with John, and the attack. John, however was on repeat as I examined all the details of our time together. What had I missed? Was I so busy wrapped up in my own internal mini-drama that I failed to notice what was going on with him? No. I should have known something. There should have been something that tipped me off. Was our break up even about me?
I wondered how he really felt about this Alicia character. What kind of person was she? How long had they been together? Judging from the expression of anguish on both of their faces, the few months that we shared together had nothing on what they had. Was I just a rebound? My feelings for Julian had always been in the background, and I wondered if it had been the same for John. Maybe that’s why he did it. He knew how hard it was to get over feeling like that. Was John my rebound? Fuck!
By the time I turned off the treadmill, my mind was reeling. My lungs were on fire, and I wasn’t any closer to understanding the complications of my life. I was tired of being in the dark, and was determined to get out of my own head. All this thinking did me no good if I didn’t trust my own feelings. I made a note to call Dr. Lindsey.
On my way back home, I was pleasantly surprised with a call from Hector. I ducked into a nearby diner so that I could focus on the conversation.
“Hello Hector,” I greeted him, ordering a coffee from the lingering waitress.
“Señora Jade! How has life been treating you?” He voice was warm and boisterous, and relaxed me.
“You know how it is. Good days and bad days, but I just make the best of it,” That was my new found motto. Super new, like five seconds new.
“Ah. I like that. Well what I would like to ask is rather time sensitive, but I need your assistance.”
“Really? Ok, I’m all ears.” I wondered what could be the problem.
“I know in our correspondences I mentioned my latest business venture. Well things have advanced much faster than I anticipated. I would like you to be on board with this project.”
“That’s good news. I would very much like to work with you. What do you need me to do?”
“Well first thing is I need you to come to Peru, finally.”
“Wow! When did you have in mind?” I wondered how soon he needed me, and searched my mental calendar for my next available date. I was heading back to Miami and then going to Jamaica from there. Unless it was now, I wouldn’t be free until after the new year.
“What I had in mind was very soon. Like in the next few days soon. Before you answer, I can accommodate you however you need. I will charter a plane so that you can fly at your leisure and you can bring guests if you would like.” He was so confident that I would accept and so generous with his offer, I didn’t know how to turn him down.
“My goodness. Ok. I’m free for the next two weeks. I’m was headed to Miami tomorrow and then going to Jamaica for Christmas. I guess I could just leave from here, and return to Miami from there. I will need to bring my client with me because we are working through some things, and then my assistant may need to come,” I rambled. I was really working the logistics out loud.
“As long as none of that proves to be an issue for you, I just need to know when and where to send the plane,” he chuckled.
“Right. I don’t see any issues, but let me get my ‘people’ on board and I will get back to you with my final plan.”
“Excellent! I look forward to seeing you again. Adios!”
“Adios!”
I couldn’t hold my excitement. After years of never seeing any place new, my passport was getting one hell of a workout. I sipped my coffee, trying to determine who I should call first. Donna, of course.
“Good morning chica,” she drawled in a sleepy voice.
“Wake up, I have some interesting news to share.”
“Ooh. I love your idea of interesting. Whatcha got?” She sounded much perkier.
“My friend Hector Delgado has commissioned me to work on his next project.”
“That’s incredible.” Ok, she was still half asleep. Normally she would have badgered me with a million questions.
“But wait! There’s more. He wants me to come to Peru to do it,” I added.
“Really!”
“Yes! But that’s not all. He is going to charter my flight, so I can bring as many guests as I see fit. And my calculations say I need to bring Angel, so we can continue to fix her situation. Speaking of we, that means that I may need to bring my assistant with me. So, what do ya say?”
“Yes? I say yes! Benditos sean los dulces nombres! What a blessing you are to me! que suerte! Thank you!” She was speaking so fast, I could barely make out what she was saying, but from the gist of it, we were blessed.
“Yes. I agree,” I joked. We both laughed out loud.
“Girl. You have just made my holiday. I was afraid I wouldn’t have anything to do but mope. Then I would break down and let Alex come back home to cure my boredom. He hasn’t suffered enough yet. Dios! He is gonna flip when I tell him I’m going to Peru. I’ll see you tonight!” She hung up, more than ready to ruin her estranged husbands day.
As if I could forget, tonight was Jackie’s party for the boutique. I was prepared for my phone to begin buzzing off the hook with commands. I had to let Drew know that I wouldn’t be going back to Miami with him and Lana. Not that they would even miss me. I loved how undercover they tried to be, but the way they felt about each other radiated out to the world. Maybe we could all go to Peru together. What an awesome holiday this was shaping up to be.
My next action item was to pay Angel a visit. I had some time to kill before the Miami folks hit town, and I needed to see where her head was at. As excited as she was about me managing her, I knew being dropped by Dylan was a huge blow. They
had a strange history, and I’m sure there was something personal behind it. Ever since she started seeing Louis, I noticed how many ‘miscommunications’ they seemed to have.
