She stood and threw her arms around Mary, nearly toppling the coffee in her hand. It was all she could do to stand.
“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.”
“Shh. It wasn’t your fault.” Mary held her and let her cry for a minute, hushing her like a baby.
Once Lily finally regained control, Mary encouraged her to sit back down and took the seat next to her. She kept her arm around Lily’s shoulders, continuing to reassure her. She couldn’t hold back the dam of emotions that had exploded. They poured out of her, and the whole time, Mary soothed her.
“How is he?” Lily asked.
“He’s holding on.” Mary gave her shoulder another squeeze. “He made it through the first twenty-four hours. That’s a good sign.”
“How can you be so calm?”
“Oh, I’ve been far from calm. But after Andrew died, I guess I realized that our lives, and our deaths, are in God’s hands. He loves us. Even if I don’t understand this, I’m clinging to my faith in Him. It’s all I have right now.”
“Mary, I’ve been so foolish. I don’t-“ The nurse stepped into the waiting room, and Lily hurried to her.
“Is he okay?”
Mary joined her, her face suddenly pale. “Is everything all right with Jackson?”
The nurse raised her hands as if to push back the rush of panic that came at her.
“He’s okay, Ms. Carter. This young lady asked how he was doing, and I was going to speak with her for a minute. I assume you two know each other…” She paused and gave a pointed look toward Lily. “Since you are family.”
Lily nodded. “How is he? Can I see him?”
“Visiting hours are very strict in the ICU.”
“Please.” Lily had to restrain herself from grabbing the woman and begging. But she was starting to feel desperate. “I just need to see him for a minute. I have to see him myself.”
Mary stepped forward and rested her hand on the nurse’s arm.
“Surely a moment or two is all right,” she said. “It might do him some good to hear her voice.”
The nurse looked from Mary to Lily, and back to Mary again. Just watching her consider the request made Lily’s insides feel like they were boiling over. Didn’t this woman understand? None of this was real until she could see it for herself. The nurse frowned, her wrinkles deepening around her mouth.
“I could get in trouble. But I suppose a few minutes wouldn’t hurt.”
Lily fought back the urge to hug her. Instead she turned to Mary and wrapped her arms around her again.
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. Give him a kiss for me.”
“I will.”
Lily pulled back and shoved away a tear on her cheek. She started to follow the nurse out of the room when Mary called out to her at the door.
“You know, Lily. I don’t know everything that happened over the past year, but I know he loves you. I hope you know it too.”
Lily had no idea what to say. She nodded her head and gave Mary a sad smile before turning away. As she followed the nurse through a set of heavy double doors, she thought back on her last conversation with Jackson. Maybe he had loved her up until that night, but not now. He had saved her because he was a good man, and instinct had taken over, not because he still loved her.
The nurse stopped outside another door and turned around to face Lily.
“Just a few minutes. I’ll come back by after I check some patients down the hall.”
Lily nodded. “Thank you.”
She pushed the door open and peered inside, terrified of what she saw. Tubes, wires, monitors—all sorts of intimidating machinery surrounded him, measuring every breath, every heartbeat. He was pasty gray, except for the couple of bruises on his face.
She walked closer, tiptoeing like she was afraid she’d wake him. Maybe it was absurd, but something about this place demanded silence, and except for a steady beep from one of the machines, it was eerily quiet. It was as if she’d stepped into a different world, one where she didn’t know the rules.
She rolled a stool over to the side of the bed and sat down next to him. His chest rose and fell, slow but steady. At the same time, hers felt like it would burst wide open. It seemed like death was waiting right outside for him, and she was sure that it would take him as soon as she left. She reached for his hand, surprised when he didn’t squeeze hers in return.
She dropped her head onto his lap and closed her eyes, letting her tears flow freely. How had they gotten here? Why couldn’t they just go back? She’d give anything to be that little girl again, tagging along to the creek or playing basketball together. Nothing had ever really hurt her back then. He’d always protected her, even when she didn’t realize it. She couldn’t lose him. Not like this. If she could just hold on tight enough for both of them…
“Just hold on,” she whispered. “Please. Hold on.”
Late February
Six Years Ago
“Lily, hold on!”
Lily turned around at the sound of her name. She looked through the crowd filing out of the gym into the lobby, and stepped aside as a large man in a gold shirt pushed past her. Must have been cheering for the visitors. The ladies in the concession stand called for last minute deals on cokes and popcorn, and cheerleaders bounced from one side of the lobby to the other like they’d somehow contributed to the big win.
Then she saw him. Jackson snaked his way through a group of players and lifted his hand in the air to get her attention.
“Hey, hold on a sec!” he yelled across the lobby.
He made it a few more steps before Mr. Whitten stopped him, slapping him on the back and bellowing congratulations.
It was so weird to watch people fawn over him. They didn’t even know him, not like she did, and she could not for the life of her figure out what the big deal was. Sure, he was a great athlete, and maybe he was good-looking on some level, but he was Jackson. This was the same kid who threw up if you even mentioned an airplane near him.
