by Linda Ford
Wade closed his eyes, but not before Missy saw the pain in them. Her heart went out to him. Whatever his reasons for not keeping the children, she didn’t doubt his love for them.
Help him.
She knew it was what God would want her to do. Comfort him as Louise and others had comforted her when her parents had died and Gordie got burdened with caring for her.
She rubbed her hand along Wade’s arm, feeling the tension in the knotted muscles. Beneath her palm they began to relax. Slowly his eyes opened and locked with hers.
Her heart tipped a little and leaked out an emotion that tightened her throat until she couldn’t swallow. It frightened her to think of caring about this man. If he didn’t have room in his life for helpless children, he certainly wouldn’t have room for a young woman who longed for so much—acceptance, value, heart-and-soul-deep caring. And yet, despite his arguments to the contrary, she glimpsed exactly what she needed in this man.
If only he would give it.
She sucked in a deep breath. She would not allow herself to need what she couldn’t have. No. She would keep her eyes firmly on her goal of becoming a self-sufficient young woman. But in the meantime, perhaps God had given her a task.
“Does Christmas have to be over?” she asked. Perhaps in helping Wade and the children, she could undo some of the hurt she’d endured.
Chapter Five
Missy’s question was so unexpected Wade couldn’t think of an answer, especially as his attention remained trapped by her hand gently rubbing his arm. He couldn’t tell what she meant by the gesture, but surely she didn’t know how it touched the very depths of his heart, reaching past the defenses he’d erected right to the core of his hurts and failures. Why hadn’t he seen what Tomasina needed? Why hadn’t he been enough for her?
His face grew wooden. His chest muscles tightened. He’d never before admitted how it hurt to not be enough. Was he not worth as much to her as a child would have been?
At the thought he felt the hurt and anger build in him.
Just as it had in Joey.
Wade scrubbed his lips together and tried to think how he could make Joey see it wasn’t the boy’s fault that his uncle couldn’t give him what he needed. It was Wade’s inadequacies that were to blame.
But Joey had shifted his attention to Missy and her question.
For the first time since they’d returned to the house, Joey showed something besides anger. Only because of Missy, Wade pointed out to himself, reminding him yet again of his insufficiencies to understand and meet the needs of others. But even he had to admit a degree of curiosity about her question.
“What do you mean, it doesn’t have to be over?” he asked.
She favored the children with a gentle smile full of so many good things, then turned her smile upon him and offered him the same.
He smiled back with hope and expectation, feeling as if she really cared how he felt.
Again he was struck by her ability to do that.
Her eyes remained gentle as she spoke. “I heard a song back in Montana, ‘The Twelve Days of Christmas.’ I guess it’s a way to make Christmas festivities last longer. I believe it originated as a game, where you have to remember what was given each day until the end.” She softly sang the words to the song, causing the children to giggle at the various gifts given.
Wade chuckled, too, enjoying the entertainment every bit as much as the children did. Missy had a fine singing voice, the prettiest blue-green eyes that danced with joy, and a way of looking at him that could almost erase six years of regrets.
When she finished, Annie cocked her head as if deep in thought.
Missy flashed a grin at Wade as if to say she could hardly wait to hear what his niece would think of the song.
“Maids a-milking doesn’t sound like fun, but I’d like to see lords a-leaping. But I don’t know any lords.”
Missy’s merry laugh rang out. “I don’t, either.” She flashed a teasing look at Wade. “But maybe we could see one cowboy leaping.”
He laughed and sputtered at the same time. “Or maybe not.”
When Joey chuckled, Wade wished for a way to convey his gratitude to Missy. The best he could do at the moment was nod. But he’d thank her properly just as soon as he could.
“Do we go hunting French hens and pear trees?” he asked, in an attempt to keep his thoughts on the suggestion.
She chuckled. “I haven’t seen any pear trees around here, or French hens, for that matter, though Linette has some ordinary hens out in the chicken house.”
“Then what do we do?” He asked the question that had the children straining to hear the answer.
She tipped her head and grew thoughtful. “I don’t know. Perhaps you have suggestions.” She let her gaze go to both children and then back to him.
Him? He could think of nothing he’d sooner do for twelve days then spend time with Missy and the children. But the children would want more than sitting around talking.
“Could we have a party?” Annie asked, half eager and half cautious.
“A party with just us?” Missy asked. The way her eyes flashed, as if hit by bright sunlight, Wade suspected she liked the idea as much as he did.
Annie thought for a second. “Maybe we could invite all the children.”
As they spoke, Joey edged closer to Missy.
Fearing the boy would withdraw if Wade acknowledged it in any way, he settled for quirking an eyebrow at Missy. She gave the slightest nod, as if to indicate how fragile the moment was, and assure him she would proceed with caution.
She turned her attention to the boy, a look of tenderness on her face that made Wade yearn for something that he couldn’t—wouldn’t—identify. “Would you like that, Joey?”
“It’d be okay.” He barely managed to sound disgruntled.
“Then let’s ask Mrs. Gardiner for permission.”
