by Linda Ford
Missy started a game of What Do I See as they enjoyed their drinks.
It was Wade’s turn. He wanted to say, “I see a young lady who won’t look at me. What is she hiding? What doesn’t she want me to see?” Instead he made them guess he saw the black grease on the wagon axle.
The fire had burned to coals. “It’s time to head back.” He let Joey and Annie throw snow on the embers, enjoying the sizzle. Then he beat them out and buried them properly.
He hated to leave. He’d hoped to draw Missy out and failed. Ah well, there was always tomorrow.
* * *
The next day was Saturday. Breakfast was prepared by the three women working together. Over the meal, Eddie asked, “We might not get many more days as pleasant as this. Does anyone want to go to town?”
There as a general chorus of assent.
Missy did not answer. Wade raised his eyebrows questioningly.
She ducked her head and would not look at him.
“A trip to town sounds like the perfect way to celebrate day six of the twelve days of Christmas,” he said loudly enough for all to hear, as if he didn’t mean the words for Missy alone.
She looked up, her eyes full of surprise and a hint of regret. What he wouldn’t do to get rid of that look. Somehow a trip to town sounded like an opportunity to do so.
“Can we really go?” Joey asked, already half expecting to be disappointed.
“Missy, what do you think?” Wade meant to push her to show her usual enthusiasm.
Her gaze went to Joey and she smiled. “It sounds like fun.”
Wade let out his pent-up breath. “Then it’s settled.”
A short time later, the wagon on runners pulled up to the door. Eddie helped Linette and the baby to the seat. Nate assisted Louise and little Chloe into the back and the three of them settled along one side. Grady climbed up and crowded forward.
Wade lifted Joey and Annie in and they scurried to the other side. He tucked away a secret smile as he helped Missy in and followed. He sat with his back to the rear corner of the wagon, one shoulder protectively pressed to Missy, and pulled warm fur robes over them. This was his idea of a nice way to spend some time. Of course, he wouldn’t get a chance to ask her why she seemed to put up invisible barriers every time he met her eyes, but maybe knowing he couldn’t would make her relax.
Louise and Nate talked to Missy with the ease of old friends and Wade sat back, content to simply listen.
After a few minutes, Louise shook her head sadly. “About this time every year, I remember how your parents would have a New Year’s Eve party for their children’s friends.”
Wade felt a jolt go through Missy. “I’d forgotten that. What a fun time we’d have.”
Linette glanced over her shoulder, shifting as little as possible to avoid letting cold air under the covers. “I hope you enjoy our party just as much.”
“I didn’t mean to beg for an invite,” Missy protested.
“Nonsense. I expect all our friends to be there. And that includes everyone in this wagon, just in case you might think otherwise.”
“Thank you,” Louise answered. “We’ll be there.” She nudged Missy with her foot.
“Yes, thank you,” Missy said.
Wade added his thanks, while trying to decide if Missy looked forward to the event or worried she might be included only out of necessity. What had she called herself? A necessary nuisance. Perhaps by now she was beginning to believe she was never that, but so much more. He wished he could find words to help her see it.
They reached town and Eddie stopped at Macpherson’s store. They left the wagon and headed their separate ways. Linette wanted to visit the church and see how much work was left to do before it could be used. Louise wanted to find a bit of ribbon to put on one of Chloe’s sweaters, and Nate stuck close to her side. Eddie needed to go to the livery stables and take care of something. Grady went with him.
Missy and Wade stood in front of the store, the children confronting them.
“What do we do?” Annie asked. Her meaning was clear: What fun activity was there to be had?
“Missy, have you had a good look at the town?” Wade asked.
“Just a passing glance.”
“Then let me show you around.” Not that there was a lot to see. Although the town had gone from a store and a livery barn and a handful of houses a year or two ago to two streets full of houses and a number of businesses. It took them little less than an hour to complete the tour and return to the store.
A man was just heading around the back with a wagon. Seeing Wade, he called out, “Say, you think you could help me load a few things?”
“Sure thing.” He swung up beside the man and turned to tell Missy he’d be back shortly, but she and the children stepped through the door of Macpherson’s store without a backward look.
All the while he helped load feed and lumber into the stranger’s wagon, Wade’s thoughts followed Missy. He’d hoped for a chance to talk to her, though he did not know what he could say to make her see that she was valued.
She had to believe it inside before any words he or anyone else spoke would ring true.
The wagon loaded, the man thanked him and drove away. Wade jogged around the store and in the front door.
The kids were admiring something in the display case and Missy was talking to Macpherson. She leaned over the counter, her voice low, as if she didn’t care for anyone else to overhear the conversation.
The door banged shut. When she turned around and saw Wade she straightened, then spoke again to the shopkeeper. “Thanks. I’ll let you know when it works out.”
She joined the children at the display case, but if Wade didn’t miss his guess, she looked rather pleased with herself. Something about the situation set his nerves on edge. What sort of dealings would she have with the store owner?
