Waves of sensation swept over me, through me, and I gasped and panted as he worked me to the ultimate release. He didn’t stop until my body began to shake in the aftermath. Then he was behind me, on his knees, kissing every inch of my back as he rubbed his fingers over my slick bud. I reared and pushed my body against his, mindlessly, while he whispered words of encouragement, guiding me towards another orgasm.
“That’s it. Come for me again.”
And I did, exploding in a burst of exquisite bliss. Julian gently lifted me into his arms and carried me up to his bedroom. I was only aware of his body against mine in the extreme dark of the room. Then I felt the bed under me and the entire length of his lean hot body over me.
Our limbs twisted and tangled together as we embraced and kissed, trying to get as close as we could. We teased each other senseless until our deep heavy breathing filled the air of the silent house, sounding like the soundtrack to an erotic movie.
“I need you so much,” he whispered against my neck.
“Ahhh…”
“Do you need me? Do you dream of us the way I do?”
“Julian… yes,” I purred as he applied pressure with his shaft directly my clit.
“I want you forever, Jade. I want you every night, want you to have my babies. I want so much more for us.” His words poured out with urgency while his body writhed over mine.
“Julian!” My breath caught at the seriousness of his true desires, but as much as I hated it, his words turned me on even more.
“Shhh, don’t. Just let me love you right now.” He silenced me by pressing his lips to mine. I tried to put all the words I couldn’t say, all the feelings I couldn’t express into the passion of my kiss. As if on cruise control, my body contorted to his and he surged into me. He thrust slowly, allowing my body to stretch and accommodate his thickness. My hips raised up to meet him, even as I winced at the slight bite of pain when he pushed in, balls deep.
“So, warm…so tight…oh damn…” Julian gripped my hips, slowing my movement, and started to inch in and out of me.
Damn, how I missed this feeling. He pushed all the way in, going deeper and deeper making me yelp with pleasure, and then slid almost all the way out except for the wide head of his beautiful cock.
“Oh, please…please…please,” I begged for more.
“Shhh, and take it. Take what I’m giving you,” he growled.
“Ahhh! What are you doing to me?”
“What does it feel like, mi amor?”
“Julian….You’re.Driving.Me.Crazy.”
“You love it. Take it!”
And then I fell apart. I twisted, turned, bucked, begged, scratched, bit, kissed, sucked and finally cried in agony. Out of control was a kinder way to describe my fit of madness. Julian took his time, ignoring my tantrum except for his occasional shudder or curse. He worked me like he was looking for hidden treasures, every inch of him touching every inch of me. My head thrown back into the mattress as I fought for my sanity.
“Jade, look at me. Stay with me baby. Kiss me.” He murmured into my ear. I was straddling the line of consciousness and never-land, but I struggled to answer his request.
“Julian, (kiss) please… (kiss) stop teasing me.. (kiss) I wanna come!” I begged between the kisses that enticed my desire for him even more. A warm bead of sweat trickled across Julian’s forehead, down his nose; dripped onto the crease of my lips and became part of our kiss. I looked up into his eyes and he gazed into mine, sharing love-faces until finally he began to increase his rhythm over me. I glance down the length of his toned, smooth skin to the place where we were joined. Watching his sexy ass roll and thrust and roll and thrust, making me moan with want. I needed more, before it was even over. My entire body was attuned to his touch, and he took me to a level of desire I’ve never felt. My thighs gripped his hips tighter as my body arched into each thrust. I ached for each thrust, rocking my hips with his, trying to ease the tension of that tiny spot that needed to be rubbed. Julian smiled as he gripped my hips to still me, and then began to roll and thrust at just the right angle.
“Oh! Oh my…Oh God…Julian, that’s it…awww, that’s it..” I cried out as the epicenter of the storm raging in my core began to spread outwards. My eyelids fluttered as I cried out with each shocking thrust.