“But that’s only one day,” Annie stated. “There are twelve days of Christmas.”
Wade grinned at his niece. How he enjoyed these children. He was so thankful that Missy had just offered him a Christmas of twelve days to enjoy them, he almost hugged her.
“We’ve already had two days. Doesn’t that count?” she asked Annie.
The girl sighed dramatically. “I guess so.”
Missy flashed Wade a look so full of amusement that he almost choked. This woman had the power to unsettle him. He’d best be on guard or she’d have him agreeing to things he didn’t intend to agree to.
Linette and baby Jonathan returned to the kitchen then, with Grady, Louise and Chloe right behind them.
“Can I ask?” Annie said.
Wade nodded.
Annie jumped from Missy’s lap and went to Linette.
Missy smoothed her skirt and slowly brought her attention to Wade. But this time he did not feel accused by her look. Instead, he felt as if they were allies. Enjoying the children together, regretting it was temporary and determined to fill the days they had with memories to carry into the future.
Would she miss them as much as he would?
Would she miss him? He certainly would her.
Shocked as he was by the thought, he suddenly realized something. If he would miss her after such a short time together, what would these children experience? Had he made life more difficult for them by asking Missy to help care for them? Should he persuade her to take over their care once he left? He could come back and visit the three of them.
He pushed the thought aside before it could take root and grow. She had plans that did not include any of them. Besides, there was a couple in Fort Macleod eager to adopt the children. It was what Susan would have wanted. A real family with a father and mother, not something temporary.
The only regret Wade allowed was that he couldn�
��t keep them himself. Couldn’t give them what they needed.
He didn’t examine the thought any further to decide if he meant for the children, for Missy or for all three.
Linette’s pleasant voice interrupted his musings.
“A party would be a lovely idea,” she said, thankfully providing an escape from his thoughts. “Would you like to invite the other children?”
Missy nodded. “If you don’t mind.”
“Not at all. I’ll ask Eddie to arrange the delivery of messages to the girls in town and to the twins and Belle.” She meant Blue and Clara’s two little girls, Mercy and Abel’s twins and Grace and Ward’s little girl. “We can ask the Jones children directly.” Cassie and Roper Jones and their four children lived nearby.
Missy’s genuine smile gave Wade pause. How eager she was to entertain a group of children who weren’t in any way related to her. She certainly was a generous, giving woman. One who could deal with disappointment, yet still find a way to make others happy. Vastly different from Tomasina.
Not that he blamed his wife for what had happened. He slammed the door on such thoughts.
“After dinner let’s make invitations to send to the others,” Missy said, and the children nodded. “But first let’s help Linette make the meal.”
Wade’s world felt right and good as Joey and Annie, under Missy’s patient tutelage, helped prepare the food and set the table.
During the meal Wade and Missy sat facing each other, with Joey and Grady beside him, Annie and Louise and Chloe beside Missy, the others surrounding them.
There was a time Wade had dreamed of a warm and welcoming home similar to this. Not as large, with perhaps not as many people living under the roof, but a woman with a big heart, and children to fill it.
He ducked his head as Eddie asked the blessing. And Wade offered his own prayer.
Lord, I thank you for my many blessings, but please keep me from longing for things I can’t have. Give the children a loving home and keep my heart from breaking when they leave. And Missy—
He couldn’t bring himself to pray her out of his life, though the time would come when they’d part. His life would suddenly be empty and he’d be alone.
No need to get all sentimental and sorrowful. He’d find the forgetfulness he’d need by riding after some cows. He always had in the past.
Somehow, he was less certain that he’d find it so easily again when he left this place.
Subdued by thoughts of the future, he passed the food and helped Joey cut his meat. Thankfully, the boy did not object.
The meal passed in a pleasant murmur of conversation. Several times Wade found himself checking to see if Missy enjoyed a tale told by one of the others as much as he had. He was not disappointed. Her eyes danced with merriment and her lips twitched as Eddie told about the antics of the barn cats.
“How is Thor?” Linette asked, and Wade jerked his attention in her direction.
“Thor?” Louise and Missy questioned at the same time.
“Our pet fawn. Jayne and Seth rescued it.” Linette referred to one of the newlywed couples living in a log cabin on the ranch. Wade had met them Christmas Day. “Of course, he isn’t a fawn any longer and roams the woods freely. He used to hang about playing with the children. I just wonder if he’s okay.”
“Seth said Thor paid him a visit the other day and Daisy said he played chase with her before he left.”
Joey perched on the edge of his chair. “A pet deer. Will I get to see him? Can I play with him?”
“I can’t promise,” Eddie said. “But he often shows up when he hears children outside playing.”
Joey wriggled. “Will he come if he hears me?”
“He might, especially if Grady is with you.”
Wade knew Joey would be wanting to go outside and play at first opportunity. In fact, he glanced toward the door as if wondering if he could skip the rest of the meal.
Missy smiled gently at the boy. “We need to make invitations first, remember?”
He nodded, his expression half argumentative, half resigned.