Wade stepped to her side. When she tipped her face toward him and smiled, every troubling thought melted away. He’d only been imagining she harbored a secret that kept her from taking and enjoying all that life offered.
“The children are admiring all the pretty things.” She joined them hovering over the display.
He elbowed close to her to see what caught their attention. Several fancy pins and hair doodads for women. A shaving brush and razor; a pretty ornament with a lady sitting in a rocking chair; a silver-and-ivory brush and comb and mirror. He failed to see what had them pressing their noses to the glass and was about to suggest they move away when he saw it.
A frame for a picture. Fancy gold-colored metal curlicues around a place for a special image. He knew the children were seeing that frame holding the photograph of their parents, and he signaled to Macpherson.
“How much?” he whispered.
The amount was enough to make Wade reconsider, but he knew how they’d appreciate it. “I’ll take it.” He handed over the necessary coins.
Macpherson opened the case from the back and took out the frame. Two pairs of eyes followed its journey. The children edged to the counter as Macpherson wrapped the frame in brown paper and tied the package with a string. Finished, he handed it to Wade.
Wade shook his head. “It belongs to them.” He indicated the children.
Macpherson lowered his hand. Both Annie and Joey took the package.
“You carry it,” Annie said.
Her brother clutched it to his chest. “Thank you.” He held out his hand to shake Wade’s. When Wade took it, he got the feeling the boy had crossed an invisible line toward manhood.
Annie signaled Wade to bend down, and when he did, she hugged him around the neck. “Thank you.”
“You’re both welcome.” He watched them move away to sit side by side on a narrow bench, their eyes glued to the package.
Missy touched Wade’s arm. “How did you kn
ow? I couldn’t figure out what held their attention and they refused to tell me.”
He shrugged. How did he know? He couldn’t say. He just knew. The fact sent a warm glow through him. He might even believe he’d finally succeeded in understanding what someone needed. He quenched the thought lest it make him careless and cause him to think he could do it again. He might well do it another time, but could he do it when it was absolutely necessary? He wasn’t willing to test and see whether or not he could. There was too much at stake.
Missy seemed to read his thoughts. “Don’t let doubts mar the moment.”
“Huh?” He pretended not to understand.
She grinned and patted his arm. “I think you know what I mean.”
If she kept touching him he would lose the ability to understand anything. Worse, he’d forget to keep his heart corralled by his regrets.
Eddie came in and announced they would be heading home soon.
Wade hurried to the back of the store as if he urgently needed something, but then stood before the array of shovels and hammers and saws without a single thought in mind.
How had he gone from being concerned about Missy’s regrets to running from the way she saw through his defenses?
He filled his lungs with the smell of linseed oil and leather and hopefully, at the same time, filled his mind with caution. He reminded himself of who he was and the things he could and could not have.
At the moment, he had to fight to recall why he denied himself those things.
He turned to join the others. His roaming gaze caught on a display of brown bottles behind the counter. The skull and crossbones on the labels reminded him of his reasons and he ground his teeth.
Some things could never be forgotten. Nor should they.
* * *
Missy waited for Wade to rejoin them. He seemed distracted. Perhaps he’d forgotten what he’d come in to buy. She smiled to herself. She might be partially responsible for his state of mind, but she didn’t regret it. Not for a moment. She’d been hoping and praying for him to see how capable he was of providing for the children. Having him understand what they wanted without any of them saying a word must surely have proved it to him.
And she didn’t mind putting in a word or two to help him see it.
The whole day had been rather successful for her.
She’d mentioned to Macpherson that she was looking for a job to pay for her secretary school.
He’d immediately shown interest. “I’ve been wanting to visit my daughter and her family. Seems a long time since I’ve seen them. You could run the store for me while I’m gone. It’s not busy this time of year and if you need help, Claude Morton will come.” He’d nodded in the direction where Claude and his wife ran a sort of stopping house, a place where, according to Wade, travelers could get fed. Claude’s wife, Bonnie, also provided baked goods for the store.
“I’m taking care of the children at the moment, but Wade expects to make other arrangements soon.” Missy’s throat had grown so tight at that point that she couldn’t go on for several seconds, and when she’d finally spoken, her voice had a thin tone. “But I would be only too happy to run the store for you when that happens.”
“How long before you can do so?”
She’d struggled to think of a reply. Her heart had ached even to think about it. But the man had deserved an answer. “I’ll let you know as soon as I can.”
“Good enough.”
She knew she should be rejoicing. This was an answer to a prayer. But by the time it happened she would have said goodbye to Wade and the children, and—against her better judgment—she had grown extremely fond of all three. She would suffer the agony of loss yet again.
Surely, when she became a secretary, that was something she would never again face.
Conversation on the journey home was full of news and events of the little town. Linette was particularly excited about the church. “Now if we could only find a preacher to come here,” she said.