“Don’t you dare… Open your…eyes!” Julian groaned between each word, trying to fight his own need as he waited for my release to play out. I opened my eyes, half-mast, and encircled my arms around his neck. Seeing the strain in his jaw and the flickers of alarm in his green eyes every time he had to fight his need to come emboldened me. I shot him a lustful gaze as I traced his jaw with my fingers and then licked his pouty bottom lip, side to side. Julian’s pace faltered as he pumped even harder and then he squeezed his eyes tight trying not to lose himself.
“Don’t you dare,” I whispered huskily. “ Open those eyes and look at me when you… Make. Me. Come. Ahhh!” I squeaked out the last few words of my sentence when he started to drive into me with a furious thrust.
“Oh yeah,” he hissed. “You. Wanna. Fight. Dirty?” A determined expression pulled his brows together as he watched me fall over the edge. He pulled my body plum against his, lifting me off the bed with my arms and legs wrapped around him. I could hear the loud moans, and cries that came from my own throat, but I couldn’t stop myself. He kissed and nibbled my neck, his loud pants making love to my ears and I lost it. I came with a force so strong I screamed his name in pleasure and surprise, and felt my pussy constrict and spasm around his cock as it milked me again. I heard the loud squishing with each thrust, my juices bathing him. Then I heard Julian’s deep and rumbling chants and jumbled cries. I flopped back onto the bed when I became boneless and let him go. My body pressed into the mattress by him, his hips driving into me. Torturing myself even more, I watched him come, loving the way his face looked agonized with need. His eyes blazed into mine, not able to look away, making me scream again in another orgasm. He shuddered and bucked as he buried his head into my neck and growled out my name.
Ch 28 Quicksand
A loud chirp jolted me awake. For a moment I had no clue where the hell I was, until I realized I was laying on top of Julian. More like I was wrapped around him, using him as a pillow. It was dark with just a few errant rays of the early dawn sneaking through the curtains. I couldn’t really see his face, but I knew his scent anywhere. I nuzzled my face into his neck, breathing him in.
“Why are you up so early,” he groaned, wrapping his legs around mine. The temptation to stay here with him was so strong in that moment. I wanted to pull the blankets up around our entangled bodies and drift back into the best sleep I’ve had in months, but I couldn’t. I wanted to get my life back on track. It wasn’t my idea to stay, it was his and I was tired of ‘going along’. Yes, I was going to follow the rest of the plan to get us our freedom, but hiding in Peru wasn’t realistic for me. A little angel tapped my shoulder, reminding me that ‘life was what you make it’. That always sounded good, but was it ever really that easy?
I eased out of our web of arms and legs to grab my phone before the alarm went off again. My flight was in four more hours, so it was time for me to get up and get my stuff packed and ready to go. Julian’s body tensed underneath mine, and I knew a fight was coming.
“What are you doing?” He took my phone and placed it back on the night table. I let out a loud sigh as I prepared for what was to come.
“I have to get back to the house and get ready. By the time I pack and eat breakfast, it will be time to go.” I sat up in the bed when Julian’s arms slid away from me. He used them instead to prop his head up as he stared up at the ceiling. I felt frozen in place. Should I get up, or should I wait for his objection. But nothing happened. I watched as he rolled off of the bed and into the bathroom. My eyes couldn’t help but admire his smoking hot frame, decorated with tattoos. He had slimmed down since we first met, but his body was still tight. After brushing his teeth, he re
emerged wearing a worn out pair of sweatpants that hung low on his hips. The sight of him made my body scream like a groupie. The tortured look on his face made me want to break down. His silence was killing me.
“Jules? Are you going to say something?” I felt so stupid. Asking him to talk just so I could reject him. Yeah, I’m a genius when it comes to this shit.
“What can I say that I haven’t already? Should I tell you how much I love you? So you can leave anyway? Should I beg you to stay? So you can repeat all the reason’s why you can’t? Why you won’t? After the last couple of days, everything that has happened, and after last night I don’t know what more I can say. To be honest, I think I’m finally getting it.” He paced back and forth as he continued.