Grady settled the matter. “Thor usually comes later in the afternoon, anyway.”
They finished the meal and Missy insisted she and the children would clean up. She soon had the three young ones laughing as they raced each other to do their chore first.
Again Wade admired Missy’s patient guiding hand with children. She’d make a great mother. And no doubt a great wife. The idea of her marrying sliced through his thoughts as he quickly skimmed through the marriageable young men in the area that he was familiar with. And there were lots of them. Such as Lane and Ward’s younger brother and a dozen others—cowboys, settlers, freighters. But somehow Wade knew none of them would appreciate Missy’s attributes the way they should.
“How many invitations do we need to make?” Joey asked.
“Let’s see.” Missy counted all the families. “Four.” She turned to Linette. “Have I forgotten anyone?”
Linette shook her head.
“Okay, that’s one for each of us to make.”
Annie counted out loud, pointing to herself, Joey and Grady. “There’s only three of us.”
Missy lifted her hands in mock surprise. “You didn’t count me. I’ll make one.”
“Then what about Uncle Wade?” Annie asked. “He needs to make one, too.”
“Yes, that’s true. What about it, Uncle Wade?” Missy gave him a look so full of teasing challenge that he almost choked on the coffee he’d been lingering over.
Eddie and Nate, both rocking their babies, chuckled.
“She’s got you dead to rights,” Eddie said.
“No point in fighting it. I tried and I lost. You will, too.” Nate seemed certain of whatever he meant, but Wade had no idea what it might be. He had no intention of losing anything. Especially his good sense.
“But you only need four,” he pointed out, hoping that was reason enough to be excused from the activity.
“You can make the fourth and I’ll help the children.”
He opened his mouth to protest Missy’s offer, but she held her palms toward him before he could get one word out. “Oh, no need to thank me. I don’t mind in the least.” And with an airy laugh, she vacated her chair and swept her arm in a wide arc, welcoming him to take her place.
He didn’t mind helping them. In fact, it quite appealed. But for some reason, as he sat in the offered chair he felt as if he committed himself to more than making a party invitation. As soon as he acknowledged the thought he realized how silly it seemed. He turned his face toward Missy just as the children did, waiting for her instructions.
She smiled at each of them, but her gaze clung to his longer than the others. Warmth and sweetness. Home and comfort. Peace and belonging. How could one glance convey all that?
He dragged his gaze from hers and stared at the paper in front of him. Now was not the time nor the place to take leave of his senses, he cautioned himself. Not that there ever was such a time.
A man must do what a man must do and that meant keeping his barriers up. Allowing himself no dreams of what he’d once wanted.
* * *
Missy gloried in the way Wade looked at her. Realizing she treaded on dangerous ground, she’d jerked away, hopefully without him realizing, and then her gaze returned. Everything she wanted heated her eyes until she could barely blink.
He’d smiled as if he understood. Then shifted his attention to the papers she’d placed on the table.
Of course. They were here for a purpose other than to get lost in each other’s gaze.
She hustled her thoughts into order. “Let’s fold the paper in half. On the front, we can draw a picture, and inside we’ll put the details of the party.”
She let the children fold thei
r sheet. Annie’s was almost square. Both boys’ papers were cockeyed, but Wade bent over his, concentration evident in his pose, and folded it precisely.
“Done.” He sat back and gave her a look of triumph.
She laughed. “Good job.” She could feel the twinkle in her eyes as their gazes caught and held.
She pulled herself together, handed out colored pencils. “Decorate the front.”
“How?” Joey made it sound like an impossible idea.
“However you like. Stars. Christmas trees. Party things.”
Grady and Annie bent over their paper and were soon hard at work. Wade stared into the distance for a moment, then picked up a pencil and began to draw. Missy resisted an urge to lean over his shoulder and look at his sketch. Instead, she turned her attention to Joey, who was stuck for a plan.
“I can’t draw,” he complained.
“But I expect you can color. So color the page.”
“Just color it?” She might have suggested he leap off the roof for the surprise he showed.
“Why not? Isn’t some pretty gift wrapping paper just colored?”
He looked at her as if she might be teasing, but when he saw that she meant it, he grabbed a red pencil and began to scribble over the paper.
She shrugged. It was getting done. That’s all that mattered. She moved to Annie’s side. The girl was drawing a row of figures—odd-looking people with big heads and no body, only legs and arms. An assortment of boys and girls, Missy guessed. The curly loops on some heads indicated girls, while bald heads indicated boys.
“These are all the people coming to the party,” Annie said.
“That’s a good idea.” Missy moved to Grady’s side. With a green pencil, he was drawing a Christmas tree. It was lopsided and crowded to the side of the page to make room for a manger.
“’Cause it’s Jesus’s birthday,” he explained.
Only after she’d admired the work of the others did she let herself look at Wade’s sheet. She’d expected something as crude as the drawing he’d done of his horse, but she immediately realized he was quite an artist, for he drew a reasonable likeness of her holding hands with Joey and Annie in a circle of other children. “How did you do that in such a short time?”