“God will provide in His time,” Eddie assured her. He turned to the others. “Time and again we’ve seen God work things out that, at first, looked like a mistake. Even our marriage.” He chuckled and gave Linette such an adoring glance that she pressed her head to his shoulder.
“Do I sense a story?” Wade asked.
“Yes, you do.” Eddie held the reins, but the horses needed little guidance so he shifted to more easily talk to those in the wagon. “You might say Linette is my mistake wife.”
Missy gasped. Poor Linette, being called a mistake. And yet she didn’t seem to mind. Was it possible a person got used to being necessary but a mistake? The notion burned through Missy. Some might be prepared to settle for such, but not her. She would never accept being a convenience or a necessary nuisance.
Eddie continued. “I was expecting another woman—my former fiancée—to arrive, but instead, Linette stepped from the stagecoach, thinking I was expecting her. You see, she’d sent a letter and thought the message to my fiancée saying to come was my reply to it. As soon as I learned of Linette’s mistake and her belief that she was to become my wife, I said she could return as soon as the weather allowed travel.”
The whole time Eddie talked, his wife watched him with such love that Missy blinked away tears. Linette obviously felt cherished. How Missy envied her.
“By that time, I had lost my heart to her.” Eddie bent his head to Linette’s. “What looked like a series of regrettable mistakes was really God’s hands at work, just as it says in Romans 8, verse 28. ‘All things work together for good to them that love God.’”
God’s hands at work. Missy repeated the words over and over. She knew the verse he quoted. Had memorized it at her mama’s knee. But surely it didn’t mean things like parents dying too young, or include evil men like Vic.
“Mr. Eddie?” Joey waited for the rancher to acknowledge him. “Our mama and papa died.” He struggled to find the words he wanted to say.
Eddie cupped the boy’s head. “And you want to know what good can come of it.”
Joey nodded.
Annie hung back, watching, hoping.
Under the warm fur robe, Missy reached for Wade’s hand and squeezed it. She could have voiced the same question and she waited for a satisfactory answer, feeling more than a little like young Annie—hoping for understanding. But Missy wasn’t a child. She was an adult who realized bad things happened and there was no explaining why.
“I can’t say how things will work out for you. But I can promise you God is true to His word.” Eddie grew thoughtful. “Sometimes good is happening and we can’t see it. Maybe we won’t notice it until much later. You see, God doesn’t promise things will always be easy. But He loves us and sometimes that has to be enough.”
Missy clung to the words. Yes, it was enough. But not always. There were days when she longed to experience the end result immediately.
Wade turned their joined hands over and weaved his fingers through hers. She realized how long she’d clutched his, but she could not let go. She turned to speak softly, hoping no one else could hear. “It’s hard to see the good in everything.”
He shifted his head close to hers and answered in a low voice, “It’s impossible.”
At his blunt words, an argument rose inside her. “But we must trust.”
“Sometimes we just have to forge ahead and do our best to not repeat our mistakes.” The muscle at the side of his jaw twitched.
She wanted to reach up and smooth away the tension, but could not with an audience. “And yet don’t we grow stronger every day?” She ached for him to see what he had to offer.
“Is that your experience?” His eyes probed hers.
She blinked but couldn’t tear away from his look. She meant for him to find hope in what lay ahead. She didn’t mean to apply the wo
rds to herself.
A knowing look flickered across his eyes. “Have you grown strong enough to take risks in the future?”
She was grateful they arrived back at the ranch before she could respond, because she had no answer. At least not one she was willing to give.
In her heart of hearts she knew it was fear that drove her plans, not courage or strength. Because if she was bold and free of her fear she would plot an entirely different course.
Except what she pictured for the future did not depend entirely on her being brave enough to face her fears. It depended far too much on someone else confronting his.
As Wade helped her down, she took the opportunity to speak softly for his ears alone. “I ask you a similar question. Are you brave enough to step into a future that offers no guarantees, yet is full of hope?”
Before he could hide the surprise in his eyes and find a reply, Missy thanked him and followed the ladies into the house.
The discussion circled endlessly inside her head, prowling like a restless animal. Embracing a future with no guarantees required courage and faith. A coil of fear tightened within her. Some risks were too great.
Chapter Twelve
Wade rose Sunday morning with a head full of restless thoughts. Missy’s question had haunted him throughout the night. Was he brave enough to step into a future with no guarantees? No doubt she referred to him finding a way to keep the children. However, his wayward brain had thought of other things he longed for, but which, if he should step in that direction, offered no assurances of success.
He ached for a peaceful, loving home.
He saw a woman and children in that home. The woman was not Tomasina. Despite his love for his late wife, she had never given him the peace he wanted. There had always been tension in the air from so many sources. Disappointment in not having children, but other things, too. Dissatisfaction with their surroundings. Resentment at how many hours he worked on the farm. Boredom because she refused to occupy herself.
No, the woman he saw in his impossible dream was blonde and busy. Very pretty, with a joyous laugh that rang out often. She was surrounded by children whom she lovingly touched and patiently guided.