“I’m just asking for a few days. Not a month. Not a year. Just some time for us. But you say no. So what should I say?” He spread his arms out in question, looking at me with reproachful eyes. My entire body trembled with my high strung emotions. I felt guilt, want, need, lust, indecision and doubt. Each one stabbing tiny holes in my gut. I ran my hands through my tangled mass of curls, while I chewed the inside of my cheek to keep myself in check. Julian just watched me, waiting for some sort of response.
“Tell me, Jade. Tell me what I can say to get through to you?” His voice was filled with angst and it was ripping me to shreds on the inside. He stepped closer to me, so close I have to look up to him. “Should I force you to stay? Is that what you want? Huh?”
“Julian, please!” I covered my face with my hands, trying to hold it all in.
“OK. I will stop. You already know how I feel. This whole entire situation has me at a disadvantage. What I want to do is push your confused ass back into bed and show you what you really want. But I won’t because I’m respecting your right to chose. I don’t want to be another person who takes that away from you. I’ll call for Paulo to come and get you.”
Then he walked out the room, leaving me standing there. I sat on the edge of the bed in a state of numbness. It was almost as if I was so emotional that I couldn’t feel anything. All the conflicting feelings had cancelled each other out. I could afford to stay, but we would just be here again in a few days. He would never be ok with me leaving if we proved that we had enough to build on. I still wasn’t sure what the hell was going on with John, and it wouldn’t be fair to not speak to him and let him know how I felt. Instead of getting one of them out of my system, I just managed to sink deeper into quicksand.
A few minutes later Julian returned with my clothes and a cup of coffee. JuJu came bounding in the room behind him, skidding across the wooden floors as he tried to come to a stop around my ankles. He snorted and pawed at my feet while I got dressed, and eventually picked him up. Just another layer of sadness to add to the cornucopia of my new found self-awareness.
“JuJu!” I brought his little body up to my face so that he could kiss all over me. Using the puppy as a diversion not to make eye contact with Julian, I tried to enjoy the last few moments of my time with happiness instead of tears. I was well aware of Julian’s eyes on me, even though he had remained silent after his speech. I know he expected something from me, but there was nothing I could say that wouldn’t sound like a broken record.
Turning away from me, Julian moved over to the window. “Paulo will be here soon.” His voice was void of inflection. I stared pensively at the back of his head, trying to figure out what to say. I walked over to him, handing him the puppy so that I could drink my java. He took JuJu without making eye contact.
“So are you going to speak to me until I leave?”
“I’m trying not to be a jerk and stand in the shower until I know you’re gone. Sorry if I’m not up for conversation.” Julian continued to stare out the window, not even flinching as JuJu wiggled and squirmed in his arms.
“And because you're not getting your way, right now, you shut down on me?”
“I’m not getting my way, ever. I just have to hope that you are right. I’ll let you get back to your real life, and try to find one of my own. I don’t know how long I’m going to be in exile, so what can we do, right?” His tone was empty, no sarcasm or teasing. Just empty.
“Why do you say it like that?” My heart dropped when I heard the gravel crunching under Paulo’s tires outside. This wasn’t how I envisioned things ending.
“Because, you want me to sit by and patiently wait for you to tell me you chose the ‘other’ guy. You make choices, and they revolve around a life that I can’t fit into right now. There’s no wiggle room with you. No dreaming. If you can’t see it, it doesn’t exist.”
“You’re not being fair,” I whined.
“And you’re not either. My life is already in limbo, and you want to consign my heart there too. One of us has to set the pace.” He put the excited pup on the ground and turned back to the window.
I had no argument, because I understood. I knew that feeling, but there was no way that I could explain to him that John had me in a type of limbo as well. No, I was smart enough to know that that wouldn’t go over too well. Dummy! My heart screamed. After doubting him for so long, there was no longer any question about Julian’s true feelings for me, but I wasn’t ready to play Bonnie to anybody’s Clyde. Both our lives where in transitional phases, his with no end in sight. How could we make this work? I tried to hold on to that, even as my heart felt like it was crumbling. If I let him see how hard this was for me, he wouldn’t let me go. And it was time for me to go.