He finally fought his way over to the railing where she was waiting.
“Hey, can you give me a ride home?” he asked.
“Seriously? I’d like to get home before midnight. Can’t one of your adoring fans give you a ride?”
He chuckled and tousled her hair, pulling a few strands out of her ponytail. She slapped his hand away.
“But I want my biggest fan to do it.”
“Hmm, then that would probably be one of the cheerleaders over there gawking at you.”
She pushed the strands of hair he’d loosened behind her ear as he turned wide-eyed in the direction of the cheerleaders.
“Really? Where?”
“You’re such a dork.” She slapped his shoulder. “I can’t believe all these people haven’t figured that out yet.”
He winked at her and flashed his crooked grin. “But that’s why we get along so well. You know all my secrets, and you still adore me.” He took the towel from around his neck and wiped his brow. “Come on, Lil. Give me a ride, or I’ll wipe my sweat all over you.”
“Okay, fine. But I’m not waiting out here all night. Hurry up.”
“Thanks!” He popped her with the towel before sprinting back into the crowd.
“Hey!” she complained as she rubbed her leg.
She watched his head bob up and down until he disappeared down the stairs and into the locker room. Then she turned and leaned against the railing, resting her chin in her hand. She stared at the portraits of past star athletes that lined the wall of the lobby. Jackson would be up there this year. He was a shoo-in for All-State. She wondered if she’d ever make “The Wall.”
Suddenly she felt someone move next to her and lean against the rail as well.
“Hi, Lily.”
She turned and nearly fell backward with surprise. Why would Addison Thomas be talking to her?
“Uh, hi Addison.”
Her blond ponytail was still perfectly in place, even after hours of swinging it in
time with her cheers. She looked at Lily as though they were best friends, which could only mean she wanted something.
“So what’s the deal with you and Jackson?” Addison asked.
“What do you mean?”
“You two have always been close right?”
“Yeah.”
“Only friends?”
“Yeah. Why?”
“Just curious.” Addison shrugged and looked around at the dwindling crowd. ”Never more than friends. Interesting.”
Lily turned around and rested her back against the rail. She didn’t need two guesses to figure out where Addison was headed. She’d made her intentions toward Jackson clear for some time now. Of course she would come to Lily. They always did.
“Look, Addison. Jackson and I are just friends. Always have been. He’s a free man, so go for it if you want.”
Her eyes widened. “What? You think I want to go out with Jackson?”
“That is why you’re talking to me, right?” Lily fought the urge to roll her eyes and laugh.
“Of course not! I saw you standing here and just thought I’d come over and say hello.”
Lily turned her head away to hide the smile she couldn’t force back. It only took another moment before Addison asked the inevitable question.
“But since you mentioned it, maybe you could give me a little advice.”
“Advice?”
“You know. What does he like to do? What does he like in a girl?”
Certainly nothing you have to offer, Lily thought.
“I don’t know. He likes fishing and sports. That’s pretty much it.”
“That’s all you’ve got?”
“Well what did you expect? He’s not really into cheerleaders anyway.”
A flicker of anger crossed Addison’s face. She huffed and placed her hands on her hips.
“Well maybe you just don’t know him very well. From the way he’s been eyeing me for the past few weeks, I’m pretty sure he’s into me. Maybe you’re just jealous.”
“What?!” Lily pushed away from the rail and faced her. “I am not! I just know he wouldn’t go out with you, that’s all.”
Addison flashed a brilliant smile and looked over Lily’s shoulder. She turned and saw Jackson walking through the lobby doors.
“I guess we’ll find out soon enough.” Addison pushed past her and headed straight for Jackson, her ponytail swinging with each step.
She intercepted him before he got to Lily. She couldn’t quite make out the conversation, but the body language was clear, and she could hear Addison’s voice dripping with syrup. She leaned close to him, resting her hand on his arm, and Lily’s cheeks flushed warm.
He should have shoved her away and told her to get lost, but he looked like he was enjoying the attention. He returned Addison’s smile and chuckled when she gave his chest a girly shove. He was actually going for the whole routine. Lily’s heart sank, but she wasn’t sure why. He could date whoever he wanted. Lord knows he’d had plenty of opportunity.
Addison finally removed her claw from him and walked back by Lily, throwing her a triumphant grin. Lily watched her for a moment then turned back to Jackson. He was watching too, but not Addison. He was looking straight at Lily.
She stared at him for a moment, afraid to think about the whole encounter with Addison for too long. Then the strangeness evaporated like it had been sucked out of the room. He smiled and tossed his gym bag over his shoulder as he walked over to her.
“You ready?”
“Yep. Just waiting on you to finish shaking hands and kissing babies.”
When they reached her car, he tossed his bag into the back and slid the passenger seat as far back as it would go. It always made her laugh to see his knees practically touching his chin whenever he rode in her tiny car.
“You seem a little quiet,” she said as she pulled out of the parking lot.
“Hmm. Well, I do have the weight of the entire basketball world on my mind.”