Making my way to the W Times Square hotel, my grumbling stomach reminded me that I hadn’t eaten after the gym. Angel was more than likely still asleep, so I called ahead to wake her up, and have her order breakfast before it was too late. I pulled my hoodie over my head when a brisk wind kicked up, and dropped my a phone back into my purse. I couldn’t wait to get out of this unacceptably cold climate. Shit, I wanted to spend the rest of the winter in Miami. Snow, my ass!
Twenty minutes later, I was greeted by a worn out looking Angel. She led me through her living area to back to her bedroom.
“Well, damn! Good morning to you too.” I poked her in the butt, right as she was crawling into bed.
“You better watch it. I haven’t been getting any action since Louis went on the road,” she teased.
“Oh puhleez! You wish you could bag a chick like me!”
“Huh. I’ve had better,” she fired back.
“What!” I squealed in surprise.
“What? You know I’m adventurous. It was on my bucket list,” she explained.
“I don’t care about that, I’m just hard pressed to believe you could do better!”
She cackled in laughter, while I tried to keep a straight face.
“See Jade. This is why I love you. You’re the shit, bae!” She blew me a kiss from the bed, which I pretended to catch and put in my pocket.
“I’m try’n to tell you.” I joked.
After we had breakfast I filled her in on the trip details. I was not surprised when she began to jump up and down on her bed like a little kid. I was, however, very surprised when she broke down crying right after.
“Ohmigod! What’s the matter?” I sat next to her on the bed, stroking her blond locks as she tried to pull herself together.
“I don’t know. I guess so many bad things have happened to me this year; nothing that compares to what you’ve been through, but you still look out for me. I can barely cope with my shit, but you’ve been through worse and you’ve been so good to me. I’m just happy we met,” she rambled.
“Angel. I don’t know what to say. Honestly, you guys are a blessing to me. I have a crew of the most fun loving and amazing people. I would have been sucked into the black hole of doom if I didn’t have you guys.” I was really affected by her words. A little piece of the puzzle shifted into place.
“The black hole of doom? Yikes,” she said between a sniffle, that resorted in a snort when she laughed. We both fell onto the bed in laughter at her Miss Piggy laugh.
I had people in my life that really cared about me and appreciated me, the way I did them. This was one of the moments of clarity that I needed. I was blessed, and I was loved. I was rebounding from my past. Thank you God.
Angel and I finished our breakfast, and then headed out to get our nails done. I refused to let Jackie get me all flustered for this event. She may enjoy running around like a madman getting things done, but I just wanted to relax until the party. Drew and Lana were already waiting for me at my place, and we would leave from there and get dressed at the hotel. Jackie arranged for us to have a few rooms on the same floor, incase we decided to after-party. As relaxed as I wanted to feel, I was still unsettled about my encounter at John’s. I hated not knowing what to expect.
To my surprise the day went by smoother than I hoped for. Jackie said our hair and makeup would be done by a beautician at the hotel. Other than the boisterous debate that Drew and Lana was engaged in regarding which Florida college had the best football program, everything went as planned. The next cause for commotion was when I emerged wearing my princess dress. The women all went bananas over how I looked. Donna, who had seen me in it swore I looked like a doll. Lana kept twirling around me, to get the full effect, and Angel beamed at how pretty I was. Even Drew joined in the praise.
Our group descended to the party at 7:00 pm. That would give us time to mingle and get settled for the fashion show that started at 8:00. I was excited to see Angel strut her stuff in the boutique’s winter line. With Edward now mia, I was looking forward to playing a bigger role in making the boutique a success. Seeing Ryan, I thought that was a perfect time to chat with him about the latest twist in the case. I caught his attention just after he made his entrance to the ballroom, grabbing two flutes of champagne from a passing waiter, making his way over to me.
“Wow, you look incredible,” he remarked, seeming a little taken aback by my appearance.
“I clean up real nice. Don’t I, detective?” I accepted the glass of champagne and we clinked our glasses together.
“Yes, I would have to agree,” he answered with a playful smirk.
“Well if it means anything, you look kinda fly in a suit yourself,” I added. Ryan nodded, giving himself a once over.
“Yea, I do look pretty fly,” He joked.
Man, he reminds me of John! With that thought I looked around for John. I wasn’t pleased with what I saw when I spotted him. He was having a conversation with Jackie, apparently introducing her to Alicia. It wasn’t quite jealousy that I felt when I saw what a stunning couple they made. It felt more like defeat that settled into the recesses of my belly. Alicia’s hand rested comfortably on John’s arm, and he didn’t seem uncomfortable with it being there. The only thing that looked out of place was Jackie’s smile. Only someone who knew her well would be able to tell that it was her fakest smile plastered on her face. We made eye contact, and I decided to go and help my cousin, and put an end to my curiosity. I excused myself to Ryan, and turned towards the threesome.