Steeling myself with a deep breath, I moved towards him as he continued to stare out the window. I forced my voice to remain even when I said, “I have to go now.”
I placed a tentative hand on his shoulder, almost afraid he would flinch away. Julian covered my hand with his, pulling me closer as he turned towards me. I could see a faint glimmer of the fire that normally blazed in his eyes whenever he would look at me. Now it seemed muted, as if it were being extinguished before my eyes. I lowered my head, terrified that my resolve would be extinguished if I continued to expose myself to his pain.
Julian’s head followed mine, in a search of my lips. He nudged my cheek until he was able to capture my mouth in a kiss that began with a gentle brush of his lips against mine. My hands anchored onto his hips as the kiss grew heated and more desperate. The rush of desire, and longing was almost painful as it tore through me. I half moaned, half sobbed in surprise when it ended abruptly, with Julian pulling away from me. I held my hand to my chest, trying to regain control of my breathing watching as he gripped the window frame behind him with enough tension I could see the strain in his wrists.
“You should. Go now,” he said in between pants for air. I nodded in agreement, turning away before the liquid presentation of my emotional state could be seen. I tried to walk, not run away from the cottage, taking brisk even steps towards Paulo, who was holding the door open for me. I barely mumbled good morning before I practically threw myself into the back seat. I didn’t have to look up to the window to know that Julian was watching me. I could feel it.
Even the cheerful Welcome to Miami sign did nothing to improve my mood. I cried the entire time I packed, the entire ride to the airport, and most of my flight. Donna and Angel just watched on in sympathy. I don’t know why I had imagined some sort of relief would rain upon me once I made progress in correcting the chaos in my life, but all I could see was the pain in Julian’s eyes when I left him. Every time I registered that I may never seem him again, feel the heat of his kisses, or see his boyish grin, I would start to cry. I’m fucking sick of crying! God, please invent another way to express emotional pain. Please?
Lana was waiting for me in baggage claim, and that was the closest to feeling relief as I had come. Donna and Angel were both flying back to New York. They were
asking a million questions and smothering me with pity once they realized how much of a mess I was. Even with my shades pulled down, Lana took one look at my face, and the wattage of her smile dimmed considerably.
“D
amn, Booski,” was all she said as she took my hand. She waited with me in silence, resting her head on my shoulder in comfort until my bright pink luggage set came floating towards us. The comfortable silence continued until we got to the car, and packed my bags into the trunk.
“Do you want to go anywhere? Grab some food?” Lana looked at me with concern.
“Please just take me to Drew’s,” I begged. I just wanted to crawl into bed and get some sleep.
“You got it,” she chimed as she headed towards South Beach.
I settled into her comfy bucket seats, enjoying the heat from the fierce afternoon sun. Ah, the benefits of Hector’s private jet. I didn’t have to miss the entire day traveling home. Bittersweet, though since I wasn’t sure of the next time I would be using that luxury. I was careful to avoid having to speak to Hector until he intercepted my exit, giving me a hug before I left. Maybe my mind was playing tricks on me, but in that moment he reminded me of his nephew.
Thirty minutes of traffic later, we pulled into the parking garage under the condo. Drew wasn’t home which was good and bad. Good because I could get to bed faster, but bad because he would probably wake me up once he realized I’d come there instead of Lana’s. She was still quietly attending to me, helping me get my bags inside and making me a hot chocolate.
“I figured coffee would keep you up,” she said sheepishly while handing me the cup of chocolaty goodness.
“Thank you. I need this,” I admitted.
“What happened babe? I’ve held my tongue longer than humanly possible.” She crawled up next to me on the couch with a steaming mug of her own. Dr. Lindsey’s voice chimed in my head. ‘Talk through the pain. Give it an outlet instead of letting it consume you’.
Only Her Heart (The Jaded Hearts Club) Page 24