“I’m sure it’s a tough life.” She could sense his grin without even looking over at him.
“Oh, you couldn’t even imagine.”
Maybe she wished she could. What would it feel like for every college around to want her to play volleyball? She tried to tell herself she had plenty of time, but realistically she only had one year left. If they didn’t recruit her by the end of her junior year, she could pretty much hang it up for Division I ball.
Her stomach started to knot again. Time to think about something else.
“So, I know it’s supposed to be a big secret and everything, but are you going to tell me who the big winner is?” she asked.
“What do you mean?”
“Don’t play dumb. You know what I mean. What lucky college is going to get the privilege of paying for your education?”
He laughed. “You’re as bad as all the rest of them!”
“I am not. But I’m supposed to be your best friend. Surely you can tell me.”
“Sorry, but you’ll just have to wait like everyone else.”
Lily gave up and concentrated on driving until she turned the car into their neighborhood. As she passed the cement basketball court, she had an idea.
“I’ll play you for it,” she said.
“What?”
She pulled into a parking spot near the court, barely lit by a few flickering street lights.
“I’ll play you for it. If I win, you have to tell me where you’re going.”
“Come on! You haven’t beaten me in over a year.”
“Then what are you scared of?”
“I’m not scared. I just don’t feel like wasting my time. Besides, I’m pretty exhausted.”
“Chicken.”
He raised an eyebrow then looked over at the court. “All right. But only a short game. We’ll play to five.”
“Five? That’s not a game.”
“Like I said. I’m tired. Take it or leave it.”
She thought about it for only a moment. It was getting late, and she was pretty tired from her own workout earlier in the afternoon.
“Deal.”
They climbed out of the car, and Lily grabbed her basketball from the trunk. She threw it at Jackson’s chest, and he caught it with ease. His hands nearly swallowed the ball.
“You’re kidding, right?” he asked. “We’re not playing with a girl’s ball.”
“It’s all I’ve got. Take it or leave it.” She grinned as she jogged over to the court and began stretching her quad muscles.
He shook his head and rolled his eyes. Then he walked over to the goal and took a jump shot that sailed over the backboard. He put his hands on his hips and sighed.
“I can’t believe I agreed to this.”
They each took a few warm-up shots, and then Jackson tossed her the ball.
“Ladies first,” he said.
“You’re such a gentleman.”
He shrugged. “I am wonderful.”
She dribbled the ball and tried to drive toward the goal, but he cut her off. Her body slammed into his, and she bounced back. He had hardly budged. She pulled back a bit and then switched to her left hand and drove the other side. He cut her off again. She dribbled back to the top of the free throw lane and contemplated her strategy. It was the same routine as always. She dribbled around as long as she could until something opened up, then she’d take a shot.
“We going to be out here all night?” he asked.
“Maybe. If that’s what it takes to beat you.” He straightened and huffed, and she took advantage of his pause. She dribbled past him and laid the ball off the backboard.
“One to zero.”
He caught the ball out of the net and held it while she walked back to the top of the free throw line. He had the strangest look on his face, one she didn’t recognize. Almost like he was looking at someone he didn’t know. He bounced the ball back to her.
“Tell me again why you quit basketball,” he said.
She caught the b
all and turned it over in her hands.
“Just didn’t love it like volleyball.”
“Such a shame.” He walked closer to her and spread his arms, preparing to guard her more closely this time. “You’re still pretty good.”
She started to dribble, taking a step to her right, but he reached behind her with his long arms and slapped the ball away, recovering it before she could get to it. He took two hard dribbles, then two long strides to the basket and laid the ball off the backboard.
“Ones.” He caught his own rebound and jogged to the top of the free throw line. He tossed her the ball.
“Check.”
She bounced it back, and before she could take another step he threw up a jump shot that barely touched the rim as it went through.
“Two to one.”
She caught the ball and held onto it this time. He raised an eyebrow.
“Come on, Brennon. Where’s the D?”
She walked over to him and handed him the ball as she crouched into a defensive position. It had been a while since they played, but she hadn’t forgotten how cocky he could be. It only motivated her more. But her skills were rusty, and he wasn’t a four star recruit for nothing.
Before she could barely blink he’d scored two more baskets, announcing the score with the same enjoyment he’d always had when picking on her.
“I see you have a little bit of energy left,” she said.
He held out his hands for the ball. “I’m starving. Let’s finish this up.”
“There doesn’t seem to be much point in my being here.” She tossed him the ball.
“You give up?”
“Yes. I’m starving too. Let’s just go.”
He took a step back in dramatic fashion, his eyes wide.
“What? Lily Brennon is giving up? I don’t believe it.”
“This is definitely your game.” She reached up and tightened her ponytail. “But if I ever get you on a volleyball court, watch out.”
He walked over to her, dribbling the ball between his legs. He spun it on top of his finger for a moment then caught it and looked at her curiously.
“Why do you care where I go to college?”
She crossed her arms, more to press back her own confusing feelings than anything else.
Love's Providence: A Contemporary Christian Romance Page 31