Somehow my feet complied with my mental instructions to move, ignoring the tension that was growing like a tumor in my tummy. I simultaneously berated my choice, and gave myself encouragement. You can do this. She’s a person just like you, nothing to be afraid of. What’s the worse that can happen? Don’t you want to find out what the deal really is between them? See how John reacts towards you when she is around.
I may have missed John’s reaction to me joining their party, because I was too focused on Alicia’s very obvious displeasure. The smile that she had shared with Jackie was now replaced with a barely hidden sneer. Finally, I looked to John whose expression was less readable. He moved away from Alicia to pull me fully into their circle.
“Alicia, you know Jackie. Well this is her cousin Jade. Jade, this is Alicia,” he stated.
“Nice to meet you. Gorgeous dress. Is this from the Boutique, Jackie?” Before I could even respond Alicia turned her attention back to Jackie. Bitch! I looked at John, who was showing his displeasure by her move, and shrugged. Instead of taking her bait and stand there looking stupid, I made the next move.
“Sorry to interrupt, but can I speak to you for a moment John? We’ll leave these ladies to talk fashion.” I smiled my sweetest smile as John led me away to the dance floor.
“That was a bit awkward,” John mumbled.
“You think? Why would you bring her here? Is she your date?” I couldn’t help the angry tone in my voice.
“No Jade. I didn’t invite Alicia. She already knew about the event. She’s in the industry too, you know.” John replied.
“No. I didn’t know. I don’t know much about her at all, seeing as how she didn’t exist before yesterday,” I snipped.
“Jade...”
“What? I’m sorry, I guess i’m supposed to pretend that I’m alright with this.”
John met my icy gaze with one that reflected tiredness.
“I don’t want to do this with you right now. I wanted to explain everything to you last night, but you ran out on me, and wouldn’t answer my calls.” He sounded as exhausted as his eyes looked. I didn’t really know what to say. I knew that we needed to talk, but I didn’t want to get into it with him here either.
“Well can we at least try to enjoy the rest of this dance?” John offered.
“I
would love to,” I accepted.
So for the next few songs, I tried to do just that. Focusing on the rhythm of the music, and the heat of John’s body next to mine, I allowed him to lead me around the dance floor. It was relatively easy, considering that the scent of his cologne was almost hypnotizing me. I smiled at a distant memory of us dancing together for the first time, and how much fun it was. I missed that.
“What are you smiling at?” John asked, looking down at me suspiciously.
“I was just remembering how much fun we used to have together,” I replied wistfully. John returned my smile with one of his lady killers.
“Yeah, I remember how giddy you were the first time we danced together. I have to admit you shocked me with those swing moves in that little dress,” he added.
“Huh! You would remember how little my dress was!” I teased back. We both laughed and continued to reminisce. It felt good to talk to him like this, carefree and playful. In a spontaneous gesture, I slipped John my room key with a wink. He just grinned sexily, in response. After another song, the lights flickered and an announcement was made that the show would be starting soon. John walked with me towards the table where Drew was already seated next to Lana. On the way we were met by Ryan. John excused himself to the bathroom, leaving Ryan to escort me the rest of the way to my table. I tried to ignore the inquisitive looks I received from Lana and Donna as I introduced Ryan to the table. He made the best of it, casually cracking a joke to break the ice. Once we settled into our seats, Ryan grabbed two more glasses of bubbly handing one to me.
“Why do I feel like you’re trying to get me drunk, Detective?”
“What?” He feigned a shocked response. “I’m just trying to be a gentleman,” he defended.
“Uh huh. That’s what they all say,” I joked. Changing the subject, Ryan asked me how I was enjoying the colder weather and if I was still ready for snow. The entire table joined in debating the pro’s and con’s of winter in New York. It was during that time that I realized John hadn’t shown up yet. Looking around, I spied him having a conversation with Alicia. He looked irritated and she looked like she was being bitchy. I forced myself to look away, glad that the lights were now lowered, concealing the blood that was seeping away from my face. I felt ill. I felt trapped, I wanted to get away but I couldn’t leave Jackie’s event like that. Just as the music began, indicating the start of the show, John slipped into the open seat to my left. Thankfully the stage was to my right, so I didn’t have to acknowledge him, or look his way for at least forty minutes. I did see Ryan’s glance from me to John and his slight glower towards his cousin before he turned towards the show. That helped me to feel a little better, knowing that someone else understood how fucked up this all was. I settled into my seat, ignoring the urge to toss back the champagne that Ryan snagged for me.
Only Her Heart (The Jaded Hearts Club) Page 18